NAUC FF:Quiver ~Ch 6 Pg 18| 19/5~ - Page 3

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CrazyMe_04 thumbnail
Posted: 9 years ago
Omg...you are such a great writer...really glad to see you back in the forum..!!😛
Aditi_28 thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
1) Though I want you to excel in your exams, I'm still so so so glad you are back with a new story! 😆
2) I absolutely love the concept and the prologue! ❤️
It is new, refreshing and entertaining. The fact that you're going to attempt multiple points of view, excites me even more. I look forward to learning it 😉

3) I love your banner! But you are right, I'm now confused 😛 Buuut, I guessed a few more things too, so let's see 😆 I don't think you have to use it with every chapter...In most of the stories, I've seen them using it only in the beginning. I dunno what the protocol is, though...

4) I'm going to try to stay away from the forum too, so I'm again trying to take inspiration from you 😆

I think that was longer than expected 😛
Anyway, will wait for this update and the PM! 
MyselfMihu thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
1. I am ACP Pradhyuman 😊 I think ,I guessed the *hints* in the edit of ours . Best is that pug dog. It reminds me ummm 😉 I won't tell.
2. Seeing the story as it is ,cause idk much about Ramesh/Dadajj to be honest , I focus more on Viraj, Saurav , Jawala ,kirti and nishu than them ,so flowing with flow of story.


De Addiction from India forums seems quite tough. Going from the constant process here also.

enough with my blabbering now. Rock the papers
_UptoNoGood_ thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
Thanks for all the love. Here's the 1st chapter. I *hope* this is not too cliched/predictable/blah. Drop in your comments.






Ch 1 Hell hath no fury...

*Late afternoon, same day*

"Please help me choose Sumit! I'm so consumed!" Dolly pouted at her husband, draping a sari on either shoulder.

"Confused." Sumit replied, Rolling his eyes without looking at her. 

"Same thing!" Dolly said nonchalantly. "Sumit at least look at what I'm showing you! I bought these saris just for you! You won't even look!" She whined.

Now she had Sumit's undivided attention. " Bought? " He scanned the saris. One was a bottle green Chanderi silk, the other a lilac chiffon. "I don't know. Whatever. Why are we choosing bye the way?" Sumit said in a controlled voice.

"It's your friends wedding na? I toh have to look good!" Dolly said happily, turning towards the mirror comparing the saris. 

"How much did those cost?" Sumit asked, unable to contain his annoyance any longer. 

"Three and two thousand respectedly." Dolly said, proud of herself for striking such a great bargain.

"Respectively. When did you buy it? Why do you have to waste money like that?!" Sumit was positively angry now.

"I bought it the same day you bought the Woodlands shoes... Which cost 10,000." Dolly replied in a hard voice. 

"They're worth the money. I can actually go trekking in those. They're so hardy." Sumit sneered.

"Trekking? I thought you were trying to save money. Your argument is unvalid." Dolly glared at him.

"Don't tell me where to spend my money. I earn it. It's invalid bye the way." Sumit said with a smirk. 

"Our money, you mean." Dolly said softly, the hurt in her voice evident.

"No. My money. You couldn't earn a paisa if your life depended on it. What with your language skills... Which reminds me, you're not coming. It's embarrassing when you talk that way in public. " Sumit said with a grimace. "So your saris are a waste." He added.

"I'm not staying home while your mother recounts my shortcomings to my family. I'm coming." Dolly replied, trying not to be offended.

"Oh my God! Shortcomings?! Where'd you learn such a big word Dolly? And you needn't worry. Ma's going with me. So you can enjoy with your family. " Sumit said harshly. He knew he had to stay in Dolly's good books, but her extravagance and stupidity really got on his nerves.

Dolly had had it. "I'll tell them your real motives. I know what you are up to at the shop." She said expressionlessly.


Sumit too let go of the last of his pretense. She dared to threaten him? "You have no proof. You know that necessary thing for making people believe accusations..." His voice dripping with sarcasm. "Hold on, butterscotch... I have an idea... There is a job specially designed for you.  You'd make the cutest mannequin!" Sumit knew that the family was too conservative to encourage Dolly's whining against her husband. He smirked, he had chosen his wife very wisely. It was a matter of days... Her purpose would be served. GS, once his, would render Dolly useless... Quite soon now. 

