Hey,
This is the English translation. I hope you like it.
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Ahem sat in his cabin, the laptop in front of him and a file in his hand. To anyone else this was a regular sight, the usual strict boss, working like a machine. The meeting to be held tomorrow was important and Ahem Modi was known for his perfection. All in all, a usual day at the office.
But no one knew that behind that facade, there was a storm brewing. An internal struggle of sorts to set his head straight.
It had been weeks now. But yet the same images tormented him...Gopi running amid the falling debris, <running away from him>, the false ceiling actually falling on her in front of his very eyes, their hands separating as they wheeled her into the ICU, he begging her to get up...all the time dreading that she never will. The anger at seeing her lying there…helpless. It was beyond his ken to see her like that. It was unacceptable to him. Try as he might he couldn't get those images out of his head.
He shook his head for the umpteenth time and tried to focus on the report he was holding. Looks alright. Maybe I will need some more fine tuning here..."She looked tired today after the walk. Maybe she is sleeping, of course she is sleeping..I told her to take rest, didn't I? But what if she is awake? What if her legs hurt after the walk? Well, I could go home and check. One peek and it would be enough. But how? After being told off by mom yesterday, how can I go home early? I don't have any excuse today. Damn. But mom is right. She will take care of her. I need not worry about her. She is at home, nothing can happen to her there, right? Right?"...Ahem heaved a sigh, this was not helping him in any way whatsoever.
He tried to give the report in front of him another shot. He stared at the file for a few seconds. "Gopi Get up!...Bhai you should keep her on the stretcher...No, she is fine here. Seriously Jigar why does she need the stretcher. Nothing has happened to her, she will get up now you just see." Ahem closed his eyes hoping that would make those memories go away. It was like living in a nightmare. "Gopi Get up…You are not going to listen to me either?"
"What the hell!" Ahem muttered in frustration. "I have to know. I will call home. Yeah that's casual. Innocent. Safe". Ahem picks the receiver of his office landline.
The phone rings a few times before someone picks up. It's Meethi, the new maid. "Weird, Mom hardly lets servants pick up the phone." "Meethi this is Ahem, I need to talk to Mom."
Meethi is breathless. "What's wrong why are you panting? "Actually Ahembhai I was…I was coming to call the doctor "...Ahem froze..."Gopi bhabhi fell down". Ahem got up unaware of the glass of water and the files perched on the edge of the table. The glass shattered to the floor. Before Ahem could think of saying anything….he heard his mom shouting in the background, asking Meethi to disconnect the call and to call the doctor. Ahem shouted into the phone "What? From where? How?? "You just come home as early as possible" and the call got disconnected. Ahem dropped the receiver and ran out of the door.
He was driving like crazy. "Son of a Bitch. She fell? From where...the bed, the wheelchair, the stairs?!!!? ...Holy shit! How?...We are all there to take care of her, my foot! Two hours..Two hours its been since I left and Gopi has fallen down...How?"
His mind had distinctly registered the panic in Kokika's voice. His mom's "scared to death" voice. Shit! Shit! She already has two fractures...What if they have worsened. What if she has hurt her good hand, the left leg? God! There better be an explanation. Hell! There can't be an explanation. How did she even move in the absence of someone?
Ahem didn't realize how he reached home, where he parked the car, leaving the keys in the ignition...He bolted towards the main door. Rang the bell repeatedly. Ahem didn't even care to look at who opened the door. He ran upstairs...to his room and then suddenly stopped dead in his tracks.
There she was..Tears of acute pain and fear running down her cheeks. She was surrounded by people, yet she looked scared and lonely. "Lonely? She is in her own house, in her own room, why the hell does she look lonely?" She was getting the hiccups from crying. Again like a baby.
Gopi looked in his direction and their eyes met...Pain written in hers and Anxiety in his. But an immediate ease came on her face when she saw him... Like an unconscious sense of relief that he was standing in front of her. "That's it! I am never leaving her again." Ahem saw a hand brush her head and followed it to see Rashi, standing right next to her, trying to keep her calm as the doctor attended to her. "Don't worry jiju I will take care of her" "Yeah right, you will" He walked to her side and pushed Rashi away firmly but politely. He sat down next to her and noticed his mom on the other side. He suddenly felt anger rise inside him and was surprised by it.
But that's not important right now. "Where is she hurt?" The doctor was speaking to him now. "She has hurt her head, banged it against the side dresser. Her left hand is also bleeding, it got cut on the glass that broke when she fell. I might need to change the head bandage..." the doctor went on as he dressed Gopi's hand. Gopi was trying to stifle her gasps of pain. Ahem flinched at the very sight. Curses were flying in his head. He could easily break something right now. How many times had he seen that hand bleed? And again his mind filled with images from the past...the accident…How much blood she had lost, the first day of Navratri..How she had been hit on an already injured hand causing her to bleed afresh, the day of the exam when she got that injury in the first place. He remembered the day he had entered home and Gopi had been this close to cutting her fingers...Hell! if he hadn't stopped her that day...But yet, here she was again...blood oozing out of her hand. Hadn't she lost enough blood already? How difficult it had been to find that blood...How difficult it was to make her whole again. How precious her blood was. Her life was. Didn't anyone else realize that?
