Why is divorce such a taboo in desi culture? - Page 4

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rabees011 thumbnail
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Posted: 6 years ago
A lot of people think it's taboo mainly because of what society is going to say even though that so-called hypocritical society will never help them out with their credit card bills, loans,or even look after their families and children. It's just that a lot of people are raised with this false sense of pride and honour that makes them want to hold on to toxic relationships just for the sake of preserving that so-called honour. In addition, there are people out there who say that they are pulling on just for the sake of kids even though deep down somewhere they know it's not because of kids but due to their own list of endless insecurities about facing society and managin g finances post divorce. My mom herself is a living example of one of those women who is currently sacrificing her self-respect just for the sake of finances since she can't work due to her mental disability. In spite of being reassured by me, my brother, and other relatives, she lets that guy (as in my so-called father who has been cheating on her) stay with her in the same room. Unfortunately he coaxes her by saying that she is his legal wife and he can still do everything with her and yet makes promises to the other woman by talking to her on the phone every now and then. Currently it's only my brother who is dealing with this circus at home since I am away for college which is located at a different city. My so-called father has made up his mind about divorcing my mom and yet comes to her for his downstairs needs and my brainless mother always obliges. I can't wait until the divorce comes through. This isn't the first time he has engaged in affair. I came to know about his other fling just several days ago. Their marriage so far has been a messy one and there have been times when both of them even engaged in physical violence. I hope this is the final nail in the coffin and the divorce comes through. As far as relatives are concerned, I have this hypocritical uncle who thinks that my father's casual fling should be taken with a grain of salt and it's not a big deal at all. This idiot said the exact same thing when my other uncle (my mom's other younger brother) started coochie-cooing with his patient's daughter while still married to my aunt (mami). Back then, this hypocrite of an uncle and my grandparents told my aunt to just compromise and be the doormat in his life. Now that it's happening to their own daughter (as in my mom) they just can't take it anymore. Oh well karma is a bitter medicine that always manages to find some way to hit back. Right now these so-called relatives are also concerned about their izzat especially my grandfather who is avoiding people who are curious about my parents status. Hopefully this circus ends and the divorce comes through asap so that me and my brother can move on. It's always a better idea to separate peacefully than to go on with the mudslinging and abuse just for the sake of children. Every child deserves to grow up by witnessing a peaceful equation between his/her parents and if that peace can be maintained by remaining apart, then that is better for the children's well-being.  Edited by rabees011 - 6 years ago
Posted: 6 years ago

Originally posted by: Ogreatone

I'm about to marry a divorcee 😆 😆


Congrats O. Hippo's best wishes with you and the girl.

@ topic

It was a taboo. These days it is becoming ok. I dont want it to become like west also where it is too common. I would still prefer people to try a little bit and remained balanced. Desis are more likely to achieve a balance. Do not follow western model too much and start seeing oh divorce is fine...lets end it. In same manner dont get stuck also.

I see following problems 

- Since it has been a taboo one wonders what the heck was need to get a divorce when it is such a Taboo.

- Fear that what if it does not work with me also. If it happened then kuch toh ghalti hogi

- Maybe I am not the first love...and first person will remain important

In this context we must admire people like O who have the courage to have trust in others. I wish such people get only the best and person he is marrying realizes that. In our culture it takes guts.

Now if Mr. O is himself divorced then that is another issue lol

anyway u got my point...g luck
Edited by hippopotamus - 6 years ago
Illyrion thumbnail
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Posted: 6 years ago

