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Do you exist future husband?

Anchal123 Newbie

Joined: 07 July 2012
Posts: 33

Posted: 14 May 2015 at 9:46am | IP Logged
I am Anchal. I am 22 years old. I am from an european country. i am currently studying to get my bachelor degree in Social Science. Recently me and my parents talked about marriage. They said that they wanted me get married when i am around 25. They also said that they prefer me finding my partner myself. the only thing they want is that he has the same cultural background as us (indian, same caste and religion) 
I am now very stressed out because  firstly, I have never had a boyfriend. Let alone boyfriend i don't even have any male friends. All my friends are girls. I don't even know what you talk to a boy about! I have never met somebody that i can think i can spend the rest of my life with. 
Secondly, I am short, below average looking  i am not very intelligent nor am I funny. Nobody has till date even hit on me. I don't think anyone will ever like me like that. 
I mean i am a full-time student with a part time job. I am usually very busy. Did i mention i still have braces? Well, i do. on top of that i don't have many indian friends. I am just thinking i only have 3 years to find someone, and i don't think i will be able to do it. Like, I don't want my parents to have to try to find someone. My question is How did you guys find your boyfriend or husband? like how did u guys know that the opposite partner liked you?
I mean i just want someone who is understanding, caring, ambitious, responsible and someone who respects me and looks at me as an equal. and if he is  absolutely smitten by me then thats just a bonus;) He also has to respect and care for my family. And has the same background as me.
Am i expecting to much? Is that never going to happen? My friend who is a year younger than me had a boyfriend which is why i am suddenly so stressed out:/ Also all my cousins and stuff are getting married so i am dying thinking that i am gonna end up alone:(
Please answer my questions!! 

No2Pencil IF-Dazzler

Joined: 29 July 2013
Posts: 4424

Posted: 16 May 2015 at 8:27pm | IP Logged
Jeez! Stop stressing so much. At least u have the option of getting married by your own choice, some ppl don't even have such luck. Anyway, so the point is .. seek for new people, new friends - go hang out with your girlfriends, meet their friends and explore life. Just b'cuz suddenly u need a person, it won't drop rite from heaven with his unicorn pony. I mean you have to do lil work or wait for it. 

I, genuinely think letting go off your stress and too much of a hard work is one of the best thing you can do to yourself. Its kind of like removing resistance in yourself - resistance is getting stressed and chanting in your brain "you need a guy". What i mean to say is, what will happen if you won't able to get a guy in 3 years ? Well! your parents will find a guy for you .. right ? I am assuming here you still have the option of choosing out of them as well since i feel your parents are open minded. So, not a finding a guy by yourself won't put you in a bad place. So Chill. You will hurry or compare yourself with other, you will end up making bad choices. 

Just tell yourself i am in no hurry, though my attention is finding a good match for myself but that doesn't mean i will grab anything whatever comes my way. 

short, below average looks, average intelligent, not funny - Ha! there you go. You have self esteem issues and you lack self love as well. Work on it. See, the thing is maybe looks work but it works only initially later its all about your attitude, personality, nature. You'll see people who are beautiful as heck, they sometimes lack attitude or don't know how to carry themselves which can be a turn off. So, if you don't love yourself enough - you will definitely missing alot here. You have to love the scar that is present on your right arm or that big giant ass pimple on your face - arrggh! that's too much of love, aye ?LOL. I mean embrace your flaws and be confident about it. There is no trick to attract boys or getting liked by them. All you can do is Just be yourself and do some personal development - you'll attract more people in life. Confident girl and a smile on face - thats a good combo girl. You can control yourself but not others. 

And about not having guy friends - there is internet - find some guy friends if not in real life - try some dating sites as well. Research your thing where you can meet more indian community. There are so many festivals, concerts and parties occur - you can go over there and meet new people. Options are endless girl. You just gotta try. 

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Anchal123 Newbie

Joined: 07 July 2012
Posts: 33

Posted: 07 August 2015 at 10:26am | IP Logged
Thank you soo much!!! i guess i still have time:) I am really working on trying to like myself and accept myself.. which is tougher than I thought but I am really trying!! But thanks again!
Deepthought Senior Member

Joined: 08 August 2015
Posts: 217

Posted: 10 August 2015 at 3:31pm | IP Logged
You may think males are some form of aliens, but in reality we're not! Some of us may have different interests, but not all women have similar interests either. 
The internet is a great way to start up conversations with strangers, and your particular target - men. Just discuss whatever interests you share, Forget gender for a moment and just speak to the human being on the other other end. 

I married late in life. As did the woman who is currently my wife! I never dreamed that I would marry outside my own ethnic group (Punjabi). Even though I didn't speak a word of Gujarati or have a clue about Gujarati culture, we got married. Thankfully we had two other languages in common! 

If you have too many pre-conditions or are inflexible about the criteria you set for a potential partner, you'll become unstuck. You're not going to find someone that you like that meets everything on any checklist you draw up. Also remember that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. Strangers go closer (unless there are major personality clashes) over a period of time. Given that you're not going to get your parents' permission to date (in the full blown western way), you need to check out if there aren't major clashes in attitudes between you and your future partner. If there aren't, then with some degree of accommodation from both sides, the relationship can work and that person can be a potential marriage partner. 

Chill out and meet young men over the internet or through your friends, or at social gatherings, whether they be parties, or wedding receptions. If you do make up a list of what you're looking for in a potential husband, just ensure you have several categories: those things which are deal breakers; those things which are negotiable, and those things that in the grand scheme of things are not that important or worth fighting over.

Have faith in yourself. Your self-esteem should not be dependent on what other people think/say about you.

Good luck in your search. Thumbs Up

Edited by Deepthought - 10 August 2015 at 3:32pm

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