Na Tere Bina Lagda Jee
"Nobody ever seems to understand
We're miles apart but we're holding hands"
Zach Ashton (songwriter), Zach Ashton (songwriter)'s Book
Even angels have their
wicked schemes
And you take that to new extremes
But you'll always be my hero
Even though you've lost your mind
Rihanna - Love The Way You Lie Part
II Lyrics | MetroLyrics
They have perfected routines now.
The old one perfected with time in their yearlong marriage
and a new one, that came into existence, over the past few days since the
second day of his US trip.
They don't speak about them though.
Of course they won't, it is them after all, so them.
Even when they have been through so much, seen each other at
their lowest, tried to make the other happier whenever possible (which is
almost always), they still find it hard to do - to TALK. This when neither of
them can stay without the other now, can't go on without bickering and cribbing
about mundane things, silly things, foolish things, rather especially those.
What began as their practice due to their annoyance and
dislike of each other is now their way of expressing their love, their routine
that speaks of their comfort, their joy.
So yes, they have perfected a routine now over the days but
they won't so much as mention it - since to mention it would mean to TALK - and
heaven forbid that should happen between them!
She rolls her eyes, lets out an exasperated huff, falls back
against the headboard with a sigh, and turns towards the laptop perched on her
bed besides her, on his side of the bed. She waits for him to reply to her
video call request she made a few minutes back, as per their new routine, the one
that started on the second day of his US trip.
She knows he gets a little late sometimes and it's okay, she
understands but it doesn't make it easier to wait. It seems like a year of her husband' company
is affecting her more than she thought possible - she is becoming impatient,
she thinks with amusement and a little frustration, he' rubbing off on her,
god help her (and them, should that happen); she thinks to herself, a smile on her face at the mere thought of
him. One she quickly hides.
There' no need he know that.
Oh, no, some things are better kept to self, she thinks.
Husbands shouldn't be made privy to every thought that crosses through the minds
of their wives, especially if you happened to be married to one Raman Kumar
Bhalla.
He would never let her live it down, she knows it and while
it is amusing, their banter, she is not foolish enough to hand him that kind of
an ammo that will last a lifetime.
No, she certainly isn't gonna do that to herself she thinks
with a sly grin.
Shaking her head slightly she thinks about the year gone by
and of the years to come all at once, but mostly she thinks of the day her
husband left for the US a week ago, in particular the night he confessed his
love for her.
She can't help the smile that takes over her face as that
happens nor can she control the rhythmic thumping of her heart that gets faster
as she recalls his words, the sweetest ones he has said to her so far, as he
opened up his heart to her. She can't
help but close her eyes to find herself transported back again to that night,
that moment when her husband said he loves her.
Recalling the way his voice had been so soft and husky, his
eyes a little misty as if he were amazed too to be finally be able to say it,
say that he loves her, as if saying the
words made all of this even more real even to him. Her mind recollects the
little banter that ensued that night, the moment he goofed up, which now makes
her giggle as she thinks of it though then she had NOT been amused. Slowly and
steadily, it retraces the journey of those precious few minutes when Raman said
all those things to her that she so longed to hear and more, so much more, she
thinks with a sigh.
Her heart feels a little ache now as she finds herself
living the moment when she was in his arms before the call that made her send
him away on this trip and she finds herself wretchedly alone, even more than
she did a few minutes earlier.
She wants to be there again, in his arms, surrounded by his
warmth, his comfort, but mostly his love and stay there forever. She wants to
hold him close and smell the fragrance of his cologne that she has come to love
so much.
She wants to sleep in his arms and ...
Her heart beats faster as a blush overtakes her face as she
thinks; she wants to... kiss her husband; kiss his lips...and more. She wants to
make love to her husband, because she can and because she knows - he loves her
too.
Her breathing accelerates as she finds herself picturing them, oh god, she thinks
wringing her hands together, sending a quick thanks to her Muruga for making
her have the foresight to lock the door to their bedroom as she turned in for
the night. Had Ruhi and Adi or anyone else caught her just now, she doesn't
know how would she have explained herself. How could she have answered their
queries over the light sheen of perspiration beaded on her forehead, her uneven
breathing and her flushed countenance.
