Geet spent all day worried about one thing or another,
from her emotional dilemmas to wardrobe dilemmas. At the moment the latter was
on her mind as she walked back home while mentally blasting Maan for bringing
this unexpected party into the picture. Because of it she had to go back on her
promise of taking Piyu to the movies. Even though she could have taken her to
the afternoon show with plenty of time leftover to get ready Dadi insisted on
scheduling for another day. Piyu was undoubtedly upset which made Geet feel
terrible and add to her list of things going wrong. Frustration had built to
the degree to which the poor patio doors were being abused.
"Whoa...someone's in a bad mood." Meera was sketching some
designs only to be startled by the noise of slamming doors.
"Don't even get me started Meera. Everything seems to be
going wrong lately as it is and he just had to come along and complicate things
further...I can't believe that man!" Geet muttered the last part so Meera
wouldn't hear.
Meera, however did and smiled at Geet suspecting what
exactly her problem was. "Let me guess, Maan? I thought you two were friends."
Geet sighed at that statement. "Of course we are but he
can be so ridiculous sometimes." She then proceeded to tell the whole story to
a highly amused Meera towards Geet's reaction.
"So let me get this straight Geet. You are upset about
the fact that Maan didn't tell you beforehand about the party not that he's
actually making you go with him, right?" Meera asked with a knowing grin.
"I-uhh---no Meera, of course I'm mad that he's making me
go. I don't like to go to parties you know that." Geet knew her fumbling wasn't
helping her seem convincing but what could she do? She couldn't admit to her
best friend the real issue with Maan and her feelings because Meera would only
push it in the wrong direction.
Meera moved off the chair and sat next to Geet on the
sofa who was fiddling with her earring. She recognized something had definitely
happened between them seeing Geet so preoccupied in her thoughts ever for the
past few days. "Look me in the eye and tell me you aren't starting to like the
guy Geet."
But Geet wouldn't because...well she couldn't. Even if she
tried to lie it wouldn't work with Meera and so what was the point. Despite not
wanting to divulge into this topic Geet was forced to. "So I'll take your
silence as affirmative of my suspicions."
Geet looked at Meera curiously, "What do you mean
suspicions? How long have thought this?"
Meera smiled, "Probably longer than either of you
realized or thought possible." She paused knowing what sorts of thoughts were
running in Geet's mind. In all these years of being friends, Meera knew there
was only one thing that Geet always needed more of, time. The time to savor
life's simple joys, to live life the way it was meant to be, to be young and
not grow before one's time were some things that weren't in Geet's favor since
the beginning.
But now Meera wanted to make sure that wouldn't be the
case any longer. She wanted Geet to make up for all lost time and enjoy herself
now. She had dealt with more than she deserved at every point in life. Geet
needed stability, an anchor to hold on to even through the roughest of storms.
Meera couldn't recall ever a time where Geet was not
walking on pins and needles except this once. Here Geet seemed to be able to
better handle the shadow of her past that always lingered a bit too close.
Meera credited that to no one else but Maan. She realized he had slowly and
unknowingly become the light Geet needed to be sucked out of the tunnel she
roamed through aimlessly all these bitter years.
Meera knew what the hardest part was going to be about
all of this though. It had always been the hardest with her. Making Geet
realize that the past should not compel our future, that although it would
always remain as a reminder of our sorrows the future would also always remain
as a blank canvas thirsty for unforeseen adventures.
Meera placed her hand on Geet's arm and softly said,
"Geet, it's time you took your own advice. You need to let go and move forward
without the past." Meera knew she wouldn't like this conversation but she
needed to have it with her.
Geet looked at her blankly. Let go. How can she let go so
easily? How can a promise she made to herself to never burden anyone, to never
cast her unfortunate shadow on a soul be simply let go? She held on to her
words so simply erasing this promise from her heart was near impossible.
Seeing no reaction from Geet, Meera continued her attempt
to get through to her. "Why are you doing this Geet? Why are you letting her
words haunt you and control your life?"
Geet felt a prick in her heart with these questions and
only replied blankly. "Because her words were true, that's what haunts me. It
haunts me to know that I caused so much grief and hate."
Meera nudged Geet's hand making her look towards her. She
didn't know what possibly could make Geet realize that what happened was none
of her fault and never had been. It was all a game life played with her, a
wicked game. "People like you don't cause hate Geet. Hate builds within the
mind as a disease. The only thing you are able to cause is love. Everyone
adores you, even Maan and you know it. Please don't run away from this..."
Geet let out a long sigh realizing how easily her
emotions appeared to those around her. This was something she didn't want to
share, not even with Meera because of what was happening right now. Geet knew
Meera always wanted what was best for her but Geet believed sacrifices had to
be made once in a while. In her own mind she had it ingrained, that sometimes
we don't always deserve the best. Sometimes we should accept life as it is with
the wrongs and rights even if they aren't justified.
