Posted:
Dear Diary,
I'm very upset today...heart broken ? yes, as always but today its like I lost all the hope. Today Arnavji's words on the stage were all that my heart was longing for. He was playing Ranjha but for me he was only Arnav Singh Raizada. I know in the heart of my hearts that it was him not Ranjha whose heartbeat I could hear. He told me in all those unspoken words how much he cares for me...and I couldn't stop my tears when I heard him saying all those sweet nothings for me...ahh I can die thousand times to hear those loving words...
But tell me O diary, why can't he say it to me when I'm not playing Heer or when I'm not drunk on Bhaang?Its all written in his eyes...then why can't his words reach his lips? Do I have to really die to hear those words ...oh Diary, he forced me to get married to him and I agreed.
And I didn't question him for my Payal jiji's sake...but that's not the only reason...today I'll tell you...the secret of my life...yes..the secret which has now ruined my life..yes..with all my heart I'm telling you that I agreed to marry him beause I was hopelessly in love with Arnav Singh Raizada. Yes yes I was..I'm... in love with him and perhaps have been loving him since the day I saw him hiding his pain in those deep brown eyes.
And oh how falsely I hoped that may be one day he will see my love for him and will make me his'. How I wish I could take care of him, how I wish I could cup his face in my hands and make him forget all the sorrows this world has given him..oh how I wish...dear Diary...Now what should I do?
Today again I tried to confront him to speak the truth out...but again today he rejected me...and said he did it all for his family. I'm tired and out of patience now and have lost any hope that he could read my eyes and see the love I have for him..I have lost any hope that someday he would tell me to forget all the pains he gave me...and would ask for my hand...for my love. Today my heart is broken O, Diary...I feel like a knife has pierced my chest and there's blood all over but no one can see my pain..no one!! not even him who I love the most..!!
I'm angry...I'm upset..I feel he cheated me...he knowingly or unknowingly played with my emotions...he falsely led me believe that he cared...and loved...
Oh Diary what should I do ?.I still love him...I do!!!
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