The doctor was still talking and Ahem was nodding along at his instructions. The doctor was ready to leave after some time, telling the Modi family that he will be conducting checkups more often now. Ahem heard his mom say, "Ahem Go, see the doctor off to his car". "What and leave her alone with the people who apparently care for her as much as I do. No mom, I think Rashi or you can do that." But Ahem didn't say anything. Before he could think of a polite way to phrase himself, the doctor said "Don't worry, I will manage on my own...Anyways Gopiji needs her husband right now." "See the doctor understands, but no one else does and neither do you Mom."
As soon as the doctor left the room, Ahem spoke out in a controlled yet authoritative voice. "You all should let Gopi rest for sometime." Ahem didn't look at anyone when he said that. Kokila was about to say something but Hetal silenced her with a hand on her shoulder. It was better they all left Gopi alone for sometime. They all left slowly. Kokila with a slight frown on her face. Ahem asked Meethi, who was the last to leave, to shut the door.
Gopi was slowly drifting...the affect of the pain killers...Ahem just sat there, concentrating on her breathing, waiting for it to even out so he knew she was asleep.
Ahem was in half a mind to go downstairs and annihilate the family. He needed answers, not excuses...answers as to how exactly they all thought they could be so careless with Gopi and think they could get away with it. But the rest of his existence didn't have the will to move an inch from her side. A few hours passed..Ahem couldn't take his eyes off her. The soft innocence as she slept had become to be the only calming influence in his life for quite some time now.
He heard a soft knock on the door. He turned his head to see his mom, carrying a tray of food in her hand. He didn't have the heart to look at her, not now at least, he slowly returned his gaze to Gopi. Kokila saw that Gopi was asleep and kept the tray on the table. "Ahem when Gopi gets up, make sure he has the food" Ahem nodded. She placed a hand on his shoulder. Ahem suppressed the storm in his head. "Ahem, come and have some dinner. You haven't eaten anything all day." Ahem simply looked at her and said, "Mom, you carry on. Don't worry about anything. The moment Gopi wakes up I will make sure she eats. And as far as I am concerned, I ate in the office..Won't be able to eat anything else." Something in Ahem's voice slashed at Kokila's heart. She knew she had let her son down. She had seen him, completely distraught, as he stood at the door of the ICU. She had noticed how he flinched as Gopi gasped in pain today.
Kokila decided it was better to leave him alone today. The entire episode of the accident and Gopi vau's condition had obviously been very stressful for her son. She left the room without another word, but not before giving Ahem's shoulder a gentle squeeze of reassurance. Ahem shook his head as his mom left the room and he noticed the bell alarm on the bedside. He glanced at Gopi and wondered who got it for her. He picked up the buzzer and instinctively pressed it, a second later realizing that it could wake Gopi up. But it didn't ring. He pressed it again. Automatically he checked the battery and saw that it had been installed incorrectly. His anger came back to seething point and he threw the buzzer sideways and it landed noiselessly on the sofa he slept on. He closed his eyes to calm himself down.
Ahem returned to looking at her. It was the only thing that would work. And as it did, every time he saw her, that angelic expression surprised him. The peace was back on her face. Her soft features relaxed. It amazed Ahem...How did she do this...Go through so much physical and emotional pain and yet sleep like this? He had never seen her angry, not once. Never frustrated, not even an iota of how he felt if things didn't go the way he planned. A baby at heart wasn't she? Ludo..Of all games. Ahem couldn't help but smile at the memory. And again snapshots from before filled his mind, the same ones that had been in his head for weeks now, she waving him goodbye when he dropped her at school...and the mood shifted...the ceiling was falling on her and there was nothing he could do to stop it...Then she was standing in the hall, smiling on taking the gift from him... Blushing at the compliments she got for the saree he gifted her...And then suddenly he was in the ambulance...the same Gopi… Lifeless...Broken...Only some time back she had been removing some things from inside the bed...how close he had pulled her to himself..A blushing hesitant Gopi and the very next minute she was on the stretcher and he had to let her go.
How was she so fragile and yet so strong. Hell! Today morning she was trying to walk on her own, she failed but still she tried. And now here she was bandages on both hands, another wound on her head. Why her? Every time? Everything had to happen to her?
