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Kaisi Yeh Yaariaan
Kaisi Yeh Yaariaan

LOST!

twinkle10 IF-Dazzler
twinkle10
twinkle10

Joined: 13 February 2015
Posts: 3076

Posted: 12 May 2015 at 11:35am | IP Logged
DAY 55! - LOST!

The sweet scent of victory was definitely lingering in the air tonight as righteousness came home announcing a glorified win against the unfaithful demon, yet so much has been lost...so much is still being lost...some priceless elements are on the brink of being lost...but the real question is what is it, which is being lost? 

I can't help but rewind my memory to that heartbreaking episode when Manik so involuntary wrapped his arms around a shell-shocked Nandini and asked her in the most reluctant tone "Woh...woh pandit ne kuch kiya toh nahi...?" Her silence hadn't uttered a single word to him that night, yet the silent had been enough for him to fear of the damage that had occurred. The damage that she hadn't spoken to him of about, till today. The damage that her tears hadn't so rightly expressed to him till today. The damage, whose intensity he was unaware of...till today...

Today was the day when he gained all his answers. The losses that the damages had incurred. She hasn't just lost faith in he people. She's lost her faith in herself. She hasn't just lost confidence upon her ability to take decisions, she's lost all specks of self-confidence. She hasn't just lost the ability to trust her instincts, she's lost all hope to be able to rely on her inner-consciousness ever again. 

"I'm lost...I'm so lost..I'm so lost so lost!"

The purity of relationships? Trust? Faith? Right? Wrong? Who does she believe? Which feeling should she trust? Which thoughtful instincts should she even follow? How does she find herself amidst this pitch black darkness that is overshadowing the ray of light shining at the end of the tunnel? A hopeful soul who once taught him the meaning of life, is contemplating the idea of life to be nothing but a painful lie! A girl who introduced him to the definition of trust, belief and faith and gave him the 101 reasons of why he should trust those around him, seems to be doubting her own soul today. A shining star who once assured him that she would always shine for him, seems to be dulling away into a delusional black hole herself today because she doubts her inner capabilities to shine for what's always right! 

Emotions? Ones she's never experienced before. Heart-quenching pain which is gradually numbing every nerve running through the body. Redolent hatred for herself for being the strong-headed stubborn personality she can be at times. Fear-filled,, clueless blankness hindering her to trust her mind and heart and tread a step closer to the bright light that awaits to be shone upon her. 

Inexpressible feelings? Ha!...ones that no one can understand better than him! He's been through it all! Explored ever inch of darkness that she's losing herself to today! Mistrust in people, to be clueless of your self-identity, fearful of making new relationships, feeling to be lost even amongst a crowd of familiar faces...it's been the story of his life for the last 19 years. Yet what felt lost...was eventually found...

He eventually found trust...in her words. He eventually found light...in her smile. He eventually found hope...in her eyes. He eventually found himself...in her! 


Today she may claim to be losing herself. She may claim to be losing all that was once known and undoubtedly familiar to her. She may claim to be losing all essence of hope, trust, positivity, self-assurance, confidence and faith that all comprises to make the Nandini Murthy she once knew. 
But it's all being lost so she can rediscover, re-embrace, and be found again as the Nandini Murthy he knows of. 

Because they've promised to fight each other's battles when the other gets tired. They've promised to fight for each other with each other till their eternity. They've promised to shine for each other as each other's stars and fireflies so no dark shadow ever haunts their forever togetherness. They've promised to be lost and found only under one circumstance...in each other's arms!


Nadini Murthy can never lose! Manik Malhotra will never let her lose! Today as she sobbed so vulnerably, a gush of painful, defeating, remorse-filled and rage-filled emotions overwhelmed his own senses. As she stuttered the word "lost" so exasperatedly, he felt as if it was he who had lost all that he once had! He seemed to have lost that smile which was the reason of his own smile. He seemed to have lost that twinkling light which was the reason he didn't fear the darkness anymore. He seemed to have lost that flicker of hope which motivated him to hope at every bitter step of life. He seemed to have lost those insightful words which always taught him to believe and allowed him to perceive the goodness of the world that she was always so aware of. 

But as she crumbled in front of him today so uncontrollably...he realised that the one element which always bound them to each other in a language of its own, has been  part of them through every thick and thin, has been their most adored and understanding way of communicating, seems to have lost today...

...Touch! The healing power of their touch. The silent words of their tough. The soothing ability of their touch. The calming, love-drenched brushes of their touch. 

