(In which an angry, bitter Vidushi confronts an exhaused, frustrated Randhir)
(Post-Karan death, pre Friday episode)
"Baat kyun nahi karte sedhe sedhe?" her voice is crisp, frank, straight to the point.
He resents the level headed tone she has, that controlled look on her face.
He never thought he, Randhir Singh Shekhawat, would come to envy her, of all people.
But he does. He envys her stable world.
His own is crumbling to pieces, he's carrying the weight of not just his own world, but the weight of a promise given to a dear one, and the responsibility of keeping someone sane when he feels anything but sane himself.
"Behre ho kya?" Vidushi raises a brow, her mouth twisted in a frown.
Clearly irritated by his lack of response.
He holds his tongue, thinking if he swallows his words she'll get bored and leave.
Find someone else to torment.
"Hello? Randhir?" Vidushi has no pity or concern in her eyes, only mind annoyance.
"Mujhe Tumse koi baat nahi karni he. Jao yahan se Vidushi. " the words fly out of his mouth harsher than he intended them to.
And he can see the hurt flash in her dark eyes.
But the next moment it is gone, replaced with a pissed off expression.
She looks like an injured animal, he knows how that feels.
Like a wolf attacking your insides.
Hurt and pain and anger eating at you all at once.
He's feeling the same, except with a side dose of loss.
Her nostrils flare, her eyes flash dangerously.
She's all rage and fury.
And he expects her to erupt.
"Fine. Mujhse maat bolo. But atleast talk to her. She really cares about you, you know." Vidushi bites her lip, as if debating her next words
Finally, she says it, the words he knows to be true.
"She loves you, despite everything that happened. And you are a fool if you can't see it. People like...welll not all people are lucky enough to have someone there who cares so much."
The words he's been dreading, avoiding ,supressing and denying.
The bitterness and resentment is back in her voice.
Just like the blind fury is back in his throat.
"Get over Parth Vidushi. He's never going to love you like you love him." he spits, wanting her to hurt like he is doing, to face the truth.
And then, it's like all her anger has evaporated.
Her eyes are large and sorrowful.
There's acceptance in it along with the strange mix of determination and fear.
"Why do you still try then?"
He needs to know. Why does she keep on doing this?
How can she carry this burden of knowing she's not loved and still not get destroyed by it?
"Because trying is better than giving up. Trying means you still have a fighting chance. And I am anything but a loser, even if I have lost everything I've ever had."
Her chin is raised, she's strong.
And yet as vulnerable as him.
"You can't be anyone's strength till you find your own. And Parth is my strength." she admits.
"You can be your own strength" Randhir cuts in, not wanting the conversation to lead back to Sanyukta again.
"I tried once. Look where it got me. Alone." her smile is forced.
He knows the implied meaning.
Don't make my mistakes, you have other options and another chance. I didn't. I don't.