cooking and love languages | Silsila Badalte Rishton Ka

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mango

@mango.falooda

IF-Rockerz

+ 4

Posted: 5 years ago

adding disclaimer just in case: am only watching this show for the train wreck factor and am not on any team -- neither nandini, mouli or kunal. and yes, ema is wrong and hurtful.

so just to give a different perspective -- am not sure how many folks have heard of love languages.

this comes from a popular book by a relationship expert Dr. Gary Chapman. now the concept is that there are five ways that people speak and understand emotional love. it is not about which language is better or which is more important. instead it is about understanding how you can love each other and still get your communication messed up.

here is the list and explanation:

#1. words of affirmation -- the need to feel appreciated; Words hold real value within this language. Furthermore, negative or insulting comments cut deep and won't be easily forgiven.

#2. quality time -- full, undivided attention; Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful to these individuals. Being there for them is crucial.

#3 receiving gift -- it is not about being materialistic but a meaningful or thoughtful present makes them feel appreciated

#4 acts of service -- actions speak louder than words. Lending a helping hand shows you really care. Basically, if you're not willing to show your appreciation by doing them a favor, you're saying you don't value them.

#5 physical touch -- nothing speaks more deeply than appropriate touch. so hugs, pats, light touch is important with them.

if you are curious, additional reading:

https://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/communication-and-conflict/learn-to-speak-your-spouses-love-language/understanding-the-five-love-languages

https://www.sheknows.com/love-and-sex/articles/1059295/what-are-the-5-love-languages

a perspective on love languages within family as well as marriage and other relationships how that can lead to miscommunications: https://lifehacker.com/how-the-five-love-languages-can-help-you-win-at-relat-1734348074

you can also take a quiz and discover whats your love language:

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/

so back to this whole issue of cooking -- think nandini's love language is acts of service and so she expresses her love and affection through cooking. it is also possible that besides being a foodie, kunal's love language is also acts of service. so having someone cook for you feels like you are loved and appreciated. so rather than being about food or any criticism about mouli, perhaps, it is about mix-up of love languages and communications. just some food for thought!

have you heard about love languages? do you know what yours is?

Edited by mango_pudding1 - 5 years ago

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SummerRain7

@SummerRain7

Senior Member

+ 2

Posted: 5 years ago

Wow! Interesting stuff!! Never heard of it before.

RES for now. I shall come back later to comment.

Edit

So I took the quiz, just for the heck of it. 😆 But I already knew what it was going to be and it turned out to be just that. Acts of service followed by words of affirmation.

Anyways, coming to Kunal, I agree with you when you say Kunal's love language is probably acts of service too. I have to say, that this concept explains a lot of things. To be loved is one thing, but to be loved in the way you want to be loved is another thing. And it's here, that people often mess up. This, coupled with a lack of communication or miscommunication could really mess up everything. In Kunal - Mauli 's relationship too communication wasn't strong. If Kunal expected her to understand his dissatisfaction, without him expressing it in words, then it had failed. Mauli also decided to do things for Kunal without first bothering to find out what he wanted. Yes, he had wanted the clinic, it was important to him and he had expressed as much. But going by the quiz style of questioning, what would have been more meaningful to him is what matters. (Pamk06 has framed those questions in her post on the other thread so aptly.)

So keeping Nandini and the cheating factor aside, yes this would have led to issues sooner or later. But then, the thing is would they have been absolutely unresolvable? I don't think so. Without a third person in the scene, there would be more chances of them reaching an understanding that would make both of them happy. Maybe, Kunal can learn to approach things more practically and not take impulsive and emotional decisions all the time and Mauli can learn to be a bit more sensitive towards his presenf needs, rather than worrying about the long term stuff all the time.

Edited by SummerRain7 - 5 years ago

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mango

@mango.falooda

IF-Rockerz

+ 4

Posted: 5 years ago

This content was originally posted by: SummerRain7
Wow! Interesting stuff!! Never heard of it before.
RES for now. I shall come back later to comment.

your post on kunal's story reminded me of love languages. so I thought will put it up. looking forward to your comment. :)

Edited by mango_pudding1 - 5 years ago

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moumita.madhuk

@moumita.madhuk

Goldie

Posted: 5 years ago

This content was originally posted by: mango_pudding1
- think nandini's love language is acts of service and so she expresses her love and affection through cooking.

have you heard about love languages? do you know what yours is?

this is something I have seen I many people around me including my sister in law!! And always felt that it's the same case for Nandu! Showing the gratitude also! But thanks for the book reference dear...

About my love language... I am still wondering!!😆😆

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mango

@mango.falooda

IF-Rockerz

+ 4

Posted: 5 years ago

This content was originally posted by: moumita.madhuk
this is something I have seen I many people around me including my sister in law!! And always felt that it's the same case for Nandu! Showing the gratitude also! But thanks for the book reference dear...
About my love language... I am still wondering!!😆😆

take the quiz! I was surprised. I was sure that it would be acts of service but it turned out to be words of affirmation first and then acts of service. very interesting.. certainly explains why I hold on deeply if someone says something where I feel offended...

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moumita.madhuk

@moumita.madhuk

Goldie

Posted: 5 years ago

This content was originally posted by: mango_pudding1

take the quiz! I was surprised. I was sure that it would be acts of service but it turned out to be words of affirmation first and then acts of service. very interesting.. certainly explains why I hold on deeply if someone says something where I feel offended...

ohk I will and I will reply here

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@pamk06

IF-Dazzler

+ 2

Posted: 5 years ago

This content was originally posted by: mango_pudding1
adding disclaimer just in case: am only watching this show for the train wreck factor and am not on any team -- neither nandini, mouli or kunal. and yes, ema is wrong and hurtful.

here is the list and explanation:
#1. words of affirmation -- the need to feel appreciated; Words hold real value within this language. Furthermore, negative or insulting comments cut deep and won't be easily forgiven.

#2. quality time -- full, undivided attention; Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful to these individuals. Being there for them is crucial.

#3 receiving gift -- it is not about being materialistic but a meaningful or thoughtful present makes them feel appreciated

#4 acts of service -- actions speak louder than words. Lending a helping hand shows you really care. Basically, if you're not willing to show your appreciation by doing them a favor, you're saying you don't value them.

#5 physical touch -- nothing speaks more deeply than appropriate touch. so hugs, pats, light touch is important with them.

so back to this whole issue of cooking -- think nandini's love language is acts of service and so she expresses her love and affection through cooking. it is also possible that besides being a foodie, kunal's love language is also acts of service. so having someone cook for you feels like you are loved and appreciated. so rather than being about food or any criticism about mouli, perhaps, it is about mix-up of love languages and communications. just some food for thought!

Hmm, love languages. Never of thought of it that way. In a way all of these are important in any relationship but more so in a marriage. Yes, I would agree that Nandini, would be "act of service" but I think KUnal would be combination of "act of service" and quality time. Two reasons why he got pulled towards Nandini.

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Alohomora_

@Alohomora_

IF-Rockerz

Posted: 5 years ago

That's a very interesting take you have of the situation !You guys think so deep and have such interesting takes-always fun to read 😊

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Charu

@Krinya

IF-Stunnerz

+ 8

Posted: 5 years ago

Nice post mango..honestly I have started doubting all this after knowing the divine couple and man ditching his wife inspite.of her being the best that she could..now kunal and nandini can talk through this language , let's see how their relationship turns out to be ..

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mango

@mango.falooda

IF-Rockerz

+ 4

Posted: 5 years ago

Ugh. why does it make double post. deleted.
Edited by mango_pudding1 - 5 years ago

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