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Silsila Badalte Rishton Ka
Silsila Badalte Rishton Ka

falling out of love in a marriage

malavika2018 Newbie
malavika2018
malavika2018

Joined: 18 September 2018
Posts: 38

Posted: 18 September 2018 at 6:27am | IP Logged
Hey guys 
" Falling out of love" is one of the most prominent reasons that we hear in most of the EMA's. i would like to hear your opinion on this.

My Pov 

For me "love" is a package which is a result of so many feelings to my soulmate and it includes Care, Trust,Understanding, Compromises, Sacrifices and Passion for each other. As time passes by all other factors goes proportional with each other and passion goes inversely which gradually results in loosing interest on your partner. When 2 people are in love, the factor which rules over others are "Passion" and when we enter a married life  it goes on decreasing because of so many reasons ( family, work, children their studies) inshort they wont able to spend time with each other and even if they spent their mind and talks wud be about others ( again family n children) so the couple gradually looses the spark in b/w them.

I believe most of the EMA's are based on physical attraction. The partner who is not happy would find somebody who has something which their partner lacks. May be their looks, smartness , selfconfidence or how they carry themselves, They start imagining how his/ her life wud have been if the person was their life partner and there starts the attraction which they convince themselves as pure love. At that time he /she is just behind the factor which his /her partner lacks and they wont see the good aspects of their partner and bad aspects of their newly found love. 

So my point is i believe most of the time EMA's are just based on a physical attraction and it can never be termed as a pure love. When these people are given a choice to choose between their family and newly found love , most of them chooses their family. Only 10 % chooses their love and that too when they are emotionally blackmailed ( like when the case of pregnancies comes up). 

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mehr05 IF-Dazzler
mehr05
mehr05

Joined: 17 August 2013
Posts: 4808

Posted: 18 September 2018 at 7:00am | IP Logged
I agree to some extent on what u said. Its ur pov.
But i've come across an ema case where the love the man sought outside his household was purely platonic.

He needed someone to listen to him, BE there for him through thick n thin.

Not all marriage are perfect. Not all married couple are obliged to be in love with each other... n people do fall out in love. Its in someone's nature. 
What about those marriage where the marriage is a compromise? both partners are suffering in a rishta that is meaningless? Where both are living like strangers under one roof?

Saying this, i'm not supporting EMA. Its just i'm not bias to those who indulge in it. They, themselves, know why they do this n despite knowing what they stand to lose n still go ahead with their affair, they must have a reason of their own to risk everything.

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nushy1995manancraze

kiransgirl Senior Member
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Joined: 07 September 2018
Posts: 476

Posted: 18 September 2018 at 8:16am | IP Logged
I don't believe people fall out of love. I think once you are truly in love, it doesn't change. I think a lot of people THINK they are in love or settle for a person they think the could love and it doesn't work out. I don't have an answer to the question. I can only think of my perspective: when I  was younger I thought I was so in love but now I realize that I was infatuated. I liked the person very much. I liked the idea of him. He was my best friend but now I understand the difference. We had a great friendship but we were not in love. I am in love now. There is a difference in romantic love and friendship. I don't think you can fall out of love when you are truly in love. I remember with my first boyfriend, I wasn't in love but I GREW to love him. It was never a passionate, intense love; it was stable, comfortable and we made a beautiful couple, so it seemed right. We had so much in common. Both academics so we could take about higher ed and we had all of our friends in common.But my present love is intense. I fell in love the moment I saw him. Once I got to know him, I just was more drawn to him. The feeling I can only describe as intense. We are complete opposites. He's a sport fanatic and I hate sports. But somehow, I have never been happier in my life.
I think also with my first boyfriend, I used to TRY to be happy; with my love now, I don't have to try. I am just simply. It's a part of my being. It feels natural.
The issue I have with the show is how I feel cheating is justified. If you truly love, you don't cheat. You sort things out and you move along. By the way, you know with certainty. There aren't doubts about your feelings. And you are incapable of cheating; when you truly love the person fidelity is easy.
So that's why I feel Mauli needs to move on and I hope they find her a beautiful, true love story where she sees love is truthful and you can be the one and only one.


