~Can't Let You Go~
AbhiGya written by both Tia and Mina
Mostly written in July 2015
Background:
This fiction is set around the time when Abhi-Pragya are trying to deal with Tanu's pregnancy matter. No one knows that Pragya was lying about being pregnant herself or that Tanu is supposedly expecting Abhi's baby. Rachna's baby is born earlier than on the show, and it is a girl. Bulbul and Purab's wedding was completed without any problems.
Caution: Contains Mature Content
P: *Enters the room and notices Abhi immersed in watching cartoons* Suniye, what are you doing? You are watching a program that is for 3 year olds. Grow up now. You would be a father soon.
A: *Turns the TV off and throws away the remote*
P: *Gets busy in folding clothes* I am so glad Daadi is busy with Aakash-Rachna's baby. You know the baby girl loves to be in Daadi's arms. How much ever she is crying, she goes quiet when Daadi holds her. I am also happy that she is forgetting about my pregnancy. It was good that she assumed it was a miscarriage and we didn't have to tell her anything na? *Doesn't expect an answer*
A: *Watches her move around in the room*
P: So, I am thinking. It's time for me to move out of the house. With Bulbul gone on her honeymoon and Maa feeling lonely, I have a good excuse to stay there for a long time. I can even tell Daadi that I just need a break after my miscarriage. I promised Tannu that I would get her here and now it's time for me to get out of her way. She can slowly replace me as the bahu of this house and as your wi..*Stops as she notices him looking at her with blank face* Are you okay?
A: *Looks away*
P: Why are you so silent today? *Smiles and shakes her head* Accha, you are grumpy because if I leave you won't have anyone to fight with. Don't worry, you can call me and we will fight over the phone. *Stops...frowns* Well, maybe not, Tannu won't like it. *Smiles again but it's fake this time* But it won't be a problem. With her back in your life and then with your new baby, you will forget me very quickly.
A: *Irritated* Fine, I don't know you from today itself. Don't even talk to me from now on. Just pack your bags and leave whenever you want. Don't ever come in my thoughts or dreams. This is the last time I am talking to you. We are done forever. *Lays on the bed covering his head in the blanket*
P: *Feeling a bit hurt* Hanh...that is for the best. *Carries clothes to closet and puts them away...stares at her things...takes out a suitcase and starts to fill it*
A: *Peeks from blanket* What? You're really already packing? *Sits up and lets blanket fall to his waist*
P: *Avoids looking at him* Yes, so I can leave in the morning, without any fuss. *Goes to the vanity and starts to make a pile of her stuff*
A: *Gets out of bed and stands behind her, frowning* If you take all this stuff Daadi will wonder how long you're going for.
P: *Puts down her comb and brush* Oh...well...I'll pack it and keep it in the closet. You can send it later na? *Turns around and tries to smile at him again*
A: *Scrunches his nose* What, you think I am your personal courier or something?
P: *Hands on hips* Har baat pe mazaak! (Everything's a joke for you!) Don't you see, we are so close to success now. Can't you just cooperate on this last thing?
A: *Annoyed* Success? Success of what? You leaving me was never my plan.
P: *Surprised* Y-you know what I mean! Now I will be out of Tannu's way -
A: What about my way?
P: Obvious na? I will be out of both of your ways. You can trust me to not complicate anything with divorce, media and all that.
A: *Agitated* This is not the way Fuggy!
P: I wish there was some other way, but this is the only way. This is in the best interest of you, Tannu and the baby. *Turns her back to him*
A: How do you decide this is in my best interest? And what about you? What about your best interest?
P: It doesn't matt.. I mean I will be fine. Our marriage...
A: It matters to me.
P: *Turns to face him and surprised to find tears in his eyes*
A: *Runs his fingers in his hair, swallows hard* Fuggy...Stop all this bakwaas. You are not going anywhere..*Taps his feet, fists his fingers, the next moment pulls her into his arms and tightly hugs her*
P: *Freezes in shock...wants to ask what he thinks he is doing but sees he is upset...slowly closes her arms around him...*
A: *Speaking against the top of her head* Fuggy...Pragya...It can't be like this. It can't end like this. How can we be doing the right thing if it feels so wrong?
P: *Slowly makes him let go of her and steps back...looks up at his teary eyes...soft voice* W-what feels wrong?
A: *Waves his arm in agitation* Everything! You leaving, Tanu's baby, it's all just - I don't want - I don't want it like this. Fuggy, I - I just want you.
