Hello everyone
I'm Fari and I'm here with a fun post 😳 The idea is burrowed from Brooklyn Beckham's Secret Diary.
A special thanks to starsarun for suggesting the name, Ranvijay for PaRud's son! 😛
Enjoy!
Hello World,
Finally graced the planet Earth with my much-awaited and handsome presence on
the 14th of July 2016. I must say it's quite a relief to get out in the open
and breathe fresh air after bobbing and kicking around in a water balloon for
nine freakin' months. Definitely not my idea of a good time.
Ma and Bapu look okay but it's a bit early to start having real opinions, if
you know what I mean. I think my presence is a bit too overwhelming for Ma
because she keeps bursting into tears every time she looks at me. Don't get me
wrong, I'm not hideous or anything. For God's sake! I'm Rudra Pratap Ranawat's
son! It's practically a crime to even THINK that I could be ugly!
Now, as for my Bapu, he looked too awed by my presence to even react properly.
So he did what he knew best. Clad in his army uniform, he stood with his arms
firmly crossed behind his back and glared at everybody, issuing orders to every
nurse and doctor in sight.
Even though he tried to hide it, it was pretty obvious that he was a little dazed with happiness as he kept battling his eyelashes to keep his tears away, which I think is a bit uncool for such a big lad. I hope no one saw him crying, it's so bad for my reputation!
I would've thought they would've chosen a named for me before I made my entry in this world but much to my annoyance, they haven't. Every time, Bapu tried breaching the topic, Ma would get shy and run to hide on top of the closet. Eventually, Bapu gave up, tired of giving her a lift down from there every day.
So I don't know my name yet but I hope whatever it is, it's
something cool.
***
It's been two days at the hospital and though it's pretty nice and provides a
variety of cuddly toys (with which Ma plays all day since her mutant butterfly
friend, Rukmini isn't allowed here) I think it's time I hit the real world.
I don't like the nurses here though; they seem more interested in Bapu than me.
Speaking of which, Bapu has thrown his weight around and gotten another bed placed in Ma's room, insisting that she is his 'Ekloti Biwi' and he needs to keep an eye on her, lest something tragic happens. Ma has a history of doing stupid things like playing with Bapu's gun and pointing it at random people.
Bapu tried to sneak into Ma's bed during the night but she screamed in her sleep while he was getting in and he got so startled, he fell off the bed, landing on his bottom. He glared at her with pouting lips for the longest time and then retired to his own bed. Seems like Ma had really hurt his bottom and more than that, his ego by doing that because he is known to not give up easily. Serves him right for trying to steal Ma's bed.
They still haven't decided on a name for me... Talk about lack of making decisions.
***
They've named me, Ranvijay Pratap Ranawat! What kinda name is that? I mean, Ranvijay sounds cool but Pratap
Ranawat?! How will I show my face in public?!
Ok, I've calmed down a bit. Because it just
dawned on me that Bapu survives with that name too so I'll just have to live
with it... Daft names run in the family I suppose.
I tried to give Ma and Bapu a thankful smile for at last deciding on a name for
me but I guess it didn't turn out quite right because they both started fussing
over me; trying to figure out what kind of pain had caused me to grimace
like that.
Ahh! Life sure ain't easy as it seems.
***
Doc's said we're allowed to go home!! I don't like my Bapu asking Doc's
permission before leaving! I thought he would be able to make his own decisions
but apparently not.
Anyways, Bapu packed all our stuff quickly and when we were all ready to go,
instead of coming and getting me, he walked right past my cot and insisted on
carrying Ma as if she was the baby around here. I seriously felt like waving my
hands in the air and shouting, "Hello! The baby's right here! It's me you
need to carry."
Unfortunately, I couldn't do that as I can barely move my eyes around.
I watched on as Bapu scooped Ma in his arms and then they both
started staring into each other's eyes, as if they had both just discovered the
Eighth wonder of the world floating there. Wind started blowing in the room
even though the windows were shut tight, causing Ma's hair to blow into Bapu's
face and everything turned into slow motion. Then faint in the background I
heard a really weird music, which went something like, 'RangRasiyaaa, Rang
Jaey, Rang Rang De, Sapno Mein'.
