Ahem got up in the morning seeing Gopi's sleeping face. It has become his habit nowadays. Earlier she used to get up earlier and he rarely gets a glimpse of her in the morning. Today he decided to go for jogging. He has been missing it for the last couple of weeks. Jogging normally kept him fresh all day and cleared his thoughts. It was a stress buster for him. Meethi came to help Gopi change. He did not want to stick around when Gopi is getting ready. Somehow it made him uncountable and he knew Gopi will be equally uncomfortable. So far whenever the situation comes up, he has made some excuses to stay away. Some boundaries will take time to cross.
After jogging, he directly went to baa's room to meet her. Baa was arranging some clothes in her shelf. He knocked and called her
"Baa.."
Baa turned and was little surprised."Ahem dikra..."
"Jai sri krishna baa"."Jai Sri Krishna"
"How are you?" "I am fine dikra. How is my gopi bahu? Is she fine?"
"Yes baa, she is better"
Baa smiled, she could see his grandson calming down. He used to burn like fire in their early marriage days, hurting and leaving a scar on everything and everyone around him. She could see that ahem has changed and calmed down a little. The calmness, the maturity and the way he is handling responsibilities as a husband has impressed baa. She decided to let him know a little of what she feels.
"Dikra, i am happy that you are taking care of my bahu." she deliberately did not use the word 'ahem's wife'. He needs to let her know when he is ready. No one should force anything on him. "Yes, baa" He was eager to change the topic. He was embarrassed. When mom said that, it was ok. But it is difficult to handle when others say it. He exchanged few pleasantries with baa and left. On the way he got a call from office. When he is near the door of his bedroom, he could hear that Gopi is talking to someone, might be mom. She came to give her food may be. Gopi is asking his mom whether she could eat with her left hand. Mom sweetly denied her saying one of her softest voices. Mom treats her just like kinjal. He lost the track of what Mr solanki is saying on the phone. He was in his own thoughts. He wanted to see Gopi's face when mom said that. Sure she would have beamed with happiness. He moved forward to see her. The same time, she also looked up to the door, may be seeing him. He met her eyes for a second, and again went back to phone
"Ya Mr. solanki, i did not get what you are saying."There was network disturbance". He continued.
By the time, he kept the phone; kaki was also in the room. He decided make himself busy near the shelf. He started selecting a shirt to wear to office. He paused a second, Gopi is asking something to Kakiji and mom! He did not turn, but he wants to know. What is it that she did not tell him? What!!!! She is asking for work at home??? He could not control his anger; he turned to see her face. The same confusion she had yesterday before she talks to her. She might be asking this because she feels she is a burden to us. Ahem did not respond them, hearing No as his mom's answer. But Gopi kept insisting saying that he will do simple tasks. Mom agreed cleared impressed by her bahu. What!!! She is asking all these because of the guilt. He did not want her to feel that way. Whatever he said yesterday has no effect on her? She is not agreeing to whatever he is saying?
He waited till mom and kaki left. Once they left he closed the door and turned towards Gopi. He cannot let it go. Why would she insist that she works? Irritated, he opened his mouth to shout. No not anymore. He went and sat beside her and looked at her to calm down himself.
"Gopi. You are still feeling bad because of your condition. Right? You are still thinking that you are a burden to us. Right?" He tried hard not to show his irritation in his words. She started stammering, searching for words. She thinks i am angry. Ok. Let it be. Mom will take care she does not exhaust herself with any work. He relaxed a bit with a sigh. He waited few minutes before replying.
"It is ok Gopi. I am not angry. I just want you to have unnecessary thougths. okies?" She smiled, immediately sensing his mood change. He smiled back too and touched her cheeks gently. "I just want you to get better. that all. Please take care of yourself." She nodded.
"Ok let's go for the walk now"
"Ji, no you go, you will be late. I will ask Meethi ben to help me with the walk."
