Posted: 06 May 2015 at 12:18am | IP Logged
She was angry! Frustrated with herself that she is going to do this to him . Again. harassing him mentally, emotionally adding more to his agonizing painful life. Till then she had no idea where she was going or what she will face. She was just walking with the frustration and regret. Yes regret. For the first time after getting involved with ETF , she is regretting the very decision she made to work combining with ETF later to disappoint the whole team. They do not deserve this. Or him.
It's been months she is working with them. And it didn't took much time for them to cope with her despite of her Stern and rude attitude they blend well with her. Its not that she is too ignorant about the bond the team share with each other or how they feel towards her but she chose not to take part in. It was always temporary. Relation, contacts everything was temporary. Mission over and she'd be out of everything. It was always like this with her. And not just how much she regret being involved with someone that personally which had become the reason of her suffering. Since the time she hated attachments. She find no good in it.
But this time its hurting her more than anything. She would not bear being the culprit in their eyes. Everytime she would look at Shree or Chotu she'd never miss the glint of amusement in their eyes caused only because of her. Aisha, and those confusing looks she'd always have reminded her that she never did answer her questioning eyes. Sameer Rathod, the chief of the team who always defend her even knowing the truth. She could never get anyone this loyal and honest towards her.
And now she thought about him. HIM. The very thought of him rose the conflicting emotions inside her made her suffocate. Personally or professionally she is going to hurt him in both way. What would happen to the soul still grieving for vengeance remorselessly. She could not imagine the view in her head. She remembered his determination a few hours ago, and that was something she hadn't seen since the first time he would dragged her into a corner with fury asking her about the one who destroyed his whole being. And she'd seen the same fury in those cold eyes of his before she'd step out of the SUV. Before the time it did nothing to her but this time she is frightened.
A part of her crumpled down, thinking about how much things she'd kept away from him. The truth about his very own life. While all he did was beg her in front of her to disclose it. But she didn't. Before the time she was more concerned for her mission that she let him suffer. But now she is much more than concerned for him. And how would he take all these. For the moment she kept aside her plan and walked ahead aimlessly. She didn't even think about the meeting she had with her boss. She tried as much to ignore the tappering sound of a pair of shoes following her. It is possible for her to ignore because right now there is something else she is searching. Peace. Something she craved all life. She craved for the numbness that devoid each and every emotion out of her heart and mind.
Where the emptiness would absorb her and she would forget herself. Is it even possible? Of course . It is. Each time she saw him she felt it. She felt herself too small that her existence is threatening to appear. Each time she thought about his suffering , the much anticipated accusations drowned her into guilt. That's one of reason she couldn't help but be extremely rude around him. To show him of herself that she is not weak or she can stay unaffected. But the only thing she could draw for the act is COWARDICE. Selfishness. She cant do anything but continue it over and over again.
I'd have to do something. He needs to stop. This should end no matter whatever would be the conclusion it end.
'you just took the wrong turn Mukharjee', she cant ignore that voice. Can she?
'why does it even matter to you? She kept walking realising that he is matching her steps.
'i should have known, you only care about the things that matters',
'why you have to do this always? Why you have to step into everything that I'd never want you to! Why cant you just leave me alone'! She turned around shooting him with questions which he felt like he had no relation with. For a moment he observed her. Her fluffy eyes and the lines of wetness across her cheeks. Hands tightly clutching the fabric of her long jacket. He'd never seen her this broken ever.
'Happy? Happy enough to see me like this? This vulnerable! Leave me alone Arjun. Just do me this favour Arjun'!
He could not understand her rattled expressions all over again. Why she would put up this totally different conversation? He just can not tolerate her accusations knowing that he did nothing to transpire such emotions inside her. Despite of seeing how broken she is now, he flared up in anger remembering her accusations.
'what are you accusing me for Riya Mukharjee'? The coldness of his voice startled her. And it was too late for her shut up.
