Viraj SS:Refrain|Ch 12+Epilogue,Pg 21| A/N-Pg 22

-1-

"Kabir has been so stubborn right from his childhood! I remember, when he was ten, he had a fight because his friend said chicken is better than paneer! " Vasundhara told a very amused Gangwal family. Kabir blushed while Nisha pulled his cheek playfully.

It was Anhad's house-warming party.  For nearly a year after Vasundhara and Anhad's marriage they had stayed in a rented house. Anhad's house was being renovated. Viraj had personally seen to the garden. The garden he thought to be paradise.

It was in this garden that Viraj was currently seated, cross legged. He looked around admiring the fairy lights draped on the house and how the lights reflected off the flowers.

"W-w-what are you doing outside?"

Viraj sighed. Trying to escape the realisation that I'm a social misfit. "I could ask you the same thing."

"I'm here because you're here." Anhad smiled.

Viraj chuckled. "I like you, you know" Then shrugging, "I make the Gangwals uncomfortable" The Gangwals make me uncomfortable.

"Don't change the topic. You're jealous of Kabir, aren't you?" Anhad pressed on.

"No." Yes. Ma has no stories of my childhood. No one has any stories of my childhood.

Anhad tilted his head in rebuke.

Viraj looked away. "I see her so happy with them and I think... has she missed me as much as I've missed her? All I remember of my life is waiting for her."

"Beta... W-we w-were trying to hold on, they, to let go. It's natural."

"She almost did, didn't she?"

"You know w-w-why."Anhad chided.

I thought everything will fall into place when I finally meet her. But I can't connect. There are times when I want to argue with her. But I'm scared of arguing. I can't... There are times when I want to lay my head in her lap and cry or just sleep, or just listen to her lullaby... but I'm embarrassed. It doesn't feel natural. I want her to scold me like a mother but when she does I'm hurt.

"Don't you feel left out?" Viraj asked, deciding to keep his insecurities to himself.

"I have no expectations from her."

"I meant, with regard to Kabir."

"I have no expectations from him either." Anhad chuckled. "He's smart you know. Finds his space like w-w-water..."

Unlike me.

"Hey Dad!" Kabir suddenly plopped down next to Anhad. "Hey bade bhaiyya." He said, a little less cheerfully.

Viraj smiled politely. "You guys have fun. I'll be leaving.. Long day at work."

"I'll drop you."Kabir immediately stood up.

Viraj couldn't find a polite way to refuse when-"I'll drop him." Anhad intervened.

"Ok, dad. Bye. Good night."

"Good night Kabir."

***

Anhad insisted on tucking Viraj in and playing him a tune on his baansuri. Reluctantly, Viraj agreed. When Viraj had finally slept, Anhad sighed to himself. As much as they tried, Viraj would always be a man with a lonely childhood. Successful, loved, resilient. Yet his childhood would remain so...

As if to confirm this sad conclusion, Anhad found a few words scribbled on a stick-it pad.

"It is no circle
No retrieval of what has been lost
No compensation for all that it cost

-4-

When Anhad took Viraj along to pick Aasavari from the airport, Viraj didn't know what to expect. When he saw her, he wondered why he was taken aback.

Aasavari was dark. Her cream spaghetti straps contrasted against her smooth skin. Standing tall at 5 feet nine inches, her simple jeans and top embraced her boldly feminine figure. Yet, she wouldn't fit the stereotypical female definition. She definitely didn't look petite. She carried her luggage with such ease that no male would have the confidence to insist when she refused his assistance. Her wildly bushy hair looked like it would break free of the band constraining it any moment.

Viraj chuckled, wondering what her hair would look like, then.

Hold on, now I get it. I expected her to be in a sari or at least Indian... Tabla-vaadak... Guruji... oh. She doesn't make any sense...

"Hi Viraj!" She greeted in a tone befitting a long lost friend and gave him a warm hug.

