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Software Symphony 21 Plan & Pilfer on 17 (Page 54)

samsi74 Groupbie
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Posted: 13 May 2015 at 8:11pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by swathi1990

one more thing which I want to ask...
 II hides most of the matters that happen at her home...Is that how everyone behaves ?? Is it really ok or she does it because she is not comfortable sharing things with him ???

rest of the matters aside, she could have still told this because nandu is involved illa...he is anyways going to find it through sam or worse manny...I just hope that this doesnt blow over the roof...in that case, he is going to be really pissed with II for not informing him earlier...

Swathi you and I posted at the same time. No I don't think wives hide things this much from their husbands. I certainly don't. Specially things he'll get to know later. If I did something like this I can't even imagine my husband's reaction!! Apart from being dishonest, it's not prudent either. You loose your husband's respect. If she can hide it permanently then she can(hide it) to save face but otherwise being upfront is the best strategy, I'm my opinion.

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Nisha0604 IF-Rockerz
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Posted: 13 May 2015 at 8:15pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by nividances

Originally posted by blue5sky

Originally posted by nividances

This was a recent Humans of Bombay post. In the end the girl talks about choice and I think she does a much better job of it than Ms. Padukone managed to do. 

http://www.buzzfeed.com/imaansheikh/from-kamathipura-to-america

"I've grown up in a red light area, surrounded by the flesh trade all my life. At 12, I've been asked for my 'rate' and cried myself to sleep because I didn't understand it. But you want to know what's worse? It's that the men who came to ask would all be from the 'upper class' as you call it with shiny cars and the perception that they could 'buy' anything. But the women there are my family...they've taken care of me when my mother would have to go work at a factory near by and treated with me so much love and kindness, but I still grew up with a very low self esteem because of my dark color. I don't know why you have to be fair to be beautiful...and because I'm dark I've always been called ugly. Once my 12th standard ended, I decided to make a change. I told the people at my Municipal school that I wanted to study, learn English and make something of myself. That's when I went to an organization called Kranti.

I spent the next year, traveling across India conducting workshops on sex education and that's when I realized that not everyone judges me for my background and kind of got my self esteem back. I've always been a day dreamer, so I randomly just said it out loud one day that I want to go America (at that point I didn't even know if it was a continent, city or a country) and through Kranti's efforts I got a full scholarship at Bard College to study Liberal Arts. We crowd sourced the rest of the money for my accomodation and day to day expenses and my life has just turned around...I've been to semester at Sea, I speak fluent English and have amazing entrepreneurial ideas to make a difference to my home...to Kamathipura. 

Yes, open your mind about my home. Accept that people have choices and know that so many women there are in it by choice...because it's their source of livelihood. As Indians, we need to judge less and accept things that are not always in our comfort zone, because my background is not my weakness...I'm me, and no location can define who I am."

As always when I found a breather..i went online and the last page of the thread trying to figure out if I have missed an update.

And I found your article. What a beautiful anti-dote to all that seems to fill the news about India off late.

Could not agree more with the girls definition of choice.Little stories like this are so heart warming. I know many kids like teach English at organisations like Kranti, mothers that teach their maids kids along with their own, bachelors in Bangalore who pay their maids kid's school fees together with the salary they pay her. And then there is the snigger of OH the NGO types at cocktails. You need them afterall they make giving easy for people like us who would like to give but have mile long daily to do lists! 

When Kids come back as say ' oh that was easy' after tutoring a needy child there is a glint in the eyes and a sense of peace that comes from giving.

It does not take much to be non-judging a little less ego and space in your mind to think of another. So true Nivi choice can transform yourself and the world around you!

Thank you for the article.Thumbs Up

I just love this thread!! Awesome tale, awesome writer and awesome people!Hug

have nice day everyone!

And Nisha who rarely gets to read all that we write...as always waiting for more...

Very well put Asma! Clap


Oh! Wow!

I was reading an Economist article at lunch yesterday about how Indian government is cracking down on NGOs, and the comments talked about Tessta Setalvad and how she stole money from Ford Foundation to line her pockets.

This article is refreshing and and hopeful. THANKS SO MUCH FOR SHARING

Being content is the hardest thing in life... even NGOs workers are not immune

Thanks so much for this one

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nividances IF-Dazzler
nividances
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Posted: 13 May 2015 at 8:15pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by Ashu25

Originally posted by nividances

Originally posted by Nisha0604

Originally posted by swathi1990

As always awesome update Nish
I loved the way Tan and sam reacted...It says something illa...one ipad really doesnt matter financially to them but they wanted to instill values and teach them the value of money...That is something many rich parents forget to do...but I am sooo happy to see these two as exceptions...


on a different note, why do I feel that II's affection towards shravu is spoiling him...I mea I am not accusing her...but I dont think the work shravu did should be easily left...Bala's reaction was spot on...I might be old school...but adichu valakarthula enaku ethuvum thappa theriyala...seriously if u leave this today what is the guarantee that it wont continue...u shud be strict when u have to be...

and now if u go and get him an ipad wont that send a wrong message ??? 



Great observation
And u are totally right II's love is spoiling him... whatever the sisters couldnt have growing up she seems to want to give it all to Shravu
Its a dangerous trendCry

@bold: a lot of people think that nowadays. I don't really understand why though. Confused I think it becomes more of a handicap to kids if you behave this way and fulfill their every materialistic desire and whim.