Originally posted by: jadugar

complete b.s. middle class has declined because rising income levels..huge increase in high middle classes ...  https://www.forbes.com/sites/jeffreydorfman/2017/04/27/the-demise-of-the-american-middle-class-is-greatly-exaggerated/#91a07f64f975

watch meet the patels episode with bill maher for indian perspective

You have clearly drunk the Republican kool-aid friend. The concentration of wealth is at unprecedented levels. The wealthiest 1% have 40% of the wealth. The wealthiest 20% have 90% of the wealth. The rest of Americans - 80% - have 10% of the nations wealth. But take a closer look at the low end. The least wealthy 20% are in debt and the next 20% have less than 1% of America's wealth. Even in the article you quote, there is no attempt to say the Pew research is inaccurate, they say the middle class is "healthy " by literally changing the definition of middle class (the ever popular, if you don't like the narrative, change it technique) to mask the skewed wealth distribution. This is not the place but if you want me to PM you source material more reliable than a magazine for rich people I'd be happy to. 
Edited by Nova19 - 6 years ago
2RsFan thumbnail
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Posted: 6 years ago
Divorce is fine as long as its not for some stupid reason 
BhetuPunha thumbnail
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Posted: 5 years ago
Well, When you get married get divorced on the very next day just to show that divorce is not a taboo.
😛
someonelikeyou- thumbnail
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Posted: 5 years ago
I personally feel that it is societal pressure due to which people are afraid to stand up for their rights..
. in india divorced women are the major sufferers...they have to constantly listen to their so called relatives about marriage a sacred bond and all that ...

even today...they are brought up to become housewives... to not to do any work except look after the husband...after divorce they don't have any job and neither do the parents nor the siblings  want to accept her...

some people think that marriage is everything..something without which life is impossible..and breaking it is like violation of human rights...
women in the indian society are especially afraid and sensitive towards these things and thus mostly...do anything to save their marriage...even tolerate domestic abuse

parents force their daughters to live in a relationship even when they are abused on a daily basis.
.
divorce becomes more difficult when one has kids...custody and all that is just tough and difficult to handle...kids who live with single parents also get bullied...also the interfering padosis make sure to practice their right to freedom of speech by telling the kid that their parents don't live together...and also exclude their kids to play with that kid...making him feel miserable...as if the kid has some fatal disease 

moreover people spend too much on a wedding in india like crores..plus dowry etc etc..  women are forced to live in the marriage then

people,especially parents are ashamed to have their daughters back...quoting the line from my fav book a thousand splendid suns "like a compass needle that point north a man's accusing finger always finds a woman"

rarely do people want to marry a woman who is divorcee though things are changing in metropolitan cities like delhi and bombay...

also girls themselves do not burden their parents from all the taunts...they find it better to live with their spouses...

people think that fights are temporary but relationships are permanent...they think that things will get sooner or later...its better to go through the torture first...because humne bhi apne zamaane mein yeh sab chochle dekhe hain...humne toh kabhi rai ka pahad nahi banaya tumhari tarah...sab galti tumhari hi hogi...aurat woh kar sakti hai yeh kar sakti hai blah blahh as if a woman is born with a magic wand in her hand like sonpari...uff

women who live alone are looked down upon...

conclusion..its basically desi aunties and uncles who spread rumors like fires...and literally harass the people...for not having tolerated torture for the rest of their lives and living a peaceful life

ps...i am writing a biased point of view for now...because i have seen women undergo all this though i know men might be suffering through all this too...but it is because i have worked with a women's ngo during my college...😊

i hope i have not offended anyone... =)
Edited by someonelikeyou- - 5 years ago
qwertyesque thumbnail
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Posted: 5 years ago
Divorce is a taboo just because of its intertwining with families. A Girl marries into a family so if she gets out of that.. there are more people holding grudge against her and maligning her then just her husband! 
Its cultural... The same indian girl can nicely divorce in the US and either stay single of mingle.. although thats not so common.. i can see that coming in another 10-20 years... where all this will be quite common.. largely in the US and to a lesser extent in India!
KSGFAN0 thumbnail
Posted: 5 years ago
Because Indians are judgemental hypocrites!Edited by KSGFAN0 - 5 years ago
Posted: 5 years ago
maybe having a argument doesn't mean we should get divorced or try to make things work out?
nuomi.riceball thumbnail
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Posted: 5 years ago
Asian culture I supposed I used to live in East Asia a long time ago to study the language and it is also like that. I have a lot of friends from southeast asia apart from Singapore it is also a taboo. Even in western countries it is not seen such a taboo but people do not talk about it as much.