"Ahemji" a weak voice called out to him. He hadn't realized he was asleep. Well, how would he..Awake or asleep the same collage of scenes haunted him. The very irony of it all. Ahem knew he wasn't going to be in peace again, not until she regains her strength, her color, her blush, that twinkle in her eyes.."Gopi! Get up! Open your eyes Gopi!"...Ahem woke up suddenly and sat upright...This time fully awake...He looked over at Gopi, to find her next to him. He had drifted off and was now on the floor, leaning against the bed.
"Ahemji" the weak voice again. She was awake. The pain back in her eyes. He got up quickly and sat down next to her. "Does it still hurt?" "A little bit. Ahemji you must be really tired. Please rest for sometime." "Typical response...does she always have to do this? She is the one with multiple wounds on her frail body and she is asking me to take rest""Little bit, huh?" Ahem said, unable to stop himself. Gopi looked at him confused, worried. Ahem shook his head and closed his eyes. "I can't see her in pain anymore...I think I have had enough of her tears, her blood. No more." "Look, I am fine. You just rest, you need it." She drifted off again. She was under a lot of medication.
He looked at his watch; it was just 4:30 am. "Well, Time for you to sleep and me to plan."
Ahem began his work, with full concentration. This had to be the first time in weeks. He was back to doing what he was good at. Planning and execution. He knew what he had to do. First, he would need to install a mini office in this room. No ringing phones of course, he made a mental note. All immediate meetings would now have to be handled by Jigar and Solanki, the important ones maybe by Kaka. And as he went on, clear instructions were forming in his head. He was simultaneously making mental notes for himself..."Will have to work quietly, though, can't disturb her." Instructions to be given to the secretary to transfer important calls to his cell. He will have to formulate strict instructions on what should be wired back to him. Have to brief everyone about the meetings..Mostly will need to add some more details to the reports, to make it easy for them , so they don't disturb me unnecessarily with doubts. Ahem was already feeling better. Finally work was making some sense to him. Ahem continued with the task at hand, every now and then looking over at Gopi.
Its 8.30 am.
Kokila knocked on the door; she was here to call Ahem for breakfast. When she didn't get an answer, she knocked harder. Ahem who was asleep on the couch, got up silently so as to not wake Gopi and opened the door. Kokila entered and then noticed that Ahem had just woken up. "Ahem! You aren't ready for office yet? ""Mom, I have decided that I won't be going to the office anymore. Will manage work from home itself." Kokila's temper rises a little. "Ahem what is all this? Why do you need to take such a drastic step? Everything is fine here. You are talking without understanding the real reason behind the things that happened yesterday. Rashi purposely didn't install those batteries properly…"
"Mom" interrupted Ahem, he was controlling his voice the best he could, "Look, you and Kaki are busy with all kinds of work at home. That bell didn't work, the batteries were reversed..." Kokila mutters in anger "Rashi!" "Mom, I don't care whose fault it is." his voice rising, " The blood and injury was Gopi's and I can't take anymore of that...If Rashi can't install the batteries and a simple bell alarm. If you can't supervise the people around Gopi, then it is ok. I am here and it is my responsibility anyway. You need not worry."
Kokila can't believe what she is hearing."Ahem what are you saying? I can understand that you are upset at the negligence that lead to Gopi's fall yesterday but that doesn't mean you can impart blame to all of us. Don't forget she is "my" daughter in law and I love her more than my life. How dare you think that she is not my responsibility and is only under your care?" Ahem started to lose his cool, "Mom, Had that been the case then you would have prevented what happened yesterday, you would have cared enough. …you didn't, which is fine….From now on, I will take care of Gopi." Kokila is taken aback at the backlash. Ahem senses he has gone too far. "What is that supposed to mean Ahem?" Ahem regains his composure, he knows he has to do this right. "Mom, I am not saying that you don't care for Gopi, I am just saying that she is in need of extra care right now." "Ahem! What is wrong with you? Now you will tell me how to take care of Gopi?" "Mom, Gopi is my wife….and no one can take better care of her than me because no on understands her more than me." This is like the final straw for Kokila. "Ahem!! Do you have any idea what you have just said! You think you understand my Gopi more than me?" Ahem again kicked himself mentally. "This isn't how this was supposed to go, what the hell am I saying?...well it's all true but still I can't talk like this with Mom"
Gopi is now wide awake. The mother-son duos haven't noticed that she is awake and listening to everything passing between them. She is hurt and scared. Her heart drowning in guilt. She is the reason for this...Ahemji arguing with Maaji. She has to stop this.
"Ahemji, Maaji" They both turn to look at her. Both are shocked..."How much did she hear" They both are aware that Gopi being Gopi would blame herself for everything. Ahem looks at her and tries to silently warn her to stay out of this. Kokila simply returns her gaze to Ahem, mentally trying to calm herself down.
