The New Norm - Victim Blaming - Page 5

Originally posted by: evenjleena28

I welcome healthy conversation and point of views, please do not respond if you cannot be constructive and offer a different perspective, I am able to handle the criticizing but I frown upon personal attacks.

"Blaming the victim is an act of refuge and self-deception. It allows the blamer to sit in judgment, imagining some mystical justice that means bad things happen only to bad people, thus ensuring their own safety.
Una, Becoming Unbecoming

I was not going to say anything purely because at the end of the day this show is fictional, yes affairs do happen in real life and life do get destroyed but each situation is different (for the people involved) and therefore my views have always been stated after looking at the situation from all angles.

Blaming the victim is easy, to say Nandini deserves what happened to her is easy because naturally all the sympathy is with Mauli who is as far as the audience is concerned, has not done anything to be criticized. What I am unable to fathom is why no one is blaming Kunal? The main culprit!!!!!

Everyone is entitled to their opinion, that is the beauty of a democratic society but bringing emotions in a debate changes the equation.

Nandini is breaking her friends trust, no denying that but would it not be prudent to think from her perspective? Our patriarchal society blames the women all the time (and let's face it we have too) but who is the real villain in this saga? She is breaking her friends trust but the MAN (Kunal) is breaking his vows. Which sin is bigger? There will be some who will say its trust and some that will say vows it's all about one's prerogative.

I never understood Nandini but after watching this series for a while she is showing classic symptoms of PTSD as described in DSMM. Does that justify what she is doing? NO it doesn't but why blame her when the person who really is to be blamed is the man here.

Why Do I say that?
     Kunal initiated the whole thing. He was unable to control his emotions and yes Nandini felt something towards him but she tried to resist him unlike him who never even tried.
     Yes she is cheating with him but from her perspective it makes sense right now the only good thing in her life is Kunal, Mauli is a second thought. For us normal individuals it is unfathomable because we have not been in that situation but for her a victim who has suffered horrendous abuse makes perfect sense.
     Kunal did not let her go when she realised that she cannot control her feelings. When Kunal told her he loves her and knows it is wrong she accepted that because she finally got one thing she had always wanted a male approval and someone who will love her unconditionally.
     From what I am seeing she has no expectations she is going with the flow and it is perfectly normal. I doubt she has any plans long-term or otherwise. What is Kunal's excuse?
     Kunal is not a baby that anyone can make him do things he is not being manipulated because manipulation means:
Psychological manipulation can be defined as the exercise of undue influence through mental distortion and emotional exploitation, with the intention to seize power, control, benefits and/or privileges at the victim's expense.
This does not sound like something Nandini is doing but something that Kunal is doing to Nandini he keeps telling her their love is true, sacred, destined by gods. She has never said that she has always agreed with whatever he says.
     After they had sex, Kunal appeared guilty, was it genuine? I highly doubt it given the moment he kisses her. He doesn't pick up her phone later but if he was so guilty why text? Also why not tell her he is guilty? These are mixed signals that any normal woman will find confusing and Nandini has just gone through substantial abuse.

It is easy to blame her because yes she is doing something that she shouldn't, but what about Kunal? I am 100% sure that experiencing betrayal can be devastating but to only blame one person is not fair. I hold Kunal more responsible because he started this whole game. He always initiated the conversations and also he is the one who is married. For Nandini it is finally being accepted by a man who is what she has ever wanted. Does that justify what she is doing to her friend? NO it doesn't but it makes sense. What about her friend's husband and what he is doing to his wife? The one with whom he said his vows?

To even think that Nandini deserves abuse is something I can never ever comprehend. What Nandini does or doesn't do, no one deserves abuse that includes Rajdeep. Abuse is something that only people who goes through understands the psychological effects. It takes away person's self-confidence, ability to think, and rationalisation mind-set. These things are proved again in the DSMM, do read the manual if anyone is interested and you will get better understanding of why Nandini is behaving the way she is all over the place.

I feel that Kunal is psychologically abusing Nandini; he is the one manipulating her and not the other way around. When his mood strikes its true love and when his mood strikes its guilt. He hides from Mauli and knows that apart from Mauli, Nandini has no one and even then without thinking of any ramification he is still continuing in his affair.

Blaming a victim is easy but empathy is important too.