"Hi Miss Aa-" "Miss?! No Miss-Shizz please. Call me Ri." She beamed.

"OK." He smiled back. Ri. Aren't you being a little too familiar?

Soon he would find out why and he probably wouldn't like it.

***

That evening, Viraj joined his family on Anhad's request. Afterall, they did have a guest.

At dinner, Viraj remembered how Aasavari had immediately recognised him. "So... how did you recognise me?" He asked quietly while Nisha and Kabir bickered about Kabir's dance dreams.

"Well, Guruji... and the internet." She answered between mouthfuls.

"Oh." Kanha Uncle told her about me. What about me?

"So, should I be worried about what he told you?" He urged her on.

"Well, he told me how you've grown up to be a very very strong man and how you still have the innocence you did as a kid. About how amazingly you've been managing alone. All those years apart and yet...Man, he loves you! He actually quit his job after your butler died,you know. Came running!" She said obviously impressed by Anhad's unadulterated love for his son.

So, it wasn't Nisha who told him I'm Viraj. He knew. All along. He pretended. All along. Why hide? Manipulate... that too so well. He knew all those years. No contact. Nothing. He could have found me... when I was paralysed... Now, it's like he's my guardian angel. How convenient. How stupid of me.

Viraj lifted his eyes to Anhad who was seated at the head of the table, conversing with Vasundhara. On catching his eye, Anhad beamed at him. Not paradise.

"Good night everyone. Have a good time" Viraj abruptly got up to leave.

Anhad got up to walk him out. "Don't bother. I'm good." As good as I can be. Maybe I don't deserve honest people. I should grow up. This is what the world is. "Thanks." For the experience.

***

Sores give way to calluses

Unfeeling, comfortable nearly

Those I cherish dearly

Give  fresh sores, give way to calluses.

-6-

The next day, Viraj was welcomed by Anhad's flute accompanied by Aasavari's tabla beats. For the first time, Kabir, Nisha and Vasundhara were awake, too, albeit reluctantly.

For about an hour Viraj didn't bother with them. He sat back enjoying his daily dose of music. However, when the impromptu jugalbandi crossed an hour, he looked up to see restless faces.

"What Ma?"

"It's just..." Vasundhara looked away.

"We could sleep through a flute melody, not percussion." Kabir completed sheepishly.

You slept through bliss. How are we even related?

"I'll speak to him."

***

"Kanha Uncle..."

"Yes, beta?"

"Maybe, you guys can practice at my place... you know I'll be out all day, there'll be no one to disturb you... I'll bring you back in the evening..." Sorry, that's the most diplomatic I can be.

Anhad gave him a knowing smile while his eyes flitted to Vasundhara. She blushed in embarrassment.

"Okay."

***

That evening when Viraj went to pick them up from his house, Aasavari narrowed her eyes at him.

"You play the drums?!" She charged, more than questioned.

"Yes. So?" Oh, right we're both percussionists... except I'm not, I'm a shooter.

"So, you didn't tell me!" Again she charged.

"There isn't much that I have told you." Or that you have told me.

"I'll tell you what, let's go out some time, just the two of us." She offered with a grin.

"Let's take Kabir and Nisha too." I did not just say that. Sh**.

"I thought w-w-we w-w-were going home?" Anhad reminded, an eyebrow raised.

***

When they got home Kabir seemed genuinely grateful to Viraj for making arrangements. After all, Kabir, too, needed his space. It was especially difficult to dance with reverberating music unsuited to one's routine. Politely, Kabir left the last bit of Paneer for Viraj. Viraj smirked.

Maybe I wasn't an idiot for inviting you along.

***

I, too, have a place

Holding it together, perhaps, the keystone

Added late, yet important alone

I, too, have a place.

-7-

The next day,  Viraj entered Anhad's house to hera his solo baansuri. Perhaps, Aasavari had realised that her tabla would disturb the inhabitants. Sure enough, he saw Aasavari in the garden watering the plants quietly. Somehow, she seemed to fit in. For a change, she was clad in an ill-fitted white kurta and patiala.

