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ArHi FF: Revealed #3 | Link to Thread 4 Pg 1 (Page 54)

Chokri_ASR IF-Rockerz
Chokri_ASR
Chokri_ASR

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Posted: 26 May 2015 at 10:05am | IP Logged

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Chokri_ASR IF-Rockerz
Chokri_ASR
Chokri_ASR

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chotidesi IF-Dazzler
chotidesi
chotidesi

Joined: 01 December 2013
Posts: 4786

Posted: 26 May 2015 at 10:05am | IP Logged

I have told you this many times in the past week, but I will say it again- I am so damn proud of you. It takes a hell of a lot of guts to take that devastating, unimaginable pain and write it- and write it f**king well.



This was so poignant. It was heartbreakingly beautiful, that kind of pain that just leaves you with an ache in your heart and it feels good in an odd sort of way, because it was so worth the sadness. It brought tears to my eyes and made my head clog up and my nose run and it was all just so worth it because your writing was stunning in this.



The moment when the doctor turns off the ultrasound made my stomach plunge to the floor- I knew it, I thought I had anticipated it and yet I still couldn't anticipate the overwhelming emotion I would feel as I read it, how much I would just wish... You made me feel that! The image of Khushi sitting in the dull glow, late at night is still in my mind, with Arnav slowly sitting down next to her. Their conversation had so much crippling grief - the whirl of emotions you brought forth just through words... I didn't need a picture- you wove that for me, you took me into their room and made me feel what they were feeling.



I am so proud I can say that you are my Di. Damn it, I will brag about you because you deserve it for this update.



I am just so proud of you. You broke my heart with this update- but I love you for it because it was oh, so worth it.


Love always,

Choti.




Edited by chotidesi - 26 May 2015 at 11:21am

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Arshi67 IF-Rockerz
Arshi67
Arshi67

Joined: 09 June 2013
Posts: 9807

Posted: 26 May 2015 at 10:06am | IP Logged
"Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak knits up the o-er wrought heart and bids it break."
William Shakespeare, Macbeth

***************************

Jigs, every gesture in this update is breathtaking in the sheer depth of poignancy portrayed. The feelings of joy, anticipation, dread and then of being left bereft, all so beautifully and delicately brought out. That moment when she knew her Pari was no more, the "darkness" that engulfed her was so heart-rending to read. You knew it was coming but still that moment had fresh tears welling up in my eyes. 

One of the most moving images for me was Arnav cradling the doll, while Khushi leans in to him and strokes the doll's arms. She was their baby ... their much yearned for and loved baby ... and I'm crying once again.

Their bottled up tears are slowly seeping out, sharing a pain that only Pari's parents can truly comprehend. 

Words from me can't truly tell you how much I've been moved here Jigs. But, I know you will understand my darling. Heart



Edited by Arshi67 - 27 May 2015 at 4:52am

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Mirabell Senior Member
Mirabell
Mirabell

Joined: 31 January 2014
Posts: 816

Posted: 26 May 2015 at 10:06am | IP Logged
Meee
----------

Oh Writerji, this update was so sensitively written. My hats off to your writing this time.

It began with the epigraph... 'find strength in what remains behind.' This set the tone for me for what is to come. The joy of what is, what we think we have... and a slow shift to the underlying anxiety we don't want to necessarily acknowledge. The first part of that memory recall was so beautifully written to evoke these sentiments in your reader. I was swept into their moment of love.

There is something so momentous and almost awe-inspiring in how life changes in a blink of an eye. I am reminded of an article that Joan Didion had written for New York Times after she lost her husband of many decades. Here is how she begins her article:
Life changes fast. 
Life changes in the instant. 
You sit down to dinner and life as you know it ends. 
The question of self-pity. 

This is what you have done in this chapter Writerji, showed us how the two parents sought to hear their little one's heart beat and in the next second their world as they knew came crashing down... Life as they knew it ended. 

