Romantic Love vs Committed Love

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Posted: 9 years ago
Romantic Love vs Committed Love


As I see it, the CVs have given a glorious ending to Tumhari Pakhi.

This is one of the endings that on a superficial level gives you the feeling that Pakhi has pledged to live in Anshuman's memory - but dig deeper and you will see the bonding Pakhi shares with Veer.

Yes, my dear Readers - you guessed right.  The love for Anshuman that Pakhi spoke of today to Lavanya is Romantic Love and the one she and Veer silently confessed to today is Committed Love.

Mind you, I am not talking about the friendship love she shares with Rohit (hope I got that name right).

I know some of you must be shaking your heads wondering what I am talking about.

Love, one of the principal components of human life, is such a nebulous concept that it is impossible for people to completely agree on what it actually is or means.  That is why after watching today's show it left some people wondering - where is the positive ending (please see Vinnie's post https://www.indiaforums.com/forum/topic/4230749).

Unlike Indian languages, English is quite limited in describing different forms of love. In Indian languages we have mamta for mother's love, bhakthi to denote divine love, pyaar for 😳 love, and so on.  Whereas in English love for the Divine, a spouse, a child, a pet, yourself, a good meal, and family members into one generic word - love.  In this post I am using the words romantic love and committed love.


In Indian language we speak of the soul's love and yearning for the Divine as being innate and something to be nurtured and cultivated in this life.  It is a dedication of one's body, mind and soul to God.  This love is not to be mistaken of the love of a person for his/her soul mate. 


Pakhi the ideal romantic - spoke of her love for Anshuman akin to that of the soul yearning for the Divine.  I call this romantic love.  Jungian psychoanalysts see romantic love as a "projection" of a key part of one's inner world onto someone else.  IMO this explains Pakhi's statement to Lavanya -"I am both Anshuman and Pakhi"!!   

Pakhi in those 18 years of waiting for Anshuman has conferred on him all kinds of wonderful attributes in her imagination, which in time she has internalized as actuality. This has resulted in her inflating Anshuman into god or goddess-like status.  Therefore we hear her describing her love for Anshuman in a manner used for Divine love in the Indian scriptures.   In short, Pakhi sees Anshuman more God than human and in her conversation with Lavanya used phrases that talk of devotion, "forever-ness", and seen as perfect.

Her love for Anshuman is a fantasy, a fairy tale adventure where time has stood still or it will fall apart.  This explains her teen-like behavior in yesterday's episode where she was writing Anshuman-Pakhi (AP) on the misted glass surface of the coffee table.

One day or the other, sooner or later, she will grow wiser, wake up to reality and become aware of her foolish romantic love for Anshuman.

Now, I will come to Veer and Pakhi's Committed Love.  We don't see it because there isn't much to see. Committed love is about ordinary things. It is about being supportive, affectionate, kind, caring, committed, responsive, and loyal.

Jungian psychoanalysts describe it as as: "...a willingness to share ordinary human life, to find meaning in the simple, unromantic tasks: earning a living, living within a budget, putting out the garbage, feeding the baby in the middle of the night. To stir the oatmeal' means to find the relatedness, the value, even the beauty in simple ordinary things, not to eternally demand a cosmic drama, an entertainment or an extraordinary intensity in everything. Like the rice hulling of the Zen monks, the spinning wheel of Gandhi, the tent making of Saint Paul, it represents the discovery of the sacred in the midst of the humble and ordinary."

My dear Readers, even though Veer and Pakhi are divorcing what they share is Committed Love.  Pakhi knows she can call upon Veer anytime for any reason and he will be there for her.  She knows she can share with him her mundane worries and fears - there are no shooting stars but a steady, stable relationship.

When Pakhi comes out of her fantasy world of romantic love she will, with the dawn of wisdom, understand the meaning of committed love.

Gentle Reader, the CVs have today IMO shown at a superficial level a Pakhi who professes Romantic Love for Anshuman and is reluctant (note the hesitation in signing the divorce papers) to part with the Committed Love of Veer.

Tumhari Pakhi is a fiction - the CVs have left the choice to us fans to decide how we want to end Pakhi's story.

Edited by anonee - 9 years ago
Posted: 9 years ago
Nice   post    Anonee,
  But  the time she is  taking to make up her mind   on what type of  Love she  wants... Poor  Veer  is  left again with his  heart on his sleeve.
  At this  point  my  heart is with  him because  every  one  deserves  some  happiness . Paakhi at least got some of that  when Anshuman  was alive... Veer   fell for two  women  who left  him nursing a broken  heart  while   he did  all in his  power  to  make them  happy.!
 So yeah  I would  have liked to see him get   that  bit of happiness!
Posted: 9 years ago
Originally posted by Vinnie79


Nice   post    Anonee,
  But  the time she is  taking to make up her mind   on what type of  Love she  wants... Poor  Veer  is  left again with his  heart on his sleeve.
  At this  point  my  heart is with  him because  every  one  deserves  some  happiness . Paakhi at least got some of that  when Anshuman  was alive... Veer   fell for two  women  who left  him nursing a broken  heart  while   he did  all in his  power  to  make them  happy.!
 So yeah  I would  have liked to see him get   that  bit of happiness!

ITA Veer deserves that happiness.  He spoke of how Pakhi was willing to take the bullet for him - but Pakhi never mentioned that he really took a bullet for her mess!!

In any event, I am slowly coming to the belief that Veer deserves someone better than Pakhi.  The Rathores have rubbed off their unpleasant traits on her.  

If the CVs had more time - perhaps they would show Veer meeting a woman who would do him justice.  Some people say things go in threes.  So Veer would be lucky 3rd time in love!!
Posted: 9 years ago
Very interesting post and of course you are right about ideal v real.
I said a long time ago that Ansuman will now gain demi God status in Paakhi's mind and he and his love will be whatever Paakhi wants it to be as it will be Paakhi's imagination and there is no real live person to be compared to. No living person can measure up to that.

The whole AP enclosed in a heart was very teenagerish - case in point about their love menifesting itself in whatever way she wants whereas if he was alive he would have mocked such doddle.

But I feel cheated that they had 3 episodes to show something better than this. IMHO they should have shown snaps from future showing Paakhi growing and as a result changes in her equation with Veer.
Edited by payal7 - 9 years ago
Posted: 9 years ago
Originally posted by payal7


Very interesting post and of course you are right about ideal v real.
I said a long time ago that Ansuman will now gain demi God status in Paakhi's mind and he and his love will be whatever Paakhi wants it to be as it will be Paakhi's imagination and there is no real live person to be compared to. No living person can measure up to that.

The whole AP enclosed in a heart was very teenagerish - case in point about their love menifesting itself in whatever way she wants whereas if he was alive he would have mocked such doddle.

But I feel cheated that they had 3 episodes to show something better than this. IMHO they should have shown snaps from future showing Paakhi growing and as a result changes in her equation with Veer.

Thank you Payal  - ðŸ˜Š


RE: Bold  your statement is different from what I state above.  You write now (underlined above) that is after Anshuman's death -  I am stating even before Anshuman claimed her during those 18 years of waiting she had given him attributes that raised him to a level of God in her mind.   That is why even though he and his family treated her shabbily she could never see anything wrong with it.
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