Kaisi Yeh Yaariaan


Kaisi Yeh Yaariaan
Kaisi Yeh Yaariaan

I know These Scars Will Bleed; Both of Our Hearts Believe

FleetingWishes. IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 25 December 2010
Posts: 19210

Posted: 12 May 2015 at 10:28am | IP Logged

"And I felt like my heart had been so thoroughly and irreparably broken that there could be no real joy again, that at best there might eventually be a little contentment. Everyone wanted me to get help and rejoin life, pick up the pieces and move on, and I tried to, I wanted to, but I just had to lie in the mud with my arms wrapped around myself, eyes closed, grieving, until I didn't have to anymore." 
Anne Lamott, Operating Instructions: A Journal of My Son's First Year


"I'm here. I love you. I don't care if you need to stay up crying all night long, I will stay with you. If you need the medication again, go ahead and take it"I will love you through that, as well. If you don't need the medication, I will love you, too. There's nothing you can ever do to lose my love. I will protect you until you die, and after your death I will still protect you. I am stronger than Depression and I am braver than Loneliness and nothing will ever exhaust me." 
Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

Together, we'll survive this.'

Sometimes words betray you and thoughts plunder you. Strenuously, you try to still make them work together.

Words and Thoughts.

Soul and Mind.

A caged bird and a freed bear.


I liked today's episode; enough to pen down on it, albeit unsteadily. So forgive me for all the errors.

Admit impediments. Love is not love 
Which alters when it alteration finds, 
Or bends with the remover to remove. 
O no, it is an ever-fixed mark 
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;

- William Shakespeare

I will not talk about a victim. I will not talk about the pain. I believe, they will be discussed in detail.

I'll talk about what stood out for me today.

I'll talk about the shining, shimmering, vows of love.

She has been his harbor for the longest time. When the rain pattered onto the wounds embedded in his skin, she shielded him, when he lost his bearings and the lure of darkness sang, she shielded him, when all he knew were lost smiles and cruelty, she shielded him. He believed in the black, in atrocities.

There are cruel people out there.'

But, even from his belief, she shielded him.

She always smiled and as poetical it sounds, her smiles were the bearing of stars; a thousand galaxies and world combusting into a cataclysmic starburst and tunneling into a new day; sun's bright glory; the end of an era of darkness. Her smiles were the steel in his armour, the promise of light in the face of dark.

Her smiles were everything.


The seducer of his soul.


The calming in a storm.

A brave Warrior.

In the face of his wrath.

A new beginning.

In the aftermath of his cries.

And then he lost them.


The harbor is lost.

The warrior is lost.

The belief is lost.

The triumph is lost.

The day is lost.

And the sunset weeps as the night draws closer.


She believed in good; good sustained her. She believed people couldn't be this atrocious, couldn't be beasts in a human body. She believed in light. And kindness and gentle warm hearts that melted every single bone of your body, in sweet deeds and fireflies.

And today she was lost.


How will she ever trust a teacher? How will she ever smile so abundantly, how will she ever roam freely, how will she ever stand in the light and not flinch for a moment? How will she ever believe in the dominant good, how will she ever be that normal again? How will she ever walk the roads alone, how will she ever erase the memories? How will she ever look at a stranger and feel safe? How will she ever give her trust to people? How will she ever differentiate between bestiality and generosity? How will she ever bear being touched when every single inch of her skin is brimming with loathing?

How will she ever sleep at nights and not remember the silent cries that echoed in a box? How will she ever step into a room and not feel her back crawl with terror as a silhouette passes? How will she ever believe everything she'd been taught?

How will she ever believe that good triumphs all?

How will she ever be herself again?

How will she ever be who she used to be?

And who is she even?


Like an iceberg she's lost amidst the deep oceans, homeless, with broken wings and wherever the sight goes, it's only the deep blue ocean and its tremulous waves.

When you're overwhelmed and you've lost your breath 
When the space between the things you know is blurry nonetheless.
When you try to speak but you make no sound 
And the words you want are out of reach but they've never been so loud

If your heart wears thin I will hold you up 
And I will hide you when it gets too much
I'll be right beside you
I'll be right beside you


And yet, love triumphs. Love will triumph; love will always emerge greater in this coexistence of misery and joy.

Because he wouldn't give up on her. To every single question she'll ask, to every single tear that'll be shed, to all the days ahead, to every single shudder she'll have, to every single morsel of grief she'll consume, to ever single obstruction in her way, to every single looming thread of uncertainty he'll answer.

And it'll be just this.

I love you.'

I love you.

No matter what, I love you.

I would never give up on you. not today, not tomorrow, not when you grow old, not when you break and tear apart, not when you lose yourself.

I will always love you.

And I will find you.

Wherever you are.

In that lost land of yours.

I'll find you.

I will touch you and I will feel you.

I will fight this.