Despite not wanting to discuss this Geet responded to
Meera in hopes that she would drop the topic. "I understand Meera but certain
boundaries are not meant to be crossed. I don't want to see him get hurt
again...I care too much about him to do that."
Meera stared at her in awe to the extent to which her
mind worked in ways it shouldn't be. "You are wrong Geet. That boundary has
already been crossed." Meera realized the change in her tone would agitate Geet
but she had to get through to her. "It was done unknowingly the day you decided
to help him...but you are right about one thing, he will get hurt because of
you." Geet felt numb at that even though it was what she accepted as the truth
already. She knew with her presence Maan would only get hurt more because it
seemed people always had when she was around.
Meera saw the darkness cast in her eyes as hurt and it
sealed her thoughts about Geet's feelings towards him. She cared for him, so
much that she was willing to stay away thinking in the end she would be the one
to cause his demise. Meera let out a drained sigh, "Geet, do you still not
understand what I'm saying? He needs you. It is through you that he's able to
live again. You know very well that something exists between you two. It's only
if you leave his side will he be lost again."
Geet shook her head vigorously as if that would help get
her point across better. "That's not true Meera. Nothing ever existed between
us, except the tie of helping a friend through difficult times." She saw the
disbelief in Meera's face at that because they both knew that was far from the
truth. Geet was willing to privately acknowledge the few moments of bliss she
observed the previous night in accepting her feelings and that was more than
enough she believed. Now though she had to dissolve every emotion associated
with Maan aside from cordial friendship and guard her heart so it felt nothing.
"That bond is more than friendship. The change in him
now, the way he smiles, the life that's starting to seep back into him is all
because of you. The peace I see in you and the laugh that reaches your eyes now
is only because of him. It's amazing that neither of you realize the changes
you bring to the other."
Geet was getting impatient now. She didn't want to talk
about it anymore because it was just panging her heart. "Please Meera, you know
why I can't go through this. In the end grief is all I cause to those around,
it's all I've ever been able to give. I can't do that to him. I can't hurt
anymore people I care about."
"It was not you that caused grief so why are you
accepting the blame? Why are you still accepting responsibility for every wrong
thing life threw at you? Just tell me one thing Geet, when will the time come
for you to accept your desires? When will it be about you and your happiness?"
Desire. It was the word that always choked her. Geet was
determined not to let a drop shed from her eyes in this conversation but this
did it. A simple six letter word brought back to the forefront all the shame,
guilt and pain she shoved into the corner of her mind.
"The day he left me was the day I gave up my desires. I
promised myself I wouldn't be selfish after that day. I wouldn't seek or ask
for what I didn't deserve."
Meera's heart swelled with misery and eyes with tears.
"He wouldn't want this you know. He would have wanted to see his little girl
happy."
"But his little girl can't ever be happy knowing he's
gone because of her." Meera saw her holding the tears back. Her glistening eyes
reflected all the pain she had bottled up for so long. They showed how
vulnerable she actually was, how lonely she had felt all these years without
the love of the person who she felt was the only one to truly love her
unconditionally, her father.
Meera only hoped for this conversation to be a way for
Geet to realize the right path. She never intended to open up wounds but a
little part of her thought maybe this was okay. Maybe wounds needed to be
opened again before they could be sealed forever. Nevertheless, Meera gave her
hug and an apologetic smile because seeing Geet upset was something she
absolutely hated. "I'm sorry...I didn't mean to bring it up. It's just I want
to see you happy for once."
Geet wiped the few tears that had cascaded down and
quickly assured her. "It's okay Meera. I know you only did this because you
care."
"Geet, I will always be here to care for you and love
you." She nodded giving a soft smile because she didn't have words for the
moment. All Geet could wonder now was if she could face Maan tonight without
breaking down or not. But she also couldn't cancel on him. It would make him
more suspicious and she would definitely break when he asked her what was
wrong. No, it was better to go and put on a face. Yes, put on a face. It
shouldn't be that hard, she told herself, I've done it all these years. Now
accepting she had to go, Geet remembered her wardrobe dilemma." Meera, I don't
know what to wear. I doubt I have any nice dresses here."
"Don't worry Geet. I think your date has taken care of
that." Meera then walked to the table and gave her a white box wrapped up with
a neat red bow. "It was delivered for you earlier today along with this card."
Geet blankly stared at the box wondering why at every
turn life made things more complicated for her. Right when Geet thought she was able to
untangle herself from a mess another knot formed. At times like these it seemed as if life
enjoyed her being entangled in a web of uncertainty and misery.
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