I think love bought him there, trust bought him there, faith bought him there he just doesn't know it yet.
Maybe, Arnav should try to embrace that feeling instead of running away from it. I think because he has closed himself for so long and built so many defences around himself he now can't seem to come to terms with this feeling its just too over powering for him.
I think this bit shows that subconciosuly he is thinking of building a home with her. I think just like others that have been hurt Arnav too does have dreams of a happy home but he keeps them hidden somewhere deep inside him because he does not want get hurt like the last time again. He is scared to show his vulnerable side but Khushi, she manages to do that without trying. She has managed to make him dream of and imagine things that he had believed that he had long ago stopped dreaming about.
'"I don't know" responded Arnav, unable to meet her eyes, "I never expected to meet someone like you. I never thought I had to worry about letting anyone into my life again, because it just wasn't an option. And now...your here, I've let you in and I don't know what to do"'.
'"Arnav I'm not asking you to do anything, I've never asked you for anything"'.
It truly is amazing how the heart makes no noise when it breaks but the impact and the emotions that it leaves you with overwhelm you to the poitn where they can eclipse not just your soul but your physical body too. Khushi's heart has just broken into a thousand pieces. Of all the ways I think it was to end I don't think Khushi thought this would be how. I think Khushi believed that they would at least get a proper mutual goodbye at the end. I dont think she expected this, a confused, angry, pained Arnav leaving because he was too scared to deal with what he was feeling for her.
Khushi looked down at her hands and unconsciously started to rub the paint that hadn't washed off her knuckles, "No Jiji, not to him. He doesn't want my love".'
That's not Khushi speaking, its her heart ache and pain speaking. I think this is probably the first time that she has felt such a strong emotion for someone. Maybe in the back of her mind she secretly wished and hoped that he would stay or that they could stay in touch, but I think that Arnav stating that them not being able to stay friends after what had happened was just the final blow to her heart.
'"It's over Jiji. I'm going to let him go".
Deep down I think in her heart of hearts, Khushi knows that she will never let him go, but what else can she do. I think the acknowledgment of what she is lossing or rather whom she is lossing is leading her to be dis intereasted in everything. I think the loss has overwhelmed to the point that she herself does not know what she is saying. I have a feeling that Payal knows that too! The old Khushi the one she was before Arnav 'happened' to her had a spunk to her, she would not give up. But this Khushi she is not like the old Khushi, she seems broekd even.
'"Buaji I'm going to miss everyone here as well. I will cherish the memories of my stay"'.
I think here, he was hinting at Khushi more than anyone else! It was his way of trying to say that he does not regret what happened between them even though what happened scared him more than anything else.
'He knew his decision was hurting her, but he also knew it was better to hurt her now rather than later, before things escalated in their relationship'
He has made up his mind that he has nothing to offer her. He thinks that this will just be temporary relapse before Khushi moves on. He thinks that if they get inot a relationship later on then he will cause her more pain. He does not think that a person like him can so relationships anymore. But also I think he knows that if he stayed and him and Khushi did get into a proper full fledged relationship then he would end up moving too fast with her due to his level of comfort around her. He would act now and think later as well as regret. I have the feeling that Arnav will learn that what they had is not one of those things where time will heal the wound and out of sight will lead to out of mind. I think he will then realise that absence can make the heart grow fonder.
'A big part of him had let go of the past, he had decided to make some major changes in his life as far as his family was concerned and he owed that to Khushi, she is the one that had given him the strength to face his demons, demons of his own making'
Arnav has at least acknowledged that Khushi had in a sense healed him in a way so that he was willing to change a number of things that he had been doing. He has admitted that Khushi had given him the strength to do this. I wonder how long till he realises that Khushi not only gave him strngth now but will be giving him strength always.
'But what did he have to offer her? He wasn't sure where he was headed, what tomorrow would bring, he had so many bridges to mend with his family, how could he ask her to be with him as he fixes all the mistakes of his past? How could he ask a girl who has only brought sunshine into his life to walk down a dark unknown road?'
What if whilst they both embarked upon a journey together and Khushi walked down the unkown dark road with him, she began to light it up with her sunshine too? Arnav is only thinking about the argument from one angle he needs to look at if from the other angle too.
'he knew the main reason he was walking away was because of love'
He is afraid of falling in love with her completely isnt he? He knows thats he has somewhat fallen for her badly. He knows that it would only take a matter of time before he ends up falling for her completely. I think he is scared of how vulnerable and open to hurt that would make him and he does not want that so he is running.
'Last night at the beach house he had seen it in her eyes, wheather she realized it or not but her feelings for him ran deep. And that is what she deserved, pure unconditional love. He wasn't even sure what that was, or if he was capable of it. Love didn't come without trust and faith, it was a package deal, with his history would he be able to give and receive all that without second guessing himself?'
Arnav is actually thinking of Khushi here, he is trying to be not selfish. He is trying to remain distant from Khushi so that she can get the love she deserves, the love that he does not knwo if he can give her. But I think Arnav should take a second to actual stop and think that if he can read something in her eyes without her voicing it, does that not show how deeply they are connected all ready? He is scareed because he thinks that if he and Khushi get together then he might continously doubt her due to the past, but how long till he realises that trust is something that grows over time and that in time one day she would win his trust, completely?
'She wanted the last imagine of him to be before her not one of him moving away from her, leaving her, turning his back on her and her love'
I dont think Arnav realises the extent of how much has hurt her. He has broken her so badly. It must have been so hard to say that final goodbye. But Khushi managed it. She did it because that's what love means. Sometimes it means letting someone go and letting the absence, time and distance confirm the one doubt you had into a certanity, that you and that person are so in love that distance could not seperate you. I hope Khushi will soon find that her faith won.
Sorry for such a long comment Nidhiji, but this one was just one hell of a chapter. It was mind blowing. Not that I dont appreciate all love every word you have written for this FF and Finding Love, this chapter is my fav by you to date. Just when I think you could not make me fall in love with your work anymore, you write another chapter to make it love it even more.
I dont think I have any words to describe this chapter other than outstanding.
You deserve a standing ovation for this one! πππ
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