Sensational South

(PraNushka FF) Luv U Zindagi {COMPLETED} imp. news pg 62 - Page 2

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Natalya_bedi thumbnail
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Posted: 6 years ago
The concept is intriguing yaar!!!!
The scenario was very well described using POVs...

Looking forward to their first interaction!!!!!!

Between some one got clean bowled already ๐Ÿ˜‰
poetic thumbnail
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Posted: 6 years ago
Nice premise. Do continue pl
shreyj7 thumbnail
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Posted: 6 years ago
This is such an awesome piece of writing.
I don't have the patience for the next update!
The POV's are interesting as they show both the side's feelings.
You keep going. 
Wow I just could picture every line
Keep writing
fictitious thumbnail
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Posted: 6 years ago
Welcome to this thread Sammy!

Loved the theme. Anything related to travel excites me to the core!

Even if this an adaptation of a movie, I'm sure you've added your own flavour to it.
I could feel that!

So I see it's a story of a highly focused girl and a carefree guy. And it's happening in a single day? How eventful is that gonna be! ๐Ÿ˜ณ Keep writing! So many things to unfold :)

Its true that people would mostly prefer English, but if you feel that certain things sound better in Hindi, feel free to write those parts in Hindi . We too want to cherish the native flavour wherever possible! :)

Loved the symbolism in the phrase.

" Clean bowled! "

Waiting for the next :) Edited by fictitious - 6 years ago
sammy4u thumbnail
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Posted: 6 years ago
hey guys thanks for all the comments
here's the next part.
also, i have decided to put both hindi and english versions.english version is just below the hindi version in this post only.
enjoy

HIndi Version
Part 2-Hridayamardam
Her pov
Oh shit...woh out hogaya...I make a funny face..stop my giggle and give him a sorry kinda smile.
He stares at me ,then the stumps and behind to the bowling team who were dancing their victory dance.
He comes towards me..
"aap yeh address bata denge?
He snatches the  paper from my hand still staring at me.
"32-24-36 yeh toh number hai, aisa address pehli baar dekha hai... I snatch that paper from him
"sorry woh address nai hai...ek minute I start searching the paper in my bag
"Ae bat chod wicket gaya teraa boy from the group shouts at him
"oye chup oye ...yeh beechmei aayi isliye wicket gayi meri he cribs
"barabar hai iski wicket inhone hi li hai another guy says and they all start laughing at him. I also giggle enjoying their argument.
"excuse me I again ask, after I get the paper with address.
 
Third pov
"aap Mumbai se aaye hain lagta haihe says making a funny face.
"haa... kaise malum hua? she asks
"paper ke haalat se hi samjh gaya(understood from the crumbled paper)...hehehe and giggles in most weird way.
"and handwriting dekh ke hi koi bhi boldega ki aap Mumbai ki hain...kitni ghaayi hoti aap logon ko...dekhiye dekhiye..aapko aapki hi handwriting samjhmei aarahi hai kya? 
"ek minute ...problem handwriting ki nai hai she pulls out the paper from his hand "problem yahan ke naam ki hai...kya likha hai yeh?she says looking at the paper
"hridayamardam he prompts
She giggles "exactly...yeh koi naam hai?
"Humlog yahan pune mei aise hi naam rakhte hain...you know proud feel hona chahiye...building ke bhi he ends with that weird giggle
"hmm she makes an irritated face "address malum hai?
"haan easy hai(taking the paper from her)... ek kaam kijiye sidhe jaiye...phir right(he moves his hand)...2-4 step aage phir left(he moves his hand towards her face)oyii she yells lightly mei..right side pe 5th building...hri-day-mardam! she snatches the paper from his hands.kya hua?he asks
She shakes her hand in no with tight smile..thnx and goes away.

"kyun bhai hogayi kya teri batting? dimpy prompts from the group.
"aa tujhe batatu aa...saale he takes the bat in his hand and turns towards him. Dimpy moves away giggling.
"chal chal ball daal chal he says
"abbey oye tu out hogaya hai! the boys complain together.
"arey kya out? ...woh beechmei aagayi thi...kuch nai kuch nai... chal ball daal...arey out nai hu main..oye chup re ...arey ball daalo no...aise kya...chalhe yells between their whining
"arey bat meri and main captain mujhe kaun kuch bole ne wala haisaying so he goes on strike ready to bat.
"aye isko out karo re someone prompts from the fielders "oye chup re he replies

