Joined: 14 November 2017
Time leap again...
God what have I done, I am not a damn murderer. I gag, and my hands shake as grab her bag and just shove the microphone inside. The Maheshwari's are waiting near the car for me. I was supposed to drop them off at home.
I walk dump the bag in a dumpster and head towards them. I drive them home easing myself into normalcy. I had not checked if she was breathing. Shit! Well it was my first violent criminal act ok well not first but first against a woman. I don't hit woman that was a rule. That somehow has been blurred.
I go back after dropping them off and get the bag. I drive for hours unsure of how to dispose of her bag I stare at it for several minutes before opening it. Her phone is inside it, and several other items. I need a plan. I go into the library. I can't damn google search what to do after I wacked someone. That stuff leaves a foot print. I read for a few hours, about various methods of what to do to discard the evidence but I keep the books hidden behind a large book labelled the Guinness book of world records. Mishti calls me. I answer, she tells me about how you and your mother are now close as can be. I formulate a plan of burying the evidence as being the best bet in a vast area relatively unknown to many. I disappear for a few days. I try and wrap my head around what I have done. What I have done for you and cannot think clearly. I check the news updates for days afterwards several times. She had not died, there was an assumed break in, because the cops had been busy with Chandu, she was in coma in hospital. You sent her flowers. Because you felt bad. I watched you as you sat on your bed with your rabbit in your lap telling Phungi all about how those people who hurt her should go to jail. You forgive people easily. You already have forgiven her for behaviour with you. But I can't forgive her. For trying to hurt you. That is unforgivable. To me.
I saw her at the hospital, the doctors have no hope she will ever wake up. And if she does, I am sure I will be the first to know from the nurse who cared for her. After relaying a painful story of how the dragon was a mother to me and how deeply affected I was by everything.
While I come to terms with what I did, or other things change. Things between us.
It confuses me. Does this mean our relationship is changing?
Do you think I should tell that Mendak thank you Phungi? He really has done a lot for us over these last few months I don't know...if I do what if it gets to his head and he just becomes more annoying -N
It is your first text about me and I smile as I read it.
He is really, nice, you shouldn't fight with him so much- P
Yuck, he is way to sweet. I fight the urge to barf whenever he shows up and butter Mishti up He thinks he is god's gift to women-N
Is he being genuinely nice? Like that for no reason what so ever-N
Why don't you call a truce and try being friends, then you will know!-P
I want to kiss Phungi and I mean that in the most none weird way possible. I make a mental note to buy her something amazing when I meet her again to thank her.
You stop texting for a while and talk to your rabbit. You are adorable.
We become friends. And it's the best feeling in the world. You smile at me. We share things with each other, we text each other, we have jokes, inside jokes. You even ask me to help you with things repeatedly. I love our relationship with each other.
You often touch my arm, and you lean into me. If I did not know any better, I would call it flirting. But you are beyond innocent.
You have no idea half the time, what it feels like to spend an entire day with you, with your body pressed against the side of mine. Since I seem to be a hit at home, I am one at the office as well, with your father especially. He really likes me hence, he wants me to check who has been leaking funds.
I cannot help but feel slightly annoyed with his timing, just when we were spending so much time with each other your father decided to cock block me. I guess when we marry I will take us to another city where there is poor WIFI and its just you and me alone. I feel your hand on my arm, you lean up against me. And point at something, you want me to change the colour of the background. I do it and you smile, you ask me for some more changes. You pull my pen away and take your long hair and twist it up into a knot and use the pen to hold it all together. You are wearing this dark blue tunic dress, and I cannot seem to concentrate on anything else besides how it lovingly hugs your figure. The bun you have your hair emphasizes the pale fragile column of your neck and all I want to do is lean in and pull your head back and press my lips against your neck. You are so innocently seductive, it is insane and incredibly painful at the same time. To have you so near me, and to not be able to touch you. To have my senses on high alert because of your proximity and scent that engulfs me.