P: *Stares at him in shock*
A: *Looks back at her with his soul in his eyes*
~*Long eyelock*~
P: *Looks away...blushing, feeling ashamed and guilty* No - no. I can't - you can't want me. You don't want me, you -
A: You mean you don't want me, right? This is all just an excuse for you. You want to leave, you can't stand the idea of me wanting you -
P: What - I - no! No, it's not like that! Don't you understand? It doesn't matter what you want or I want, we have responsibilities here. We have -
A: What about the emotions I have? Kill them like you are doing? How long you think you can cheat your heart?
P: *Covers her mouth with her hand to not let the overwhelming emotions flow*
A: Stop lying to me, Fuggy. Stop lying to yourself. What you are trying to do will never let you or me live in peace. Come here, we need to talk. *Holds her hand and takes her to the bed; Makes her sit and sits by her side, still holding her hand* Do you really think our marriage, and everything we've been through together just means nothing?
P: Dekhiye, it's not going to make a difference to think that way... it will only hurt...
A: I should have thought like this a long time ago, maybe the day I met you..You remember that Fuggy? The ocean, you in my arms? It seemed a mistake, a coincidence, it wasn't really, was it?
P: *Laughs though her eyes are full of tears* You saved me that day...I would have drowned. I owe you my life...I never thought about that. *Takes her hand back from his and looks at her lap*
A: *Tips her chin so she has to look at him* It's not about saving life, Fuggy. It's about our bond. Our connection. Why did you have to be that girl? Why did Daadi choose you for me? Why did I end up marrying you even though under a misunderstanding? And why could I never let you go while I believed to hate you? And why am I hurting like hell right now?
P: *Wipes the tears from her eyes only to feel them fill again* That's just because you are a kind person. And living in this room for eight months now, we are just used to each other.
A: *Cups her face* And if being used to means not being able to live without? *Pauses looking into her eyes* How do you explain that? Now if you can stop with your lies at least for one night, tell me if you are going to be okay without me? Tell me if you will not remember me every moment, swear to your mom and tell me soon you will not cry for me.
P: *Touches his face with shaky fingers* I... *Chokes on her voice* *Hugs him tightly closing her hands around his neck* *Cries her heart out*
A: *Closes his hands tightly around her waist* *Runs hand on her back in soothing motions* *Kisses her hair and whispers in her ear* Fuggy, please don't cry.
P: *Slowly breaks the hug* *Removes her tear fogged glasses and witnesses tears in his eyes* *Wipes them with her fingers and cups his face* No, No... you are not supposed to cry. Aap rockstar hain na? (You're the rockstar, aren't you?) You can't cry...I will not let you cry.
A: Fuggy... *Wipes her tears with the back of her fingers* *Feels emotions choking his voice* *Overwhelmed reading the unsaid sentiments in her eyes* *Fails attempts at uttering words* *Holds her face and channels his emotions to his lips that press on hers, because he can no longer ignore his need to kiss her*
P: *Gasps but doesn't move away* *Holds still and lets his lips rest on hers* *Feels his lips starting to move and responds* *Shivers at his fingers digging into her waist* *Clutches on to the collar of his tee shirt*
A: *Breaks the kiss* *Hugs her and moves her hair to one side, exposing her neck and starts to nibble restlessly*
P: *Moans* *stretches her neck allowing him access* *Clutches his head as his lips move down her collarbone*
A: *Pushes her gently to have her lie on her back on the bed*
P: *Looks at him with frantic questioning eyes*
A: I need you. I always have. I always will.
P: *Amazed...Brain is turned off, body on...It feels right so she just lifts her hands, reaching for him*
A: *Kisses her again, holding his body over hers...Having her under him is the best feeling ever and he just doesn't want to stop touching her*
P: *Slowly trails her fingers against his muscled arm...clenches her eyes shut when his roaming hand lands on her breast*
A: *Breathing heavy...* Just you...just this...just us...*Hands continue to wander and caress...eventually he finds the zip at her back and nudges her so he can pull it down*
P: *Feels her blood rush as he tugs her zipper...Breath catches in her throat as the cool air hits her slowly-exposed skin, only to be followed by the heat of him against her...Swallows her doubts and whispers* S-suniye?
A: *Presses a kiss on her back near the top of the undone zipper* Hmm?
P: B-be gentle - please?
A: *Tips her onto her back and looms over her, looking into her eyes* You're scared? Of me?
P: No, just...
A: *Runs fingers in circles on her shoulder* Is it because I dropped you in those dances during the early days of our marriage? I am sorry, I am not like that. I wish I had...Do you hate me for that?
P: What, No.. not at all.. I didn't even think of that.. I am just..