Whether the demon has snatched it or they've just happened to lose it somewhere along this journey of trying to slowly and steadily return to normality...but the harsh truth is that the beauty of their touch seems to have been misplaced, to have been lost. 

This...This is the damage he had feared!!

His frustration with himself touched a new peak, the level of his guilt rose to a new level, the painful helplessness pierced new wounds in his hands as he realised that the power of their touch no longer breathes between them anymore. As she flinched off his soothing caresses, his desperation to find all that has been lost continued to escalate. "Why don't you understand? Galti uss pandit ki hai dammit!"...he knew a raise in tone of his voice was going to be of no use. No matter how high the pitch peaked, words would never be able to console the shattered soul the way their touch could. No matter how desperately loud his pleas were voiced, words would never be enough to express the soothing warmth their silent touch was capable of providing. 

As she continued to lose tears...he lost his calm-mindedness too. As she continued to lose her courage...he lost his sanity too. As she continued to lose herself...he lost a part of himself too. 


The Nandini Murthy who's a fighter, who's his shining star, who's his bundle of joy, who's his ray of hope, who's his lucky charm, who's his only breath, who's his sole heartbeat...he seems to be losing her...bit by bit...tear by tear...breath by breath...


But she can't be lost! For herself, for him, for them! They've promised...

"We'll survive through this...together! We'll fight everything that comes our way...that too together!"

...Together...

If she claims to be losing herself, he promises to lose himself with her and be found again with her...together...

She wants to push him away today, to distance him from her tears, her pain, her anger for herself, her clueless nature...but if she claims to be wanting to push herself away from him, he promises to pull himself along with her to shed the tears, to feel and heal the pains, to sense and rinse the disappointing anger...together...

She fears their love-binding touch today...an automatic flinch at every attempt and so she slips another step towards darkness, but he promises to keep her bounded to himself by his soul, he promises to never let the knot of their breaths ever untangle, he promises that if not through the touch of his fingers, the pulses of his heart will teach her to rise again, to smile again, to walk again, to believe again, to speak again, to trust again, to fight again, to take decision again, to trust in herself again, to listen to her intuitions again. 

He promises for their lost fingers to intertwine in each other's solace again because she's herself engraved her fate in his palms...

He promises for their lost touch to reunite in each other's warmth again because their home is in each other's arms...

He promises for their lost smiles to return soon because as he once said "Life seems so easy when she smiles"...

He promises to find her before she gets lost because losing her would mean losing himself...


His "I love you" promises to find her "I Heart U" because now that they've found each other...destiny has promised for them to never get lost again...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'
Feels good to finally be able to write a somewhat longer post. Still shorter than usual but sorry for that as I have to run back to my last minute revisions! 
There were many other "Lost" moments in the episode too tbh...Navya totally lost of how to handle her mum...Cabir just as lost too with the whole marriage bells that seem to be getting louder. Fab 4 lost at his sudden decision of heading back home to  drop Navya LOL
Dhruv kind of feeling he has lost Aliya now as she willingly puts a step forward to show Aryaman around SPACE! Let's see how it all develops up soon! :)

Just a little request before I head off...please like I literally beg everyone please, let's keep it a positive atmosphere on this thread. I literally had a headache reading some of the controversial posts earlier on the forum in regards to the direction MaNan's track seems to be heading towards now. For me Nandini's breakdown, the way they've shown her world to come crashing down, worked quite well. And the way Manik tries a few times to wipe her tears and console her was quite brilliantly executed too. They've both seemed to have lost a little in their own way and now the journey will begin of 'find'...

At the same time, I completely respect all those alternative views and perceptions people may have towards the current storyline but let's just not disregard either of the character's portrayal at this stage because they come together as one, to give us a couple we so wholeheartedly cherish; MANAN! There's no separation track coming up, that I'm quite positive about and I just hope everyone can at some stage cherish the progressing story and just go with the flow. 
Hope I didn't offend anyone and I sincerely apologise if your feelings were hurt! 

