Originally posted by Perfectionist2
I have read everyone's dollar and cents worth of input.
I have to say I have seen people cheat and remain unhappy in a marriage, I have friend with an open marriage who is unhappy with the relationship and insecure.
I have seen people committed in a marriage and still unhappy.
My Verdict - Marriage = Unhappiness.
Don't get married.
Easy said than done. Well my ship has sailed and I am married.
It might be easy to say I would never forgive infidelity. Being true and honest and committed to spouse is the ultimatum. There can't be IF's and If there has to be a BUT, it will be my foot on his butt.
But see I can bet my BUTT that "HE" won't cheat. Doesn't have balls to.
He says I have set a bad example for all woman in general. Seriously how lazy is he.
Ok in all seriousness. I cheated once...
I was 24. Hubby was away overseas on a project. There was this guy in my Bangalore office who liked me. I lived in a different state so there was no meeting in person. He knew I was married and he still told me things like if you divorce I will marry you and shower me with compliments and flirt.
I felt great. Adrenalin rush. I felt special and important. Something I missed from my hubby then.
I flirted back. We exchanged emails. I wasn't going to break my marriage, I didn't love this guy, I still loved my husband. What was I thinking, I wasn't thinking but this was a good time pass till my man got home.
I decided to keep these details to myself and not get hubby involved.
Hubby came back home after 6 months. Saw the emails one day and asked me only once what this is.
I replied It was harmless flirting. End of discussion.
Hubby never asked me anything else. He is this talks less, serious kinds. He treated me normally as if he knew I would never betray him. I began thinking if I would be ok if he flirted with his colleagues. And the answer was no. I was extremely grateful that hubby didn't make a fuss about this but I would have blown my top off if he did anything remotely similar.
I never spoke to that guy again. He called a few times and I told him I am busy. He got my point. 2 months later I switched jobs.
So did I cheat. I knew where this was going. I wanted the attention.
It wasn't physical or emotional cheating. But it was immoral.
I am glad hubby knew I loved him, he was mature and secure enough. And I don't think I can even think of cheating. But I got carried away momentarily and why one decides to cheat is still unclear.
If a marriage is dead there is no point in reviving it. IT is bound to remain lifeless.
I tell this to my husband every day. If he falls in love again, he should let me know and I will set him free.
Cheating is complicated. Some men/women are just dogs and bitches. To some it is where the needs of body meets the emotional security.
Often in a very happily married couple cheating begins because they have grown apart. They stopped making that effort to please one another. Taking each other for granted.
Marriage is a constant work in progress. Forever and Happily Ever After only exists in the FFs we write,In reality Forever involved a lot of headaches, fights and struggled understanding.
It also involves forgiveness which may not necessarily limit to just cheating.
I forgive him everyday for things big and small, for being this quiet, calm and seriously boring lazy man. And He forgives me for being a pain that he is committed to for the rest of his life.
Ok Am I drifting from the topic... If his Trunk was in some other junk I would chop it off.
Thank you for being so honest...to us and more imp- to your hubby! Yes, marriage is a work in progress, every moment of it. Once its taken for granted, it starts losing its charm and one may stray...physically, emotionally, morally! But, do you think what happened to you was perhaps a wake up call for you two to work harder at the relation?
I agree with what you said about being set free if love is somewhere else. No point in being bound in something thats not true...