She would have rather the earth swallow her whole than admit
to them that she was getting hot and bothered thinking about her husband -
imagining what it would be like when he kisses her, makes love to her. What it
would be like to return his kisses, unleash the passion that stirs within her
at his touch.
Good thing the kids have taken to sleeping in their room,
she thanks the heavens infinitely.
Facing them now would have been mortifying for her and ... as
wicked as it makes her feel, she thinks now that her blasted plaster is off and she
can resume her life normally, not
that this is normal for them, but
once she heals she doesn't want any more things to get in their way, not now.
Now when he has confessed he loves her, something she knew
for what seems like ages now, not when she can't wait to say the words back to
him, she thinks giddily.
"I love you Raman."
She whispers the words in the privacy of her room, liking
the way the words roll off her tongue, the sound and feel of them and repeats
them because she loves it, loves being able to say aloud the words her heart
contained for so long.
Now only if she could say them to him, soon, though nothing
feels like soon enough, she thinks peeved.
For a second a thought strikes her, should she just say
them, NOW?
Almost making up her mind to do so, she decides to go ahead but
then stops. No, she wants him to experience it the way she did, she wants to be
able to hug him, hold him and talk to him all night, all day long should they
want to when that happens.
It would have to wait she decides forlornly and pouts.
Shifting slightly she picks up his pillow and hugs it to
herself, trying to take in his scent off the cushion, though she knows it's
silly.
However, knowing that she cannot have the real thing, makes
do with a substitute, a poor one at that in her opinion.
The pillow is his,
but it cannot replace him.
She may hold it but it certainly won't be enough, nothing
would be enough, except for his arms and his warmth enveloping her, cocooning
her. Nothing would feel perfect until and unless he returns, unless she might
rest her head on his shoulders and feel at home again.
It should shock her, stun her or perhaps make her feel
stupid she believes to think that. She is at her home, with her family, but his
absence makes all the difference, he
makes all the difference.
She remembers reading a book called Anna and the French Kiss' a few years back. The author, Stephanie Perkins, had written a lovely thing, a quote that
happened to touch her and tonight as she misses Raman she realizes, how true
the words had been,
"For the two of us, home isn't a place. It is a person. And
we are finally home."
Those words, definitely struck a chord, Raman...Raman is home
to her; she finds her heart whispering to her, as she is to him.
The conviction with which she can feel these words, the way
they make her heart soar, she thinks she might die out of sheer happiness, were
such a thing actually possible.
"Come back soon Raman, come back soon. I miss you."
The words come to her easily without a thought and she hopes
that her wait ends soon. He returns soon, to home, to her.
The thoughts of him and his impending arrival as well as all
the other things that are lined up with it, bring a huge smile to her face,
when she is snapped out of her reverie by the man himself, who appears on her
screen addressing her as he does so,
"Madrasan, lost in my thoughts are you to have that huge
smile on your face?"
Her smile gets even bigger if that's even possible and she
slumps down on the bed to lie comfortably before she replies,
"No, I am just happy."
He raises his eyebrow silently, prodding her to go on when
she doesn't rise to take the bait though he can't help himself.
"And whatever has made you so happy, if I may know?"
"My cast is off." She replies easily and moves the monitor
to let him see the same wriggling her toes slightly.
"Ah that's a relief; at least I won't have to play nurse
anymore. Pushing that wheelchair is so exhausting with all your weight."
"You horrible, mean man you are happy to not push a chair
what about me who was stuck in that god forsaken thing for months? Do you have
any idea of how, simply how frustrating it is to be not able to move at your
own will?"
"Are you planning that I find out?"
He asks with a deadpan.
"Not really, but don't tempt me. You should consider
yourself lucky, all those times you cracked those lame jokes about my leg, a
lesser woman would have made sure you feel the same pain once she' free like I
am."
"A lesser woman might have been even easier to push around,
considering she would have been lighter than you."
Her mouth drops for a moment at his audacity making him
chuckle, when she narrows her eyes at him.