Her pov
Finally itna ghumne ke baad woh building dikhi...god!!! Hri-da-ya-mardam...tch..kya naam hai?
I go in the building , full purane jamane ki building hai. Superb ...but naam kaisa rakha hai dekho.
Shakespeare galat bolta hai ...whats in name?...address dhundne wale ko pucho..2 ghante se address hi dhund rai hu...aur uss cricketer ne bhi kya address bataya kya malum..ghuma ke rakhdiya...hmmph
The door is locked...like bada sa lock lagaya hai...god why me?..inlog ko bola tha na mom ne main aarahi hu...
Lets see kisiko puchti hu...thode der ruk jati hu na
I go around that building and finds a old man coming...
"Uh..excuse me?
But the old man picks some footwears kept in front of the door and throws them away...Royally ignoring me, goes inside the house.
I find a board put up above that door which says  "patil jyotshiji ke yahan aanewalon se nievedan hai...kripya apni chappalein wahan (with a left arrow mark) rakhe...iss darwaje ke saamne(with a down arrow mark) rakhi gayi chappalein utha ke phekdi jayengi(people coming to visit mr. patil are requested to remove their footwears that side...if found infront of this door..footwears will be thrown away )
I giggle just then a man come and remove his shoes in front of that door only...
It's a duplex so I decide to go upstairs and ask someone there...shayad unko pata ho hriday wale ke baremei
I go upstairs and take in surroundings ...it has terrace garden...nice...I try to look towards that hridayamardam building.
Anyway there's this room here...so I ring the bell ...koi khana bana raha hai..kitchen se awaaj aarahi hai cooker whistle ki...but no one comes...so I start banging on the door...just in case they didn't hear the bell.
A lady comes in hurry "kya hai?!!she shouts
"um..yeh jo?..main puchti bhi nai theekse ki woh, "nai malum!" bolke darwaaza band kardeti hia...mere muh pe!!...so rude...i huff ..but then I notice the post it like paper on the door... "1/2 litre...huh?...aadha litre?..kya aadha litre?...dudh?paani? kya?.
Itne mei neeche se jhagde ki awaaj aane lagti hai..
The man jisne tabhi darwaje ke samne shoes nikalthe and woh uncle the.
"arey samjhte kya hai khudko?..do minute darwaje ke samne shoes kya nikaal diye..shoes uthakar phekdene ka kya?!!
"abbey ae...aankhe kharab hai kya?...woh board dikhta hai ke nai..haan?!!...and shoes mei itna hi sona laga haina ...toh jeb mei rakh aur jaa the uncle shouts.
"dekhiye  aap bujurg hain isliye ...nahi toh... that man says but the uncle shoos him away. 
God ...ktine ajeeb log rehte hain yahan...anyway yeh address...and I leave from there.
-------


English Version
Part 2-Hridayamardam
Her POV
Oh shit...he got out...I make a funny face... stop my giggle and give him a sorry kind of smile.
He stares at me, then the stumps and behind to the bowling team who were dancing their victory dance.
He comes towards me...
"Can you direct me to this address?"
He snatches the paper from my hand still staring at me.
"32-24-36 this is a number, I've never seen address like that..." I take that paper from him
"Sorry that's not the address ...one minute" I start searching the paper in my bag
"Oi leave the bat, you are out." a boy from the group shouts at him
"Oh shut up...she came in between, that's why I got out" he cribs
"Yeah right, she has taken your wicket." another guy says and they all start laughing at him. I also giggle enjoying their argument.
"Excuse me" I again ask after I get the address.

Third POV
"Looks like you are from Mumbai" he says making a funny face.
"Yes, how do you know?" she asks
"Understood from the crumbled paper...hehehe" and giggles in most weird way.
"And the handwriting also gives away, anyone will easily tell that you are from Mumbai...why are you guys always in rush?...look look...can you yourself understand this handwriting??"
"One minute ...problem isn't with the handwriting" she pulls out the paper from his hand "problem is of the name...what is this? she says looking at the paper
"Hridayamardam" he prompts
She giggles "exactly...what kind of a name is that?"
"Here in pune, we punekars keep such names...you know, to feel proud...building names also" he ends with that weird giggle
"Hmm" she makes an irritated face "you know the address?"
"yes that's easy (taking the paper from her)... doo one thing, go straight ahead... then go right (he moves his hand)...2-4 steps ahead, then take left (he moves his hand towards her face)"oyii" she yells lightly "there...5th building on right side... Hri-day-mardam!' she snatches the paper from his hands. 
"What happened? he asks
She shakes her hand in no with tight smile... "Thnx" and goes away.