I was raised in a very simple way. I was definitely not the kid who had every new gadget the day it came out; my parents didn't think it important to indulge in such things and I never felt the need to make such unnecessary demands either. My parents did make it a point to give me the things that they had both missed out on during their childhood though...the right to dream and time. And I think those simple things have made all the difference.

I am not saying that one shouldn't buy their kids toys and gadgets to show their love, but I definitely don't think that it would be setting the right example if one only shows them that money and materialism are the keys to happiness. There are certainly more important things in life that kids need to be taught about from a young age.


DITTO Nivi!! 

To this day my parents are never happy with smart phones... They think its some research they are working on when they are handed one. ROFL

My dad is a computer/tech guy so he can navigate around on smartphones, but my mom to this day refuses to upgrade her cell. It just has a screen and a keypad, on which she has me, dad, and my brother on speed dial while the rest of the numbers she either remembers or keeps written in her little phone diary. LOL

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putti77 IF-Rockerz
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Posted: 13 May 2015 at 8:18pm | IP Logged
Awesome update Nisha. Looking forward how it will turn out. Shravu should not compete with Nandu. But how to explain this to Shravu? Tough situation, kids compare them with rich kids and asks parents why can't we have the luxury like them?

Both parents have acted with maturity. I like how Tan and Sam want Nandu should be disciplined.

My maternal aunt is wealthy but both my uncle and aunt never entertained their son with costly things. I handed my used cell to him one week back since he will be in 11th standard now. Getting sahasranaama from aunt for last one week Smile

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Ashu25 IF-Rockerz
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Posted: 13 May 2015 at 8:18pm | IP Logged
Nivi... My mom dies the dialling number thing even if she has the numbers fed in her phone Confused
My dad is okayish with comp and his bb... 

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nividancesputti77

nividances IF-Dazzler
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Posts: 2810

Posted: 13 May 2015 at 8:23pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by Ashu25

Originally posted by samsi74

Originally posted by Ashu25

Butter is cracking me up these days ROFL
I simple love BUTTER Hug

Sam and Tan are such a cute couple... Tan is really an awesome dad!! 

Vandu and II did the right thing imo... 

Lets see where this goes! 

Yes calling Sam is the best thing. If Batras get to know it from school that will be terrible. I wish II had confided in R&B. She will understand eventually that hiding things from husband only makes things worse, specially things he might later get to know from outside.

II ka mujhe samajh nahi aata bhai
She talks rubbish when he is around. And when he finds out she picks up a fight. 
When she has to share,  she doesnt.
Very rarely ghuma phirake baat bolti hai. 

However insecure she is.. Its now a family and I think she must have shared this with RB... Irrespective of the judgements of the Bhallas. 



I agree with you, but then I also think about the character sketch that has been laid out for II. It's frustrating to see her act and react the way she does, but that's the beauty of the story. We as readers have a bird's eye view of the entire situation so we try to extend that knowledge over to each of the characters and how they should behave, forgetting of course that they don't know all the juicy details that we are privy to. Smile

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Nisha0604 IF-Rockerz
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Posted: 13 May 2015 at 8:23pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by samsi74

Originally posted by swathi1990

one more thing which I want to ask...
 II hides most of the matters that happen at her home...Is that how everyone behaves ?? Is it really ok or she does it because she is not comfortable sharing things with him ???

rest of the matters aside, she could have still told this because nandu is involved illa...he is anyways going to find it through sam or worse manny...I just hope that this doesnt blow over the roof...in that case, he is going to be really pissed with II for not informing him earlier...

Swathi you and I posted at the same time. No I don't think wives hide things this much from their husbands. I certainly don't. Specially things he'll get to know later. If I did something like this I can't even imagine my husband's reaction!! Apart from being dishonest, it's not prudent either. You loose your husband's respect. If she can hide it permanently then she can(hide it) to save face but otherwise being upfront is the best strategy, I'm my opinion.


Swa

EVERY PERSON is different, I DEFINITELY did not share any uncomfortable happenings at my parents house with my husband the first 2 or 3 years... I started to as my parents aged and I aged also. May not be how a soap bahu behaves but thats the truth

I didnt want him to know about certain things I AM SURE he hid some things too... ITS OK
It doesnt matter to me. We both are allowed to maintain privacy about things we think are appropriate

100% transparency shaayad hi kisi Desi shaadi mein hoga (I know the moment I s ay that someone will disagree which is fine)

WHY will II share? Her nephew is accused of stealing, I dont see it as a big "husband wife have no understanding" its too sad etc

Its not... she is violating her Akka's privacy by saying it to hubby.
I dont care about it but some of my cousins married out of caste I never told my MIL about it until she passed away. I didnt want her to judge my family "ONGA AATHLA IPDI PANRA" (IN YOUR HOUSE) they marry like that... a distant niece "ran away" (odi poyittaROFL) and eloped... I didnt tell my husband or in laws
Just didnt...

It works for me

My husband is non political and non gossipy but not so muchWink about people in my in laws' I didnt want unnecessary questioning "What will happen now?"


"Edo IVA poi kanna todachu vidra madiri" (like they are going to wipe away tears)Angry


Edited by Nisha0604 - 13 May 2015 at 8:24pm

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samsi74 Groupbie
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Posted: 13 May 2015 at 8:24pm | IP Logged
The reasons I can think of for II's behaviour are
1.She is a newlywed

2. Very insecure about her husband's affection

3. Insecure about her finances

3. Very proud

4. Very competitive

5. Want to save face regarding her family

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