'You don't know? The way you look at me as if I am the only culprit of your life! Like I am just too small and too cruel to even exist around you. You just make me feel like a coward' , finally she said this leaving him stand there dumbstruck.
He couldn't decipher what just she told him. As if she is unfolding something too personal she'd never even discussed with herself. He could not believe that he affected her in a way that even her existence is shattering and her weak efforts to hold onto those shreds. Fact remains he affected her, while all he used to think is his presence would do nothing to her. Only if he'd know how badly he contradicts to this fact. He felt movement around him , and when he looked up she is turning around. To run again. Suddenly he felt like grabbing her hand and stop her, to encase her on a way that she would never escape. Her turning away was telling him that something important of his life is walking away and if he'd lose it he'd lose it forever.
Its not her. Its the secret she is holding and it is something that is killing her with guilt. What did she do to be this vulnerable and what is its connection with him. He never thought anything she is hiding could be this important that. Would break Riya Mukharjee. And now he is craving more to know everything, every hidden secrets that is related to his life that is suffocating her. Taking a few steps he clutched her hand tight feeling her struggle to free herself. And he didn't miss the way she flinched with his touch. Is she afraid of me. The ache inside his heart felt similar to something he couldn't remember.
'Look at me Riya'!! His urgent voice pleaded her. She shook her head denying.
I won't let him see what I am inside. He'd seen enough for today.
'You Riya Mukharjee, who don't even think twice to knock someone out with the gun tips, is afraid of me? I cant believe'! While the realization shocked him she took his statement as mockery.
'oh just stop it! You are happy, you should be! Feeling good enough to discover that you frightened me'! She struggled against his grip one more time only that cause her to be pulled close to his chest.
'why don't you just tell me Riya'? She shook her head again.
He lifted her chin with his fingers to make her look at him. He is searching answers. And no way it seems she'd tell him.
'why are you hurting yourself with the truth and guilt Riya! Just tell me and get over with this..'
'its not easy! Hell it would never be, just let me go' she replied and struggled more. The more she struggled the more he closed the distance between them.
'just stop this ' she whispered weakly.
'tell me...' He pleaded. She could not handle this intimacy. The way he is holding her close to his chest and asking her the most personal questions. It scared her to the core if she'd spell anything.
'you shouldn't know this... You won't revive' she shook head franticly not willing to tell anything' ,
[I] stop it Riya. You have told enough. Do anything. Just distract him. Anyway just shut him up. Gun !? You cant kill him. But where is that damn thing?
She looked here and there, checked her jacket. It was not there.
'Why do you care? Why is it important? Why you cant tell me damn it!! He asked shaking her shoulder. She lifted up her face and this time looked directly into his eyes. Uncountable questions and she is speechless. He is pleading with his eyes. He noticed her fickle eyes. Those same eyes that always rattled him when he looked into first time. Trying to make her movement very steady under the mask. Or the time she'd avoid him sitting in the back seat. And this time she is upto something. But what?
Before he could think she pressed her lips to his. Her movements were wild, rapid and demanding him to reciprocate. Her right hand tightly clutching into the fistful fabric of his shirt. Another lazily grazing on his neck. And he leaned more into her mouth.
She was relived that he was not anymore asking any question. She was relived she wouldn't have to answer him anymore. She wouldn't have to be very weak in front of him. She felt a twinge of numbness inside her body when his both hand rested on her waist reciprocating her with this moment. The next thing she did is regret.
I cant be involve with him in any way.
You started all this now you cant break this.
Just kiss him and get over with this.
She's gone too far to even break apart now. Not that she was craving for it, not that the feeling is new to her. It practically brought nothing but peace, the only thing she craved all life. And she pondered, how on earth of all people she could get this peace from Arjun Rawte. With all these conflicting moments, between all those disastrous fights they had she could still find peace with him. How?
