Posted: 13 May 2015 at 3:50am | IP Logged
Title: Broken and Scared.
Pairings: Vidushi/Parth, Randhir/Sanyukta.
(Vidushi's concern for Sanyukta seems from the fact that she can see history repeating itself.)
You stupid girl.
Vidushi knows she's been stupid, blind and let Parth walk all over her like a damn doormat, the word "Welcome" all over him for to push the soles of his feet on and stamp all over her heart.
Which is why she can't help rolling her eyes and pointing Sanyukta is doing the same thing for Randhir. Become a disposable, expendable resource. To be used and thrown at will.
You stupid girl
All you had you wasted
Sanyukta is not like her. She works on her emotions more than logic. Vidushi's logic, twisted and self centered as it is, did not save her from having her heart, dignity and everything she was and is torn apart and scattered to the wind. Sanyukta has seen her become that stupid, Parth worshipping doormat and Vidushi fails to understand why, why in the seven hells Sanyukta, smart and innovate, can't see the same sick cycle repeating itself.
When Vidushi points out what Sanyukta is doing, the irritated Amazon has already put the blinders on. Sanyukta is as stubborn as Vidushi is and she turns on Vidushi herself.
Attacking her with words, pointing out not everyone is selfish like Vidushi is.
At this point, Vidushi wants to scream?
Selfish? If she were so selfish she'd sit down with a bowl of buttered cheese popcorn and watch Sanyukta break down into small pieces.
Instead, she rolls her eyes, takes another bite of her sandwich and points out whatever Sanyukta says doesn't chance the facts.
The fact is, Sanyukta is too wrapped up in her "Everything will be alright" world.
She can't see beyond the rose coloured glasses.
Vidushi can't blame her. It's a nice feeling, wearing those pink, princess point of view glasses. She knows excatly how it feels, like you are invincible, that nothing can really hurt you if only you believe in yourself and the power of love.
What drives you on (What drives you on)
Can drive you mad (Can drive you mad)
A million lies to sell yourself
Is all you ever had
Vidushi had been driven by two things before.
Love and then Money.
Money and then Love.
Both of those things had broken her into something she barely recognized and part of her wanted to protect Sanyukta from the same fate.
Living life like this, so broken from inside that all that remains in you is hate, bubbling up within you like acid, seeking escape through petty words and actions is not easy, and she won't wish it on anybody. Not even Sanyukta. Especially not Sanyukta, who is the first friend she's had in a long, long time.
Vidushi knows she's no hero, she knows she's as screwed up as it gets.
Parth still reigns over her heart, an uncrowned king, ruthless and all consuming. He's taken over her and she wishes she had never loved him sometimes.
She knows it is too late for her soul, there is no saving her now, she is in too deep. She knows when she leaves FITE, Parth's absence in her life will take away a huge chunk of her heart. She's accepted the inevitable. She can't fight for him anymore. Defeat tastes like bitter almonds and sounds like a wicked cackle. It is cynaide to her system and she will swallow it with a smile. She's done it before. With her family, with Varun.
She's been alone before. She can survive.
Vidushi is afraid Sanyukta won't.