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Astitva Ek Prem Kahani
Astitva Ek Prem Kahani

If you had a kid like Astha? (Page 4)

peacestead Goldie
peacestead
peacestead

Joined: 04 May 2005
Posts: 1095

Posted: 26 August 2005 at 6:31pm | IP Logged

Originally posted by scorpio_pk

I don't think parents need any councillor for their kids, they could understand and analyze their behaviour better than a councillor.I have 3 teenager kids and I have been through so many difficult and different phases of problems with them but still most important thing is to understand what exactly the problem with your child then you can sort out the things and solve every problems very easily...In Aastha's case I don't think Abhi-Simran are understanding her problems and instead of taking her into confidence and explain her everything,they are doing just the opposite.

 

I disagree with your blanket statement that parents dont need counsellors for their kids, maybe you have been lucky and have the qualities and the knowledge and expertise of a counsellor or child pshychologist and maybe you really know how to solve all their problems and for that i give you alot of credit, but in most cases parents can only be parents and stand  by their kids and give them unconditional love and support but sometimes situations arise in which even the most loving and supportive parents are at a loss for words and knowledge and dont know how to deal with those situations adequately. in such a case the introductiion of a counsellor is one of the best things u can do for your child. There are certain protocols that need to be followed and special steps need to be taken to help that troubled child and parents with all their love and devotion are sometimes just not trained in that area in which their child needs help. I would love to help both my preteen and teenager in all walks of life but certain problems could be just beyond my realm and I would at that stage welcome the entry of a trained counsellor to aid my child in getting onto the right path.Sometimes Love is just not enough and I am sure our love coupled with the counsellors help and guidance would show the right direction to our kids.

Akshata Senior Member
Akshata
Akshata

Joined: 07 March 2005
Posts: 596

Posted: 26 August 2005 at 9:24pm | IP Logged
Counselling as the name suggests is just asking for that extra help one might need to understand something/someone.
Since we are refering to children,here I don't see any harm in consulting a counsellor if the need arose.
I know friends who have mixed up counsellors with psychiatrist and hence resist seeing a counsellor.
Some parents see it as their own failure if they have to seek outside help.That's not so.Infact now schools and even big institutes have education counsellors and Career counsellors.
I agree with Peacestead that parents who don't ever have to consult anyone are lucky and probably have the expertise.
When we discuss our children's problems with our parents/friends,we are in a way counselling.By going to a qualified counsellor we just seek professional help.
I would not hesitate to seek counsel if the situation demanded.
With reference to Astha,agreed that it's Simran and Abhi's fault.But what next? Is the girl even willing to listen to anything/anyone in the family? She has decided that ALL are against her.If the parents sought help from a counsellor he would probably point out their mistakes and tell them to try a new approach.So it's not necessarily Astha's direct consultation.

I would like to share something with you all:
I personally know of a person who had major behavioral problems in childhood while dealing with a step mother.
When close relatives pointed to the step mother,the father thought everyone was just concluding by their pre conceived notions of a step parent.When things got out of hand,he took the young boy to a psychiatrist.
After talking to each family member individually,the doctor told the father that the fault lay in the parents,and especially the father.The step-mother's illtreatment had only aggravated things.
What followed is too personal and painful for me to relate.Today by the grace of God he is a fine human being,living in the US with his family.
What I am trying to say is that counselling gives a new perspective and one should not hesitate to seek it.
Ofcourse I sincerely wish that none of us is in a situation where we may have to.

Scorpio,Please this was not to contradict anything you said.To each his own.These are my thoughts based on my experience.
Parenting anyway is a very challenging task,but when it comes to adoptive kids or step-kids the challenge is even bigger.Sometimes they are in situations where they have to prove their love.Not fair,I think.
I really salute those kids and parents who have a wonderful and loving relationship inspite of not having any blood ties.

Edited by Akshata - 26 August 2005 at 9:29pm
scorpio_pk Senior Member
scorpio_pk
scorpio_pk

Joined: 09 March 2005
Posts: 743

Posted: 27 August 2005 at 8:14am | IP Logged
I agree with you Akshata that mostly these type of situations occurs when children are adopted or step,in that case parents failed to understand the emotional needs of children or vice versa.When I go through the relationship between me and my parents or me and my children,I could never find any other person or relative or any councellor better than the parents who can understand kids more than any other person.If a child isn't agree to talk openly with the parents then how he could agree to talk about the same matter with a complete stranger(or councellor) provided by parents.
I understand Akshata what you've written about education councellor, I know schools and institues always provide them to help students but thats the different type of councelling, here we are talking about taking outside help for Aastha for her emotional problems, I dont understand why parents like Intelligent Simran and relationship genius Abhi failed to understand her emotional problems.
Akshata Senior Member
Akshata
Akshata

Joined: 07 March 2005
Posts: 596

Posted: 27 August 2005 at 8:36pm | IP Logged
Hi Scorpio,
Glad to read your response.
I think even intelligent parents fail to understand their children for the simple reason that Parenting is more about EQ than IQ.Even the most brilliant can fall short of their children's expectations.