Love <3






Edited by twinkle10 - 12 May 2015 at 12:14pm

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twinkle10 IF-Dazzler
twinkle10
twinkle10

Joined: 13 February 2015
Posts: 3076

Posted: 12 May 2015 at 11:39am | IP Logged
res

Edited by twinkle10 - 12 May 2015 at 11:39am
Humzy IF-Rockerz
Humzy
Humzy

Joined: 26 February 2013
Posts: 9155

Posted: 12 May 2015 at 11:44am | IP Logged
wow beautiful post
very nicely written
loved it
loved todays epi
it portrayed nandini's breakdown beautifully

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ajith37twinkle10

Mimi2609 IF-Sizzlerz
Mimi2609
Mimi2609

Joined: 13 July 2012
Posts: 19176

Posted: 12 May 2015 at 11:45am | IP Logged
Lovely postEmbarrassed
you not only described Nandini's loss of trust in herself but you also captured Manik's feelings too, this was very beautifulClap

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twinkle10

aairahahmad Goldie
aairahahmad
aairahahmad

Joined: 14 January 2015
Posts: 1128

Posted: 12 May 2015 at 11:52am | IP Logged
unres...
i replied this same thing to one of my friend's post..copying here...


she is standing on a brink of becoming a lost soul...

when you expect in too much goodness,
your belief somewhat starts to become a phantasm,
as reality it seems has too much evil around,
for corrupting a pure soul,
Losing yourself...sometimes thats what comes,
when you face the monstrousity,
The belief gets broken,
and it hardens your goodness of soul,
it thinks...if i would have let the darkness seep in,
sometimes...
then...this sudden one wouldnt have left me so LOST...
so was I wrong to believe in the goodness,
was I too naive for this world,
should I have been more like my monster,
can I now say to him...to have hope n everything will eventually work out,
can I...should I...

MAYBE I SHOULD JUST TRUST OUR LOVE.. 
but again...can i now do that too..
it seems my rational thinking is not there..
to guide me...
my conscience is mocking me...
time...maybe its the only thing left for me...
n perhaps that can help me in surviving...perhaps...
but now can i ever trust my judgement..my instinct...
last time i did..
it left me scarred and broken...
now i have a test infront of me...
and thats for my survival and finding myself again...


so for things to be more beautiful and indeed for them to again rediscover themselves this losing will work out just fine...
remember when manik said- together we will survivre this...
this was something i wrote then...
pasted elsewhere too and at my friend's post too...
and i wanted to share it with u...
hope u like it...Wink


Our love is our epitome of survival...
It soothes our nerves,
It calms our mind,
It heals our scars,
It lighten the darkness,
It inculcates the hope,
It makes the ache go away,
Together we will survive this...

Our love is Our Promise...
A promise of Togetherness,
A promise of completion,
A promise of being there for each other always,
A promise of finding happiness midst sadness,
A promise of survival from the tremors of evil,
A promise of Forever ever after,
Together we will survive this...

Our love is our Salvation...
Salvation from fear,
Salvation from demons,
Salvation from this evil world,
Salvation from every abomination,
Salvation from being adrift,
Salvation from losing ourself,
Together we will survive this...

Because whenever we will fall,
Our love will pick us up,
It will give us the fervour to fight the hurdles,
So that we can rise as Phoenix...
Together, our love will
find us, eventually completing us...


bye..

take care...



Edited by aairahahmad - 12 May 2015 at 10:08pm

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twinkle10

twinkle10 IF-Dazzler
twinkle10
twinkle10

Joined: 13 February 2015
Posts: 3076

Posted: 12 May 2015 at 11:53am | IP Logged
Originally posted by Humzy

wow beautiful post
very nicely written
loved it
loved todays epi
it portrayed nandini's breakdown beautifully

Thanks love! <3 Definitely a genuinely nice episode. They've finally captured a good pace for the show!
PaNi were amazing with their performance once again! 

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ajith37

shantellbrown Groupbie
shantellbrown
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Joined: 01 December 2008
Posts: 142

Posted: 12 May 2015 at 11:56am | IP Logged
very well written and yes..this will be their journey to find themselves again together

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ajith37twinkle10

maankigeet4ever IF-Rockerz
maankigeet4ever
maankigeet4ever

Joined: 05 November 2010
Posts: 6440

Posted: 12 May 2015 at 12:00pm | IP Logged
Mine 

Beautiful post.
Loved everything you wrote. Simply amazing.
Today i am writing only this cause i want your quick mobile response..lol LOL

Love youuu
- Reya aka Your Sunny <3

p.s I joke, i joke. I be back soonish and rant all i want..lol 

EDITED Embarrassed

Okies, here I am.  Today's post was just all kinds of amazing, seriously. How did my Manik become so positive, so hopeful ? lol. I joke. I love that your positivity has a way of shining in your writing. And today, it was especially needed. Needless to say you are all sorts of utter perfection' and absolutely beautiful.'

