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Debater of the week #11: rahmona_pakswe; Note Pg9 (Page 5)

LeadNitrate IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 28 March 2007
Posts: 14666

Posted: 20 August 2013 at 12:31pm | IP Logged
Mona respond to my questions please.

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rahmona_pakswe IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 13 July 2009
Posts: 18773

Posted: 20 August 2013 at 3:10pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by CestMoi

OK here are the questions from my end ;)

- First thing first, I heard you are from UK, from London or elsewhere ? Currently I am in London. I have seen near by countries but not UK per se LOL So let me know what are the places you recommend that are worth exploring in UK and why ?
Honestly I was born and raised in Sweden and have only been living in UK for the past 5 years. Sadly I haven't seen much outside London so can't recomend anything.

- Who do you enjoy reading on DM and why ?
RTH because she proves her points very eloquently. Others are LeadNitrate, H4L, krystal_watz, Woh_Ajnabee, charminggenie because of the way they write. I enjoy their writing style and how they express themselves.

- Which topics do you enjoy on the forum ?
Those who don't need too much thinking which are most of the topics hence my non-existing participation in the debates. LOL 

- Which Fangroup do you find most annoying ? Details please.
Generally fans of any male actors but the most annoying fangroup is definitely Gurmeet Choudhry one. Dead 

- Which person on DM really gets on your nerve Wink
Currently lonelyOplanet.

- Have you ever felt attracted to an IF ID because of his or her writing ? If yes, again details, details LOL
Oh you just want juicy details don't you? LOL Sorry I have nothing to share. Tongue

- Why are humans such shallow species ?
Because mankind is attracted to beauty and what is aesthetically pleasing to our eyes we choose that. We are all bunch of lazy bums because beautifully things don't require too much of thinking and gives instant pleasure.
Ok, I have no idea what I just said. Stern Smile It sounded so good in my head but came out completely wrong.
- What is religion for you ?
A safety net that is always there no matter what happens. Good times, bad times I always have something that I can turn to.

- Do you believe in Evolution ? Why or Why not ?
Of course I believe in Evouloution. Why wouldn't I? How else can dinosaures be explained? Or that humans and chimpanzees share 97% DNA (if I'm not completely wrong)? It's fascinating how everything has developed from one tiny little cell.

- What kinda guy would you choose out of the below categories. Why and how would you tame him down Cool
           - Emotional Wreck but Highly educated 
Oye, I'm an emotional wreck too. Don't need another one like me. Imagine the cost for going to psychiatrist.  
           - Immature but caring Sounds pretty alright to me. At least I won't have someone nagging me to grow up.
           - Sophisticated but momma's boy My worst nightmare. Blech! Dead
           - Drool worthy  but shallow I rather buy a nice framed painting which I can stare at all day long. 
           - Geek but no time for his lady (<-- Pick this, pick this, Geeks are GreekGod LOL) I love geeks but an ignorant one? Hmmm...
After carefully evaluating and analysing potential candidates (ha ha joking!) I will choose Immature but caring because all my life no man has really cared for me and for once I would like to have someone who would take care of me. For his immaturity I'll just have to use the whip. Wink  
- If you were to go an on Adventure where you are taken blind folded and dropped at some corner of the world, which country would you like it to be ?
Ghana because I find West Africa very fascinating.

