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Forgiveness Won't Fix Your Toxic Relationship IF-Rockerz

Joined: 14 May 2013
Posts: 7391

Posted: 03 May 2015 at 8:05am | IP Logged
These Are The Notes Written By Abusive Men. The Events That Followed After They Were Forgiven Are Tragic.

domestic violence #forgiven#tragic

What if you are actually in love with a man who beats you? And you believe he can change. And he tells you he will.
Then months later...

Are There Times When We Shouldn't Forgive?
Please share your opinion.

Edited by mishtypiya - 03 May 2015 at 10:09am

maha2us IF-Dazzler

Joined: 29 October 2007
Posts: 2936

Posted: 03 May 2015 at 8:55pm | IP Logged
MishtyPiya, This is an important topic.

There are certain things anyone needs to understand. More than forgiveness, what is important is each of these women who had been abused have to find a way by which she can take care of herself.

One thing each person needs to know is she is her best friend. She is the person who is always able to listen to herself, be tender, gentle and understanding to herself and take care of herself with full gentleness, tenderness and compassion. She has no control over how another person treats her. She has to accept that she is more important for herself than her abusive husband or boy friend. One thing which is obvious because she is abused is, she has not been validating her feelings. She can think of going into a relationship only if she trains herself to validate her feelings.

One question I have is, why the note from her husband/boyfriend who has abused her is important? The reason he has abused her is because he has his own issues to deal with. How can she know he has dealt with those issues and those issues are not tormenting him anymore? She can know that only if she trains herself in accepting herself, loving herself, validating and understanding herself. If she trains this way, she will not give too much importance to the confession note written by the abusive men. One point to be noted is, these men have never talked about their own issues. All that they are doing is writing to the girlfriend/wife in a such a way to extract sympathy from the woman. If a woman resolves to take care of herself, she won't give importance to these notes.

Even otherwise if a person practices taking care of herself being with herself, available to herself and present to herself, it helps her a lot. That way, she could be attracted to a person who will not abuse her. That way she will be in a better position to find whether her abusive husband/boyfriend has changed. Even if she prepares to go for a new relationship, her focus will be on taking care of herself. She won't lose herself anymore not to lose her husband/boyfriend.

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