"Fine, if you are so interested in these lesser women', go
ahead and find one, only know this Raman Kumar Bhalla, the poor thing should be
deaf to put up with the likes of you."
"Are you alluding you are?"
"No, I have my ears in working order, but I am no lesser
woman' you see, so I can make use of all my faculties perfectly fine. But I do
have my strength and stubbornness that more than makes it possible for me to
keep up with you, not to mention I don't believe in punishing so many innocents
for the crimes of one."
"I think what you mean to say is that you have managed to
tame everyone around you, us, so very
well; got them so habituated to your constant lecturing that they have given
up. Now they do whatever you say as soon as the word is out of your mouth,
however, since I am the only one brave enough to still put on a fight and
battle on my front you persist to badger and annoy me."
"I am sure a few months back, on Papaji' birthday someone
called me everyone' favorite. If I am that, why would I need to tame anyone?
They do my bidding out of love and because they know, I would only think what's
best for them."
"That's what they hope for, though every time even before
someone takes even a morsel of food made by you, they pray, that god save
them...the faith they have in you and your skills, it's really impeccable."
"Oh, is that so really?
I just made pasta today and you know what Adi said, that it's absolutely
the most delicious thing he has ever had."
"My son...is just being kind," he says with a sigh, "Poor boy, we Bhallas are born with hearts of
gold you see."
"He refilled his plate twice. So, hearts of gold aside, he
does have a healthy appetite."
"You keep a track of how much he eats?" He asks shocked a
little bit.
"Of course I do, every mother does. What makes you think I
would be any different? How else would I know that whenever bitter gourd is
made, Ruhi sneakily sneaks it on Romi' plate huh? A mother has the vision of a
hawk when she' keeping an eye on her children, Mr. Bhalla."
He snorts, actually
snorts in reply.
"And what is that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing, it's absolutely nothing."
"That was not
nothing Raman, what is so funny about this?"
"Oh nothing, just that I had a mental picture of a hawk who was
stuck in a wheelchair with a cast because he...oops make it a she, didn't notice
a damn bus, a bus, headed her way, which ran over her foot."
"Ha, ha, that is very funny."
"What can I say; it's a talent I am born with."
"Nuisance more like it."
"I don't even expect you to understand, some things are an
acquired taste."
"Oh some things should remain so, it's horrifying to think
what if they become common, imagine how the world will cope with more than one
Raavan Kumar Bhalla? I don't think our planet is ready to face that kind of a
challenge yet."
"On the contrary it will be so much a better place."
"Sure, sure, keep telling that to yourself. Whatever makes
you feel good about yourself is welcome to you to keep up that delusion."
"You make me feel good about myself."
He says that so suddenly, earnestly with so much sincerity
in his eyes, a husky tenor to his voice she doesn't know for a few moments how
to respond to that. Her eyes go soft, the curve of her mouth lifting in a shy,
small smile at his words.
Since his confession, Raman has started getting more vocal
than before. Sure, they have come a long way now, in this relationship, in this
marriage. They are no longer unsure of
what the other feels, have been in situations, where had the opportunity not been
lost due to reasons, succumbed to the attraction that they know persists
between them. However, one thing or another has sadly interrupted them always
or her shyness has got in the way of them. She knows her husband loves her, is
attracted to her; but to hear him say it is always a thrill.
She would be lying if she says her heart doesn't skip a
beat, her stomach doesn't feel aflutter with butterflies whenever he does
that. Maybe it is the novelty of it, she
wonders, but hopes that it is not the case. She wants to feel this magic, this
thrill forever and she can feel it in some corner of her heart that it will
always be so. Even decades older, gray and all she knows Raman would make her
feel beautiful and loved and she would find his arms as her home.
Her heart in her eyes, she watches him with so much love
that he lifts his hand to cup her face and stops when he realizes...though he can
see her, talk to her, hear her, he can't touch her and reluctantly his hand
withdraws, slowly backing away from the screen.
Unable to trust her voice, she whispers to him in a
threadbare voice,
"And you make me happier than I ever thought possible, ever
thought I could be Raman."
That wipes off the forlorn look his face had on post the
moment of his realization as a dimpled smile graces it and he can't help but
ask her in an equally hushed voice,
"Really?"