- Were you a tomboy or girly girl or in between while growing up ?
Tomboy! I used to play with boys, watch Transformers cartoons on TV, and dress out like a tough warrior woman rather than girly princess. I'm still very much a tomboy even today.
 - Your first crush, how, where, when and everything Wink (Talking about real life boy, not some TV, Bolly or Holly actor Dead)
No worries about mentioning any actor because I didn't start having severe crushes on actors until I turned 30 a few years ago. I always thought it was ridiculous behaviour so wouldn't allow myself to go gaga over celebrities. But something happened at the age of 30 which I can't explain. Wacko
Anyway I mentioned a guy in a previous post and he was my first crush at the age of 13. I don't know what but I thought he was so cute and he was intelligent. He's was one of those goodlooking straight A student. I remember during our German lessons we were paired up. Oh God I thought I was going to die! We didn't go in the same class but we were in the same year group and had few lessons together so imagine my luck. He he he! But I had such difficulties concentrating during the lessons. Maybe that's why my German still sucks even today. LOL For 3 years I had the biggest crush on him but being Muslim I never did approach him in any way. Although I did try to found out as much as possible about him, especially when he finished school because I used to pass by his street while walking home and occasionally I managed to walk home at the same time as him but I was always a few meters behind. Oh boy your questioned reminded me about things I had completely forgotton about.
- Kids and their upbringing scare me at times. The reason why I feel I am not a parent material. How hard is parenting ? And convince me that having kids is a bliss.
There's no way I can convince you about having a kid is a bliss, because I don't think it is despite being a parent myself. If you're looking for bliss then look somewhere else. LOL
Seriously parenting is so so so hard, it was even harder for me as I never liked kids before having one. Yes it's true! If I saw a kid I used to run for my life. Then why did I have a kid? Well it was more of my ex-husband's wish than mine so I was slightly pressured into parenthood. Do I regret it? No! My daughter is my whole world and I love her to bits but parenting is difficult. As much as I love my child I constantly walk around with guilt for not giving her enough time and love, for not being fair enough, for yelling too much, for not teaching her good enough manners and so on. There are no books who can guide you because every child works differently. What works for one won't work for anoter. It's like being put in a plane and being asked to fly it without any training. Scary as hell!
- Would you get re-married ? And what is your take on re-marriage when it comes to our desi culture especially after having a kid of your own. (You can skip it if you think it's personal)
I've already been remarried and that too having a kid from my first marriage. If I get married again it will be a third time and that's not happening. Two bad experiences and I've had it!
When it comes to remarriage I've always been surrounded by people who think it's a good thing maybe because in their eyes a women can't survive on her own especially if the women still lives in small villages. But the situation in the West is slightly different where women can survive on her own. I think, if the woman is ready, she should get married again despite having a kid. Not because she needs to be taken care of rather because she deserves happiness and if other people can't accept it then screw them! Problems might arise if the child doesn't accept the new man so the man has to be very mature, understanding and have lots of patience.
Alrightie, that's it for now. Will hit ya up later once you are done with this set of questions. Congrats for getting grilled nicely Dancing
Yeah I can smell something burning now after all your questions. LOL

Originally posted by rahmona_pakswe

In fairy-tales women are generally portrayed as weak who can't seem to do anything without the help of a man. Her main goal is to find her true love and never about her self improvement. She is the forever sacrificing type. In fairy-tales everything is black and white when in reality everything is more grey shaded. There's no connection to real world in the stories. You can not gain any knowledge of handling serious matters in life when everything is so perfect and beautiful.
I don't think some women can ever stop believing in fairy-tales. Maybe it gives them hope even if it's a false one.

Note: I am assuming with regards to fairy tales, you mean the Disney princesses kinda tales.

I had to add one more question/comment for you after reading this. Yes in general, fairy tales might not reflect the harsh reality. But I am sure there can be loads to learn from these tales for young blossoming minds.

Mulan is one of my favorites movies and I am sure it goes against everything you just mentioned. If I ever have a daughter, I am sure more than her, I'll be watching this movie LOLLOL So tell me, do you still have the same concrete take on fairy-tales ?
Mulan is an exception and she's also my favourite together with Pochahontas. I was speaking generally about fairy tales but of course there are exceptions. My aversion for Disney fairy tales are more because I used to watch Pippi Longstocking (the film and not the cartoon version) and Pippi was a naughty, strong, independent kind of girl. I can not thank the late Astrid Lindgren for coming up with such a great character who influented my young mind. Actually all of Astrid's characters were different from the typical fairy tale, especially the girls like Pippi Longstocking and Ronja Robbersdaughter.

Edited by rahmona_pakswe - 20 August 2013 at 3:50pm

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rahmona_pakswe IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 13 July 2009
Posts: 18773

Posted: 20 August 2013 at 4:14pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by LeadNitrate

Mona sweetheart, you are so expressive, why do you shy off giving your opinion may I ask?
Low self-esteem and nothing else.

Some questions from me:
I recall you said somewhere, your daughter is in her teens, how difficult is it to bring up a teenaged daughter, specially as a single parent.
It takes a lot of blood, sweat and tears because you have no one to rely on other than yourself. Especially now when she will be 13 in a few months time. Her hormones are everywhere and suddenly she has become this mini-Hitler. I expected her teenage years might become difficult but I didn't expect them to make me break down so much. I can not tell you how many times I've already cried just because I don't know what to do. And this is only the beginning! Oh I have a few years of really hard work ahead of me and all I can do is keep going like I have up until now.