"What? Done with your batting?" dimpy prompts from the group.
"Come here I'll tell you...you moron" he takes the bat in his hand and turns towards him. Dimpy moves away giggling.
"Come on come on do balling" he says
"Oi you are out!" the boys complain together.
"Oi what out? ... she came in between...nothing nothing go throw the ball...oi I am not out guys...oh shut up...go do balling...what this...go! he yells between their whining
"Bat is mine, I am the captain...who will say anything to me๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿ˜†? saying so he goes on strike ready to bat.
"Oi get him out guys" someone prompts from the fielders "oi shut up" he replies

Her POV
Finally after getting lost with wrong directions, and roaming around like a mad woman, I reach that building...god!!! Hri-da-ya-mardam...tch...what kind of a name is this?
I go in the building, its of british era... Superb...but they had to name it like this?
Shakespeare was so wrong ...whats in name?... ask the person who had to search for the address... it took me 2  hours, to search this address ... and that cricketer!...god knows what directions he gave me, I was lost in the neighbourhood...hmmph
The door is locked...like literally a huge big lock...god why me?... mom had informed that about my visit.right?
Lets see I'll ask someone... let's wait for a while.
I go around that building and find an old man coming...
"Uh..excuse me?"
But the old man picks some footwears kept in front of the door and throws them away...Royally ignoring me, goes inside the house.

I find a board put up above that door which says "those visiting patil jyotshiji are requested... please remove your footwears over there (with a left arrow mark) ...if found in front of this door (with a down arrow mark)...footwears will be thrown away.
I giggle just then a man come and remove his shoes in front of that door only...
It's a duplex so I decide to go upstairs and ask someone there... maybe they'll have some idea about the hridayamardam people.
I go upstairs and take in surroundings ...it has terrace garden...nice...I try to look towards that hridayamardam building.

Anyway there's this room here...so I ring the bell ... someone is cooking... I can hear the cooker's whistles from the kitchen... but no one comes...so I start banging on the door...just in case they didn't hear the bell.
A lady comes in hurry "what?!!"she shouts
"umm actually...?.. I don't even frame my sentence and that lady yells "I don't know and bangs the door shut... on my face!...so rude...i huff ..but then I notice the post it like paper on the door... "1/2 litre"...huh?... what 1/2 litre?...milk? Water? What?
In the meanwhile, I hear some loud voice of quarrelling from downstairs.
The man who removed his footwears in front of the door, and that old man were fighting.
"who do you think you are?... just because I kept the shoes for 2 minutes ... you threw away my shoes?!!"
"oi... you got eyes or buttons?... can't you see that board!!...and are your shoes made of gold?...if they are made of gold, keep them in your pockets and get lost" the uncle shouts.
"look...you are an old man, that's why I am not saying anything ... or else" that man says but the uncle shoos him away.
God ...such weirdos stay over here...anyways this address...what should I do now?...and I leave from there.
-------

thank you
sammy๐Ÿ˜Š
sammy4u thumbnail
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Posted: 6 years ago
Originally posted by: Penfolk

Ohhh my god Sammy this is a jewel! 

I am sooo caught into this!!! 
" the ball hits the stump and I'm clean bowled."
What an implication! Eh? I like it!!! 
The little update itself has so much potential that I'm gasping for the next. I'm sure this is going to be so cool! And you chose such apt pictures! Haha she couldn't even pronounce the name of the building or whatever! Whom is she going to meet? I can't wait. This is ingenious! 
Don't worry about number of people reading because that will always be less. But please don't stop posting...at least think about me. :( I badly want to read this. 

thanks๐Ÿ˜ณ 
yeah dont worry i'll update this regularly ๐Ÿ˜Š
sammy4u thumbnail
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Posted: 6 years ago
Originally posted by: sonalisharma1

Good start ๐Ÿค—

Now how he is going to react ๐Ÿ˜ฒ
Waiting for next chapter . .  ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ
And pictures u use here r very nice.  Prabhas character in this ff inspired from darling movie ? ?  Plz say Yesss  Bcz us movie m vo Bhut cute lga tha.  

thanks ๐Ÿ˜ณ
maybe, more like i guess prabhas's character in that movie is closest to this one,will be easy to imagine him like this.
yess he was so cute in that movie๐Ÿ˜Š
sammy4u thumbnail
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Posted: 6 years ago
Originally posted by: Radhika2001

Tooo good! Very eager to know whether he is an angry young man or a calm animal! By the way their names...?
Loved it! Continue soon!
_______________________
Pranushka ff: Soulmate

you'll know in this update itself๐Ÿ˜†
names?...lets see if they tell their names or not๐Ÿ˜Š
thanks for commenting
sammy4u thumbnail
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Posted: 6 years ago
Originally posted by: MeenuCrazyPanda

Thats an awesome start.. Will wait for you to continue



thank you๐Ÿ˜ณ
sammy4u thumbnail
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Posted: 6 years ago
Originally posted by: Natalya_bedi

The concept is intriguing yaar!!!!
The scenario was very well described using POVs...

Looking forward to their first interaction!!!!!!

Between some one got clean bowled already ๐Ÿ˜‰

thank you๐Ÿ˜ณ
yup someone got clean bowled๐Ÿ˜†