You watch me work and keep your chin rested under the pillow of your arms.
"Why are you starring at me? I ask you, without looking away from my laptop.
"You don't look half bad as you usually do when I squint You say, your lips tug upwards and your eyes sparkle with mischief.
"Oh, so that is why you squint all the time, so I look good to you I say to you, making you shake your head. You hit me on my arm.
"You are such a jerk She said, laughing.
"It comes naturally from being in the company of another I tell you and you hit me again.
"Well I really mean it, what I said before, If you learned to keep your mouth shut more I am sure you will even get married someday You say, I can see Gayu looming like a dark cloud outside your father's office. She is probably here to take you away from me again. Her presence is similar to that of a thorn to a rose. She is the thorn and you are the rose. The amazing thing about thorns, the can be cut off. But since she has not done anything that I consider worthy of such punishment I just bare her presence in our lives.
"I am not interested in you, I have standards I joke and you make a puking noise.
"Talking to you is useless I don't know why I even grace you with my presence You say, Before I form a response Gayu blasts in and pulls you away. God, I hate your family.
And then things change again. Your innocent flirting stops. You ignore my messages. You phone me at random times to ask me where I am and then show up randomly to see me. Something is wrong, something is really wrong, but I cannot understand what it is. Because I am torn between helping your father find out who has been embezzling money. You come first of course but helping your father out like this will help me in the long run when I ask to marry you. You don't message about me, you don't mention me to Phungi like you used to.
Mishti my ally claims its time to confess to you. Confess my feelings, well I guess she is right. I don't want to be in the friendzone for the rest of my life. But at the same time there are so many things going on I have no idea in which direction to turn to.
Even your conversations with Phungi is barely revealing. You barely sleep. I know this because even though since we became friends I cut down my nightly visits to 6 times a week, In, this state of your disturbance and your fathers need of me I had to cut it down to 5 times. And in those moments, I notice you pacing in your room. Your father's company takes a back seat in my brain. I need to know the root of the cause of your trouble, so I can drag it out and destroy it. I cannot watch you like this.
A week later your mother announces she's sending us to Switzerland. My irritation with Gayu fizzles out, because of her, we have this opportunity. Mishti claims, this will be the perfect place to tell you how I feel about you. I agree with her to some degree, but I need to know what is bothering you first. I want you looking at me with warmth and affection again first.
I watch you as you pack your bags from across your street in the shadows. You are talking to your rabbit...
"Kartik what are you doing here? Gayu says from behind me.
Shit. Did she see me watching you?
The following 3 member(s) liked the above post:
pooja123ar, vinovember, .Meitantei.,
Joined: 09 February 2012
Joined: 14 November 2017
Joined: 24 August 2013
Joined: 14 November 2017
Joined: 14 November 2017
"Hi Gayu I say, she smiles at me completely oblivious as if finding me standing in the middle of the night outside your house is perfectly normal. I half wonder how one person could be so dull. Why did I even worry she knew anything? I come to wonder how she made it so far in life and can not find a single good reason.
"What are you doing here?
"I came to see naira I lie smoothly.
"But then I realized it's quiet, late I scratch my jaw struggling to find a valid excuse.
"Is there a problem at the office?
"Uhm-Yeah I was going to get my pen from Naira I say, Gayu nods like my answer made all the sense in the world. Thank god she was an air head.
"Why are you out so late? I ask her, she began speaking about her collection, and carried on for about 20 minutes, my temples began to throb, and I made an excuse and left. I turned one final time as I left to see you. You were on your bed, clutching your rabbit. It was kind of amusing that despite how tough you pretended to be, how dependent you were on it.
Gayu sits in-between us. Her none stop chattering, is giving you just as much of headache as me, paired with the fact she has on hell of an annoying voice. But I hide it better. 3 games of scrabble and two movies later, I am pretending to sleep. Just so that she will shut up. You are angry with me that much I know. You sit arms crossed looking out the window, silently fuming. Your father's problems at the very same time are spinning out of control. I figured out who was stealing the money. I wonder how I deal with him, your family will probably let him off the hook considering he is your chacha. But considering his offences I doubt you should. He could do anything for money and people like that should not be forgiven or trusted.