She nods her head, making a small humming sound still not
trusting her voice.
"Ishita..."
Her name tumbles from his lips, his voice soft and low,
sending shivers down her spine even though thousands of miles stretch between
them.
"Hmmm..."
She blinks slowly, wondering what is on his mind, her heart
thundering in her chest as she feels herself inexplicably realizing, they are
sharing sweet nothings, lover' whispers without even touching each other,
without any preamble or thought put into it, with thousands and thousands of
miles separating them as they converse from two different continents with each
other.
The realization makes her blush even more and her stomach
flip-flops as she claws the bed-sheet, bunching it up with her free hand, the
palm of her other hand cupping her face as her elbow rests on the bed, she
ducks her face. Unable to meet his eyes, shying at the possibility of what he
would say, do if he reads her thoughts scrawled all over her face, her eyes.
She wants to hold him, be in his arms as she whispers these sweet nothings to
him in his ears, as he reciprocates the gesture.
That makes her blush deepen, the pink of her face going
crimson by the second.
"Ishita..." He says
again, this time with more force in his voice, an edge of desperation dripping
from it as he almost growls her name, the gravelly timbre of it resonating
within her.
She doesn't know if it's the way he says her name or the way
it made her heart quicken, but she finally looks at him.
"What?"
"Don't make it harder for me, please."
"What are you saying Raman? What am I doing?"
"You are being...you are being..."
"What?"
""You are making it hard for me to stay away from you."
The way he says it makes her blush again, but the smile that
appears on her lips at his admission on its own accord refuses to fade away
even as he scowls at her from the screen.
"I am making this difficult for you?"
"Of course you are. Don't pretend you don't understand this,
know this."
"How?"
"What do you mean how?"
"How am I making it difficult for you?"
He narrows his eyes at her and comes closer to the screen as
his voice drops to an octave when he begins replying from the conference room
in the headquarters of his investors' office in New Jersey.
"When a man is in love with a woman, he is besotted by every
little thing about her Ishita Raman Bhalla. Which is why, even if she has
quirks he doesn't understand, habits that annoy the crap out of him, he also
finds things that make her irresistible to him even with those. And right now
Madrasan, the way you are looking at me, the way your cheeks turn pink, and
your eyes have moments when they shine, when they lower shying away from me,
drives me crazy. But most of all, most of all..."
"What?"
She asks him in a breathless voice, to continue what he
intended to say.
"Most of all it's the way you are biting your lip, abusing
it. It makes me positively ravenous because all I can think about right now is
doing the same to it even when I
soothe it later, and not just stop at your lips while at it. Am I clear enough
now to you?"
"Raman..."
His name, that's all she can say even as she hides her face seeking
refuge in the mattress for a moment before she lifts it to look at him, his
passion, love and devotion reflecting in his eyes as he finds their echo in the
depths of her russet eyes, her face.
"I can't wait to be home."
He finds himself saying aloud.
"When are you coming home?"
"Soon."
"Soon? Raman, aren't things wrapped up yet?"
"Not quite, and I don't know yet how long will they take,
but I am sure maybe another week or so and we would be all done."
"Another week, you won't be back for another week?" She
almost shrieks.
He laughs delighted in her outrage. His heart soaring in his
chest feeling her love for him, knowing that she is finding this distance as
difficult as he is, she misses him as much as he does. It's a heady feeling, he
finds, one that he likes, a lot. The joy of being wanted and loved filling his
heart, he never knew how much he wanted this feeling, would revel in it, until
she came along and love happened to them.
"What's so funny?"
Unable to resist teasing her, he drawls out in a mischievous
tone,
"Nothing' funny, though it's nice to know, you miss me so
much. Can't resist me huh Madrasan, I am not in danger of finding my virtue
robbed am I when I make it back home?"
Narrowing her eyes, she hisses,
"Don't you think you are getting way, and I mean way ahead
of yourself here Raavan Kumar?"
"No, I am absolutely not."
"Well rest assured, don't worry I wouldn't be worried about
your virtue or the lack of thereof."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"Simple, why would I rob you of your virtue and more
precisely how, since I won't be here."