A: *Lies down next to her and holds her back to front* I am sorry.
P: Please don't misunderstand.. I have never hated you. I had an understanding of why you did whatever you did back then. It's now..I am a bit scared because...*Whispers* I have never done this...*Flutters eyes innocently* It must hurt the first time...
A: *Low voice...Small grin...* Do you want me to be your first?
P: *Turns to face him, smiles and blushes* *Closes hands around his shoulders and hides her face at the crook of his neck*
A: *Whispers in her ear* Just trust me to take care of you... *Nibbles on the earlobe and takes it in mouth gently teething it* *Starts removing her chatri*
P: *Bites lip to conceal her voice, too embarrassed with an urge to moan* *Has her eyes closed but helps him with his struggle to take the chatri off by sitting up for him*
A: *Undoes her bra along with chatri top* *Removes her hands that are trying to cover herself and places his own hands on her breasts* *Husky voice* Fuggy, open your eyes, look at me...look at yourself.. so beautiful...
P: *Overwhelmed to feel his touch on her bare skin...looks at his hands but can't say anything...*
A: No hiding...and no silence...I want to hear you tonight.
P: H-hear me?
A: *Sits up and keeps her in his lap, pressing his hand to the small of her back to bring her close* And I want to tell you.
P: *Gasps as his mouth bends to her breast* Tell me w-what? *Clutches his head to her chest...tips her head back in pleasure*
A: *Slowly kisses and tastes her...Feels her body warming in response, is glad to know that she's liking it...Pushes her to the bed again...Takes his time to move his mouth down her body...Presses his lips to her navel...Sits back with his hand on the knotted cord of her salwar* Tell you how you've been driving me mad all these months...with your annoying Fuggy habits and your nagging bakbak...
P: *Frowns and grabs his hand to stop him from undressing her further* What? You're saying this, now? But -
A: *Smiles* I am mad about the morning coffee you bring, have to confess yours tastes better than Daadi's, she always adds a little less sugar because she is diabetic...your colorful chatris that just make this room vibrant, which is otherwise just shades of white and black, and fighting with you... Fuggy, you know na... I just love arguing with you.. and winning over you, of course..*Locks fingers with hers and lies besides her with an arm and a leg across her body*
P: *tries to ignore the blood rushes given she needs to answer him back* I love it too, except that I never get to win.. Actually I love losing if you are winning. So, yes, I love arguing with you too..
A: *Pulls her cheek* What else do you love about me?
P: So many things. The way you respect my Maa, you have done so much for us. Do you remember, you apologized for talking low of the sweater she made? That was the day I knew you are a good man... and I love that you and my Daadi get along so well.. Bulbul adores you. You both are so cute. My heart warms looking at you with my family *Plays with the buttons of his blue polo tee*
A: *Points to the tee* Want to take this off me?
P: *Blushes* *Looks away*
A: *Takes her hand and helps her pull his tee up* *Sits up to quickly remove it* *Throws it away* *Undoes the hook of his shorts*
P: Arre - no - wait!
A: What?
P: So fast - I just -
A: *Teasing* It won't work with my shorts on Fuggy, you understand that right?
P: *Grabs him and pulls him down beside her* You got to explore...I want to explore too...
A: Explore? *Watches in fascination as she runs her hands on his bare chest...Flinches in surprise when she kisses on top of his heart...Tightens his arms on her waist as she slowly continues to explore his torso...* Fuggy...
P: *Glancing up at him and then continuing to lightly trace her fingers on his upper body* I never used to look...I never thought I had the right...
A: *Laughs* I've always given you the right. Don't you remember, the night of our reception -
P: *Small frown...Sad memories flash in her mind* The night after I found out you belonged to someone else.
A: *Clenches his hands on her arms* Oh - Fuggy, I -
P: *Slides under his arm and cuddles next to him...Lets her hand drift along his stomach and lower, almost to the edge of his unhooked shorts...Talks against his neck...* I used to wish she didn't exist...I still wish...
A: She didn't. She didn't really exist.
P: *Looks up at him in surprise*
A: After I married you, it somehow felt wrong...
P: What felt wrong?
A: Sleeping with her. I did believe I wanted to be with her and of course hated you. But I didn't really sleep with her after our marriage.
P: You didn't? Then, the baby? You never told me...
A: Would you have believed me if I told you that I didn't sleep with her when I have flaunted her for months after marrying you.. to make you feel bad.. and later to make you jealous..
P: I know you wouldn't lie to me. But how did the baby happen if you didn't sleep with her?
