The New Norm - Victim Blaming - Page 3

Originally posted by: evenjleena28

Absolutely correct analysis, Kunal is the one who wants a submissive woman which Mauli can never be so its Nandini. Nandini is going to be hurt very bad I know that but I understand her so much now. Andrea Yates's husband was told that if she gets pregnant it would be fatal. He thought fatal for her, but sadly she killed their 5 children. Patty Hearst went to rob a bank because she in her captivity fell for her captor. These are true cases. Susan Smith drowned her kids because her boyfriend wanted no children.

These are horrific cases but the underlining theme is PTSD, and no treatment. I know India has not caught up in this subject but I don't think only blaming Nandini is fair and name calling her is horrible. Again, I am in no team - I only say what I see and the facts. I don't even know the actors or their previous work but I am fascinated by the concept.

Kunal is the one abusing both Mauli and Nandini by giving false promises. He can love both that happens too but what about the vows? don't they count?

I highly doubt he will take Nandini's side, but lets see.

Thank you again for a good discussion 😊

But that still doesn't explain why is Nandini not uncomfortable or anxious around Mauli, since for her she is the other woman & that is enough to make her uncomfortable. Since she has shown no sign of it till now ever since the proposal. It's like a complete 360 turn between the Nandini from pre-proposal days and this Nandini.


Edited by arshi_asya - 5 years ago

Originally posted by: taani_2020

I don't know how my reply came across as justifying any abuse towards anyone... so to clarify, I very much agree with what you have said about that. No one deserves to be abused.

I only talked about calling Nandini out on her choices and behaviour regardless of mental illness or not, and I also stated my reasoning for that. I did not say she deserves what she is getting.. So I guess we agree on that.

And I agreed with you that the MAN also needs to called out.

@bold: I kind of feel you're making an assumption here that I'm unable to empathize or sympathize with Nandini because I do not understand the nuances of mental illness. I've read in your posts examples of the counselling you have provided and so I'm guessing you work in the mental health field. So do I. So I do have a comprehension about mental illness as well, as much as you do. I also have personal experience with mental illness. I also understand the decision-making piece as I do perform capacity assessments. The opinion I was trying to share was more on the lines of something that is actually a hot topic right now... about using and accepting the claim of illness as an excuse for lack of personal responsibility. There are differing opinions on that as it is a complex topic, and I was only stating my opinion. My difference in opinion does not mean I am any more or less emphatic.

I never meant to imply that you justify abuse - I meant generally by reading the past few posts where a fictional character is called names that I wouldn't repeat here. If I came across as judgemental I apologise, that was never my intention.

You are right that using and accepting claim of illness as an excuse for not accepting personal responsibility - that happens majority of the time and you would know in criminal cases. A paedophile may claim mental illness for his insatiable urge to have relations with kids. Here we know that Nandini has suffered horrendous abuse. Given what she has gone through and no counselling (including complimentary counselling) we have a person who has no ability to make coherent decisions. Yes her actions are affecting her best friend and it is a terrible breach of trust I agree but unless she is treated this is not going to stop. To her Kunal is her salvation so she will not do anything to change that.

Again, I am by no means saying you cannot empathize or sympathise, that was said in a general term as well - I agree it should have been more clear. Yes I work in the mental health field and what Nandini is doing is nothing compared to what I have seen in real life sadly and I am sure you will relate with me.

Originally posted by: arshi_asya

Most people haven't even heard of PTSD in India, or various sexual orientations. Even I came across this term for the first time while reading Fifty shades Trilogy, where Christian was in fact a patient of PTSD & a sadistic to behave like that.

I was trying to understand Ana's behavior there, to get why would a woman agree to be in that sort of relationship if she wants things Vanilla at most.

It would get so much better if Kunal actually is shown to be a dominant one whose dom side has been suppressed because of Mauli being an equal of him & suddenly, with vulnerable Nandini, his dom side just came to forefront, making him go behind Nandini like this & for any dom, Nandini would make a perfect submissive, which actually pleases them on many level, one of them being Control. Most of the EMA happen because of this where men don't feel emasculated with their current partners & they chose to go with someone who would readily comply with them.

That would make it a very dark themed show though. India would never touch a BDSM on TV for a really long time, they can only attempt it on web series & that too very poorly as Vikram Bhatt tried with MAYA.

India only recently decriminalised Homosexuality so I know they have a long way to go in terms of catching up with the rest of the world. However, mental health as you know is stigmatised and so no one speaks of it and we end up blaming the one who acts abnormal.

BDSM will be butchered if it is ever shown in Indian telly, it is a very delicate concept and unfortunately India has not reached that level of sensitivity. Even this affair is being butchered and instead of holding Kunal responsible for his actions, its all the girl's fault by the way she looks, dresses, and acts. Who says a victim has to sit in the corner and cry her heart out?