"I didn't know I would have to teach you even the how
Madrasan, especially since you claim to be a doctor, I assumed you knew about
the birds and the bees as for the why I am irresistible as we have already
concluded. But more importantly why won't you be there when I would be back?"
"Why should I be here?"
"What do you mean by that?"
"Simple, are you forgetting that you asked me to leave,
kicked me out to be more accurate."
He lets out a breath, closing his eyes before replying,
"You had me so worried there; thank goodness I didn't have a
heart attack."
"Don't stall."
"I am not."
"You are."
"I was about to continue when you butted in between as
usual."
"Fine I won't interrupt go on, please continue."
"You already know I didn't really mean it Ishita. Don't you,
if not you wouldn't be in our room right this moment."
"I am here because you are gone and the kids shouldn't be
alone."
"With the family, the size of ours, I find it hard to believe
they can be alone, hell we can't be alone, EVER. I ought to know this well, and
so do you. So don't give me that excuse. You know me enough by now to know my
heart wasn't into it, I didn't really mean for you to leave; I just said it for
Rinki."
"While she wasn't even around to hear you say it, of course
that makes perfect sense Raman Kumar Bhalla." She says with a roll of her eyes.
"Well it doesn't matter she wasn't around to hear it, I
thought that it would help."
"Only you could come up with that line of thinking, pray
elaborate please, since I can't still get it, what good did this little stunt
of yours do and why did you do it?"
He heaves a sigh, shaking his head briefly before replying,
"You know how Rinki wouldn't leave the fact that Mihir muttered
all that he did when he was drunk and then she said people never lie when they
are drunk, and it's true because if you are that smashed you don't really think
logically. Hell, you stop thinking, period."
"I do."
"Well then while she was arguing with Mihir and being so
thickheaded that she didn't get a thing anyone of us tried to explain, it
occurred to me, what if I give her a practical demonstration, of how sometimes
you say things which might be true, seem true, but it doesn't mean that they should
be held onto forever. Just because someone might have said something, anything,
be it under the influence of a drink or the heat of the moment, you cannot
break a relationship like marriage or any other for that matter because one
person stopped thinking for a while. It takes a lot to make a relationship work
and while words are powerful, there' no denying that, they shouldn't overpower
you, your logic or your relationship. The first sign of something unpleasant
and she fled from her home, her husband and marriage...we have faced so much more
than she has, so much worse and she gave up so easily. So I did what I usually
do, stormed at you and said some mean things to you, asked you to even leave my
home, which you even did as you were mad at me and rightfully so too but it
didn't jeopardize our marriage. You didn't leave me, even when I asked it of
you. You and I, we aren't so weak to fall apart so easily. If you flee every
time something awful or unexpected happens to you, no relationship in this
world would survive."
"A fat lot of good it did to her, because clearly your
little demonstration failed to drive the point home."
"I underestimated the power of her irrational anger or
perhaps overestimated the rationality of who once used to be my little sensible
sister. Women are so confusing I tell ya."
"Men, everything you do you manage to pin the blame on us
women. You take the world to war and blame it all on women. Every awful thing
that a man does, stupid, irrational or illogical ultimately finds a way to make
a woman the source of it all, the reason behind his actions, but god forbid
should a man credit a woman for something right happening to him, his life or
this world. Oh no, that would bring the apocalypse wouldn't it?"
"That sums it up pretty nicely actually."
"You think you are hilarious right?"
"I don't think that, I know it."
"Well that wasn't funny, neither was the stupid example you
thought would knock some sense into your sister. I think it is the gene the two
of you share, the flare for drama and all that she was immune to your little
stunt."
"How was I supposed to know she wouldn't take the bait,
besides I wasn't thinking alright? It's difficult to focus and find a way to
the solution of a problem when the person you are trying to reason with
absolutely refuses to listen to logic much less agree with it."