Originally posted by: Angels11

First wanted 2 get a few things off my chest, so please bear with me that I am diverging frm the topic. I am unhappy with this generalization that ALL people who are criticizing Nandini are using vulgar words, s**t shaming etc etc. I myself wrote something bt her blouse but later on accepted valid feedback & deleted those lines. Next some of the criticism gets misunderstood or misquoted or taken out of context. For eg I said Nandini did not stop Rajdeep from raping her while married to him. Immediately few jumped on me saying I am blaming the victim. Hello, I am NOT blaming the victim. There are many wives all over the world who r battered, bruised, raped & they dont even know their own rights. They dont know that even if its their husband forcibly having intercourse IS RAPE & is not the bloody eff* right of a husband. But battered women like Nandini esp in a country like India dont even know the law & their rights. Now tnx 2 Mauli & Kunal Nandini knows that Rajdeep has no right to violate her like that. Hence she fought him & even called the police. So I was NOT victim blaming. I meant she was not aware that wat Rajdeep was doing was a crime & can actually be thrown in jail under rape charges. On that day itself i made a post applauding her for finally standing up against that monster & that too without depending on any1. Reg social media we ve absolutely no control over SM. Hell PC got trolled for her dress when she met the PM Modi. Kangana, Deepika, Kareena every single celebrity has been badly trolled, abused on SM. I dont think its relevant here in IF. If any posts here in IF are vulgar or derogatory we can report to the MODs & they do take action immediately. So many posts get shut down on a daily basis. So if u c any such posts plz report it & the MODs will warn the person concerned.

Now coming to the discussion. 1st this is NOT a competition of who is worse or whose crime is bigger. Its like saying the guy who killed 10 ppl is worse than a guy who killed 1 person. Nopes. Here BOTH Kunal and Nandini are EQUALLY responsible. Both are wrong & willfully indulging in something which wrong in the eyes of both society & law. 1 person is the legal husband & the other supposedly best friend. Both Kunal & Nandini are cheats. Both are causing emotional trauma to Mauli. Both are r to be blamed & both must b held accountable & have to face the consequences.

Next reg victim blaming. On 1 side u are telling that ppl are victim blaming. On the other hand you are using the term victim to justify Nandini & her actions. No matter how you phrase it your post IS justifying Nandini's action. If ppl are wrong in saying that Nandini deserves the abuse then you are also wrong in saying that Nandini can ve an affair with Kunal because she is a VICTIM. I am sorry but I cant accept this argument. If that is victim blaming then what u r doing is VICTIM EXCUSING. So tomorrow if Rajdeep claims that he was abused by his dad during his childhood, was badly scarred physically & emotionally & due to that PTSD he abused Nandini will you accept that argument. Because that is precisely what you are doing. You keep saying that you are not justifying Nandini but ur post does precisely that. You are saying that Nandini is a victim, she is traumatized, she is suffering from PTSD & hence she slept with Kunal. Its wrong to explain away her actions under the garb of abuse/depression/PTSD. Right now many are sympathizing with her because as a woman rape, assault, abuse affects us women at a personal level. We empathize with the victim. As I mentioned none here will try to justify Rajdeep if he says he behaved tat way due to some childhood trauma. Tomorrow someone cant kill a random person & say I killed because I am suffering from PTSD. Now if Nandini had killed Rajdeep, that can be justified. Its self defense. In fact even if Nandini coldly plots his murder & kills him I will not blame her. It makes sense though legally she will still be arrested. Morally it represents a twisted sense of justice.

But here she is not punishing Rajdeep. She is actually punishing Mauli. That Mauli who moved mountains to help her. If she is under shock & needed a support why did she choose Kunal. Why dint she choose Mauli. Mauli has been a rock for her. Steadfast, loyal, fiery, fighter. Mauli fought Nandini's battles way bef Kunal. She fought with Raj in the hospital. She fought with him at his own home. So if Nandini needed support why dint she choose Kunal. Ppl will hate her for this action & have every right to call her out on this.

Next the reason y Nandini gets so much hate is the absolute lack of guilt or remorse. Even Kunal showed some hints of discomfort. He is not able to look into Mauli's eyes. He is unable to be normal with her. But this woman is happily chatting with Mauli, interacting with the family. When a loser like Raj slept with another woman this lady was all crying & heart broken. Now she is happily sleeping with the hubby of her friend. There is a famous tamil dialogue by the comedian Vadivelu. Unaku vandha ratham, enaku na thakkali chutney a? I Rough translation if its you it is blood & if its me its tomato chutney? So her pain is pain, her heart break is heart break. But Mauli's pain is not pain? her heart break not heart break? Did she ever think of Mauli even once. And this is not the 1st time Nandini is doing this. Even earlier she chose Rajdeep over Mauli. If my BFF comes to me & tells that my fiance molested her I ll slap my fiance. Some1 gave the eg of Rachel & Phoebe from Friends. When Phoebe tells Rachel that Paolo hit on her, Rachel ditches him imm, no questions asked. Here ur friend comes & tells u tat tis guy molested her & u actually dont believe her & side with that guy? What kinds friend r u? So for Kunal tis is the 1st time he is betraying Mauli. But 4 Nandini tis is not the 1st time. She has been there, done it. And now she is doing it again. Hence the hate & criticism.

