"Sameer! Suno toh! Naina implored. "Sun raha hun jaan! Bolo na! Sameer replied as he pulled the knot of his tie. "Sameer! Naina voiced. He turned around and gave her a big smooch. "Tum tension bahot leti ho jaanu...abhi tumhara month ka time hai na tum rest karo okay? Main office jaake aata hun! Sameer responded, as a gloomy Naina looked on. He'd become so busy, trying to juggle office and their personal time together. Sameer waved a flying kiss to her as he got into the driver seat of the new car he'd brought for himself. As he slammed the car door shut, he gestured his wife to rest.
That night when Sameer returned home to his wife, he was exhausted beyond limits. He'd had a long day. It was already 10 pm. Yet all he wanted to do was to hold Naina in his arms and make love to her. "But oh no! He remembered Naina was on her periods. She sometimes didn't feel upto it during those days.
He turned on the light of the bedroom and saw Naina sleeping peacefully on the bed. He hung his blazer on the hanger and loosened his tie as he crept towards the bed. He sat down silently besides her sleeping form, careful not to wake her up, his fingers tracing her cheeks softly. She was God's greatest blessing to him. He planted a soft kiss onto her cheek and got up to change, when he felt her hand on his arm. He turned and saw that Naina was now awake and her eyes were scrunched against the light he'd just turned on.
"Nind toot gayi jaan? Sameer asked softly. "Tumhara intezaar kar rahi thi...aankh lag gayi beech mein! Naina smiled as she pulled him back to the bed besides her. "So jao...main bhi aata hun fresh hoke! he replied as he locked a stray strand of hair behind her ear. "Khana nahi khaoge? Naina asked, still sleepy-eyed. "Bhook kisi aur cheez ki hai...wo kha lun? he winked as he neared her. "Pehle khana! she commanded, as she pushed him back playfully and rubbed sleep out of her eyes. "Tum fresh hoke aao...main khana lagati hun! she said and got up to heat his dinner.
Ten minutes later, Sameer entered the dining room. He was feeling fresh now and much relaxed after the shower. He sat down at the dining table and Naina settled herself on an adjacent chair. "Tumne khaya? Sameer asked. Naina nodded, "haan kha liya...zyada man nahi tha...baaki ice-cream bhi mangwayi thi Ramdhari se...tumhari favourite ButterScotch! "Kya baat hai!Sameer replied as he delved into his food. As he finished his dinner, Naina brought out two bowls of ice-cream for them.
As they relished the dessert, Naina spoke, "Sameer...tumse kuch baat karni thi! "Bolo na! he encouraged as he put a mouthful of ice-cream in his mouth. "Wo Sameer...is baar bhi...is baar bhi periods aa gaye...mujhe thodi tension ho rahi hai...chachi bolti rehti hain ki itni der nahi lagni chahiye! muttered Naina.
"Naina...koi baat nahi next time try karenge...main vaise bhi tumhe time nahi de paata na...usi wajah se hoga! he placated her as he placed his hand over hers. "Wo to theek hai Sameer...lekin 5 saal ho gaye hain hamari shaadi ko...aur seriously try karte karte bhi 1-1.5 saal to ho hi gaya hai na...kahin kuch dikkat to nahi? Naina said, her eyes turning misty. Sameer was well aware of the fact that they hadn't conceived as yet. To be honest, even he was a little concerned now. Initially Naina had not been prepared for motherhood and he too was embroiled in the challenges of handling a huge business, bequeathed to him by his grandfather.
"Aye meri jaan! Ro kyun rahi ho? Kuch gadbad nahi hai okay..., his fingers wiped the tears off her cheeks and tried to console her. Naina couldn't control her tears any longer. She didn't know if it was the result of her usual PMS or the dejection for having failed to conceive yet again which triggered the frequent emotional onslaught she faced herself and leashed onto Sameer as well.
"Sameer...sabko ho rahe hain...sirf humein hi nahi...Swati-Munna ke to do bacche hain...Pandit-Preeti ki to shaadi ko ek saal bhi nahi hua aur Preeti bhi pregnant hai...Shefali aur Arjun bhaiya ka beta to teen saal ka ho gaya...fir humein kyun nahi ho raha...chachi kitne mahino se keh rahi hain ki hum dono ko doctor ke pass jana chahiye! she spluttered. Sameer got up from his chair and pulled her tightly to him. His hands grazed her back as he consoled her, "chup chup...kuch nahi hota...hoga hamara bhi ek cute sa baby! he tried to make her smile.
"Sameer shayad doctor ke pass jana chahiye...ek baar tassali to ho jayegi! Naina sobbed. "Jayenge na...kal hi appointment book karta hun...wo Dr. Sreshtha se book karta hun...Swati usi ke pass jaati thi na...Munna bahot tareef kar raha tha...! Sameer replied. He sat back down on his place and fed Naina the rest of the ice-cream from his bowl, as he employed various antics to cheer up his wife.
***
As they exited from Dr. Sreshtha's cabin, Sameer put an arm around Naina. The doctor had done a few tests on the couple over the past few days and the results were due soon.