With reference to Simran and Abhi,they themselves are going through a phase of adjustment,and Astha is anyway talking and listening to a complete outsider and stranger,Kiran.That's why in her case she may trust an ousider who can take a neutral stand.She is on a vengangce trip and is willing to accept that anyone who is against Simran is right.
But I do agree that there is no guarantee that Astha will talk to a person who is introduced to her by her parents as she does not trust them,Yes,I overlooked that point.
But like I said in my previous post,It's not necessary that the child talks to a counsellor/psychiatrist. Infact in cases like these it's the parents who need counselling.That's what I have been trying to say.
Parents are humans after all and may need advice too.Nothing like in house advice,I admit but everyone's not so lucky.If all attempts made by parents fail,then they should seek help,not be adamant that what they are doing is the best and continue to watch the situation get worse.
With reference to the serial,it should have been done earlier.Now Astha is fooling them by pretending to have changed,so isn't it natural for the parents to think that their method(patience) has worked?
That's why I say that parents must be vigilant and practical and not idealistic.

Great topic! Only wish more members had participated. It's always nice to learn from other people's views.

Cheers


Edited by Akshata - 28 August 2005 at 8:32pm
khu$hi Newbie
khu$hi
khu$hi

Joined: 09 August 2005
Posts: 30

Posted: 28 August 2005 at 2:56pm | IP Logged
id slap her silly and tell her to shut the f up LOL well mayb not the latter but i wud surely slap her n tell her not to cross her limits..but i think if a had a daughter i wouldnt let her get out hand like that anyway...its totally unreal Tongue
Akshata Senior Member
Akshata
Akshata

Joined: 07 March 2005
Posts: 596

Posted: 28 August 2005 at 9:02pm | IP Logged
Very interesting analysis,Wahwa.
I agree with all your points except the first.
Only I think it's all idealistic,in the sense,what you have written is all about what should have been the right thing to do.
It's always easier to advise a third party,or think in retrospective.
If a couple is not well adjusted or is going through tough times,depending on the nature of the problem,it's definitely going to affect the children.Parents would not deliberately neglect the kids or their needs but when the whole family is going through a crisis,some cope and others can't.It's always the others who can see things objectively.

But,yes,I hope I can and will do what you have said you would,if I were in a similar situation.

With reference to the serial:
In my opinion after a few episodes of Astha's insolent behaviour,they should have moved on with some changes shown in Simran's stand and then developed the character of Astha as visualised by the writer.Now it seems they have made a complete vamp out of an innocent girl.

I can understand "slap Astha" as an angry reaction from some of our members but I cannot understand how they think of it as a solution to her problems.I feel it would make her more obstinate and resentful.
Really think it would work?I wouldn't dare try that method with my teenage son!

Cheers
innocentindian Goldie
innocentindian
innocentindian

Joined: 17 December 2004
Posts: 1483

Posted: 29 August 2005 at 9:59am | IP Logged

Originally posted by Akshata


I agree with all your points except the first.

oh dear , sorry aksh...i disagree with everything wawa wrote....

I just don't think they are being bad parents, on the whole. Yes, abhi did make his mstakes...yes, simran did make the mistake of not telliing astha when she had the chance...and, i suppose, the other thing is that, yes, simran has spoilt astha a trifle too much...but she still isn't a babd parent...

The current situation has not arisen because it was created (although, yes, they had ample opportunity to avoid it), but a lot of it has been shown to be destiny...It is as if they made a mistake in the beginning, and then have had to be carried away by the flow. For certain, I do not think abhi and simran have put themselves before astha.

I suppose we all have our own views on this.E.G, some people think simran and abhi are giving more attention to sia than to astha, and i keep thinking are those people even watching the same program as me? Cos I keep thinking that astha is being given preference over sia...

anyway, just my tuppence folks.....

vazz Goldie
vazz
vazz

Joined: 01 July 2005
Posts: 1022

Posted: 29 August 2005 at 1:17pm | IP Logged
It is very easy to say that as parents "I will always try to understand my children.....etc".
Being a parent of 2 kids and seeing my younger one's temper... I shiver to think what kind of parenting techniques I need to use later on in life to make her see sense in the things she does.
Identifying what the child needs is NOT easy. It comes with practice and sometimes ego plays a role where in parents do not want to give in and at times the children do not want to budge.
All the points that Wawa wrote are in an idealistic world. But one thing that we always forget is that 'Man Proposes and God Disposes'. We may put in every kind of effort to understand the child, but the child may think that we are doing enought.
Parenting is an art, perfected by time.

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