I locked the door. Suhani tried getting up and walking around but it was becoming increasingly hard for her to walk properly. I made her sit and she pushed my hand away.
"Suhani, you're drunk...you need to sit. You aren't feeling well." I said. I held her hand and she pulled it away from my clasp.
"Don't do that...it hurts..." She said. Her eyes were teary. She got up and walked towards the window and stood in front of it, and looked out.
"Does it hurt when I hold your hand?" I asked.
"Yes..." She replied. "Everything hurts..." She said. I noticed she was crying. It hurt immensely seeing her like this. I tried to bring her towards me but she kept pushing me away.
"Stop!" She shouted. She wasn't herself at all. I was stunned seeing her like this. "Stop touching me. It hurts..."
"But I didn't mean to hurt you." I said. I didn't know what she meant by hurt. I was being so gentle.
"It hurts when you touch me..." She said. She was crying. Her crying became worse. At this point, I felt miserable. She wasn't letting me comfort her. I didn't know how to comfort her. I couldn't touch her.
"Suhani, I'm sorry..." I said.
"Stop...I hate you..." She said. She sobbed. She struggled to walk back towards the bed and sat down.
"I hate this room. I hate this bed. I hate you..." She said. She was sobbing. I couldn't see her crying like this. She looked absolutely inconsolable so I knew I had to hold her. I held her by force and wiped away her tears.
"I won't hurt you..." I said.
"But you do..." She said. "You can't help it..." She said. I realized that there was another meaning behind everything she was saying. I tried to hug her and she eventually relented. I held her as tight as possible and she kept her head against my chest.
"I don't want to hurt you..." I said.
"You have no choice. You can't help it." She said. She was talking complete sense. In this state, she was being more honest with me then she'd ever be if she were sober. She was speaking from her heart. She continued crying and I held her.
"Why does it hurt?" I asked.
"Because...I love you..." She whispered the last part but I heard it. "And I can't make you love me..." She said. She pushed me away. She smiled through her tears. I tried to hold her again and she pushed me. She was losing it now. She tried hitting me and cried when she failed. She cried even more when I brought her into my arms and held her again. She slowly dropped to her knees and rested her head against the bed. I sat next to her and held her hand. I squeezed it. She wasn't crying anymore. She closed her eyes. I realized that she had fallen asleep. For a few minutes I let her remain just like that but she couldn't sleep like that the entire night. I held her in my arms and carried her to our bed.
I closed the lights and locked the door and left. I needed some fresh air. I went to the terrace. Sharad came a few minutes later. He somehow always knew when I needed someone. He had that intuition.
He touched my shoulder. I wiped away a tear or two and faced him.
"What happened, Guru?"
"Ragini and Menka, what else? They mixed alcohol into Suhani's juice. She wasn't feeling well. She's sleeping now. She'll be ok..." I said.
"No, that's not it...you look shattered." He said. Why did Sharad always have to point out the obvious, and exactly what I didn't want to discuss?
"She had a complete emotional breakdown in that condition and she told me she hates me." I said.
Sharad became silent for a few minutes. I tried to hold it together. "That shouldn't matter to you, Guru...unless you love her too." He said. We stared at each other. I didn't have an answer. He left after that and I did as well. I went back to our room. Suhani was sleeping peacefully. I showered and changed. She hadn't changed, of course. I saw her dupatta entangled with her arm and neck. I had to get rid of that. She couldn't sleep with that around her neck. I gently removed it. I noticed that she was sweating so I increased the air conditioning. I returned to her side to turn off a lamp. She caught my hand and clutched it. I was startled. I looked at her. She was struggling to open her eyes. She was still intoxicated it. She tried getting up.
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