Iss Pyaar Ko Kya Naam Doon... Ek Baar Phir


Iss Pyaar Ko Kya Naam Doon... Ek Baar Phir
Iss Pyaar Ko Kya Naam Doon... Ek Baar Phir

The Perfect Bahu... By Aastha...

Tanvi.Alison IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 22 July 2012
Posts: 10464

Posted: 14 May 2015 at 7:08am | IP Logged

An excerpt from the book "101 ways to become the perfect Bahu" by Aastha Kirloskar.

Aastha/ Barkha/ Sapna refers to the same person. The author had written a few parts of this book during a period of amnesia.

Help the aged by taking them to a show, even though a random six-foot giant accuses you of being a fraud/ cheat. Brownie points for allowing him to break your bangles and insult your character!

Allow the rich six-footer to bump into you, no matter where you go. After all, he is going to fall in love with you (or, so you may choose to believe), in spite of your excessively talkative and clumsy nature! All rich hunks dig that s%#t.

Be nice to the giant, only because he keeps looking at you as if you are the juiciest piece of steak, trying to undress you with his eyes.

Allow the man to come close to you, and make him comfortable enough to let his hands roam over your back, waist, hips and every other curve. Remember, be nice to him because he says that he loves you so, so much, and has proved the same by falling off the cliff.

Marry the same man you once hated with all your gut, because the basic rule is this: Once an enemy, forever a husband.

Accept his surprise of "I married you to seek revenge" on the wedding night in a very sporting way. Remember, he was always different. Generally, husbands may make their wives groan in a different way on the wedding night. He made you scream out from the bottom of your lungs, without even touching you!

Listen to just everything he says, and obey his commands. No complaints, no regrets.

Do not dig into his personal details about his missing ex-girlfriend, especially not if she's hiding in some dusty diary.

All of his tortures and insults must be taken in the right spirit, without saying a word. If he asks you to take his dirty socks off, do it. If he grabs you by your shoulder and keeps shaking you like a bottle of champagne, comply to his wishes without popping open. Or else, Alok Nath will flip if you do not follow his sanskaars!

Go on a trip for a few days, preferably to the jungle. Do certain physical activities like running while being chased by a rabid dog, jumping into a pit, jumping into a pond, jumping on a poisonous thorn etc. Basically, invite trouble which will end up in eye-locks and drenched clothes, in the most literal sense.

When he's bored of hating you, and he begins to show a shade of love, do not think twice. Simply erase the past, even if you had to go through hell. Start afresh with him, because he had the most romantic idea of proclaiming his love for you in the middle of a busy street!

Start wearing low waist sarees because he loves touching your waist. Don't present yourself as desperate; so you say, "Chodiye na, kya kar rahe hain" every time he pulls you in for a coochie-coo moment.

Do not hesitate even if he plans on you having your first time on the terrace. You may shiver due to the cold, there may be mosquitoes, it may rain, the neighbours may watch from their terrace, someone from the house may come upstairs for a walk to relieve themselves from night-gas... But you shall not disagree with his open-air fetish. You shall get decked up, even if he plans on breaking your ornaments apart and ripping your most beautiful saree.

Be game for romance, AT ALL TIMES. Audience craves for the romance and the touchy-kissy stuff, all the time, just like a hungry beaten puppy.

Always remember. His father is his Lord. This is the very truth of his life. Don't worry though; a time shall come when he will forget he has a father. But until then, you shall worship no other father, but his!

Go out of your way to help his family, even if you are yelled at and insulted at the end of the day. Do not back out even if someone ties you up and almost sets you on fire.

FORGIVE! This is the sole truth of your existence. Your husband married you by cheating you? Forgive. Your sister-in-law and her mother plotted evil plans and always got you trapped? Forgive. Your father-in-law harassed you and almost got you killed? Forgive. You had to roam the streets and sleep on the footpath because your brother-in-law was dumb enough to believe a stranger over his family and sell all the family business and the house? Forgive.

Get out into the real world to earn some money and put up a food truck. Remember, no one says no to food! Don't forget to ward off all evil eyes over your handsome giant.

Be ready to change your identity if your brother-in-law goes bonkers and sells all the property to a mysterious robot who has a secret mission to destroy your sasural.

Hover around the robot and distract him with your backless cholis, while your truly-reformed-six-footer searches for some papers for a span of few months.

Bond with the robot's kids, and induce feelings in the robot, while six-footer still searches papers.

Get hit by a truck because your mother-in-law wants to die. Make sure you don't hurt your face, because scratches are not attractive, and copyright of plastic/ cosmetic/ open-heart/ brain/ dental surgery is owned only by a certain "K"ompany. Memory loss is open-source, so feel free to use it.

Believe the words of a robotic-man who claims to be your husband, even if you don't remember any damn thing. If he is above six-foot in height, say yes to be his wife, and the mother of his two over-grown kids.

If the original giant (whom you don't remember) comes and hugs you in public, slap him. Repeatedly tell him that you hate him, because that is going to discourage the "stranger"

Keep up this same charade until you remember your past. Once you get your memory back, yell/ slap/ kick/ kill the robot and get back to your original husband.

Always remember, new hurdles will always come your way. The key is to be extremely happy, flutter and dance around, and solve problems. Don't worry, Bappa is the guarantee. Also, you need to fluctuate too; be dumb at times, and extremely smart at times. That way, you can confuse the opposition and the audience, as to what exactly to expect from you.

Most of all, repeat every morning: "My Husband is my whole and sole, even if his brain has a hole" This will definitely have a positive impact on you.

No bashing. No hateful comments...

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potomac IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 02 July 2014
Posts: 10162

Posted: 14 May 2015 at 7:20am | IP Logged
Omg omg omg ... Now this requires a ROFl LOL ROFL
mainkyanaamdoon IF-Dazzler

Joined: 07 August 2014
Posts: 4456

Posted: 14 May 2015 at 7:22am | IP Logged
But I guess in Indian serials all bahu's can write an epic LOL with only slight variation to personalize 

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talkie14 IF-Rockerz

Joined: 18 February 2009
Posts: 5007

Posted: 14 May 2015 at 7:27am | IP Logged
Good one Tannu!!! You left Robo wanting to marry her now.. Invitations have been printed. You might want to include bigamy to the list!!!

Edited by talkie14 - 14 May 2015 at 7:28am
charanyaaj IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 11 March 2014
Posts: 19936

Posted: 14 May 2015 at 7:37am | IP Logged
wow tan! u r back
Seriously superb post and hilarious one too ROFL
Much needed post to relax ourselves LOL aft watching the precap
Get well soon dear Hug
dsr11 IF-Rockerz

Joined: 18 November 2012
Posts: 9860

Posted: 14 May 2015 at 7:41am | IP Logged
LOL lovely.
a note to viewers: always give orgasmic reactions to whatever they show in the name of love or in the name of women empowerment(i am as confused as the makers are abt the concept of this showConfused), because a "wise man" once told us to not think but just feeel.Ermm 

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GoWithTheRhythm IF-Dazzler

Joined: 03 June 2014
Posts: 4676

Posted: 14 May 2015 at 7:49am | IP Logged
Hahahah tanvi always a pleasure to read your post xD

When will you update Smitten by the Neighbour dear ;D loving the story so far

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dazzles Goldie

Joined: 30 June 2014
Posts: 2393

Posted: 14 May 2015 at 7:52am | IP Logged
Tanvi please update the stories that u written in ur blog
I eagerly waiting for the updates.pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls

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