I am gonna kinda let my thoughts loose first. Honestly, there has been so much negativity since yesterday in regards to episodes and the characters. While everyone is entitled to their own opinion, I think the negativity tends to spread easily. Anywho, I wanna be able to rant about what I feel Manan are going through and I know this is the perfect place to do it.

Survival instinct. There is something called survival instinct that living beings have. It's almost like adrenaline. It's there to keep us going until we need to. It's what keeps us going psychological, the survival instinct tells the mind and body, keep going, keep going. And so the person keeps going. Nandini had a fight to win, she had to defeat evil. She had to be strong for that. Her survival instinct kept her going. Kept her going until...until the battle was won. And what happens after a energy drink ? We crash. That's what the survival instinct does to us to, we keep going until we have to and then we crash and burn. Nandini's battle has been won and now the reality of how one night has changed her starts to show. The scars start to show, the mental scars. The flashbacks are making her relive the nightmare, over and over again. No matter how she tries for normalcy, the memories are numbing her to everything but those images. She stands in one place, physically present but mentally she is trapped in the endless hours of the horrors. She pretends. Nandini Murthy who was nothing but real now feels the needs to wear a mask. She is going to wear a mask and make the world believe that one night of horror changed nothing.  And only one person will see past her mask: Manik Maltorta. Of course he will, if she was the only one to see past the monster manik mask he wore and slowly but surely made him shed, then you can bet that he knows when someone is wearing a mask; especially when that someone is his Nandini.

The wounds start to show, the wounds to her beliefs and faith. Nandini, the beautiful bight star's light has now dimmed. The world has shoved her hard into the darkness, and it's starting to become so hard, she cannot see her Manik clearly enough, she cannot reach out to and hold his hand to steady herself, she cannot see clearly enough to find her way home. She is lost, she is so lost, so lost. Here is a girl whose beliefs have been proven wrong. Manik kept telling her, kept warning her but she kept her faith strong: a guru and student's relationship is one of purity and respect. She was wrong ! She has been proven wrong hence the fault is hers ! And no matter how hard Manik tries right now, this is how she sees the situation. It's a sad world when the victim blames herself and it happens so often. But this is Nandini, this is Manik's Nandini. This is Manan. This is love. Even in pain, they are companions. When they have promised each other togetherness for a short span of Hamesha, then they will go each turn of life together.

Nandini, sighs, she is broken right now, she is lost right now. Just think, a girl so full of love and positivity has been broken. She is allowed to be not make sense', she is allowed to break down. She is allowed to put up walls; a man loves her more than enough to break them down. Give the girl a break, most victims wouldn't be able to get up and face the next day. And this girl has. Now she needs time. She needs time to heal and find herself. She needs tender love and care, and she will push against It but again, a man loves her enough, is stubborn enough to keep loving her until he can heal her, until he can help her find herself again.

Did it hurt when Nandini flinched from Manik's touch ? When she didn't allow him to heal and soothe like his touch does ? Of course, it hurt like bloody hell, hurt them both. Have no doubt about ! Their sense of touch is one of their languages, one of their means of communication and that was cut off today. Their touch is magic for each other, it has the ability of heal and soothe. Today, Nandini fought that touch, maybe because she isn't ready to heal yet. The hurt needs to stay for a little bit because her heart needs to be able to grieve properly, she wants to cry about it so she feels lighter. Manik needs to touch her, touch her for her and for himself. Her touch calms him, soothes him. Seeing her in this state, so defeated, so broken is shattering his heart too. When he was on a mission to expose the Pandit, he knew his Nandini would be hurt, he just didn't foresee the damage being this severe. He never thought the Pandit could hurt and scar his Nandini so deeply. Not being to hold her and absorb her tears is leaving his edgy, his anger is filling him up and he is pacing around wishing he had killed that Pandit for hurting his Nandini. One of senses is missing today and the effect of it, so evident for both of them.

Are Manan on a rocky road ? Yes, a trauma has a way of scarring a couple and it takes time to heal. Have Manik and Nandini ever be able to walk away ? Never ! Do Manik and Nandini love each other? Of course ! And when does love show their deepest colour ? when one is in pain, and the other will hurt just as much. And they will find a way to make the hurt go away. Like they say: "Love will find a way." And Manik and Nandini's love is strong, they will find a way for Nandini to find her way home, to her Manik.

Did I make sense? Maybe, maybe not but I am glad I let my thoughts loose.

Love you my Twinkie bear,

- reya aka your sunny <3



Edited by maankigeet4ever - 12 May 2015 at 10:16pm

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