Over the next few days your father's phone calls to me stop all together and your behaviour starts to make sense to me. You suspect me of having to do something with it. I figured it out when you pulled my phone from my jacket pocket and checked my call logs. I guess I shouldn't be so smug that, you were unable to see that I had access to your google account and whatsapp via whatsapp web. And a truckload photo of you all categorised by occasion. But I am not trusting like you, I used a folder to keep all of these things in on my phone that was locked by finger print. Your uncle put these thoughts in your head. He goes onto my shit list in my head.
But all that does not matter what matters is that you did not trust me. After putting someone in a coma and literally getting stabbed twice for you. You don't trust me. You confront me. I cannot hold back how angry I am with you. The kid gloves I usually treat you with slip off and my voice is hard and cold. Your eyes swim with tears, and I walk away. To try and control the violent urges I have.
I am so upset with you that I take a step back, but not before ensuring your mother tells you that I would never hurt you or your family. Again, you surprise me with this behaviour of yours. I check your messages only a few times a day and not constantly like before, but somehow as if feeling me slip away. You cling to me like wet film. I try to remain angry with you, but you constantly touch me, wrap your arms around me and ask me to forgive you. I try to sit away from you and even sit next to demented Gayu but you somehow squeeze in between us and settle yourself there. When I make an excuse to go visit some locality you follow me like a little puppy. Your father's condition is not unknown to me. But I bask in the glorious attention you bestow upon me that, I ignore his need to be saved. Because once he is saved, I know that your focus will be directed on him rather than me. And that indeed is why I hate your family.
He won't talk to me Gayu di what should I do -N
Keep apologising he has a good heart, he will surely forgive you. Keep trying- G
Gayu di I forgot, my rabbit back home can I sleep with you- N
Naira I have, to wake up early, tomorrow why don't you sleep with Maami-G
You don't go to your mother. I watch you pacing on your balcony, my family own the hotel we are staying in so I just had to show them my ID and I got a room directly opposite you.
You hug a pillow instead. And fall asleep on your balcony, I cringe at your behaviour, any guest on the other side of the hotel could see you like this, dressed in an oversized shirt half of it falling of your shoulder. Exposing the fact that underneath it all you was wearing a red bra. I find myself risking breaking my neck but climbing up the balcony to you. I don't know what makes me so brave. I hold the ledge and stare at you across from me. You are sound asleep. I pick you up and deposit you into the warmth of your bed. You sigh and bask in the warmth, latching onto my hand as if it were your rabbit. I sit there for 20 minutes or so just watching you sleep. I pull away when I feel my phone vibrate, I reluctantly pull my hand away from you. And look at my phone, it is Dadi, trying to phone me. I ignore it and put my phone on silent. Your room is neat, your clothing for tomorrow is neatly ironed and placed on a chair. And you have written a list on the hotel notebook. I guess it's kind of weird seeing the fact the paper has my surname in bold written at the corner of it and you unknowingly doodled your name near it. I start reading what you have written, and they are an array of apologies all addressed to me. All of them signed Naira... Goenka. I smirk and run my finger over your pretty hand writing.
You mean so much to me, please forgive me. I swear I will never not trust you ever again. Please just give me one chance.
Stop being annoying, I swear if you don't forgive me I will smash your face. What do you think of yourself ignoring me. I am sorry forgive me already don't act so pricey.
Please forgive me. I am sorry, I will do whatever you want me to. Just speak to me...
Besides the letters were lists of what I assume you were making of ways to make me forgive you. You make me smile.
1. Make coffee for him?
2. Tell him you will not fight with him ever again
3. Tell him he can shout at you as much as he wants as long as he forgives you
4. Beat him up until he forgives you
That one was scratched out, you really do resort to violence when things don't go your way. Similar to me. You are my soulmate after all.
