Originally posted by return_to_hades
Finally posting some questions. Good going Ramona, this is one of the most thoughtful MOTW
1. Why don't you debate much? What would it take to get you more involved in debate? Partially it's too time consuming. Just to make one post it sometimes take me over an hour to compose it maybe because I think too much and write too little (then it's the language barrier. No matter how much I try English will always be my 3rd language) but the biggest thing is I'm not confident enough. I have a lot to say but seeing the intelligent and brilliant people here with some greayt analysing skills scares the crap out of me.
2. Sex. How important is it for a mother to discuss with her daughter? What should they discuss? When, how and why? It's so very important to discuss. Where else can the daughters turn to if not mothers? It's not easy for a parent either because you are dying of shame quite literally but if you don't talk then the children will find other ways and most likely the Internet which doesn't always give the correct picture. When a parent should discuss depends on the child. Some children are mature some aren't and I think it's a good idea to know when the sex education is held at school so you as a parent is mentally prepared. How should it be discussed? Very casually. No giggling, at least from parents side, and preferably while doing other things (not dinner though. Ewww!!!) like watching TV or playing games or something else. It takes away some of the pressure from both sides. Putting down a child in a quiet room and start showing pictures may not be the brightest idea.
All should be done with an open mind yet dignified. Parents should know that kids are growing and so are their curiousity. Difficult to accept but it's the truth
3. What advice do you give mommy to be, or moms of infant baby girls? What would be your five essential things moms of daughters should know? Be proud of your daughter, be proud for having a girl. Sometimes the society is nasty but if the mother is proud overy her own daughter then she is taking a step in the right direction. A mother should never make any difference between a son and a daughter.
Be prepared to make your daughter independent and strong yet teach her manners and respect by being a good role model yourself. We can say a lot of things to our children but children will always do what we do rather than what we say.
Don't force your daughter to be a copy of you. She's her own individual and let her individuality develop on her own. Be prepared to support and encourage her where it's needed but stop where you think it's wrong.
Be prepared to involve in your daughter's life but let her have her own privacy. There will come a time when especially during teenage years it will become more important than ever.
Most of all enjoy having a baby girl. She's an angel (and sometimes a devil) but she's your child, your flesh and blood.
4. South Asia has a lot of issues with rape and sexual harassment. What do you think moms can do to ensure that their sons treat each and every woman with respect, no matter what? Mothers have a big role (not entirely sometimes it's the father's bad influence sometimes society's) in their sons upbringing . Like everything else it begins at home. The biggest thing is not to treat the sons like they are God's gift. They are humans and nothing else. Teach the sons to respect their own mothers and sisters or any other female family members. Whatever is given to a boy should be given to a girl whether it's love, food, clothes, money, education. And remember to be strict on boys too. Don't let them run around the entire night.
Teach them that being a man isn't about overpowering a woman because it's too easy as men will alway be physically stronger. Tell them only a weak minded person, a coward will go after someone who is physically weaker but a strong minded person will protect somone who's physically weaker. Secondly teach the sons to do some household chores. Nothing wrong with a bit of cleanin' 'n' cookin'!
Will take away any high and mighty attitude when toilets needs to be cleaned.
I can give example of my own younger brother. He is very independent and not a Mama's boy. He knows basic cooking and cleaning. He washes his own clothes and can iron them too. If he needs to mend his own clothes heck yeah he can work that sewing machine.
At the same time he is very respectful and extremely loving. He has done very much for me and my daughter sometimes by just making a phone call and see how we are. My daughter used to cling and still clings to her uncle because he is just that wonderful. He's not perfect and have done mistakes in his life but he's a good brother. My mother did a good job with him.
5. What is your favorite thing to do with your daughter? Going to new places here in London. It can be anywhere or anything. It's the journey and the freshnes of a new place that's exciting. In the future I would love to travel with her around UK and outside UK.
6. What makes you laugh? What makes you happy? Share a few events in life that either made you ecstatically happy or had you laughing like a nut job? Fart jokes make me laugh! I have a mind of a 3 year old. I think those jokes are stinkin' hilarous. Part of me refuses to grow up.
What makes me happy are those little things in life. Like a smile from a stranger, a little kid jumping around in shopping mall, seeing a beautiful tree. Yes I love the forrest. In that sense I'm extremely Swedish. Nothing makes me more happy and relaxed then taking a walk in the forrest with all those smells and sounds. Of course my biggest source of happiness is my daughter.