Gopi knows she has to say something…"Ahemji, it was my fault". Ahem takes in a sharp breath and closes his eyes. "I won't scold her. I won't scold her. She is hurt and brittle, I will not hurt her" Ahem reminded himself. He tried his best and replied in a calm voice "Gopi I know what I am saying." "But Ahemji ..." "Looks like you and the rest of the people have made it a habit to go against my will." It slipped out of his mouth and both Gopi and Kokila were taken aback. Gopi by her usual fear. Kokila by surprise. Ahem knew he had said too much. He had taken a dig at the entire family at once. "That can't be good." Ahem took another shot at being polite. "Mom, please you remember on Gopi's birthday, you had told me that there is no way I would ever let Gopi come to harm. Then have faith in me. I have thought this through and I will manage everything. I won't leave out anything as far as my work is concerned. I have planned everything. You'll see how everything will work out. Just trust me."
Kokila was visibly upset. Ahem had outright gone against her decision. Argued with her. She looked at Gopi, who had tears in her eyes. She knew this argument was hurting Gopi more than she was ready to show. She looked at the bandages and realized that arguing with Ahem at this stage was of no use. Baa and Mota bhabhi were right; Ahem has inherited his stubbornness from her. She instantly remembered a childhood incident when Kinjal had been hurt severely. Ahem wouldn't even let Hetal or Jigar come too close to her in the initial days when she was bedridden. She knew her son very well. She knew when that he was adamant this time. He couldn't see the person he loved in pain and...Wait a minute! Her eyes flashed back to Ahem. A totally different emotion in them now. Inquisitive, Curious, Excited...Trying to read her son's mind. The same possessiveness, the stubbornness...the utter resolution to not leave her side...
Ahem was a little unsettled by the look on his mom's face. "This isn't anger or sadness or anything. It's what? Curiosity? Yeah, she is checking something...Well, whatever it is. I am not leaving Gopi alone anymore...Not until she is back on her feet." Ahem maintained his stance. A composed face...his mind still trying to understand his mom's look.
Kokila suddenly takes in a deep breath and says "Fine Ahem, Whatever you wish. When you feel like it come downstairs and have some breakfast. Gopi, I am sending Meethi with the juice. Don't forget to drink it." She turned and left without another word. A hint of a smile on her lips and a sense of half-baked victory in her heart.
Ahem heaved a sigh of relief and turned to her. She had tears in her eyes. "What the hell! What now...Is her hand hurting so much?" He goes to her side and asks "It's still paining…Have something before taking your medicines and get some sleep."
"Ahemji I am fine…you need not do all this for me. "
Ahem got up and turned away from her..."Shit! Why is she making this so difficult."
"Everyone here takes good care of me…"
"Really? So what happened yesterday? How did you fall? I had specifically asked you to take rest…but you still tried getting up on your own, didn't even bother to call anyone."
"I tried ringing that bell, when no one came I thought they must be busy in some important work…"
"Nothing is more important than you Gopi. But apparently no one else in this house understands that…Not even you." Ahem blurted out, without thinking. He was shocked at his own self. "Did I just say that out loud? In front of her?" But before he could recover...
"Ahemji I am fine. Everyone is suffering silently because of me. You have no idea how many things Maaji and Kakiji have to take care of. And Rashiben told me that you don't even have breakfast in the morning these days…"
"So?"
"So… I don't like it. I don't like it when people worry about me or because of me, especially you. I am not used to people taking care of me and…"
"Well, then get used to it. I am not going anywhere and I am not going to leave you alone. You understand that?"
They both stare at each other for a few seconds. Ahem angry, Gopi surprised at what she had just heard. Ahem's anger faded slowly as he registered the look on Gopi's face. He blinked. Suddenly the pain had vanished from her eyes, replaced by something different. A baby like joy colored by surprise almost as if she is seeing the sun for the first time. Not that she was smiling or anything. But it was in her eyes that he saw it...Plain surprise, Relief...Joy...?
"What did I say? I simply said what is so obvious, what's the big deal about it? Why act surprised? And why the hell am I not able to look away from her? Evil minx, half broken and she is still powerful enough to lock me in her gaze"
Meethi knocked at that instant, she had brought juice for Gopi. Thank God for her, for distracting him, saving him. He wasn't sure of what he would have done if he had to stare into those eyes for another second. But what he was sure of was that she needed him even though she denied it and he wasn't going anywhere.
"Excuse me, Ahembhai...Juice?"
"Yeah, come in"
Ahem helped her get up, carefully avoiding looking at her. Feigning the same look of anger. She dare say anything more about him going to office and not worrying about her. God knows what he might end up saying next. Once she was seated Ahem took a few steps back to allow Meethi to give her the juice.
Gopi was still looking at him,..."What are you looking at? … Drink…you have to take your medicines also." he said with a hint of irritation. It was the only way to avoid her stare and make her agree, another mental note he made to himself.
Gopi lowered her gaze and sipped on the juice Meethi was giving her. Somehow, the pain she felt when she woke up wasn't there anymore.