I think ppl ve 2 accept the fact that ppl r bound 2 hate Nandini & Kunal 4 their actions. Some might empathize with Nandini but lets not expect everyone to do. You might see some goodness in her. Frankly I dont c any redeeming character in Nandini. But individual views & perceptions always vary. We can always have a healthy discussion or even argument without abusing or name calling 😊

Hoping to see more conversations here...

Originally posted by: ..silverlotus..

Why isn't Kunal being blamed for

what all he is doing.He is

blamed., but why is nandini

blamed more? It is not like

that I think . It is more like

Nandini being discussed more. If

you see no one is bringing

any analysis or can we say

justifications for Kunal's actions because all know he is wrong totally

wrong. But for nandini people are

trying to give justification here;

It is not about women being

bashed more or men are not.

It is that Kunal is beyond redemption. No one are wishing him with mouli or Nandini. No one wants him with any of the women

I don't know if he

manipulated or coaxed Nandini

into this relation because we

never know if Nandini is scarred

after the abuse mentally or not.

Makers nowhere showed us so.

If it was so is nandini only

craving for a man's love and not

just any love? Mouli was more

concerned for her and saw to it

that she is comfortable with

everything in her house. How did it

even become that nandini loves

Kunal more than Mouli.

And for nandini, she is been

there , that heartbreak of

betrayal of her abuser husband.

And she is inflicting the same

pain on Mouli, who was the only

one who took her hand and stood

by her at times like that. I

have seen real life cases where

even sisters don't let them inside

their house even though they

would help them. Mouli gave

not just shelter but a family

to her. If you are seeing

more bashing for her character

it is because of this. It is because mouli made everyone feel for her with goodness. And

what is her goodness? It is

doing the right thing at any

difficult times. who would want

to take on a person like raj deep.

She did only for nandini. And

what did nandini do in return,

when she had to choose her

happiness over mouli's pain. She

chose the wrong thing and became

a bad person 

Originally posted by: rhondasa

Very well said TM. Tbh in the beginning i hated Nandinis character for her actions with Kunal, I had missed the beginning episodes, I knew she was in an abusive marriage but didn't focus much on it till Rajdeep turned up again. Only later when i was trying to understand from where she came from and read more about abuse victim that i began to see things in a different light. She needs therapy asap. Kunal is disgusting on many levels.

But my grouse is with the CVs. They are not clearly showing her mental condition instead focusing on the affair as if its true love. I think thats the reason most people are not able to empathize and straight up hate Nandini. 

This in no way justifies her action with Kunal . Abuse is a vicious cycle. Its like a company boss abusing his employee, the employee going home and abusing his wife, the wife in turn end up abusing their kids and the kids could grow up to be someone like Rajdeep. Kunal, Nandini and Rajdeep they will all face the consequences for their actions. 

Originally posted by: Banjaaran.

Why Nandini is blamed?

1. Women are tend to get judged, criticized and questioned more. Sad reality though.

2. Nandini is a 'Comma'.

You can add further thoughts here.

debate and discuss and analyze.

Is she... white, grey or black?

Is she ... Victim or aggressor?

Is she ... Right or wrong?

Kunal is a 'Fullstop'.

Barring hardcore fans NO one else be it haters, neutrals, others and aliens think this character deserves any excuses or justification.

He is wrong. Full stop.

and there ends the discussion. what's there is to analyze if we know that character is wrong?

strictly speaking for self.. talking about this character is wastage of bandwidth and my data pack. 😳.

3. controversial opinion.

Popularity of the actors and the fandom.

The popular the actor and the touchier the fandom... the more trashing happens.

ofcourse some comments are so below the belt that they are disturbing to read.. but not everyone is out to 'get' the actor and doesn't warrant a personal attack or labelling for their negative opinions.

4. After watching, getting attached and analyzing, debating, drooling and discussing quite a few shows and the characters.. hereby i conclude that..

when we see, perceive, add depth, layers, dimensions to the characters.. we are doing it courtesy our intellect, EQ, IQ and our attachment.

the reality would be... The characters are in actuality just what they are shown. Uni or max two-dimensional.

The Cvs, makers don't really care as WE do.

Unless silsila cvs show and convince me otherwise.. i will stick to my current opinion.

They are militantly adhering to their 'Juzzbaat Juzzat hote hai' motto. and according to them Nandini is snow white with Juzzbaat. Not a victim of any mental issues. (shame though. it would be have deep multi-dimensional story then.)

even if that means bringing down 33 million Gods to make their point.. they will do it.

unfortunately THAT is turning off audience more coz as far as they can see Nandini is coming across as cold-blooded, ungrateful, selfish being.

and that is warranting the hate i guess.😊