I am glad though that there are some highly intelligent people like you in the forum who bring really good discussions and not name calling. Appreciate that 😊

Originally posted by: evenjleena28

India only recently decriminalised Homosexuality so I know they have a long way to go in terms of catching up with the rest of the world. However, mental health as you know is stigmatised and so no one speaks of it and we end up blaming the one who acts abnormal.

BDSM will be butchered if it is ever shown in Indian telly, it is a very delicate concept and unfortunately India has not reached that level of sensitivity. Even this affair is being butchered and instead of holding Kunal responsible for his actions, its all the girl's fault by the way she looks, dresses, and acts. Who says a victim has to sit in the corner and cry her heart out?

I am glad though that there are some highly intelligent people like you in the forum who bring really good discussions and not name calling. Appreciate that 😊

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I agree it is highly sensitive subject and there are so many underlining sub texts that if not handled properly it can be a disaster. Some people enjoy that sub dom relationships, some experiment, and some are hard core. Who is right and who is wrong? I think as far as no laws are broken to each its own. Two consenting adults can indulge in some BDSM but when line gets crossed it becomes very hard.

That is my issue as well - Nandini's character is done so shabbily its a shame. There are of course things that even as a qualified person I am not able to understand - my issue is why only blame her? honestly some names that she is being called is just bizarre. No one deserves to be abused. I absolutely abhor paedophiles but I have to counsel one due to court order I will and will do it to the best of my ability. What I may like or not like doesn't mean I get to call names.

There are some things that I am watching and just shaking my head - lets hope that finally after the revelations the CV's will get a grip of the story.

Kunal should be held responsible for his part in starting, pushing and accelerating the whole thing. Specially when Nandinis conscience woke up breifly and she was looking to bail. Kunal dampened her guilt conscience and gave way to the current state of things.

But PTSD or not Kunal cant be solely held accountable for the mess. Even under depression or any other physiological stressors if u rape or commit mass shootings it can't and doesn't wash off. You are still accountable for your behavior for the irreparable damage u cause to others. Morally depraved behavior cannot be just okay just because u cant handle urself.

I don't believe any reasoning can absolve Nandini of her complete disregard for the havoc shes surely going to cause in her bffs life.

You r a much better person than me threadmaker. I don't have it in me to be so undertanding in such a scenario. Because I know in my hearts of heart I would never forgive Nandini (or Kunal) if cheated on. And if Nandini then even if under EXTREME duress i would never be capable of cheating a friend like mauli. I am placing myself in both their shoes and this is my personal perspective.

I understood and agree with everything you said apart from the last part of kunal in a way abusing her. Technically no, as she also felt attraction to him as he did, she equally wanted this as much as he did. I see no abuse here. She herself sees her feelings of infatuation for kunal as love, as he does, and its not something he just put into her head. 

Originally posted by: sunshine333

Kunal should be held responsible for his part in starting, pushing and accelerating the whole thing. Specially when Nandinis conscience woke up breifly and she was looking to bail. Kunal dampened her guilt conscience and gave way to the current state of things.

But PTSD or not Kunal cant be solely held accountable for the mess. Even under depression or any other physiological stressors if u rape or commit mass shootings it can't and doesn't wash off. You are still accountable for your behavior for the irreparable damage u cause to others. Morally depraved behavior cannot be just okay just because u cant handle urself.

I don't believe any reasoning can absolve Nandini of her complete disregard for the havoc shes surely going to cause in her bffs life.

I have never ever said that Nandini is not to be blamed, in fact I have always said that she is responsible too. All I am trying to say that her behaviour makes sense from clinical point of view and whilst she is to be blamed, Kunal is the stressor. Mass shootings perpetrators rarely do not have any disorder. That does not absolve their guilt, same way it does not absolve Nandini's role, but rather than calling her names and hoping more abuse on her, her situation can be analysed with open mind.

Originally posted by: sunshine333

You r a much better person than me threadmaker. I don't have it in me to be so undertanding in such a scenario. Because I know in my hearts of heart I would never forgive Nandini (or Kunal) if cheated on. And if Nandini then even if under EXTREME duress i would never be capable of cheating a friend like mauli. I am placing myself in both their shoes and this is my personal perspective.

I respect your view but have to agree to disagree on this. Unless one is in the situation, it is hard to predict what one would do. I know that if I found out today that my husband was cheating on me, I will leave him that minute. I wouldn't even want to know who the other person is as my husband should be loyal to me or at least have the guts to talk to me. Other person can be anyone, that is my opinion. You may be different in that situation and that does not mean that I am right and you are wrong or vise versa but all it means is calling names is not going to change anything so why not be civil?