"Sameer! Aaj wo reports collect karte aana please! Naina reminded him over the phone. "Haan Naina! Tum tension mat lo...usme yahi aayega...ki hamare bahot sare bacche honge! he grinned, as he knew Naina would have blushed at this statement. At sharp 5 in the evening, he got into his car and turned towards Dr. Srestha's clinic. Half an hour later, he was greeted by the doctor herself.
"Hello Mr. Maheshwari! Dr. Sreshtha greeted. "Good evening doctor! Sameer replied. He couldn't deny his heartbeat had fastened. Even he did not know what to expect from the test results. He hoped that everything would turn out to be normal for them. Dr. Sreshtha began, "Mr. Maheshwari...your reports are all normal! No problems here. But..., she began, as Sameer's heart missed a beat. He looked expectantly for her to complete. "Your wife is not that lucky...I'm seeing some blockages in the Uterus and some cyst formation...we can begin her treatment, and hope that we can overcome the problem soon! the doctor concluded apologetically. Sameer did not understand any of the medical terms she'd just used. Her ears had only registered the fact that Naina seemed to have some problems in conception.
"What are our chances doctor? he asked, his voice hoarse.
"Let's not worry...we should always remain hopeful...I've seen miracles in my medical career..., Sameer cut her off. "What are the chances doctor? Please tell me the truth! I can handle it! he reiterated.
"Mr. Maheshwari...to be honest...very slim...but you need to take care of your wife here...you need to prepare her...if she loses confidence in her ability to conceive, then I'm afraid not even the world's best doctors can help her! the doctor replied grimly.
The evening wasn't as dark as the darkness in front of Sameer's eyes. He took the reports, got back in his car. Their future looked bleaked to him. His hands shivered as he turned the key in the ignition. "How would he face Naina? What would he tell her? he pondered in angst.
The car revved up and moved as dictated by its driver. Sameer tried hard to focus on the road, but his mind was repeatedly fogged with visions of them childless. The doctor's words rang in his ears. "Would they really not make it? he furiously tried to prevent the tears from running down his face. A rickshaw came in the front and Sameer screeched to a halt in involuntary response. He didn't hear the curses hurled by the rickshaw driver at him, as he looked on at the stretch of road in the distance.
His ears picked up the chatter of children playing in the park besides the pavement. He eyed those tiny kids, ranging from ages maybe 3 to 10, sitting in their parents' laps or scrambling away at the swings, running behind each other, their parents chattering animatedly together. Their lives were perfect! Simple! They didn't lack anything. Sameer couldn't control himself anymore. His face rested against the steering wheel as tears gushed out of his eyes.
Sobbing he tried to analyze why God had been so cruel with them? And what about Naina? How would he break this news to her that she may never become a mother? The doctor had advised a series of treatments for them, but still couldn't guarantee success with any of them. "I'm sorry Naina! Sameer mumbled. He felt at a loss of what to do. How would Naina remain happy now? She would break down!
He wept for half an hour and contemplated on their lives. It's been perfect with her- since the day he fell in love with her, to the day he married her, till today. But now, they'll always have a hollow to fill in their lives. Sameer collected himself. No! He had to be strong. For her. For his Naina. He wouldn't let her shatter with this news. He had no right to complain to God now that he'd blessed him with Naina. He'll do anything to make her happy- to bring a smile onto her face. He'll compensate for the void of a child, with his love. Sameer grabbed the reports from the passenger seat and securely locked them away in his car. And then he drove back home.
He tried to sneak in silently as he wiped his tear-stained face on his sleeve. He hurried to the washbasin nearby and splattered his face with water. "Sameer? he jerked at her voice. Naina was standing at the doorway. Sameer gave her a small smile. "Kya hua hai? the concern was evident in her voice. She didn't need to see his tears to know something was wrong. "Sameer? she questioned him again. He didn't answer her and turned his eyes away. "Sameer! Kya hua? she pulled him by his arm to face her. "Doctor ne kuch kaha? Kya problem hai mujh mein? Her direct words crumbled him from within. His resolve to show a strong front dissipated. "Naina! Please thodi der baad baat karein? Sameer excused himself and went to their bedroom to change. Naina stood frozen to the spot, now sure that something really wrong had transpired. Sameer never behaved like this. Infact, whenever he was upset, he wanted Naina by his side.
He turned the shower on as he tried to soak himself, trying to wash off the sorrow he was carrying within. Tears crinkled out of his eyes as he tried to subdue his weeping, lest his wife would hear. He couldn't believe this twist of fate. After all these years of blissful wedded life, they might just need to accept the fact that they would never be able to hold their very own bundle of joy in their arms. Sameer knew how many times he'd imagined Naina blushing and informing him one fine evening when he came back from office, that he was about to become a father soon. And then, then he would have been elated, shrieking with joy abound. Or perhaps when they were trying to conceive, Naina would rush out of the loo, the tester in her hand, with a broad smile plastered on her face, which would tell him that he'd succeeded in getting his wife pregnant. And the zillion times, when he'd imagined her all plump, with a bloated belly, and him placing his hands to feel the tickling feet of their baby. The shopping they would have done! Her urges to eat sour- he would have fulfilled them all. The restraint he would have had to enthrust upon himself, to refrain from being intimate, considering her delicate condition. He had dreamt of rushing back from office for her visits to the doctors and the test labs, had dreamt of forbidding her to work or stress herself. And then finally, he'd imagined the time, when she'd would be in labour, and he would hold her hand till she went in as his wife, and came out as a mother. And finally the cry which would remind him that they'd given birth to a new life. Would it have been a boy or a girl? Neither! That was never to happen now isn't it?