Lovely. Won't you say something?

As though in reply, she put her finger to her lips. Then she tapped her ear. This is the time to listen, she seemed to say.

Viraj smiled at her and proceeded to Anhad and Vasundhara's room . Vasundhara was still asleep. Stray strands of hair kissed her face. She looked tired.

You haven't changed that much. He tucked the strands behind her ear lightly. Then, delving into his pocket he produced a bundle of postcards. Carefully, he placed it half tucked under her pillow.

***

That day, the cook didn't turn up. Hence Nisha and Aasavari took on the task of preparing breakfast. Fiasco, would be a mild word for what ensued. Let's just say Anhad's household had labelled spice-boxes then on.

Vasundhara didn't turn up for nearly an hour. When Nisha offered to go check, Viraj stopped her.

"I'll go."

***

There she was seated on her bedside, clutching a few postcards. Tears stained her face even as fresh pearls dropped down.

"This is why I didn't share it with you." Viraj wiped her tears gently.

"You write so well." She said, with what sounding like a hybrid of a laugh and a sob.

"I had this amazing teacher when I was in Upper KG. She taught me how to write to my father. Made me feel better then and later. A certain Vasundhara..."

She let out a half-sob again.

"I thought this was your way, that I was getting through to you."

"I thought you'd forget me as you grew up."

"I thought you'd already forgotten. At times I wondered if I had imagined you... the way traces were erased. I thought you were a dream. "

Vasundhara looked away.

"Turns out you're true." Viraj added with a smile.

Vasundhara linked her arm with his, "My little boy has grown up so."

"Your little boy... and your other little boy need breakfast. Will you come help us?" Viraj asked with a grin.

***

Breakfast was a lavish affair that day. Vasundhara made a point to include everyone's favourite dishes. Also, it turned out that Nisha and Aasavari were much better at assisting than they had been at preparing the dishes themselves.

"I thought  you would have been more choosy in your food Viraj! Chaat? Really? I thought you'd be like... Continental, French...etc., etc... ," Aasavari said incredulously.

Ah, you don't know me.

"Actually, when Viraj was 4, Sasurji's foreign visitors were dining with us once. One of them asked him what cuisine he liked best. First, Viraj asked what cuisine meant. When explained, he answered, What Ma makes.' Always been a simple kid." Vasundhara narrated. Anhad, Kabir, Nisha and Aasavari giggled trying to imagine a little Viraj.

You remember that.Viraj blinked a few times.  "It's still true, by the way."

***

In the evening, when Viraj was returning from work with Vasundhara, she teased, "How come you're all going out with Aasavari but you've never taken me anywhere?"

"Hold on, Aasavari and Anhad must be at my place right?! I forgot to.."

"Anhad had called his driver. They're home. Look at you, all worried!" She giggled.

Viraj raised an eyebrow at her. "Let's deal with that complaint,Ma."

"What? I was joking."

"I'm not."

***

"I'd thought of keeping this a surprise, but, well... here you go."

Viraj had brought her to an empty, newly constructed building. He produced a small booklet and handed it to her. You're going to like it.

She flipped through the booklet. It carried plans for exhibits of Rifles on the ground floor, a simulated shooting arcade on the second and a mini-auditorium on the third.

"What is this beta?"

"Investment, actually, we have sponsors too, but I've put in some as well... We'll open it for visitors. The laymen. That way, we'll earn from the tickets, people will get to know about shooting and maybe, just maybe, we'll get more kids interested too!"

"What's the auditorium for?"

"For inviting national and international shooters for lec-dems."

"And how long have you been planning this?" Vasundhara asked, her eyes twinkling.

" Ever since I decided that I'm going to live." Since I dropped the idea of suicide, since I found Anhad, since I found you.

***

A little boy dreams
Today  of a toy, then the moon
Could someday be true, later or soon
A little boy dreams.