Its not the first time he is kissing her. Well but accidentally or intentionally but second time, it's getting passionate with the sounds escaping her mouth. He couldn't help but kiss her more.
Why would even she care to do this?
Why would she want this?
There could be literally nothing in between us.
But I can't resist it.
I cant resist it.
I don't know why even I am doing this. But its just the most right thing right now. I need to calm down myself and HER.
'I..' She was about to say something but the voice died each time his lips made any movement against her sending her into peace again. His each action sucking the air out of her lungs making breathless.
He knew her efforts to speak between his lips. When he asked she didn't speak. Now she'd have to shut up. He groaned against her lips and she stopped her efforts. She just wanted to ask him. He could not be the one. Not again. But she felt is just right. She never felt anything like this before. The moment is just too peaceful for her that she can't remember any of the problem at hand. She cant remember all the turmoil she went through just minutes ago. Her hand travelled down his nape. She just wanted that moment to last longer, the rest of the things can just freeze on time.
It wouldn't happen.
The peace you are craving is temporary.
He will hate you.
He will not forgive you. He will hate you.
The very thought made her cringe and she felt the weight in her head again. The peace is gone. And all she felt how is his hungry lips lingering over hers and she's stopped responding. She was even more confused as why he had to give into this.
RIYAAA!! Ops !
The urgent voice in the background somewhere made them broke apart and they kept staring each other, face just inches apart. They were not even looking at the source of voice. For moment later she turned abruptly breaking the trance only to notice Rajiv standing there uncomfortably.
'umm.. I .. We'd talk later'! Said Rajiv and disappeared into the street somewhere before she could respond. Walking into the street when he found the empty SUV he was worried not finding anyone around and when he just took the turn to the labe aside, he saw what he wasn't supposed to see, may be.
And this wasn't the voice he was supposed hear at the moment. He thought about their previous encounter and the way both lunged at each other nearly picking up a fight. And it enraged him even more when he witnessed her attention shifting from him to Rajiv.
'Riya.. We..' ,he tried to speak.
"Blame the hormones', is all what she replied.
Did I hear a sorry?
Things wont be same after this. He thought and looked at the way she disappeared. It wasn't meant to be this way tonight. But it happened anyway. He walked back to the SUV taking slow lazy steps. His mind deeply engrossed in thinking about what just happened and what all those odd things that leads it. Just when he opened the door t silver shiny object caught his eyes. He bent down to pick it up and realized she just dropped her gun there.
What would she do now?
What if she'd be in any danger?
No ! Her trusted man is with her after all. He thought in gritted teeth.
Why do I even care. I don't care for her. It's only what she is hiding that matters.
He shouted in his mind but he knew this isn't the only thing that matter. There are a lot more things that matters.
They both stood under the dim street light talking literally nothing. He was so shocked to what he' witness just minutes ago. And she was standing as if he didn't even exist around there. Or may be cooking up some explanation that could save her from that personal interrogation about to come once he'd come out of shock.
'what the hell was just that'? ' umm! Raj that was just...err accident'!
"like how? You two are not cars or some vehicle that you would name it accident! You were practically kissing him'!
'i was not ! I mean yes I did ' , 'goddamn Candy you so confusing' he groaned frustrated with excitement she cant tell.
' I was distracting him', she says coldly.
'no I don't want to hear that! Just tell me if there is ANYTHING going between the two of you?
'there is nothing going on, and there wouldn't ever'!
'i am your best friend , you can tell me Candy! I mean do you like him?
'oh no Raj! I already told you what was that!'
How can I like him?
I don't deserve anything .
He is supposed to hate you.
'its been long Riya! You don't deserve all these! You should move on!' He said in a distant voice as if thinking so deep.
'move on with what? Do I even have anything to move on with' He was speechless with that reply of her.
'let me live like that Raj, besides we are not here to talk about what I deserve in life? Are we? She asked in that same tone he used.
'so what's the plan?
