The Yummy Mummy's of QH: Topic Six 01.07.14 - Pg 82 - Page 45

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Divya.S.R

@Divya.S.R

IF-Dazzler

Posted: 9 years ago

This content was originally posted by: vinita459

Ha ha ha that's what I was thinking. The topic started with dual heritage but ended on MIL's 😆

Yes, love makes it worthwhile. But sometimes I just want to take all my frustration out 😆

well they are kind of connected... our Indian cultures do show some importance to these things too..

When I was in India I used to stay with them only... I never knew I'll have such strong disliking towards my MIL after 2 months of my wedding...

and worst I don't feel close enough to even say anything to her.. 🤔.. When I used to stay there.. She made me feel like a guest.. 'Don't touch this', 'I don't prefer doing things like', all crap like that.. 😡

Basically no freedom to do as I please in "my so called own house"..

I feel better when I'm here... praying to god our extension of visa works out.. 😆😉

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-StarsLinedUp-

@-StarsLinedUp-

IF-Dazzler

+ 3

Posted: 9 years ago

This content was originally posted by: Divya.S.R

well they are kind of connected... our Indian cultures do show some importance to these things too..

When I was in India I used to stay with them only... I never knew I'll have such strong disliking towards my MIL after 2 months of my wedding...

and worst I don't feel close enough to even say anything to her.. 🤔.. When I used to stay there.. She made me feel like a guest.. 'Don't touch this', 'I don't prefer doing things like', all crap like that.. 😡

Basically no freedom to do as I please in "my so called own house"..

I feel better when I'm here... praying to god our extension of visa works out.. 😆😉

True dat Divya...I cant seem to get along with my MIL..even though she is nice to me and has ntohing bad going for her...n for sure love and inlaws are connected..its the expectations that come with being an Indian and living with ur inlaws no matter wat...chalo we agree upon it...but then...all they wanna do is strip us of our cultural upbringings and values..they want us to become them...so rather than accepting cultures u r shunning it...and the biggest culture of all this is the forced responsibility and set rules for esp girls..that...u are to be coy and comply all ur life...with no expectations of any returns...they allowed u to marry..now ur are indebted to them for life🤢

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-StarsLinedUp-

@-StarsLinedUp-

IF-Dazzler

+ 3

Posted: 9 years ago

@ Vinita...vent it out this is the good place to do so...u'll find a lot of ppl with similar stories...so go about it...also..there's no harm in maybe voicing your frustrations..if it gets too much to deal with to the actual person...ur overall state of mind...will feel much better if u assert urself...life is too short to wait for the day wen u can live according to ur desires...😉..ur a sweetheart...n u for sure deserve a chance at living ur kinda life🤗

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Divya.S.R

@Divya.S.R

IF-Dazzler

Posted: 9 years ago

This content was originally posted by: -StarsLinedUp-

True dat Divya...I cant seem to get along with my MIL..even though she is nice to me and has ntohing bad going for her...n for sure love and inlaws are connected..its the expectations that come with being an Indian and living with ur inlaws no matter wat...chalo we agree upon it...but then...all they wanna do is strip us of our cultural upbringings and values..they want us to become them...so rather than accepting cultures u r shunning it...and the biggest culture of all this is the forced responsibility and set rules for esp girls..that...u are to be coy and comply all ur life...with no expectations of any returns...they allowed u to marry..now ur are indebted to them for life🤢

Mine just gives look of being nice.. My friend here in US met my MIL when I was over at Ohio(brothers place for his wedding prep) and asked me why I used to crib about her when she is such a pleasant soul.. but I had invited them(her and her husband) after returning from the wedding for dinner, That time she saw my MIL and the way interacts with me and realized what I used to say was the truth..

My cousin brothers wives used to praise about my MIL to my mom saying they weren't as lucky as me.. My mom used to think what they would say if they realize how I was being treated..