"Did it once strike you Raman; these little stunts of yours
could have affected Ruhi and Adi too? They could have heard you; they would
have been so distraught. Adi is still under therapy for heaven sake' Raman. It
was sheer luck that Shravu had dropped by and the kids decided to bunk at Amma'
in Akka' room. What would have happened if they had heard you? "
As her words sink in, he looks as if the wind were knocked
right out of him, of course, his children could have heard him shouting at
their mother to get out of their home, and damn what was he thinking. He shakes
his head in fury aimed at himself, pinching the bridge of his nose and his eyes
shut.
Hell, his children just went through so much and life was
finally looking good for him, his children and this one stunt could have set
them off for miles, especially Adi, the therapist had told him he enjoyed being
with his family and watching the love between Ishita and he had been good for
his son. His son who had come to believe that relationships are fickle and
people, adults specifically really don't love each other, everyone separates
or abandons their partners due to his
mother Shagun' history with the two men in her life. His divorce with Shagun
and later her split from the man he came to accept as his father, Ashok had
pretty much made his son wary of relationships but a few months in his home had
made him wonder how could his grandparents have stayed all their life together
if that really were the case. Ishita' Amma, Appa, with whom he stayed too were
so obviously devoted to each other had been a discovery for him and then, then
came Ishita and him.
Adi' therapist had stated to him that he observed their
interactions, noticed how Ishita would always be so supportive of him in
everything, how she cared for everyone in their families as he did much the
same too. He had observed his father and stepmother bicker and banter, true,
but he could also see the way they cared for each other deeply, the way they
made each other smile and laugh. Adi had said that he never saw Ashok and
Shagun doing such things, they would hug each other in front of him and walk
out arm in arm for social gatherings but he never found any warmth in their
relation.
The differences between the two couples had been
overwhelming for the child but had also made him realize that Ashok and Shagun
were never in love with each other.
How could what they had be love if Ashok could so
unceremoniously dump his mother? How could it be love if they never laughed or
teased each other, cried together or supported one another?
Love, Adi came to find was what his Dadu and Dadi have, what
Ishita aunty' Amma, Appa - who he too slowly started addressing as Thaatha and Paati, picking the words from Ruhi - have, what his Bala sir and
Vandita aunty share as well as what he also found in his relationship with
Ishita.
Adi concluded Ashok and Shagun were never in love and so was
able to heal a great deal. Though he couldn't understand why they had to get
together or stay together if that was the case. His therapist had explained to
the boy that sometimes people make the wrong decisions when selecting a partner
or it could be they stopped loving each other. She told him perhaps at some
point his Shagun mama was in love with Ashok as was he in love with her but
over the years they fell out of love, it happens sometimes with adults, they
fall out of love but it need not be necessary for every couple. Not all couples
fall apart and some go on to stay all their lives together, watching their
children and grandchildren grow in front of them which had immediately made him
think of his Dadu and Dadi and he had been placated.
Surely if his Dada and Dadi managed to stay together for so long,
love had to be there, the kind that keeps people together forever too.
He had felt sorry for his Shagun Mama then, that she had to
select a man who couldn't be there besides her all her life, the kind who would
stay forever with her.
However, he had been happy to know that at least one of his
parents has someone who would always be with them. He had said as much in so
many words too to his therapist, that it makes him happy to see his Papa and
Ishita aunty so much in love. He liked
being with them, having them around and nothing would make him happier, feel
better than to see them together always, not have his father too all alone like
his mother was because she chose poorly.
His therapist had learned about his history with Shagun and so
knew the reality, but knowing that a child couldn't be expected to understand
that had merely smiled and helped Adi along further in his recovery.
Good lord, his son would have been devastated if he had
heard him yell at Ishita to get out of their home. How could he have been so
stupid?
"Raman."
She calls him softly.
"I should have thought of that."
"Your mind was preoccupied." She murmurs noticing how he
looks sick to his stomach.
"Still, you are right. I should have thought things through
more carefully, went over them twice in my head and not acted immediately,
impulsively."
"It's what you always do."
The words are out of her mouth matter of factly before she
can stop herself, she notices the way he winces on hearing them, and finds that
foot in the mouth happens despite the noblest of intentions and apologizes
immediately.
"Sorry. I didn't mean to make it worse."