Sameer tried to collect himself as he changed into his night clothes. He looked at his grim reflection in the mirror and tried to paste a smile on his lips. She may just think it was a bad day at office. But she may not. She's always seen through him. She knows when he's lying. Should he tell her the truth? He knew Naina. If he revealed the grim news to her, she would start thinking pessimistically and believe they would always remain childless. No, she mustn't know this. No! His thoughts were broken by knocks on the bathroom door. He opened it and saw his tense wife looking at him in concern, trying to read him. Her lips whimpered, as if she tried to say something, as if she had already assessed the worst.
With an attempt to strengthen her meek voice, Naina whispered, "Main kabhi maa nahi ban sakti na? The directness of her question shook Sameer again. And she read the truth in his eyes. Because the next instant, her gaze lowered to her feet and tears streamed down her eyes. "I'm sorry Sameer! She was about to break down, when Sameer pulled her into his arms tightly. "Tumhara maa banana mushkil hai Naina...lekin isme tumhari koi galti nahi...galti meri hai...kyunki main...main kabhi baap nahi ban sakta! the lie erupted from his mouth, as his body shuddered with his own tears. Naina looked up at him with misty eyes. "Kya? He reigned himself in control and nodded. A lie which served a purpose greater than the truth could be forgiven. "Ye sach hai Naina! With that, he moved away and slumped down onto their bed. "Hamare pass donors ke options hain...doctor ne bataya hai...koi acha sperm donor dekh ke hum tumhari preganancy artificially try kar sakte hain.., he didn't know what he was muttering, but he was afraid to look at her. "K..Kisi aur se? Naina stammered in disbelief.
Sameer lifted his gaze to her finally. The two pairs of eyes read mutual pain, mutual sorrow, yet there was another emotion which bounded them together- their love for each other. "Sameer! Mujhe maa banana hai...lekin sirf tumhare bacche ki...kisi aur ki nahi! she made it clear.
"Naina! Be practical! Life aise nahi chalti...meri wajah se tum kyun suffer karogi...kami mujh mein hai...! he burst out. She stood silent, waiting for his anger to lapse. "Aur agar kami mujhmein hoti to kya tum aisa karte? Kisi aur ladki ke saath...ya artificially hi? Naina asked coldly. The gravity of her words, and then the gist of his own, hit him. He shook his head slowly as he pulled her into his arms. "Mujhe apni beti mein tum chahiye ho Naina...aur koi nai...! he wept. She clung onto him tightly, "toh tumne aisa bol kaise diya Sameer...mujhe bhi apne bete mein tum chahiye ho...ye tumhare jaise baal, tumhari jaisi gehri aankhein, ye muskaan, wo padhai se door bhagana...nahi...padhai mein mere jaisa ho sakta hai, a smile escaped his lips. "...Aur aise toot ke pyaar karna! she completed.
"Naina...kya tum mera saath dogi? Hum abse ache se try karenge...doctor ne jo treatments recommend ki hain wo lenge...agar bhagwan ne chaha to hamein bhi chotu si ek Naina ya chota sa Sameer mil jayega...par iske chances kam hain! he explained. She rested her head on his heaving chest, breathing slowly herself. Her fingers tightened their hold on his arm and she nodded.
"Ab sach sach bataoge ki kya likha hai report mein? she asked. Sameer looked up at her astounded. This woman could smell his lie. "Wahi jo abhi bataya tumhein! he spoke with a firm resolve. "Sach kya hai? Naina persisted.
"Naina...yahi ki main baap nahi ban sakta! he clarified, urging her to believe it. "Toh reports kahan hain? she enquired. "Doctor ke pass hain...kal prints de dengi...aaj kuch problem thi unke printer mein! he lied again, sounding more convincing. Naina searched his eyes, but found them completely blank, opaque. This had never been the case before.
"Naina! Trust me! he urged, before she could prod him with more questions. She nodded her head slightly and the next moment, she found herself scooped in his arms and thrust down on the bed. He edged on top of hers, taking her lips in a swooning, incredibly passionate kiss. "S..Sameer...tumhara dinner? Naina tried to speak, but Sameer shook his head. He wasn't hungry for food. He wanted to be sated by her. They were in each other's arms, making them complete, he thought gratefully. So what they might never have a child, they still had each other! His thoughts frizzled out, as adrenaline rushed inside him. His lips plastered onto hers, as his hands removed the clothing separating their souls, their bodies, and then they seeked each other as they drowned in blissful oblivion.
Part 2 : Page 10
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