I feel insane saying what I'm about to tell you next, but I might as well tell you, since I'm telling you everything else.
The following morning, the first thing I thought of was Sahana. I know. I'm an idiot. But really.
It was truly an insane morning. I was unusually lost throughout, while doing my normal morning routine. In the shower, I almost walked out without rinsing the soap off my body. For breakfast, I actually sat down and ate something, which surprised my mother beyond shock. Then, instead of walking down the street to wait for the bus at the stop near my house, I kept on walking until I realized I had passed that stop three blocks ago.
It was a pretty sad sight.
Once lunch period was over, I didn't think I was going to see Sahana at all that day. In the morning, I took other routes to my classes deliberately in hopes of seeing her so I could give a smile and say a couple of lines. When it didn't happen, I gave up and went my usual way.
And of course, as fate is cruel, when I was out to show the world how ridiculous I was, she was there.
Sahana was walking into the staircase and putting something in her bag, while I was sliding down the banister. Perfect, wasn't it? She wasn't looking where she was going, and I was trying to show off to my friends how fast I could slide down a handrail. Luck was definitely not on my side.
What more, I didn't realize Sahana was there until I fell down on her. We fell on the floor with a loud thud and her papers flew into the air, while my friends Ishan and Ethan laughed at us.
I heard Sahana let out a deep sigh and I squeezed my eyes shut, waiting for the yelling to start. This was so not good. So, so not good. But all I heard was more laughter from other students. I opened my eyes slowly and saw a couple of papers descending slowly around Sahana, who was biting her lower lip without any expression on her face.
I tried to imprint this vision into my memory, because of its exquisite loveliness, and in doing that, I forgot to apologize.
After a moment, Sahana finally looked up and put some loose strands of dark brown hair behind her ears. She crossed her legs and raised her eyebrows at me.
When I saw her staring at me questioningly, I shrugged and smiled. "Ha. I was just trying to break my record from last time?"
Quiet. Then soft deepness making its way out of someone's throat.
Sahana was laughing.
And soon thereafter, so was I.
*
See, it's little gestures of these sorts that make you look at a person differently. A smile that lasts more than a second. A brief talk suggesting a more intimate conversation later. A simultaneous glimpse and then a quick averting of the eyes. And sometimes, a pushโฆa fallโฆa laugh.
Ah, I was so angry when typing the first few words of this. However, now as I reminisce and continue to tell this story, I can't help but smile while I muse over those sweet memories.
See, there's something special about your first love that you won't find later on. For many people, love doesn't happen just once. It happens quite a few times. But nothing is the same as the first time. There's this unique crispness, which I can't really describe properly. For some reason, the best way I can explain that feeling is the following. Imagine this. Blue clear water. A pure sky overlooking it. White sand on an abandoned shore. A recently bought white house on the coastline. And you're unfolding new crisp white sheets to envelop the mattress with, in a generally empty room.
To many people, my description of first love makes no sense whatsoever, and I can't blame them, because I guess we all have different ways of viewing beauty. But if any one of you understood me, you know how pure the feeling is. It's like breathing in cool, clean air.
And every moment with Sahana felt like that.
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