"I know you didn't, doesn't make it any less true though. I
should have never asked you to leave."
"I know."
"It was stupid."
"I know."
"It was perfectly, completely, absolutely dumb."
"I realized it."
"I was just so sure of us, counting on you to not abandon me
and wanting so much to make Rinki stop being foolish that it didn't strike me
if Ruhi and Adi had heard me they would have been so hurt, so scared. All I knew
was, even if you fight with me there and then, as I knew you would, we would be
able to make through this, and worse things haven't managed to tear us apart
after all. You have become familiar with my anger and my habit of saying things
in the heat of the moment, which is why I didn't think what about our kids. I was
so sure about us, so worried about Rinki that I completely forgot to think what
if our kids hear me, damn. "
"I figured out as much."
"If anyone who can put up with my anger in this world - the
worst of it, it's only you and Mihir. The two of you, bring out the best in me
and can manage the worst of me and though I know how that sounds, I can't do
without even one of you..."
"Neither can the two of us, without you. I know I can speak
for Mihir too on this."
Shaking his head, he stares at her, silently for a few
seconds making her ask.
"What?"
"I am just marveling."
"Regarding what?"
"Just that we often don't agree immediately on anything but
this is one of those times we are in tandem and it happens to be about my
blunder."
"I know that too, what's your point?"
Inexplicably he laughs at that before he explains,
"I don't know if I want to be mad at myself for being stupid
or at you."
"What have I done?"
"By agreeing with me, you make me feel all the more guilty
and stupid and that make me want to be angry with you, only I know that
wouldn't be fair and so I can't help but laugh. This is all so ridiculous and
absurd I don't know what to do with it."
She laughs slightly before replying,
"If it's ridiculous and absurd, it's of your own making too.
With your penchant for dramatics I wonder why didn't you try out the
entertainment field you know - theater, movies or even TV, why become a CEO?
You clearly would have excelled as an actor too."
"Very amusing Madrasan and who says I can't still very well
make it big should I give it a shot? Hell I might just pack off my bags to
Mumbai and start auditioning if it strikes my fancy. I have the looks, the
attitude and the body, won't be so tough for me to get a break, see I also have
a few connections, can get an audition with the top studios easy as a pie
should I want it."
"Oh why don't you then?"
"Wow, aren't you worried Madrasan?"
"About what, your business, why should I? Mihir can handle
the company in your absence. You can try your luck in Bollywood or TV shows if movies
don't work."
His lips press into a thin line before he speaks,
"I wasn't referring to my company here, but myself, aren't
you worried if say a slim, attractive, young, gorgeous girl or girls fall for
me?"
Her eyes widen as he finishes and just when he thinks he has
bested her and is about to taste victory she bursts into a peal of laughter,
clapping her hands in delight, once as she does so.
"What's so funny about this Madrasan? I will have you know,
girls fall all over themselves for me. It's sheer bad luck that I got stuck
with a woman who doesn't understand or appreciate my hotness."
She doubles over herself, hearing him, clutching at her
stomach making him angrier. She was half worried if she would crack a rib
there.
"Fine, continue rolling on the bed in laughter and fall down
or make this bloody laptop fall I am signing out."
"WAIT!"
She yells out trying to quell her laughter.
"Why should I? You think the thought of other women taking a
fancy to your husband is a matter of laughing."
"Oh I am not laughing about that Raman."
"Oh aren't you? Because I think you are, I don't remember
cracking a joke here to have that effect on you."
"It isn't a joke Raman but it is funny."
"Women find me attractive, is it funny to you?"
"No, it isn't."
"Then what is?"
"It's really simple, the before and after scenarios would
make all the difference."
"What is that supposed to mean?" He asks with an irritated
tone.
"Just that a girl or girls would find you attractive looking
at you is acceptable, reasonable, okay I give you that BUT and I say this
seriously do you honestly think that once you open your mouth they would stay?"
She asks with a mischievous twinkle in her eye.
"Are you implying that I scare off women?"
"No, definitely not saying that. I am simply saying that not
everyone can handle Raavan Kumar, believe me I should know, a less patient and
weaker woman would have ran for the hills within a week of meeting you."
