life lessons - qabool and self-esteem

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Posted: 5 years ago
while watching yesterday's episode, was thinking of how this word qabool. the qazi asks arshad and zoya 3 times. not once, not twice but three times. why three? to ensure that it is a firm choice.

lesson # 1 -- no one can say qabool for you. ultimately, you have to make a decision for yourself because the choices you make are your responsibility. so we have to say qabool from the heart. we can't blame circumstances, our family. even if waseem was pushing zoya to say qabool, he can't say qabool for her. it is not accepted if he says it. only her. so don't impulsively say yes to please your parents or out of family pressure. finally saying qabool is not only our choice but also our responsibility.

lesson # 2 -- silence and fear gets you nowhere. zoya was afraid to face the truth because she was afraid of hurting waseem and so she didn't have a heart-to-heart conversation with waseem. she didn't try to convince him that she needs more time. while many may dislike waseem, in a small way, felt sorry for him because he was in the dark. he truly believed that she has no interest in aditya as he took her at her word. so it was quite a shocker to him. so it is important to talk with your family about your fears and hesitations --  no one is a mind reader not even your parents. she didn't want to hurt waseem but ultimately her fears and silence ends up hurting waseem as well as arshad and his family

lesson #3 --  how to take rejection as a gentleman. arshad was so fantastic and shows viewers how to handle rejection.
 #3A -- rejection is not a reflection of you as a person. sometimes it is just they love someone else and has absolutely nothing to do with who you are -- note how arshad never went into dialogues on how zoya could choose aditya when he is a better man. neither does he put aditya down as a man. arshad is fantastically secure as a person and who he is.
 #3B -- reflect on the relationship and recognize the flaws -- rather than have a meltdown of how zoya took them for a ride, he calms everyone down at the marriage party and gently points out that they all misunderstood zoya and refused to see what was going on. there are no accusations or anger but a gentleness and calm. how many of us would be able to recognize the flaws like that?
 #3C -- only take away good -- he doesn't go into a tirade of how zoya cheated him. instead he acknowledges how zoya changed his life for the better and made him feel life is more than just pain and suffering and can be beautiful. he wishes her well.
so a big clap to arshad 👏 -- he walks away with dignity and as viewers, we know that he will find another woman who makes him happy and he will make her happy.
Edited by mango_pudding1 - 5 years ago
Posted: 5 years ago
Good post...u r absolutely correct about arshad...he fr sure loved zoya...but when he was sure zoya was never his..he showed his class and dignity...he did'nt blame or abuse aditya nor zoya...when i would say ..zoya ws at fault fr taking things dis far...
But waseem...he did know zoya's feelings fr aditya was more dan friendship...it was deep...may nt sure of love..
But waseem knew aditya ment so much to zoya...dat was his insecurity...
Posted: 5 years ago
Good post but I don't agree with the part on waseem. He knew that zoya was not ready for love and marriage as she told him. So why did he insist with arshad because he knew that this situation was going to happen. Remember he even said to his wife for now it's friendship but it can change later. 
From the beginning Waseem is the only one who always knew the nature of their relationship.
Posted: 5 years ago
Originally posted by Lecter


Good post but I don't agree with the part on waseem. He knew that zoya was not ready for love and marriage as she told him. So why did he insist with arshad because he knew that this situation was going to happen. Remember he even said to his wife for now it's friendship but it can change later. 
From the beginning Waseem is the only one who always knew the nature of their relationship.


@lecter -- parents are just humans like us. so they can also assume or believe they are making the right choices or make mistakes. as children, we simply can't sit back and go with the flow. part of growing up is taking responsibility for your actions.

so rather than waseem, for me, the responsibility is on zoya. waseem was never that terrorist father who said he will kill himself or die he is dishonoured or none of that emotional blackmail nonsense that happens in other dramas. it is not like he locked her up or forced her to make this choice. it was always her call. he asked if she would like to get married to arshad and she said yes. she herself approached arshad and convinced him to go ahead with the marriage. at no point, did she open her mouth and say "abu, I love aditya. I can't do this."

was waseem blind? sure. did he make a mistake in choosing to believe what he wanted to believe? sure. while he may have strongly insisted, he didn't force zoya to marry arshad. would things have been different if zoya had talked to waseeem and roshana? if she had been honest about her feelings? ultimately, a family breaks or thrives depending on how we communicate no?
Edited by mango_pudding1 - 5 years ago
Posted: 5 years ago
@mango the problem is that she even did not realize her love for aditya. Honestly your child tells you that she is not ready for love and marriage why not ask the reason? Although here it's obvious: the man she loved, for whom she gave up everything was cheating her. Instead he was just taunting her about her mistake, arshad is perfect and what not and the fact that he knew better. Honestly a person like that doesn't make me want to communicate or confide in her.
And roshna says she's with her daughter but what has she done so far? Always following her husband. I am waiting to see...
Edited by Lecter - 5 years ago
Posted: 5 years ago
Originally posted by Lecter


@mango the problem is that she even did not realize her love for aditya. Honestly your child tells you that she is not ready for love and marriage why not ask the reason? Although here it's obvious: the man she loved, for whom she gave up everything was cheating her. Instead he was just taunting her about her mistake, arshad is perfect and what not and the fact that he knew better. Honestly a person like that doesn't make me want to communicate or confide in her.
And roshna says she's with her daughter but what has she done so far? Always followibg her husband. I am waiting to see...


you have got a point -- communication does occur two ways and so waseem and roshana could have also communicated better or tried to find out why zoya was unhappy. they just chose to ignore their eyes. but at the end of the day, it is zoya's life and so, she really needed to speak up and say more that she wasn't ready. sometimes, we can't expect others to fight for ourselves. we need to get up and do it too.
Posted: 5 years ago
Roshna knows why her daughter is unhappy but doesn't want to go against her husband. What Yash  did is why zoya is like she is today because imagine going against everyone to get married. 
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