You are being busy as the only earning member of your family as well being mother of your child, do you feel stressed up at times? Do you feel like you are forgetting being you?
It's very stressful and as I mentioned in another post I walk around with constant guilt because I have to be both mother and father for her. In a situation like this there hasn't been any room for me to remember who I am. Although things have become better since 1 year or so as she has become more independent and I have slightly started to think more about myself and my future.

What do you work as? is this the job you always wanted?
I have two jobs. One is the very unglamourise job as School Crossing Patroller during morning and afternoon and the other job is during midday as Lunchtime Supervisor at a blind school which also have children with extreme special needs. Half of the children are in wheelchair. My work there is to sit with one child during his/her lunch and help him/her to eat as most of them can't feed themselves. Then during playtime I have to entertain these children according to their needs. Some can see and others are blind, some are sitting in wheelchair and others can walk. Many of them can't talk so I always have to understand them by the sounds they make or by their facial expressions. Out of two this is the most rewarding job.

what is your dream job
My dream job has always been Counsellor or some kind of mentor.

Do you feel lost sometimes, being a person born in one country, living in another country and originating from yet another country?
More than lost I sometimes feel like I have multiple personalities. It's like trying to combine all these cultures and backgrounds in one person and it is very difficult. Because when I'm among Desis I feel like a Westerner and when I'm among Westerner I feel like Desi. It got even more complicated after moving to UK because I may look Pakistani but in my head I'm very much Swedish. (There's a reason why I call myself a coconut. Brown on the outside and white on the inside. LOL) However at times it can be very much a blessing because being multi-cultured you have a greater understanding for different cultures and can become the bridge between two groups of people. But yeah it's hard work. It's like being placed in open space filled with snow and nothing but snow. There are no marks, no signboards, no sight of another human being yet you have to cross this endless snow on your own.
would you ever want to adopt another kid ? from an impoverished country or just some unfortunate child?
I would rather support an unfortunate child living in my own country. We do a lot for children in other countries but sometimes we forget children in our neighbourhood. These children needs love and support as much as any child in the world.
Do you feel people should do a little bit of philanthrophy , and fullfill a it of social commitment?
A bit of philanthropy can never hurt. Let everyone get a taste of it and see where it leads. Some people might get hooked and voila we have one more person who will do something good for the society.

Do you think we can force people to do charity or it should come from heart and everyone should decide what to do with their money?
I don't believe in forcing anyone to do anything. What everyone does with their money is their God given right. However I wish and hope more people could donate their money for a good cause.
I personally appreciate a small charity done with a big heart rather then a big charity done with no feelings at all. Because when you do charity for the love and respect for all mankind it becomes more meaningsful and satisfying. I have witnessed several times that it's the quality and not the quantity that can lead to biggest success.
I'm so sorry I missed your questions. I thought I had gone through all the post. Ooops!

Edited by rahmona_pakswe - 21 August 2013 at 8:09am

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Diva-In-Armor Goldie

Joined: 29 March 2012
Posts: 2218

Posted: 20 August 2013 at 8:16pm | IP Logged

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McNinja IF-Rockerz

Joined: 30 August 2012
Posts: 9180

Posted: 20 August 2013 at 9:09pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by rahmona_pakswe

Originally posted by McNinja

@bold Can't agree more with you on that. What these people don't realize is that their judgments are against any teaching of any religion...who is anyone to judge anyone. Is the book you're talking about by Qasim Rashid? I've heard good things about it from a friend and need to pick up a copy. 
Yes it's the same book. I need to find a copy too.

Hahah okay, now my next question is who was that hottie of a guy that turned you into a fangirl? His name is Misha Collins and he plays Castiel on the show Supernatural. I swear he has ruined my life! LOL If it wasn't for him I would still be the same old me who had no idea about fangirling. It wasn't only his blue eyes and pretty face that swept me away it was his personality and that he is absolutely bonkers. He once said "...if u guys voted for my friend & she won that art contest that i'd post a photo of myself naked on a horse." And you know what? HE DID!!! ROFL But he had taken the picture in his own twisted way. I died laughing seeing the picture on Twitter. He's just crazy!!! Before becoming an actor was an intern in the White House for 6 months during Bill Clinton time (it was before Monica Lewinsky "thing" happened ). Misha currently holds Guiness World Record book in creating the world largest scavanger hunt. Add that he does lots of charities, builds his own furnitures and many other things. Good looking, intelligent, funny, crazy, kind, fantastic human being and a great actor (yes he's married and has two kids but who caresLOL) how could I not fangirl over him?
And seriously, nothing wrong with being warm-blooded woman who can appreciate the finer things in life LOL Yup agree!