"Not so fast." Dolly interrupted his train of thoughts. She didn't argue further. She picked up her duffel bag and stormed out.

Sumit followed. He couldn't afford to let her go on a shopping spree in her anger. He made up his mind to apologize. "Dolly I didn't-"
To his surprise, Dolly went into Dadaji's room. Oh boy! What was she up to?

"Dadaji, may I come in?" Dolly asked. Dadaji nodded. Mohan and Virender sat on the sofa across him. They stared at her quizzically. Then they saw Sumit behind her.

Dolly delved into her bag and brought out a few crumpled up sheets of paper. They looked like they'd been torn out of a register. They bore the GS logo on one corner.

Sumit's eyes widened in terror. Virender sighed deeply. So he didn't stop. 


Dadaji grabbed the sheets recognising them. Pulling out the parent register he quickly scanned the contents. The discrepancies in the accounts became clear as he did so. 

Dolly cast a sideways glance at Sumit. "It was a loan you said... Right before you threw the records into the trash."

Sumit gulped. "Dadaji this is not what it looks like. You know how Dolly jumps to conclusions. I had never thought that my wife would try to frame me someday..." He looked at Dolly in disgust. 

She simply said, "Mummy ji will arrive in a few hours na? I'll pack your bags you can leave with her."

"Don't you dare!" Sumit spoke through gritted teeth.


Virender intervened. "Calm down both of you. Anger is not the sol- "


"Virender!"

"Ji babuji! "

"Did you know?"

"Actually-"

"DID YOU KNOW?!"

"Yes-but-I-warned-him."

Dadaji turned to Sumit. "You needn't come to the shop anymore." 

Sumit opened his mouth to say something. Dadaji's steely glare drained his power of speech. Dolly looked smug, though her eyes glistened.

"Babuji he won't-" Virender started, only to be silenced by the same glare. 

Neither Viren nor Sumit had ever been on the receiving end of Dadaji's ire. Both were contemplating how to bring things back to normal. Mohan stood in a corner, immobile, not wanting to get entangled in this ugly mess.

Dolly spoke now. "Mannequins know a lot more than you imagine Sumit. "

She turned to leave. 

"I have not finished yet." Dadaji said firmly, even as doubts crept up in Dolly's mind regarding her grandfather's leanings.

Edited by _UptoNoGood_ - 8 years ago
Aditi_28 thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
RES
*jumping around for being the first*
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
URES
*calms down and thinks of the correct words*
*Doesn't find them, but still strives on*

Okay, that was not cliched 😛
I loved this one. A perfect vent out for my bubbling anger for Sumit. Again, I love your Dolly Di more 😛
This story explores those premises that NAUC hints at, those premises which haven't been explored by anyone else, . So I love it even more. 
Do continue soon! 😆
Edited by Aditi_28 - 9 years ago
_Puzzle_ thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
Amazing start...
Continue soon...Edited by Nuha09 - 9 years ago
Shwets1502 thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
Great start Shivi. Perfect writing of Dolly and Sumit. Would be interesting to see Viren react now. 
achirasingh16 thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
loved the storyline
this is amazing!!
_UptoNoGood_ thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
Note

Just bye the way, ViBir and Vasundhara are also going to be there. I don't plan on making Nisha end up with anyone, but I do plan on making everyone friends ultimately...  And open a few doors...That sounds pretty childish, I know. But well... That's me.😛
I hope the shippers can deal with it. Also, the fact that I'm telling you this shows that this is NOT the crux of the story. Just thought I would let you know.

Edited by _UptoNoGood_ - 9 years ago
MyselfMihu thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
huhaha take that punch on ur nose Summt 😛
Dolly yes though she is always a English winglish lady but man her explanations. PS: I don't like Dolly's voice rooti hui awaz hi h.
Now that was A Chummaeswari update .
Do pm next time too