This is what I hate about our culture.. the way everyone says only the girls should adjust with their in-laws and all that shit load of crap... 😡

sorry about my language.. 😆

and in my case they are indebted to me... Cause I said yes to their son.. We got their yes immediately.. I was the one who took time.. and they had seen many girls before me.. They were supposedly searching for a match for more than a year... So yahh... they are indebted to me... but they don't seem to show even an ounce of consideration... 😡

Edited by Divya.S.R - 9 years ago

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-StarsLinedUp-

@-StarsLinedUp-

IF-Dazzler

+ 3

Posted: 9 years ago

This content was originally posted by: Divya.S.R

Mine just gives look of being nice.. My friend here in US met my MIL when I was over at Ohio(brothers place for his wedding prep) and asked me why I used to crib about her when she is such a pleasant soul.. but I had invited them(her and her husband) after returning from the wedding for dinner, That time she saw my MIL and the way interacts with me and realized what I used to say was the truth..

My cousin brothers wives used to praise about my MIL to my mom saying they weren't as lucky as me.. My mom used to think what they would say if they realize how I was being treated..

This is what I hate about our culture.. the way everyone says only the girls should adjust with their in-laws and all that shit load of crap... 😡

sorry about my language.. 😆

See that's the difference between culture and heritage...heritage represents us as a united front in of the world..I am indian..Iam Indian American..Indo Canadian..etc etc..but culture...its more society based...and it evolves with every generation..I see it as a positive thing..merging cultures and heritages...the next generation will be a lot less pigeon holed...and will be more accepting of people from different walks of life...As of now..older generations..hide their flaws behind their culture and cultural beliefs...I am as such cos thats how the culture is..thats the excuse u get on many ocassions... Do this dont do this...this is not the right way...who cares...if u fly on thursday or not...😆 these cultural barriers are better left aside for the coming generations..let them make a new culture where they can be more open minded and easy going...in acceptance...and more cautious and smart in the decisions they make...

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Divya.S.R

@Divya.S.R

IF-Dazzler

Posted: 9 years ago

This content was originally posted by: -StarsLinedUp-

See that's the difference between culture and heritage...heritage represents us as a united front in of the world..I am indian..Iam Indian American..Indo Canadian..etc etc..but culture...its more society based...and it evolves with every generation..I see it as a positive thing..merging cultures and heritages...the next generation will be a lot less pigeon holed...and will be more accepting of people from different walks of life...As of now..older generations..hide their flaws behind their culture and cultural beliefs...I am as such cos thats how the culture is..thats the excuse u get on many ocassions... Do this dont do this...this is not the right way...who cares...if u fly on thursday or not...😆 these cultural barriers are better left aside for the coming generations..let them make a new culture where they can be more open minded and easy going...in acceptance...and more cautious and smart in the decisions they make...

The thing is I never care about anyone except for what my family thinks.. My mother thinks about society, since that's what her family has put in her head and after marriage with the way she was oppressed...

My parents, brother and hubby are happy with the way I have adjusted with in-laws even though there are issues... That's all I care for.. I never bother for what my cousin' wives say.. I know everything about every relative of my to know who speaks from their heart or just basic gossip...

I ranted about my friend here, mainly cause after the first she started saying that I was lying about my MIL.. I always when people say I lie without knowing the complete facts..

not that I wanted their approval.. 😆

I never care to what others think, cause they haven't stood in my shoes.. 😊

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18533

Inactive

Posted: 9 years ago

This content was originally posted by: -StarsLinedUp-

</div>
See that's the difference between culture and heritage...heritage represents us as a united front in of the world..I am indian..Iam Indian American..Indo Canadian..etc etc..but culture...its more society based...and it evolves with every generation..I see it as a positive thing..merging cultures and heritages...the next generation will be a lot less pigeon holed...and will be more accepting of people from different walks of life...As of now..older generations..hide their flaws behind their culture and cultural beliefs...I am as such cos thats how the culture is..thats the excuse u get on many ocassions... Do this dont do this...this is not the right way...who cares...if u fly on thursday or not...😆these cultural barriers are better left aside for the coming generations..let them make a new culture where they can be more open minded and easy going...in acceptance...and more cautious and smart in the decisions they make...
<div>

Okay now that we are taking out frustration...let me tell you an incident that happened with me after marriage 😆.

I always tie a red thread on my wrist. You know the religious one..

After our marriage my MIL asked me to remove it. In fact she tried to remove it herself.

I told her and my hubby...I am not removing it...no matter what. My husband supported me ...she finally backed off. But so much tension was created... I wanted to cry. She accused me of stealing her son. And I will learn my lesson when my own son will growl up and do this to me.