A: I don't know. She claims a drunk night during that MMS fiasco. I was not in my senses.. and you know the idea of you and Double Battery was just killing me. So that night I did whatever I did to get thrown out of our room, I had gone to her house. I don't really remember much, but when I woke up I didn't feel like I had slept with her. She never said anything about it to me at that time. Now she says she is pregnant because of that night.
P: But that's not fair.
A: If she was playing it fair, she wouldn't have told you about the pregnancy before telling me. In fact she had no intention of telling me but just wanted to get you out of my life.
P: But you didn't share anything with me.
A: What was I supposed to tell you when you were worried about her more than anyone else in this house?
P: I just wanted you to get your love, and the baby its parents. Daadi would get her grandbaby too which I will never be able to give.
A: No one wants her in this house. Neither Daadi, nor me. And the baby, I don't even know. I don't know what to think of it...
P: Don't say that, you are just mad at her. You love her, you have always loved her, haven't you?
A: Love my foot, do you think if I really loved her, I would have come to the kidnappers on Valentine's day rather than celebrating with her?
P: I am sorry. I had prayed that you would be with me that day. And you came. I was scared I would never be getting out of there, but the thought of you would somehow give me hope.
A: *Hugs her closer*, Fuggy I was worried to death. Never ever disappear from my eyes like that.
P: Thank you so much for coming for me. *Gets teary* And you even got ready to die for me, taking the bullet *Rubs the scar from the bullet wound*
A: You beat me in that. You didn't let me die na? You won.
P: I was dying every second to see you unconscious.
A: I know, I mean I can understand. You are my Fuggy. *Kisses her forehead and rolls her to her back* *Sees tears in her eyes* What is this, why are you crying? Wait, let me make you feel better... *Kisses her lips* *Undoes the knot of her salwar* *Fingers find their way to her secret place*
P: *Breath hitches...chest heaves...* *Digs nails into his back*
A: *Sits up to bare her completely for better access* *Stalls in surprise at what he sees* Fuggy, what IS this?
P: *Suddenly remembers her tattoo with his name below the navel, to the left * *Embarrassed to death*... Umm..that...*Speaks very fast* Bulbul wanted to get a tattoo to surprise Purab. I also got this..*Whispers* I had assumed you would never see...
A: *Feels rush of blood down south looking at his name on her there * Oh, baby *Starts kissing the letters of his name * *Trails kisses down, reaching her core *
P: *Gasps to feel his mouth there...Grabs his head, but not sure if she wants to stop him or encourage him* Aap - yeh - kya...?
A: *Smiles and continues his way of making her feel better*
P: *Melts...Loses her mind...Reaches her peak and crashes again...And again...* B-bas! Oh my God, just - *Pulls him up so she can kiss him*
A: *Returns her kisses...gets off all their clothes...Starts to show her, what can happen between two people in love*
P: *Follows his lead...Makes her own discoveries...Forgets everything she knows about right, wrong, responsibilities, guilt...Finds out that the most right place to be is in his arms...*
~*A & P: *Take each other to new realms of ecstasy and find completion together*~
~After some moments to cool down...~
A: *Reaches for her hand and twines his fingers with hers* Are you OK Fuggy? It didn't hurt right?
P: *Blushing and can't look at him* You need to ask?
A: *Smirks* Of course not. But you were worried for nothing, now you know.
P: Yes...now I know...
A: *Looks at her*
P: *Looks back at him*
A: Fuggy -
P: Suniye -
A: What were you going to say?
P: I was going to say... I.. I just want to be... *Wraps her arms around him* I just want to be here...
A: *Holds her tightly* And I was going to say...I love you...
P: *Looks into his eyes* I know it's wrong to wish to stay with you, but it also feels wrong to go away from you!
A: Then don't go away, Fuggy, we can find a way...if we are together, we can find a way.
P: But the baby -
A: In the morning...we'll figure it out. Just promise me Fuggy, we'll stay in this together.
P: *Looks into his eyes...and sees her future...* I...I promise...
A: Good. I don't know where you think you could go anyway, with my name branded on you like that. Admit it Fuggy, you just want to be mine always, isn't it?
P: Will you be mine too?
A: You have a doubt? *Kisses her lips* Do you want me to show it to you with a matching tattoo as well? Where do you want it? Here? *Places her hand on his chest and runs it down*
P: *Blushes and giggles, kissing his cheek* No...maybe lower...
~*A & P debate about his potential tattoo until they drift off to sleep...and in their hearts, both finally feel peace...because no matter what their problems, now that they will face the new day together, they know... they will succeed*~
THE END
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