I do want to remark on your ability as a writer here, I see a definite shift to a depth and insightful writing that is steeped in a nuanced presentation of emotions. There is knowledge in your writing and that knowledge is making me connect with and empathize with your characters in a very real sense. 

Healing begins with acknowledging and experiencing pain and this is what I saw in the second part. This sentence just got me

"Eighteen months..." She took her eyes off the doll, then looked up at him.

He nodded, taking the doll from her hands, then held it close to his heart. He swallowed, painfully, trying to push back the ache in his throat.

If she could hold the doll, then so could he.

Their first step to real communication and healing... 

What can I say about this Writerji that I haven't said already? I am truly enjoying this journey with you. Perhaps enjoy is not the most appropriate word, but I wish to stick with it. You have made me go through so many emotions with your story.

Now is the time to heal, and I am ready for them.. Bring it on Soul Sister! I am ready. 

Heart



Edited by Mirabell - 26 May 2015 at 10:46am

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..ri.. IF-Dazzler
..ri..
..ri..

Joined: 18 December 2013
Posts: 2557

Posted: 26 May 2015 at 10:09am | IP Logged
unres..
superb update..
loved it soo much.. finally they talked..

Edited by ..ri.. - 26 May 2015 at 10:40am

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Chokri_ASR

ragvir92 IF-Dazzler
ragvir92
ragvir92

Joined: 24 June 2011
Posts: 2887

Posted: 26 May 2015 at 10:09am | IP Logged
That was an absolutely wonderful emotional update Di
You really made us cry with their pain and grief
Yes though everyone thinks that the miscarried child is not that much hurtful only the parents know the pain, No one can understand that.
Khushi rightly said that their child is not just a statistical number in miscarriage list
And the flashback scene was absolutely lovely
They recording the heartbeat, excited about their child everything is just so lovely
You had depicted the emotions of the parents beautifully in words
This couple share such an amazing bond
The confrontation almost after 2 years is still very impactful
Glad that they atleast talked now
Hopefully ArHi will give their relationship a chance
Wanna see them back together as the same amazing couple who loves each other unconditionally
Want them to talk about everything 
Want Khsuhi to talk openly about Arnav being alcoholic and that stupid girl's motives who always goes overboard in the disguuise of Arnav's partnerAngry

Waiting eagerly for the next
Fo the first time I am commenting in the same page as you had writtenBig smile


Edited by ragvir92 - 28 May 2015 at 10:01am

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ManKiBaath Senior Member
ManKiBaath
ManKiBaath

Joined: 21 April 2014
Posts: 982

Posted: 26 May 2015 at 10:11am | IP Logged
Despair only yields to more despair or hope. I am glad after 2 years of more despair, you treated us to some ray of hope towards the end of the chapter.
 
Some chapters do not end with the last lines and have a tendency to linger on, looking for closure. Yes, it needs a closure from the impact it left on me. Yes, it needs a closure from the pain you get when someone pinches your heart.
 
Even though I have said it a million times, I am sure, saying it another million times, will not still wear the sheen of your brilliant writing.    
 
I am not sure if you intended it that way but the chills started for me right from the first few lines. The slips in the bathroom, the caution from Arnav - I knew we were in for a rough ride right there. The baby bump talking moments were endearing and I guess that is what makes the loss even more unbearable for Khushi and Arnav.
 
What is that feeling when your dream becomes a sad memory? Is denial an obvious choice when you hear the unthinkable? What is it like to look at the child for closure instead of a beginning? And as you have said what is the feeling of delivering someone who is no more?
 
A lot of questions with very little answers from me. I probably belong to that crowd who would advise to move on. But, I have to admit that reading your portrayal had me thinking. Arnav and Khushi were no different and for all the guilt and blame they were dealing with personally, it was about time they shared some sorrow together.
 
You were right about being nervous with this chapter and I have to commend you for handling a sensitive topic with a lot of sense. As you have so rightly ended, "They had each other to lean on and neither planned to back away, not tonight". We could not have asked for anything more at the end of all that.


Edited by bhavali4RR - 27 May 2015 at 11:42am

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