Still lost in each other's eyes like they were hypnotized, Bapu started moving
towards the door with Ma in his arms, completely forgetting about me!
I did the only thing I was capable of doing at that moment to stop them both
from getting on a white horse and riding off into the sunset, thus leaving me,
that is, India's most eligible bachelor, up for adoption as an orphan! I
started bawling at the top of my lungs, scaring Bapu so much that he almost
dropped Ma.
Thank God that made them both quit their creepy staring session and remember
that they now had a son too who had to be taken home with them.
Blushing deeply, Bapu lowered Ma to her feet and came to get me.
I was expecting a chauffeur in white uniform holding the door open to a limousine waiting for us so naturally I was sorely disappointed when Bapu strode over to a PhatPhatiya and crashed his bottom there; looking around proudly like the whole world was now beneath him.
Ma pointed out that we can't all fit on a PhatPhatiya so making a face, Bapu stomped over to an army jeep where he dumped me in the back and tied my cradle with ropes to ensure that I don't fall off during the journey.
I am, after all, his 'Eklota Beta' and he wouldn't want to lose me at any cost.
***
Thank God, I made it safely to my home!
I'm only a few days old and I already faced my first life threatening experience today on the ride back home! Bapu was driving his Army Jeep and he was doing a pretty good job until Ma lowered her window and her hair started blowing into her eyes. Bapu reached over to tuck it behind her ears and then started staring at her like a lunatic; all of a sudden completely oblivious to the fact that he was supposed to be driving! And again out of nowhere that weird song 'RangRasiyaaa, Rang Jaey, Rang Rang De, Sapno Mein' started playing.
I got so freaked out when the staring session looked like it
can continue till the end of times. Had I not starting crying again at the top
of my lungs at that moment, we might have been on our way to heaven instead of
home!
So yeah, I'll have to see what I can do to make them get rid of this nasty
habit of staring at each other like someone who has seen sun for the first
time. I mean, they see each other 24/7! How can they still get interested in
each other's eyes is anyone's guess.
***
Home's cool and everyone absolutely dotes on me. I got pretty scared when Dada-sa snatched me from Bapu's arms as soon as we crossed the threshold and warned me to always remember that beautiful women belong to no one. To be frank, it seemed like a case of supper sour grapes to me.
I couldn't verbally oppose his statement so I burped to let him know that I openly disagreed. I don't think he got it. Oh well.
Ma doesn't let Bapu carry me yet because she's terrified that he'll drop me (although he never drops her) but I guess she's right. Because I observed him for a few hours this morning and his posture is too stiff to hold a child. But he does give me slobbery kisses every half an hour and I'm afraid I'll have a moustache burn all my childhood.
***
I don't think I enjoy night time very much because I feel discarded in my cot
in my room so I try to wake Ma and Bapu every time I get up in the night myself.
During the first couple of weeks, Ma would come running as soon as I started
wailing but now she just orders Bapu to put me to sleep back again. Bapu has to
agree because Ma can have a bit of a temper at times. Like this one instance,
Bapu mentioned someone called Laila' in front of Ma and she got so pissed off, she made him sleep in my room for a week. I
hardly consider this a punishment but Abbu looked pretty upset so I assume he
must really enjoy sleeping in his own bed...
Sometimes Bapu tries to sing me to sleep, or rather squawk me to
sleep and I have to start bawling at the top of my lungs to drown his voice. I
think he'll soon get the message that singing just isn't his thing...
One night, when I woke Ma up as usual, with my wailing while Bapu was on some
mission and wouldn't stop crying after even an hour, she lost her rag and told
me that if I didn't shut up, Bad Big Evil Thakur would come and take me to his
croc-invested pond. I cannot tell you how terrified I got! This Thakur sounded
like such an awful creature! I got scared as hell and shut up immediately!
***
That's all for now! I hope you all like it 😳
NOTE: This is a Fun Post and I wish you guys to treat it as such! 😉
Peace
Fari ❤️
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