interracial marraiges

when we see a indian woman or man with a different race (caucasian, african american, english, ect) many ppl seem to think of it as odd and concerning and relate it to NRI's becoming too modern and what not...

 

so the topic is should interracial marraige prejudiced against? even though we might support it, subconciously we think that the person made a bad mistake marrying outside of their own race (hindu, muslim christian, ect) Many indian parents dont even let their children play with indian/caucasian, african american children because they think that those children will hav a bad influence on all other children.

should it be viewed with such hostility? does it really matter if u marry outside of your own race?

(india forum rules do apply!)

werll personally i don't think interracial marriages are bad - i know how much prejudice there is against it - my sister(cousin) - got married to a white guy (american) and when she went to this wedding in india with her husband every one stared as if i dunno what...i think that u should be able to marry whoever u love - whether white, black, brown or whatever!!!

 very interesting issue....however i think that you are looking at one side of the coin.after a number of years in usa, i have yet to see any hostility towards interracial social mixing.i do admit that there are a number of reasons that indians prefer to stick to thier own community.however let us not point fingers at indians alone.....you will see the same thing with chinese, russian, jewish, parsi and numerous other communities.

                    firstly the question of indian parents not allowing thier kids to play with kids from other races. i don't think most NRI's have any choice. my daughter goes to a public school where she interacts with a number kids from different races and faiths, it is same with her friends from around the house. however it has not been easy....there are times when she came up to me and asked why is she brown when some are black and some are white. there was an occasion when she came up to me and said we were kafirs and asking what that was(courtesy her friend from muslim faith). an another time she told me that we would be assigned to hell since we did not believe in jesus , the only true son of god(hindu gods are false).it is hard to explain a 4 yr old complex issues related to faiths, races, traditions , eating habits,.she has a problem if i talk to my husband in hindi in front of her friends and american stores( i still have to get to the root of that). i would have had a easier time if i had stuck to indian community.she would have been very comfortable with her roots and traditions.the things get harder and complex if the kids are teenagers. one of my friends is struggling with issues like dating ,drinking ,partying, dress issues with her teenage daughters.her son is embarrased in locker room bcoz of obvious issues.being with people from same roots and community reduces thier sensivity,gives them confidence, a pride in culture and makes them feel as if they belong and are not freaks.you must remember even if we are openminded , others may not be.

                 now for interracial marraiges.....i have seen very few succeed.it is very hard adjustment and you end up compromising your personality in some ways.let us ask our selves a few hard questions....if a vegetarian hindu marries a muslim , what faith will the kids follow, what will be the usual diet in home(veggie or non veg).whatever the compromise one or both of the spouse are bound to lose a part of thier heritage. compound this by a few generation....there is no heritage or roots left (it has been diluted by countinuous intermarraige). a very famous conquerer had once said that a way to complete kill a culture is to take over its customs and language and marry into it .interestingly he was right, did you know that there are still direct descendants from ancient mayans living in yucatan region, but they have no idea about the rites, language  or the culture that thier ancestors followed.the reason is that when they were captured by spainiards, they turned catholic, married into thier families or served them...over years and centuries , thier ancesteral way of life went extinct. now historians are wrecking thier heads trying to unlock the mysteries of that culture, trying to decipher thier language . it is almost ironical. i am not in any way condemning interracial marraiges, infact i admire the persistance of the spouses in  successful  interfaith , interracial marraiges. however there are some inherent cultural disadvantages to it that few people consider. also marraiges involve bonding of two families , it is a tall order to work on if they have almost nothing to common.as one of the member mentioned here her cousin married an american and it was looked upon unfavourably by her family in india. a bigger question would be that how comfortable the groom was with the family in india, or how openly her cousin was welcomed in the folds of her husband's family. how much compromise they had to do to make the marraige work and are they happy about those compromises. 

    bottomline being correctness of interracial marraiges depend on your valuation and belief system.if you believe in in globalizations, humanity , love across boundaries ,i see nothing wrong with interracial marraiges. however if you value your roots and heritage and want to hold on to it, then you have an problem on your hands.

Edited by pj04 - 18 years ago

phewww pj i dunno wat 2 sayyyyyyyyy after wat uve said watever i say will seem so stupid imature n childish..................lolz guess age duz come in2 play here..u r mother of a kid while i am still a kid(15 iz still a kid rite?😉)

newayz dat wont stop me frm speaking.errrrrrrrm writin

 

yea as pj said interracial marriagez r hard 2 maintain n itz da most confusing 4 the kidz.................dey dunno which culture 2 follow

 

4 ex........i have a frend her dad iz paki muslim n her mom is french christain n mah frend iz very confuzzled(yup mah wrd...lolz) she dunno wat 2 do.........neither 1 of her parentz r all dat religious or cultural....cuz dey compromised 4 e/o n gave up a lil bit of der own heritage.................der marriage iz successful(mah frend iz mah age n her parentz r hapily married) but she feelz lost n stuk in btwn............wen she goes 2 her momz side dey all eat pork n all n dress "non islamically" n wen she @ her dadz side of da family itz da otha way arnd.....................she neva noez wat 2 do...........................................