LOL Seriously, If anyone is worthy of fanatical love, it's Misha. My best friend plus a couple folks I know on IF are obsessed with him. And I've been shown some hilarious videos, interviews, gifs of the dude and he is honestly fangirl worthy. The perfect blend of funny, weird, crazy, yet intelligent and thoughtful...He's the kind of guy I am drawn to honestly. 

And I love his eyes. Like love love. Not just the color but the shape. And his hair. Plus his middle name is Dimitri...for some reason, I really like that name. Haha, so yeah...Im with you. 

I've been putting off watching Supernatural because I'm already a huge fan of the guys and know I will get obsessed to the show. LOL

Edited by McNinja - 20 August 2013 at 9:10pm

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Bazigar Goldie

Joined: 01 July 2013
Posts: 2379

Posted: 21 August 2013 at 2:13am | IP Logged
Why kitties are in ego clash mode. Planet honestly it is uncalled for hurting anyone personally. She deserve a sorry.  personal attack is uncalled for.  ( just a simple opinion)


Honestly i belong to you dont know me , i knew u category. once in an heated discussion in blah blah thread suddenly someone posted the following 

((It's weird not having a permanent home. Living in temporary accommodation like B&B is a very different experience I must say. A tiny room with no tv, and shared bathroom & kitchen. Ah well...another experience for me and my daughter as we had to leave our home because our landlord had decided to sell the flat/apartment. ))

As i dont knew u , to just share some empathy i just click the like option not from my mind but from heart. I remember that view with curious and simultaneously happiness , curious why someone staying in london worrying about TV LOLand happy when i saw a view that was so unique, so sudden in between heated argument and that too so humble view , when the whole world try to hide itself behind glass here is a person who open with everyone without any fake, so genuine and have the courage to express herself which is rare. 

Believe me after i read the first answer in your MOTW i recall u and the starting from the first answers i found what a terrific opinions and views.  Whom i try to show empathy who is she? a true inspirational person.

 In fact now i realise those craps who left you are more into TV , room instead understanding such a beautiful human. May be they got a good TV but loose a good human. 

((Especially now when she will be 13 in a few months time. Her hormones are everywhere and suddenly she has become this mini-Hitler. I expected her teenage years might become difficult but I didn't expect them to make me break down so much. I can not tell you how many times I've already cried just because I don't know what to do))

instead mini hitler and hitler shout each other , i think whenever you are angry instead try to impose your view sometime understand her from her view point,  you can just send a mail to her that what u feel . Believe me you have so much persuasion skill and you construct all your thoughts through writing so beautifully that will hammer anyone thoughts and force to think. Mothers sacrifice a lot we truly realise after we lost them, when i lost my mother few years back in a young age i cant express what i lost. we had a strong bond still i never realised to show gratitude to her,  still a mother child relation is always truly genuine without any hindrance. 

Honestly a genuine response which i cant able to resist after reading your thoughts, what a strong person u r behind all your emotions , Simply terrific. Thumbs Up

Edited by ramjaane - 21 August 2013 at 2:14am

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OnepoundChic IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 05 January 2011
Posts: 22647

Posted: 21 August 2013 at 6:15am | IP Logged
Originally posted by rahmona_pakswe

Originally posted by OnepoundChic

*What would you do differently ,if you knew nobody will judge you?
Saying my hearts content. There are few relatives of mine that need a piece of my mind but I'm holding back for the sake of my mother.
One other thing I would do is openly listen to the type of music I like in front of my parents and relatives. It's not everyday you have someone like me who sometimes loves listenting to Industrial and Symphonic Metal. Can you imagine my super religious relatives reaction? My next stop would be mental asylum.ROFL I once told an elderly relative that I like watching movies with lots of physical fights and general nastiness and she was ready to pass out. ROFL

LOL thats hilarious ..Religious relatives nd their holier than thou attitude..Mostly Extended families are like this only ,aren't they? LOL.. i too have some cliche relatives with such  reviews, they get on my nerves for the same reasons nd not to forget they are  bloody entertainers at times LOL.. To add once i was using my laptop(doing some study) nd some of my dad's family(extremely extended) people came i didn't even know them at all so i after greeting nd sitting with them for 10 minutes(too much to give to old strangers :/) .i got indulged in the work again ,..after they had gone, in the evening my mom received at least 3/4 calls that how your daughter is rude nd arrogant nd lacks morals .LOL whatever seriously!