He ought to be affronted at that but he realizes he is
smiling as he replies to her,
"I didn't come up with your moniker for nothing. You wife,
definitely are one strong woman."
"And you husband are definitely a handful."
"I am nothing if not dependable on that account."
Suddenly his eyes fall on the wall in front of him adorning
various clocks set at International times, each one for a different country and
he notices the one labeled under India reads a half past one.
"Oh my god, it's one thirty there. I didn't realize I called
up so late or that we stayed on for so long."
"It's okay Raman."
"No it isn't, you need to go to bed I know you will be up by
six in the morning and start running all over the place. Sleep Ishita, you need
to rest."
"Don't worry Raman; I won't be stressed because I slept late
one night."
"It doesn't mean that you shouldn't sleep. So just shut up
and go to bed, good night."
"Fine, take care and don't eat anything that's cold or sweet,
don't go to bed directly after eating..."
"Ishita..."
"And..."
"Ishita..."
The clipped tone of his voice warns her when he says her
name this time and that does it, she moves to close off their chat window.
Her heart skips a beat as the chat screen disappears, a
smile gracing her face while at it.
She hears his parting words before end of the call, the
sweetest ones sounding music to her ears; words she wants to keep hearing all
her life, from him,
"Love you."
She is half tempted to go online again just to see him
again, hopeful that perhaps he may say them yet again but knows he wouldn't
like that, instead he would be terribly angry with her for not listening to him
and falling asleep.
Though how can she sleep now, when his words echo in her
ears is beyond her now. So instead she switches off her laptop with a sigh and
a smile, picking up the device as she sets it on the coffee table in front of
the couch.
As the screen goes blank her eyes fall on one of the
pictures adorning the wall, the one above their bed, the largest one in the
room by far, snapped on their sangeet and her mehendi ceremony.
Her eyes set on his face, she utters,
"Come home soon Raman, I miss you."
With a sigh, she walks to her bed and climbs on it. Pulling
the comforter over herself, she rolls on her left to face his side of the bed
and pulls his pillow, hugging it.
Clutching the cushion close to her heart, she softly
whispers,
"I love you too Raman, I love you too."
She dozes off eventually, her hold on the cushion firm and
unyielding with a blissful smile on her face as she dreams of him, unaware that
on the other end of the world; he tastes success and makes haste to return home.
In less than four hours, he is on his way to get back to their home, to come
back to her as he sets off from New Jersey after their chat.
His joy exudes from the smile that appears on his face, as
he feels calmer and happier at the prospect of finally being with her after
this weeklong severance. His heart brimming with happiness at the mere thought
of being able to hold her once again as soon as he returns, of saying, of hearing ,those words, from her, he so
longs for now - to speak and hear in equal measures.
The lyrics of the song the Indian cabbie has put on as he
drives him to the airport in sync with his emotions, her face appearing in his mind' eye as the music
plays on. The memories of their dance on the very song a couple of days back
flash through his mind, making him smile as he recalls the way she fit
perfectly in his arms in the end, the way she rested her head on his shoulders
with so much love and trust that he never wanted to let go off her.
Oh yes, the song is now precious to him - it's a memory and it's
his state of mind right now, he can't wait to be with her, can't wait to tell her
again how much he loves her - finding he is now addicted with the habit, with a
smile - hear her say the same.
On the heels of one of the biggest accomplishments of his
life professionally, he ought a be celebrating and over the moon about his new
venture, but finds the joy of returning home to his family, his kids, to her,
is unparalleled, not even all the riches of the world put together can sway his
verdict on that.
Tenu chadd ke kitthe
jawan
Tu mera parchhanvaa
Tere mukhde vich hi main taan
Rab nu apne pawaan
Meri duaa.. haaye
Sajda tera kardi sadaa
Tu sun iqraar mera
Main karoon intezaar tera
Tu dil tui-yon jaan meri
Main tainu samjhawan ki
Na tere bina lagda jee
Without realizing it, he mouths along the closing notes of
the song, singing the words to himself in the privacy of his cab, thinking of
her as he does so.
Edited by EkPaheli - 8 years ago
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