 

 

ok another example.......................

mah dadz frend married a white woman. Da fam waznt  2 happy but dey gave in 2 hiz kuv...........ok so yea dey were married but cudnt adjust 2 e/o lifestyle or culture n very soon after der marriege dey had a divorce........da same man married another woman la8ter on... a paki by his parentz choice and da 2 r very happy 2geetha

 

so yewa i personally dun think dat interracial marriagez r a gud idea but 4 ppl hu r willin 2 du neting 2 make it succeed gud luk n hope u r happy.but yea i wudnt luk down on sum1 hu married out of race cuz datz der choice

I totally agree with PJ04. I have a 18 year old daughter, who I have advised to marry a desi boy forthe above reasons. Not that I am prejusiced, since I love my american freinds to death. I have been in this country for 20 years, still beleive in my faith. I have seen Indian girls marry wite/black/ hispanic/muslim boys and go through major culture shock. I have no problem if these interracial couples decide to have NO kids. However if they have kids there comes the MAJOR problems. Where will the kid go on sundays? temple/chruch/mosque? what will the kid pray to? shiva/christ/allah. If the theory goes to say that the kid has to be exposed so that he can choose, that seems to be extremely confusing. What will a 10 year old choose? Will he not end up becoming a 10^6 ABCD?😕      

all i have to say is ppl should choose who they want to marry and the parents should accept the fact tht there child wants to marry someone outside there race

hindi ppl marry punjabi ppl so if there is something wrong with marrying a white or black perosn then marrying a hindi or punjabi person is wrong too

but u also have to accept the other perosn's culture and some mother-in-laws want u to accept there culture and follow there rules but u don't want to forget ur culture and then u don't know how to speak there language and then u don't know wht they are saying

so these marriages are bad and good but we can't do anything about it bcoz ppl want to marry the perosn they love and they don't care wht culture u r from

but lots of parents do care because they dont' want there child to marry another race person.................but parents are the major cause of breaking ppl relation and if they want to marry a perosn from another culture they can't so they have to marry there culture ppl

Edited by icy_devil - 18 years ago

well i really don't have a problem with interracial marriage, but i think the parents find it hard. and you are rite these marriages are not very successful because of all teh pressures. i think it;s hard for the children. tthey don;t know wat culture to follow. i have a lot of interracial marriages in my family. and i think the children should have the best of both cultures😊

PJ you said it all.... your analysis are always great! 👏 👏 I totally agree with PJ, however, I have seen successful stories in my family about marriage between to race or culture. My uncle he got married with an American in 60s. They are about 70 year old now and they are happily married. My aunt she has blend with our family so well.. after these many yrs of marriage she still dont understand or speak much of Gujarati but eat all india good. My uncle has ofcourse, changed him a lot if you look at his lifestlye its not typical indian lifestyle, but am sure my aunt would 've made drastic change in her life too. But she takes care of us kids so well.... she never forget our b'days and call us all every month and talk.

But if that is something I had to do,.... I doubt I can live my life with someone from different race. Just 'coz of the reasons PJ gave... not only race if you have to life with a different culture its hard. I am sure family values are the same, but family lifestyle is so different and these small little things make lots of difference once you start "living" together. and trus me when things come to raising 'children" it gets very sticky line!

 i don't think interracial marriages are bad.... but i guess we should look ahead and see what kind of effect it would have on every1.  i was thinking if i would be able to get married to a guy outside, and after alot of thinking, i dont think i would be able 2.. i would want to marry some1 who is same as me.. i love indian movies, and i dont think i can go watch an indian movie if my hubby is not indian....  so i dont knw abt any1 else but for me, i dont think i can.

pj04 -- thank you for your post-- it answers some questions I had about kids growing up -- away from India.
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As the saying goes- miya biwi raazi toh kya karega kaazi-- holds good here.
The world is becoming a smaller place and its people more cosmopolitan. So why the prejudice on race?

I personally have no problem with an inter- racial marriage, but how successful these marriages are and what are its ramifications, is a different issue altogether?

When I see an inter racial marriage, my discomfort arises when I ask myself -Now what??? -- will the Indian give up on everything he/she represents as an Indian to blend into another world.
They in turn give rise to a generation that is forced to choose between the two races and its cultural traditions? Children raised here cannot be blamed for saying - We are American - our parents are Indian. Most of them would find it easy to choose a non-Indian and blend sooner in the society as an American rather than stand out as an Indian.
 
Is that what our centuries old heritage comes down too? Can two races truly blend as a unified whole, with both individuals holding on to their cultural heritage and yet walk in tandem?  I think not. At some point a compromise is called for and that is when there is no turning back.

So with these thoughts in mind I don't advocate inter-racial marriages but if it happens I don't condone it as it's up to the couple to work their differences out.

 

 **PD**

Edited by prem_diwani - 18 years ago