'You already know half of it'
'yeah, unless your angry bird has to come and intervene! He groaned again.
'yeah that bird you kissed'!
'ughh Raj! Will you just stop that? She punched him in the stomach lightly with a red embarrassing face knowing that he was only making it easy for her. One look at her face and he can read each word even if she wouldn't verbalize them.
'we are following that pizza boy! We are sure it will lead us somewhere. I think he is the one who carries messages from Junaid',
'Well if that is so, keep track of his!'
'yeah! And its not the only thing for what you called me to discuss? Is it? .
'No', he said in a much serious tone now.
'then? What is it?
'what ? Me what?
'what are you upto Riya'? She knew that questioning gaze of his with too much suspicion.
'You really need to know'? And its time, she should tell her plan to him.
' I am your boss' and he was serious talking like one right now. There is no way she can do it without him. She need his help.
'i pretty damn sure HE, will be there , I need your help Raj'! She said, calculating the words that would convince him. But will he be convinced? Its not her best friend she is talking with right now but the ITF chief.
'you are sure you want to do this?
'yes! You don't know how dangerous he can be for his revenge! Besides I am sure he'd kill him the moment he'd lay his eyes on him'!
'still you shouldn't do this Riya! Its dangerous'
'there isn't any other way'
'they will kick you out Riya, they trust you'
'he doesn't' she replied thinking his eyes and the Ernest way Arjun said that he doesn't trust her.
'i cant do this ! I had my words to commissioner. I cant back out now. You will have to convince them'
'i nearly disclosed half the damn thing of this secret mission which now seems isn't secret anymore'!
'you had to! You had no choice. And you still have no choice , you have to tell them! The truth Riya'
'are you mad? You know how badly it would affect him. I want him to be strong ,at this crucial time he cant be weak'!
'one day you will have to tell them'
'yeah one day! But tomorrow will not be that day and tell them what? Please help me with this Raj! I need your help'!
And she told him her plan. And Rajiv was still not convinced with this plan.
'we can still try to convince them once he is caught'
'they won't be, he has taken enough from their life, that they would care an ounce of his being' ,she again reminded herself of the determination of Arjun that had her worried. She also remembered her promise to Sam that she would do justice to the woman who was his best friend.
'Okay! that plan is okay, but I'd still hope you'd change your mind'! He said in deep thinking. Thank you '
Riya one more thing. I gave you this chance to prove yourself, and to over come from that guilt and self estimation... Hope you wont do anything that you will regret later'! 'build yourself like you wouldn't be a traitor, AGAIN'. Those were his last word and he meant it. There is no lies hidden in each of the word he spoke. And she shuddered at the thought of being called a traitor again.
Yes. Its my only chance to prove myself.
And I . Was. Not . Traitor.
Tomorrow is a big day.
'Hungry'? He asked politely holding her hands.
'hmm! Lets get something'! Both of them walked hand in hand towards his car.
'okay one last time? You were distracting him from what'? His voice was again child like.
'damn you Raj! Just get over it. You didn't kiss him, I did and I am already over with that'!
'Kiss him"? He looked agape, 'that surely isn't the kind of taste I like' , he frowned and she slapped his chest laughing out loud.
He observed her carefully and smiled , seeing her smile. Its a pleasure to watch her smile. It had always been. And its long time he'd seen her laughing like this. She noticed him staring at her with that smile and raised a brow questioning. But all she got is a simple nod of no. They had always been like this. They successfully managed to play both the role professionally and personally. May be that's how best friends are supposed to be. She smile at the thought again, enjoying the calmness she always feels around him.
But she couldn't stop thinking about the other person. It was peaceful. She craved for that peace, and how magically it appeared just only feeling his lips on her. May be it was dream. No it can not be, it was very real. Just how she wished to live that moment a little longer. You got enough, stop being selfish and greedy.[NOCOPY]
Edited by Vampire-queen - 06 May 2015 at 3:22am