*Do you celebrate the things you have?
Rather than celebrating I prefer to be thankful and grateful. Celebrating feels like I'm rubbing it in on people who are less fortunate so I rather appreciate.

Thats very modest ! :)
*You said you are not a romantic person ,considering it,still whats the most embarrassing thing you've done to get a guy?(spice it up plz LOL)
I am very boring and religious person so I never approached guys. Never had boyfriends or anything. However there was one little thing I did as a 16 year old (which was when dinosaures ruled the worldLOL). I had a crush on a guy from the same school year through out high school but being a good girl I never uttered one thing. After the graduation and summer holidays I went to Gymnasiet (Upper Secondary School) where I later found out that this guys older brother was also going there. Now he worked temporary at a local newspaper and one fine day the older brother wrote a small column about how girls only watch football (soccer) for the cute boys. Of course I blasted off because that was so wrong, at least in my case. So I wrote a long rant about his narrow mindedness, sent it in and forgot about it. Sometime later my angry letter was published and I got so embarrassed. But in a weird twisted teenage mind I hoped that he had shown my published letter to his younger brother. LOL
Sorry this is spicy as it gets.

LOL nice story .. And i read you were fortunate enough to get a project work with him ..well thats really very lucky ..i recently have a crush on a guy in my uni but i never even get to cross his path even LOL.. And you,you should have at least let him know ,little bit somehow ,who knows you'd have gotten more lucky LOL

@bold ..thats so cute ROFL  .. typical teenagish hopeless hopesLOL ..,nd may be his younger brother 'd seen that letter, Did he never contact ya back? LOL

*Which one song or movie that you're embarrassed to like? 
Song: "It Only Takes A Minute" with Take That.
Movie: Titanic 

lol only name took me to the gutter Blushing keeping aside the good girl i need to active my evil twin nd give it a try lol

*Coming between you nd your success ,what is the bullshit story you keep telling your self that why you are not able to achieve something particular or why are you not successful regarding some thing?  
(hope this question is clear enough ,turned a quote into question LOL)
"I'm not good enough!!!"
Sadly the mantra of my life. The bottom line is that I don't believe in myself due to low self esteem. There are is also they whole thing about me being undeserving of success and won't pursue because I'm a bad person. In a way I'm punishing myself. Yup, I'm all screwed up!

That really sounds screwed ..Go for it,work it,be confident and earn it ..thats what we all are taught ,But life gives different conditions lessons nd outcomes to different people so i cant say much about it here..  you sound like a extremely honest person ,only wishing good for ya!
*And can you judge or you can say guess a person ,the way he writes or what he writes or how/what he sounds?, ..if yes what do you think of me or what do you think i am like? 
(m looking for an answer for quite some time LOL)
You can get an idea of how someone is by that person's writing but not get the full picture. And for you...(I might be completely wrong here)...but you seem to be the curious type who ponders on a lot of things.

WELL ..thats quite a new thing to here about my self ..nd if i think ponder-ly i do ponder about alot of things ! so yeah ..

thnx for answering mona! loved them all! Big smile

Edited by OnepoundChic - 21 August 2013 at 6:31am

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return_to_hades IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 18 January 2006
Posts: 24756

Posted: 21 August 2013 at 9:38am | IP Logged

Let€™s get on track folks. Nothing to see here. Keep Calm and Carry On. Move along now. Mind the Gap.


Mona, lets play the word association game. What€™s the first word that comes in mind when you hear the word


1.       Daughter

2.       Laughter

3.       Silence

4.       Purity

5.       Insanity

6.       Islam

7.       Reverence

8.       Rage

9.       Surgery

10.   Uneducated

11.   India

12.   Europe

13.   Ocean

14.   Moon

15.   Universe

16.   God

17.   Sandwich

18.   Sweet

19.   India Forums

20.   Ekta Kapoor

21.   Entertainment

22.   Sex

23.   Affair

24.   Sports

25.   Gold

26.   Ugly

27.   River

28.   Waterfall

29.   Money

30.   Holiday

31.   Happiness

32.   New Year

33.   Dalai Lama

34.   Taj Mahal

35.   Pizza

36.   Venice

37.   Sand

38.   Volcano

39.   Tragedy

40.   Hope

41.   USA

42.   Dance

43.   Simplicity

44.   Pardon

45.   Rape

46.   Death

47.   Inspiration

48.   Poetry

49.   Harry Potter

50.   Jennifer Lawrence

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