"Gopi... Where shall we go? " Ahem asked, starting the car once Gopi had buckled her seat belt.
She gave a slight shrug..."where ever you feel like Ahemji. "
Ahem thought for a moment "Gopi, have you ever been to Romila Nath park?" Seeing Gopi shake her head, he smiled, stating. "Ok, let's go there."
They started off, an awkward silence in the car. Ahem kept glancing at her out of the corner of his eyes. She was wearing a lovely dark green and yellow saree, which really suited her. As usual she had pinned her hair back... he wished she would leave her hair loose more often. He sighed, thinking back to the rare occasions in the past when she had, recalling how gorgeous she had looked.
'Ji Ahemji..apne kuch kaha?" Gopi's innocent question making him realise she had heard his sigh and was now looking at him curiously.
Ahem spoke, trying to keep a serious tone in voice. "Gopi, I was just thinking.. I feel I have more chances of seeing a falling star than seeing you with your hair down." he glanced over at her, and held back a chuckle, seeing the befuddled look on Gopi's face.
Ahem contemplated whether he should elaborate but decided to change the topic for now.. "Gopi, this park I am taking you to, when me, Jigar and Kingal were younger, we use to come here all the time. We would have so much fun, playing on the swings. There is a big fort and we would pretend to be prince and princess living there. Mom use to get so worried seeing us jumping everywhere.. We would always get our clothes dirty and get scolded but it was worth it.. "Ahem paused, recalling the memories from his childhood.. they really did use to have lots of fun.. He saw Gopi was looking at him with a smile on her face, and asked "Gopi, which parks did you go to when you were younger?"
"Ahemji, I didn't really get time to go to parks.. there was always so much to do at home.. sometimes, Mamaji would take us for Kulfi and on the way home we would stop and watch boats in the lake, " explained Gopi happily. "Rashi use to go with her school friends and when she came home, she use to tell me about the games they played and sometimes we would play in the courtyard.."
"Gopi.. Rashi went and you didn't go with her? Why"
'Woh, Mamiji didn't like me going out much. She use to tell me that she worried if I was away from her and if something happened to me, people would get angry at her for not taking care of me properly. So I mostly stayed at home, and did things around the house. " Gopi explained, still smiling.
Ahem felt his blood boil, he knew Gopi's mamiji had kept her out of school and had made Gopi do all the work at home. To top it off, it seemed she hadn't allowed Gopi to have any childhood. She treated Gopi like a servant, he thought and then had the nerve to tell Gopi she worried about her? His fingers clenched the steering wheel. The more he learned about Urmila Shah, the more he detested her. Her cruelty seemed to have no bounds when it came to Gopi.
Ahem looked at Gopi, unable to understand how she could be so understanding, so positive about life after the way her Mamiji had treated. After the way I have treated her. He added glumly.. he was as guilty as Urmila Shah..
You have a lot to make up for Ahem dikra.. For once the voice in his head was completely right..
Shortly after they reached the park, and parking the car, they walked in.. There was a small group of three or four children who were playing near the fort.. As Ahem and Gopi walked in their direction, they heard one of the boys yell out "Gopi' and come running towards them.
Ahem looked at Gopi, puzzled. "Do you know him Gopi?"
Gopi smiled, "Ji Ahemji. That is Gaurav. He was in the same class as me at school. He came to our house also, for my birthday."
"Gopi! How are you? What are you doing here" Gaurav said, having run up to them..
"I'm fine Gaurav. Ahemji and me came for a walk in the park. Ahemji use to come here when he was younger so he was telling me stories about what they use to play. How are you? Who else is with you?" Gopi happily spoke
"I'm good Gopi.. we all miss you at school lots! Come I will introduce my friends." Gaurav chatted merrily, while grabbing Gopi with one hand and Ahem by another and dragging them over to his friends.. "This is Radhika, this is Krishan, and this is Amit.. everyone this is Gopi. She use to go to school with me. Remember I told you about my friend who chased away the bad men who tried to steal the Kanaji murti.." Gaurav spoke excitedly to his friends, telling them about how Gopi had risked her life saving the Kanaji murti
After he finished, his friends all looked at Gopi wide eyed. They all started grabbing her arm, saying that Gopi has to be on my team, arguing with each other.
Ahem stood watching, happy as Gopi looked happy, but at the same time puzzled by what the children were talking about..
Gaurav suddenly spoke up, saying since Gopi was his friend first she would be on his team. "Team, what team" Gopi questioned.
"Gopi, we were about to play a game of Kho Kho. So you will be on mine and Krishan's team and Ahemjiju can be on other team, with Radhika and Amit..
Gopi looked at Ahem, slightly embarrassed. "Nahin Gaurav.. Ahemji won't like that.."
"Why won't I like it" Ahem interjected.. "Gopi, stop making excuses. I know you are worried my team will beat you" he teased, while walking over and standing behind Radhika and Amit.
Gopi looked shocked, then nodding her head joined Gaurav and Amit who had started to discuss their strategic for winning. Meanwhile, Ahem huddled with Radhika and Amit.
A few minutes later, the game started with the children running in different directions. Ahem's team had decided that he would be responsible for chasing Gopi, a decision Ahem was very happy about. He saw Gopi looking left and right, as if deciding which way to run and grinning headed straight toward her.. She saw him coming, and turning away, started running as well, looking over her shoulder from time to time, checking where he was.