Edited by kiransgirl - 18 September 2018 at 8:23am

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malavika2018 Newbie
malavika2018
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Posts: 38

Posted: 18 September 2018 at 8:36am | IP Logged
Yep I agree.. people don't fall out of love. It's there where u can differentiate infact and love .. 
arshi_asya IF-Dazzler
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Joined: 15 September 2013
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Posted: 18 September 2018 at 10:36am | IP Logged
I am yet to understand how this happens. People's interest change over time but why drag love in all this. And is love all about physical intimacy since the word fall in love comes mostly for spousal relationships and not for something else. 
No one falls out of love with parents, their children, friends. Even these relationships reach stagnant phase and there is love in them too. 
Why only for spouse? 
Terenaina IF-Stunnerz
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Joined: 25 June 2006
Posts: 32327

Posted: 18 September 2018 at 10:53am | IP Logged
How do you know if wife wasn't just the physical attraction and the other woman became the love? How do we know that. I know this woman who was married and had a child with that man, she started having an affair and her husband divorced her after the affair. She got married to the man she had affair with and they have been happily married for more then 15 years now so don't tell me the other person they had an affair with is not love, it's just lust or physical attraction. You mean to tell me lust and physical attraction lasted more then 20 years? I rather have lust then

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manancraze

_charu_ IF-Sizzlerz
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Joined: 05 August 2007
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Posted: 18 September 2018 at 11:03am | IP Logged
Originally posted by kiransgirl

I don't believe people fall out of love. I think once you are truly in love, it doesn't change. I think a lot of people THINK they are in love or settle for a person they think the could love and it doesn't work out. I don't have an answer to the question. I can only think of my perspective: when I  was younger I thought I was so in love but now I realize that I was infatuated. I liked the person very much. I liked the idea of him. He was my best friend but now I understand the difference. We had a great friendship but we were not in love. I am in love now. There is a difference in romantic love and friendship. I don't think you can fall out of love when you are truly in love. I remember with my first boyfriend, I wasn't in love but I GREW to love him. It was never a passionate, intense love; it was stable, comfortable and we made a beautiful couple, so it seemed right. We had so much in common. Both academics so we could take about higher ed and we had all of our friends in common.But my present love is intense. I fell in love the moment I saw him. Once I got to know him, I just was more drawn to him. The feeling I can only describe as intense. We are complete opposites. He's a sport fanatic and I hate sports. But somehow, I have never been happier in my life.
I think also with my first boyfriend, I used to TRY to be happy; with my love now, I don't have to try. I am just simply. It's a part of my being. It feels natural.
The issue I have with the show is how I feel cheating is justified. If you truly love, you don't cheat. You sort things out and you move along. By the way, you know with certainty. There aren't doubts about your feelings. And you are incapable of cheating; when you truly love the person fidelity is easy.
So that's why I feel Mauli needs to move on and I hope they find her a beautiful, true love story where she sees love is truthful and you can be the one and only one.

Agreed..if someone falls out of love then it was never love in the first place . And love alone is not required to sustain the marriage , there are several other factors..what nandini feels for kunal is more of dependency rather than love ..mauli loved kunal ..for kunal i dont know what love means ..but he never loved mauli , thats what i can feel now ..otherwise nandini would not come in between so easily..having said that , aisa nai hai ke once you feel love for someone you are free to commit any crime for it , as nandini implied ..love is sacrifice also love is being patient love is much more than having sex and even living with each other. 

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Terenaina IF-Stunnerz
Terenaina
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Joined: 25 June 2006
Posts: 32327

Posted: 18 September 2018 at 11:09am | IP Logged
Even someone you love and who loves can cheat on you. Let's not be blind in love and say those who in love don't cheat. Only someone who hasn't lived that long of years would say that. Cheat can be out of love, it can be attraction, it can be lust, can be boredom and many other reasons

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