I remember one event that had me laughing so hard I had tears in my eyes. This was during Eid many years ago when my daughter still was a toddler. I was visiting my family and my both sisters had baked a cake with cream on top and written Eid Mubarak on it in chocolate. So after the dinner we all four (mother, me and my both sisters. My dad and bro had left the kitchen) were sitting and talking and eating more of the cake. Soon there was only a small piece of cake left with letter "E". Suddenly my youngest sister asks us who us wants to eat "E" and we both burst out laughing. I laughed so hard I almost fell out of the chair!!! Then my stomach begin to ache and same with my face. My mother and other sister just looked at us both like we've gone mad but how do you explain to them that letter "E" also stands for the drug ecstasy? So silly but I was laughing like crazy for 10-15 min. I'll never forget that moment and me and my youngest sister still talks about it today and laugh.
7. We need to learn to laugh at ourselves agree or disagree? Why? Oh absolutely! I laugh at myself all the time but that's only because manage to trip on my own two feet right in front of a large gathering or I will walk right into a door or wall while being in a shopping mall. Everything always happens in front of people and never when I'm alone. The times I've behaved like the Muslim version of Bridget Jones. We have to laugh at ourselves because we can't take ourselves too seriously. We all make mistakes and have weaknesses and we have to learn to accept them. If we do it with a laugh then it's much better.
8. Social psychology says it takes 8-10 positive impressions to negate 1 negative impression. The more strong the negative impression, the exponentially higher positive impressions are needed to negate it. In light of that do you think that Muslims are doing enough to change the impressions created by terrorists? What can Muslims do more to gain trust? Are Americans doing enough to change the impression created by wars? What can America do to appear more trustworthy? There iare great many conflicts within Muslim community which is the main reason why they can't build a united force against terrorism and the bad images of Muslims. And if there are Muslims working towards a better image then they are being accused of God knows what, even for not being "real" Muslims. So unless there is a united force there isn't much an everyday Muslim can do on it's own. Right no the terrorists are far better organised, far better united in their mission and obviously seen and heard everywhere far more than the good, normal law abiding Muslims.
About dear old Uncle Sam who has a habit of trying to do the right thing but always uses the wrong method and the result ends up being less then satisfactionary. I think America needs to be slightly less arrogant about themselves. Yes they are a superpower but not king of the world. They can not play around like they own the earth rather understand how things work out in the rest of the countries. America has this attitude towards the rest of the world: "you are either with us or your against us". And that can rub off in the wrong way. Not everyone wants to agree with them in everything. If America could be a little more understanding and open minded and stop imposing "American way" on every country then maybe they have a chance.
9. In regards to your daughter how important are religion, race and ethnicity in choosing her future partner? Why? He has to be Muslims other then that I don't care where he comes from or what race he is. Colour and race are just shells of humans, what matters is the heart. I would love if she married a non-desi Muslim person but we'll see what happens.
10. Tell anything random you want me to know. Oooh, I can finally brag about myself. You just opened Pandora's box.
-I have an ear for accents. I pretty much have perfected my English accent and do sound like I've been living in UK for the most of my life. Same thing for accents in Swedish and Urdu. Still working on my Punjabi and German.
-I'm mostly self taught in speaking Urdu. Learnt reading Quran Arabic as a kid then had a few lessons in Urdu but at the age of 11 I thought screw the Urdu teacher because she was horrible. I decided to learn as much as possible on my own especially when an elderly woman said that children born and raised in West could never speak proper Urdu. That fired me up (I was only 13 back then)! I made a mission to improve my Urdu speaking skills to the point where got confuse of my background. I can now say mission accoomplished. Muahahaha! I still have trouble writing Urdu but I can read it if very very slowly.
-I can properly eat with chop sticks!!! Wohooo! I had relatives who lived in Japan for many years and when they moved to UK back in the 80's I used to visit them during the summer. I then requsted them to teach me the proper ways of holding chopsticks...as a 10 year old kid. I was a weird kid.
-I became a mother at the age of 21. So now you can guess my age.
-I'm right handed but seeing how much in pain my mother was in because of doing all the household chores with her right hand I decided to train my left hand. I can now easily iron clothes, brush my teeth and carry heavy loads with my left hands. I later found out a research which said that doing things with your opposite hands is a good training for the brain. Awesome! As I desperately need it.
-I can spin (rotate?) my fingers in opposite direction. So while both fingers pointing at each other I can spin one clockwise and the other anti clockwise at the same time.
-I have something called Preauricular pits on my both ears. It looks like a piercing on the upper side of the ear but it's kind of a deformation. It's a very rare condition which can only be inherited. My maternal grandfather had it on both ears and my mother on one ear. I have honestly never met anyone else having them but I've read about other people on Internet.
-I hate romantic songs. Can't stand them! My ultimate nightmare is "My Heart Will Go On" with Celine Dion.
-I wear glasses
-I used to write quite a bit of poetry as young but haven't written in years.
-I started write fanfiction here on IF to improve my English skill but then stopped because it became too difficult. Beside all the ideas that popped up in my head for fan fictions were too naughty. Like 18+
No way I could continue.