sandhir SS The fault in our stars(Chapter 11 on pg 16) - Page 10

Chapter 10

A week passed in jiffy packing, meeting Parth and Dhir and reading AIA. Everything was going fine and everyone was excited. We wanted to take Parth with us but he clearly refused. I was excited to meet Mr. Van Houten and then this happened.

I woke up in the middle of night and give out a shout. It felt what seems like a series of explosions in my head. The chest pain was increasing and then it became so awful that I was waiting for my death to come but it did not come. I felt I was on a seashore with waves crashing at , while not being allowed to drown. Soon I lost my senses and fell unconscious.

When I woke up, I was in the ICU and my parents were sitting beside me having a smile plastered on each one's face.

"The attack was due to poor oxygenation in the tank and therefore your lungs filled with fluid. There are no new tumors and you can relax." Papa  explained.

The nurse then told my parents to leave as I needed rest. Maa and papa kissed my forehead and went out. She told me I have been sleeping for 3-4 days and the world hasn't changed much. She asked me to have something and then feeded me with ice chips.

"There is a boy sitting outside. He is coming everyday to meet you since you have been admitted here." Said the nurse.

I guesses the boy to be Randhir. I don't know why but I ignored the line and closed my eyes to sleep. I still felt weak and sleepy.

I was released after 3-4 days and the next day we had to go for the doctors meeting who were going to discuss my case. Next day we went for the meeting. The room looked like a conference room and around 4 to 6 doctors were present and they discussed my case and what else we can try for my cancer. At the end doctors asked me If I had any question and I nodded in yes.

"Can I go to Amsterdam?" I asked out of nowhere and everyone in the room stared at me.

"That would not be wise at this juncture." Replied the senior most doctor.

"Why not?" I was reluctant.

"It would increase some risks." Replied the same doctor again.

"There can be some way out?" I pleaded.

"We are sorry Sanyukta but it is not advisable so we won't allow you to go."

I returned disappointed. I don't know why but I decided to ignore Randhir. Maybe because I knew the I was soon going to die and I did not want to hurt him. I did not reply to hs messages or calls and kept myself a bit aloof.

One day I was sitting and sipping my coffee when the landline rang and papa picked it up. It was Randhir and I signaled papa to tell him I am asleep and he did the same. Then he came to me, "What is all this Sanyu?"

"I know what you're thinking. It's not fair to him. It's not. He doesn't need this in his life. I mean, nobody does. I'm a lot more trouble than it's worth."

"No, you're right. You're, maa and I, we were just saying the same thing. It could be time we tossed you out on the street. Drop you off in an orphanage somewhere, make you their problem."

I smiled thinking that he is teasing.

"I am serious. We are not sentimental at all." Saying this papa walks out of the room.

I went in the backyard and sat in front of the swing set which was constructed when I was young by Papa. I was sad and at last called Randhir.

"Hey Sanyukta!"

"Hello Randhir."

"Are you... Are you okay?"

"No."

"Why what happened?"

"I don't know. I want to go to Amsterdam and meet Van Houten.  I also don't really want this particular life. But it's really just the sky, the sky that's making me sad and there's this pathetic old swing set thatpapa built for me when I was a kid and..." I said crying.

"I really want to see this swing set of tears."

He came to my place in half an hour and we were sitting in front of the swing set.

"This is really gloomy." He said.

"I know."

"Sanyukta Agarwal,I hope you realize that you trying to keep your distance from me in no way lessens my affection for you. All your efforts to keep me from you are gonna fail."

"Look, I like you. And I like hanging out with you, and everything. But I...I can't let this go on any further."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want to hurt you."

"I... I wouldn't mind."

"No... you don't understand."

"I do understand."

"No you don't."

"I do."

"Dhir, I'm a grenade! One day I'm gonna explode and I'm gonna obliterate everything in my wake and, I don't know, I just, I feel like it's my responsibility to minimize the casualties."

"A grenade?" he smiles.

"Yeah."

"I wouldn't mind," he explains, "It'd be a privilege to have my heart broken by you, Sanyukta Agarwal."

I smile and my cheeks are flushed.

"Well, we gotta do something about this frigging swing set." He said and I nod.

We decide to sell the swing set and we were sitting in my room writing for the ad on the laptop.

Me: Swing set needs home.

Dhir: Desperately lonely swing set needs loving home.

Me: Lonely, Vaguely Pedophilic Swing Set Seeks the Butts of Children.

"No." he says.

"No?" I say

"No" he again says.

"I like it." I laugh.

"That is why I like you."

"I know but I don't."

I knew I was lying. After all this I had started loving him but I know I shouldn't let my feelings out. I don't want to hurt him and I am sure I never will.

Precap- will they go to Amsterdam?

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