Trust me...I was like ...what have I got my self into.:(

These are only few examples :(

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Divya.S.R

@Divya.S.R

IF-Dazzler

Posted: 9 years ago

This content was originally posted by: vinita459

Okay now that we are taking out frustration...let me tell you an incident that happened with me after marriage 😆.

I always tie a red thread on my wrist. You know the religious one..

After our marriage my MIL asked me to remove it. In fact she tried to remove it herself.

I told her and my hubby...I am not removing it...no matter what. My husband supported me ...she finally backed off. But so much tension was created... I wanted to cry. She accused me of stealing her son. And I will learn my lesson when my own son will growl up and do this to me.

Trust me...I was like ...what have I got my self into.:(

These are only few examples :(

I swear it.. these MIL's..😡

Let me tell you one incident this was within 3 months of marriage... the house maid was cleaning our room(the only place I somewhat had rights to)... she had totally missed half the space near the desk intentionally.. When I mentioned that to her.. My MIL sprang in and started screaming at me for asking her maid to clean properly.. Thankfully my hubby was working from home that day.. He heard the commotion, came and started reprimanding his mother for screaming at me in front of the maid and also asked her what was wrong in what I had told the maid...

I had never felt so insulted in my life.. And also had felt like crying because I had never been scolded by my parents or brother as I was treated like princess in my family... 😭

Edited by Divya.S.R - 9 years ago

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-StarsLinedUp-

@-StarsLinedUp-

IF-Dazzler

+ 3

Posted: 9 years ago

This content was originally posted by: vinita459

Okay now that we are taking out frustration...let me tell you an incident that happened with me after marriage 😆.

I always tie a red thread on my wrist. You know the religious one..

After our marriage my MIL asked me to remove it. In fact she tried to remove it herself.

I told her and my hubby...I am not removing it...no matter what. My husband supported me ...she finally backed off. But so much tension was created... I wanted to cry. She accused me of stealing her son. And I will learn my lesson when my own son will growl up and do this to me.

Trust me...I was like ...what have I got my self into.:(

These are only few examples :(

O boy...why dont u give ur MIL a piece of ur mind...she needs to back off a little..and u should teach ur kids bout ur religion and culture for sure...such incidents happen...mine was cos I was not used to putting dark lipsticks and heavy makeup and jewellery...like many Indian ladies do..

on my shagun/roka..watever u wanna call it...I was told in front of the family how I looked plain...even when I had makeup on..after marriage...Punjabi brides wear certain colors...dress a certain way..etc etc..why dont u..u should dress up...I am like i am not a punjabi..and I dont want to be..I am a gujarati..and we dont do all this...that ticked her off...but my husband supported me...

but she didnt back off...1 week after I got married...she insulted me...my dressing sense...my hairstlye and my makeup in front of atleast 20-30 women...its was my hubb'y cousins cocktail party...that broke my heart beyond repair..and closed my door towards her...till date..even though she calls me her daughter I dont call her mom..its just doesnt come on my tongue...she hurt me on the basis of culture and traditions..and pushed me to be something that I am not..and she lost any chances of a relationship with me

Edited by -StarsLinedUp- - 9 years ago

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Tamara27

@Tamara27

IF-Rockerz

+ 4

Posted: 9 years ago

This content was originally posted by: vinita459

Okay now that we are taking out frustration...let me tell you an incident that happened with me after marriage 😆.

I always tie a red thread on my wrist. You know the religious one..

After our marriage my MIL asked me to remove it. In fact she tried to remove it herself.

I told her and my hubby...I am not removing it...no matter what. My husband supported me ...she finally backed off. But so much tension was created... I wanted to cry. She accused me of stealing her son. And I will learn my lesson when my own son will growl up and do this to me.

Trust me...I was like ...what have I got my self into.:(

These are only few examples :(

Well, that's the thing, isn't it? You have boys, right, Vinita?

We can't change the past, but our children are our chance to change the world. You live in the US? Then chances are, your sons will most probably marry American girls - nothing wrong with that. You are armed with the knowledge of how to be a great MIL - just don't be what your MIL is to you ;)

Your chance to change things will come in time. Chances are, you're never going to change your MIL's behaviour, but you can feel smug knowing that you will never be that kind of MIL.

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