The last one makes me smile.
5. Do whatever it takes no matter what until he forgives me...
I stay with you until just before the sun will rise. When I go back to my room I lie down on the bed, exhausted, I stole one of your letters. I shove it under my pillow.
Gayu stands beside me chattering about how amazing her show was or something I stare at my phone. Your mother is close to finding your father. She texts me all the details constantly, as if I am your family's messiah. I feign concern over the situation. I can feel you watching me, without looking up. I look away and you inch closer. This game I play with you is rather interesting, the more I keep away from you the more you cling to me. You always fall on me, and look at me with doe eyes, if its not the falls then its someone shoving you directly onto me. You like me. I can see it in your eyes. Gayu goes into a store and begins looking at clothing and purchasing the store in one go. I lean against the wall and text your mother.
Kartik you have to come quick-A
Yes, I am on my way-K
I lie. I just don't feel up to saving the person, who caused this mistrust between us. Nor am I in the mood to face your uncle. I might do something similar to what happened at your dance concert.
I watch you run your hand over a long dress longingly.
"I wish this was my size You say pouting, and then you are back on me. Can you walk without falling onto me, we are about to go on cable cart but I cannot stomach Gayu talking about her designs for the 10 00th time so I ignore her when she gets on and calls out to us. I know you barely notice her because I can feel your beautiful eyes on me. Don't you think giving me the sad puppy face will work, ok well it does. Why are you so adorable? I sit down you sit next to me and stare at me.
"The view you should be looking at is there I say pointing to the window "Not here
"Please stop being angry with me You say and you hold your ears. I look away immediately.
You follow me around constantly trying to make me look at you. Tripping into my arms. You don't take no for an answer do you. Neither do I. If I don't do all of this how will you learn later on to think twice before not trusting me?
I want to be the first person you tell everything to, from the smallest secret to the biggest reveal I want you to need me. And not be able to do anything without me. I want you to choose me before your family. After another hour I head over to help your mother. Just so you could later feel worse about not trusting me. I leave you with your airhead cousin.
Your mother and I part ways and start looking around. I play with a blade of grass near the back porch. Internally weighting to see your uncle so I can beat him up.
Your uncle is beyond idiotic, what does he think by kidnapping your father hand blackmailing him into transferring his property in his name it will all just be his. I cringe at such poor plotting. What an idiot. An idiot who I will punch in the face when I meet. Nobody comes between us Naira. Nobody. I hear your voice and stand up. What the hell? What are you doing here?
Your uncle walks towards you, and you towards him. I almost slam my head into the wall. He will hurt you. God No! I watch as he orders his guards to take you away and some guards grab hold of you.
The sound of you crying out in pain as that jerk held you, pisses me off. Your uncle walks off towards me. And I pick up a brick.
I hit him, and he falls backwards. The gun he held is on the ground and I pick it up. He stares at me half dazed.
"You don't have the guts! He rasps. I put the gun down as I hear you approach with your mother.
Who has your father with her, well isn't this a regular old family reunion. I wonder what your family will do if I shot your chachu? I do want too but I hold off.
The police arrest him and take him away.
You are like I predicted with your father constantly, after he is saved.
I spend the afternoon in my hotel room, tired. You text rigorously during this period to Gayu despite this being such a happy time. You want to see me. Your guilt worries you. I plan to forgive you tomorrow before we go home. And to confess to you. I know you are in love with me there is no doubt about that. Why else would you run after me like this! I go out onto the balcony and there you are almost like you know I want to see you sitting there writing things on that Goenka templated note pad. Fate is a strange thing. I phone the store we visited and ask them for the dress in your size. They explain it will only come in two weeks, so I ask them to send it to India.
Tomorrow you will be mine.
The following 3 member(s) liked the above post:
pooja123ar, vinovember, .Meitantei.,
Joined: 24 August 2013
Joined: 14 November 2017
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