How many times have girls blamed boys for getting disinterested too fast? How often do we throw tantrums about boys being too insensitive about love? Is it always the guy's fault? To me, it was.
I thought that it is only the girl gene that is able to love and dedicate heart and soul to another. The boys enjoy the chase more than the trophy, using hooks and crooks they trap the girl, but their charm wears off the moment they realize there are better fish in the pond.
A recent incident pretty much flipped up my views. My best friend, Shruti and I talk about anything and everything. We laugh at the boys that wear pink, to the food that sucked in the hostel. From commenting on someone's hairstyle to dreaming about wild fantasies, our talks had no boundaries. We differed only on one thing – the feeling of being in love. She was a love-o-maniac, believing in love happening in the strangest places (typical, since she met her boyfriend via Orkut, and they've been on a steady relationship for over 2 years) but I am a love-a-phobic and happen to fault with every guy (predictable, as my boyfriend dumped me after 3 months of dating simply because he felt I was too outdated for his taste).
So when we first found out about Shruti's elder brother falling in love, I was sceptical. As usual. But her brother was not exactly the use-and-throw type. Let me introduce Sachin (Shruti's elder bro).
Sachin is a decent, smart and hardworking guy who slogged for years and made his grand entrance into an IIT (I told you he was smart) last year. As far as I know, he is this funny guy who prefers playing cricket to chasing chicks. He would rather wait for Ms. Right to hop along rather than play trial and error with the female monkeys. So the fact that he had finally found a soul mate was not so bad. Shruti did a real smart-ass thing, noting the number down in her physics textbook. She was desperate to squeeze out the juicy details of her brother's ongoing love life. We came up with a plan.
Back in the hostel, I texted Ayesha (The 'it girl' for Mr. Sincere) and pretended to be Sachin's sister. She hesitated for a while, but after a little coaxing she agreed to talk to us. She called and Shruti answered the phone with great gusto, squealing and whispering in delight with her potential to-be sister-in-law. They talked for a long time, with varying tones, sometimes smiling, sometimes screaming. When she finally put the phone down, here's what she told me. Apparently, Sachin, feeling lonely and alone in his college had decided to chat up with one his friend's friend. Talking on the phone for hours at a stretch evolved into friendship, turning into 'love'. Their relationship blossomed for a while, before Sachin abruptly cut all contact with her and asked not to call back. She never had the guts to ask him why but she pined for him. She missed him so much that she fell sick. She wanted him back but she didn't know how. She was too madly in 'love' with him to turn back now. She was convinced that Sachin had turned her down because he was too scared to commit. She needed Shruti's help to get her guy back in her life. And my friend agreed.
I was fuming with anger by the time she completed her story. For a while, I forgot the respect I had for Sachin and cursed and swore at him so much, that had my words been bullets, Sachin's body would be mortally wounded. I was thoroughly convinced that guys are assholes, always have been, always will be. Every guy is a chameleon, changing colours at the slightest mention of commitment. What gave him the right to play with a girl like that? How could he just dump a girl like a used Cola can? Why would anyone hurt someone else like that? Shruti was not convinced, but I was. Shruti was curious to find out the other side of the coin, I was simply furious. She argued that maybe Ayesha had done something wrong, but I retaliated that it had to be Sachin's commitment phobia. After a lot of deliberation, we decided to make another prank call to get to the other side of the fence. This time, I would play the role of Ayesha's friend and get things even with Sachin.
The phone rang. Once. Twice. Thrice. I waited with my heart in my throat.
"Hello?"
"Hi, I am Ayesha's childhood friend Rachel. Could I talk to you for a few moments?"
"Yeah, sure. What's up?"
"You and Ayesha were good friends, right?"
"Yup."
"After that you guys dated for sometime before you broke up with her?"
"No."
"So you guys are still together?"
"No."
??? "Then what the hell is up with you two?"
"I used to talk to her on the phone sometimes, but then I got bored, so I stopped calling her."
"What do you mean – GOT BORED? Who do you think you are, losing interest like that?"
"Will you please listen to me? Let me explain..."
I was in no mood for any such explanations. I started venting out my fury.
"You son-of-a-gun! What the f**k do you think you are? You think girls are disposable items, do you? Use and throw materials? What gives you the right to cheat someone like that? How could you possibly have the heart to break someone like that? Do you know how much she loved you...?"
"Will you please listen to me for one minute?"
"You have exactly sixty seconds before I blow your brain out."
"I was alone at this new place, with new surroundings and new people. I needed a friend. But she mistook my affection and thought I was in love with her. I never once told her I did. She built her own high castles, and it wasn't my fault. What could I do? Did I have to love her back simply because that's the way she felt about me?"
The ground slipped beneath my feet. I was temporarily speechless. He ploughed on.
"Look, I do have friends who are girls and I always maintain my limits with them. I am not always looking for love when I'm with a girl. I see the kind of love my friends are in, falling in and out of it like changing seasons. It's not what I want. I just need a friend to help me pass time. Believe me; I have never looked at or given any kind of wrong impression to any of my girl friends."
"So why didn't you tell Ayesha that? Why delude her into waiting for you? Tell her how you feel. Not calling her anymore is not the solution."
"I tried to, but she's too obsessed. If I go back now and apologize, she will think that I have finally realized my 'true feelings' for her. At least if I distance myself from her, she might get better."
"Well, she's not. She is still hurting. Whatever happened, she's still your friend. You shouldn't hurt her like that. Try talking to her in a proper way and explain yourself like you did to me. T will take time, but she will get over you after a while. Just talk to her."
"Okay, I will do that. Hey, can I ask you something?"
"Yeah, go ahead."
"Why aren't you on Ayesha's facebook friend list? There's no mention of any Rachel here."
f**k. "Um, I'm not really into social networking sites, you know."
"Yeah, but I've never heard Ayesha mention you. Which class did you guys attend together?'
"Uh, I think the line's getting busy. I can't hear you. Talk to you later? Bye. Take care."
When I related this to my best friend, she jumped up in joy. "See, I told you my brother was not like that! I told you." Alright, alright. So I was wrong.
It isn't always the boys fault. Girls, by nature, are overly sentimental, highly emotional, searching for the "Prince Charming" ever since they start watching Barbie movies. We search for "the one" in a crowd of millions. Hoping for someone to feel for you simply because you feel for them is a ridiculous concept. We are so desperate to find our Prince and have a happy ending that we keep waiting for love to find us in really weird ways and jump into bizarre conclusions within days of meeting. We forget that if love has to find us, it will. If something is meant to be yours, it will come to you. There is no point in searching for something that will come to us when it has to. That light will reach us when we're least expecting it, illuminating us with a glow so intense, it will be impossible to turn your back to it once it's there.
Love needs patience. And patience comes with time. Let time bring you the love of your life.
- Ankita
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