As he ran after her, Ahem felt a sense of dj vu, as if he had chased after Gopi like this before.. He had almost caught up with her, so he reached forward, before stumbling suddenly from a dip in the ground. Grabbing Gopi, they both tumbled to the ground, rolling over each other a couple of times, before stopping, with Ahem lying almost on top of Gopi. She was looking at him, with a shocked look on her face. Ahem's eyes were focused on her face. Why did he have this feeling of dj vu.. In his mind, he had vision of himself chasing Gopi and them falling and landing on the bed.. when had this happened? Ahem, seemed to be in a trance, unable to stop his arm from reaching up to touch Gopi's face, letting the back of his fingers graze her cheeks. Gopi closed her eyes tightly her lips parting slightly as though releasing a breath, while Ahem brushed her lower lip with his thumb, captivated by her beauty. Both of them seemed oblivious to their surroundings, wrapped up in each other.
They were bought out of their reverie when the children encircled them, cheering and chanting, "Ahemjiju won! Ahemjiju won!"
Ahem and Gopi scrambled up, with Ahem baffled by the visions he had. Were they visions, dreams or memories? He looked over at Gopi, her face looked flushed and she seemed nervous, not looking at him.
"One more game?" Gaurav asked, tugging on Ahem's shirt sleeve.
Before he could respond, Gopi spoke hastily. "Nahin Gaurav. We have to go now. Ahemji has to go to work soon. I will see you another time. "Ahem watched her say good bye to the other children quickly before looking at him fleetingly and heading towards the carpark. Ahem hurriedly said his good byes to the kids and walking briskly, caught up to Gopi. He looked at her, perplexed at her behaviour. Her face was blank, not giving Ahem hints on what was on her mind.
They drove home in silence, with Gopi looking out the window each time Ahem glanced at her. As they entered the house, Ahem couldn't stand the silence anymore "Gopi are you ok?"
Gopi, who had begun to walk away towards the kitchen, stopped. She didn't turn to face him, simply responding. "Ji Ahemji. I am fine.. " after a pause she added. "Your shirt has gotten dirty, you should go change. I will start making lunch" before walking away.
Ahem didn't feel satisfied with her answer, but didn't want to push her. He walked up the stairs slowly, looking back towards the kitchen a number of times. He walked into their room, and grabbing another shirt from the wardrobe, headed into the bathroom to freshen up.
Twenty minutes later, he emerged from the bedroom and was about to head downstairs when he heard what sounded like crying. Following the sound, he walked over to the terrace passageway. He came to a sudden halt as he saw Gopi standing downstairs at the mandir, her back towards him. Ahem felt his heart shatter, realising it was Gopi who was crying. Why though he thought. He stood there listening to Gopi. She was talking to Kanaji it seemed. Her words broken up by the sobbing..
"Kanaji.. why are you doing this to me.. am I that bad a person.. why won't you let me forget what happened between me and Ahemji on Holi.. I try my best to stay away from him. Kanaji why do you keep throwing us back to together.. why do you keep giving me these false hopes.. I know Ahemji doesn't love me.. and I have accepted that.. for a few brief moments, you gave me such happiness you made me believe that Ahemji had accepted me as his wife.. and all for what.. why did you let Ahemji forget he had kissed me.. how could you let him forget what we shared.." Ahem froze hearing these words. He watched as Gopi fell to her knees, her head resting at Kanaji's feet. "Why Kanaji, why are you doing this to me.. I don't want anything.. everytime I had a moment of happiness, I have lost it and more.. Kanaji.. I don't want to lose the little happiness I have left.. please Kanaji, please I can't take any more.." her voice fading, her sobs subsiding slightly as her head lay at Kanaji's feet..
Ahem was in a state of confusion.. he felt like he couldn't breathe.. without realising it, he had walked back to his room.. he stood in the middle of their room, unsure what to do, what to think, he was stunned at what Gopi had said.. had they really kissed on Holi? Had he really been intimate with Gopi?? Ahem felt lost, distraught at the thought.. how could this have happened? Why had he forgotten?
He forced himself to think back to Holi.. trying to remember anything.. all he could recall was waking up late in the evening with a terrible headache..Mom had been upset at him for forgetting to move the cars.. he had yelled at Gopi for being all dressed up.. Oh god, he thought.. no wonder she had been so upset since then.. she probably thinks I regretted what happened..
If he had remembered, would he have regretted, came the question
No. He wouldn't have, he thought firmly.. he wanted to be close to Gopi.. he wanted to rebuild their marriage.. but not like this..he hadn't wanted to cause her more hurt, more pain.. but he had.. he had broken her by forgetting what they had shared..he could still hear the sound of her crying in his ears, each sob of hers had felt like a knife piercing his heart.. Ahem sat on the edge of the bed, utterly dejected, holding his head in his hands.. He could feel tears welling up in his eyes. He tried to blink them away, but was unable to, as hot tears started rolling down his cheeks.
Ahem didn't know how long he sat there, unable to stop crying, unable to move.
Unexpectedly, he felt two hands cupping his face.. he looked up in shock to see Gopi looking at him, a look of pain on her face.. "Ahemji.. what's wrong.. " he heard her voice calling to him "Ahemji why are you crying? Are you hurt" he would hear the anxiety in her voice, the worry for him. Ahem looked at her through his watery eyes. Why did she still care for him after everything he had done to her.. after all the pain and unhappiness he had caused her?"
He reached out and pulled her into his arms, holding her so tightly, as if his life would end if he let her go. "I'm sorry, Gopi, I'm so sorry, please will you forgive me," he kept repeating the words over and over again..
~~~