I will fight for you.

We'll survive this.

We will always survive.

Because you've freed me, you've shown me light, your beliefs have changed me, you're the answer to every single prayer I made in agony.

And I will find your light.

I will stand by you in every ugly storm and I won't let you ever feel alone.

I'll show you the way; I'll be your guide.

But in the lost land, where you wander aimlessly now, I'll barge through with a bag of sunlight, a bottle of fireflies and when the night's too dark, I'll find the stars and they'll guide me.

To you.

And together, we'll find life.

Because, I would fill every inch of your soul with my love and there will be so much of it, every single scar of past will fade away.

I'll do whatever it takes.

I'll bring your smile back.

Whatever it takes.

The world is indeed full of peril, and in it there are many dark places; but still there is much that is fair, and though in all lands love is now mingled with grief, it grows perhaps the greater." 
J.R.R. Tolkien, The Two Towers

She's broken. So is he. She's hurting. So is he. He wants to touch her and soothe her and fill her in his arms and wipe away all her tears. She wants to feel, to know to find herself but she's lost.

And like I always say.

Why do you get lost?

To be found.

Their will love will triumph.

It always will.

And I know these scars will bleed
But both of our hearts believe
All of these stars will guide us home

P.P.S Couldn't resist.
P.P.P.S I always try making proper posts and they end up more about Manik.
there's something so wrong with me. LEL SO MUCH LEL.
Paper tomorrow. yay.


Edited by MaybeSomeday... - 12 May 2015 at 10:30am

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geet.a IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 04 July 2010
Posts: 20126

Posted: 12 May 2015 at 10:31am | IP Logged

DAMN U! i was holding back the tears for the entire evening, EVEN while I wrote my post. and now, u made me cry.

Rida, kamini ur amazing!Hug
This post, every word, every emotion that it evokes begins and ends with the poignancy that comes with pain and loss...and love.

We lose ourselves to melt into our fears, our guilt, and our mistakes...each metal loses itself when it is made into a stronger alloy, by a combination with other metals.
Manik and Nandini made that night a night of new beginnings, of starlight and fireflies, of candles in the rain and make-shift homes that are stronger than permanent ones.
That was a long night which put both of them through many trials, but they got through it. Together.Be it him soothing her to sleep, or her gulping down milk she hated so that he doesn't need to...they got through the night, and this is the morning to that night.
We all have to pick up the pieces after a storm, and that is exactly what they will have to do. 
And space, or no space, manik will emotionally stand by nandini, just like she never let him go, when he needed her without even knowing he did.

When he broke down, and said he had no one, he felt abandoned by the most precious friendship of his life, when he said ' I need you'
and she responded with pain and tears that matched his, that were FOR him, for his wounds. When he said he is all alone, lost: she said 'I'm here for you, Manik', 'Main hoon tumhare saath'

Today, she says ' I am lost'
She doesn't need to be strong anymore, she can cry, she can be unsure, she can scream at him, and he will take it all, because love has taught a man who knew touch and only touch, love has taught him how to communicate using silence, a language which brings both of them to that common level.

She's lost in the dark, but he is there patiently waiting, pushing her to remember her own light...
he will NEVER let this star fall, this one is the most precious to him, for whom he'll destroy galaxies.
The candle he saved during her surprise, when she was at a loss as to how she can now salvage her 'surprise', he found the light for both of them.
Isn't this exactly what is happening now?

Their love is so precious because it does not make them weak, it makes them stronger.
And that is the most amazing kind of relationship we can have in life: one which makes us find light in the darkest of times.

I'm sorry for this meh scattering of thoughts...
love and hugs

Edited by geet.a - 13 May 2015 at 2:30am

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OmaRamdass IF-Rockerz

Joined: 03 November 2006
Posts: 8544

Posted: 12 May 2015 at 10:32am | IP Logged
Simply beautiful 

The following 1 member(s) liked the above post:


naddiya26 IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 10 July 2008
Posts: 21547

Posted: 12 May 2015 at 10:36am | IP Logged

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Cat. IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 16 May 2012
Posts: 18063

Posted: 12 May 2015 at 10:37am | IP Logged
Rida, beautiful post, I dont know if I will have time to write something but this is just lovely.

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QueenOfHell Senior Member

Joined: 24 February 2015
Posts: 230

Posted: 12 May 2015 at 10:40am | IP Logged
a goody good and a much needed post
u r an awesome writerSmile

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Flame.Of.Rose IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 01 April 2010
Posts: 16714

Posted: 12 May 2015 at 10:43am | IP Logged
I will comment once I am done with my os and post

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SankiPagal IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 22 January 2007
Posts: 17735

Posted: 12 May 2015 at 10:43am | IP Logged
All the best for your exam kiddo..!!

And this post ..just beautiful.. I don't know what more to write..I am in tears.. 

Thankyou for this!

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