"No, get up now. I will help you with the walk"
She nodded. He helped her to sit on the wheel chair decided to take her to the balcony for the walk. It is been long since she has seen the day light. He could not see her face when she saw outside. But he knew she might be giving one of her sweetest smiles after seeing the bright light outside. When he stopped the wheelchair and looked at her, she was trying to blink her eyes because of the light. Instantly he put his hand few inches in front of her eyes so that the light does not hurt her eyest.
"You are coming outside after a long time. That's why your eyes are hurting. I will be alright Gopi. Give it a minute".
Once she is comfortable with the light. He made her stand up, firmly holding her left hand. Slowly he slipped his right hand to her waist like the other day. Her reaction was more instantaneous. Blushing. Thank god, today he does not have to struggle to get it. "Gopi, here the floor is not smooth as our home. So i have to hold you." Was it explanation for her or for him? She did not move for few seconds. Her face is red like a tomato. Is she blushing or is she sick? Shall I take the hand back?
Gopi slowly started walking. She started walking towards the red rose bushes in the balcony, which Kakiji kept specially for kanaji pooja's. He has seen Gopi taking care of those couple of times. She likes roses? He made a mental note, might come handy in future. Gopi is concentrating on the walking. Ahem's full concentration was on his hands. Yesterday, he could not enjoy the feeling of holding his wife properly. Today he is not going to miss it. The skin was smooth and tender. There was a little coldness to the skin, maybe she just took the bath now. Or maybe his hands are hot. Her waist was slender. She is very thin and from the feel of it her stomach is flat. He could feel the bone structure sometimes.
I think, she has lost weight after the operation and all. Oh, i dont know, i never knew how she was before.
He shook of the pang of guilt from his mind. It always forces him to go back to his shell. Not, now. I should make sure she put on some weight, once her medication is over.
Then what?
He smiled slyly and hold her a bit more tightly. She turned and looked at him as if asking 'what happened'. Nothing, he nodded. They took the walk for 15 minutes and then came back. He really had to raise his voice to get her back to room. She did not want to come back to the room. It might be boring for her to sit in the bed all day. May be I will buy her some more books.
"ji, your yellow shirt, I got it pressed and have kept it near the table."
"Ok. I will take it. Thanks gopi". Ahem was sure to get a smile as reply.
He gave her the mobile he got for her. She said thank you.
"Gopi i will teach you how to use it tomorrow. I am getting late now. Is it ok? " "Ji"
He got ready and left for office still fondly remembering the walk and the looks Gopi gave him in his yellow shirts. She liked it. He ginned like a kid in the car. It is going to be a good day.
He was late. He had to go to a dinner party with a client. So could not reach home for dinner. Hopefully she is fine. He could have skipped the Client dinner. But the client is an old friend of Kakaji and he wanted him to take care of him personally. He called up home to make sure that Gopi eats medicine and food on time. Mom assured him many times that everything is well and good with Gopi. Annoyed by his persistent calls, she stopped taking his calls and asked Kakiji to talk to him. She updated him everything about Gopi patiently. He could well see that mom might be discussing this obsessive behavior with Kakiji. How can he not be obsessive? It is because of him, she is there lying in the bed as an invalid. The thought of Gopi as an invalid, hurt him. She might be sitting on that bed now, waiting for him to come home. God knows how she will fight the sedatives.
Everyone has retired to their room by the time he reaches. He quickly went to see his mom and let her know that he has arrived. He almost ran the staircases and then slowed down his pace when he reached near his room. He did not want her to see him running like crazy. He deliberately slowed his pace to calm down his breaths. There she is. She was reading a book and after hearing the footsteps, she is eagerly looking at the door step. From the look of her face, everything is alright. He relaxed. Ok.
After making sure that, she is ok, he went and changed to his night dress. He decided to talk to Gopi for few minutes before going to sleep. It is more comfortable to talk to her nowadays. She is clear as a mirror. You get to see what is in her mind on her face. He does not have to rack his brains to see her response. He just has to work on his inner demons. He noticed a bowl of oil in the dressing table.
"What is this? And why is this here?"
"Ji. I am sorry. Meethi ben did not take it back, after she applied oil on my leg" She thought he might be angry for messing up his room.
"No, i mean, what is this? Why does she have to apply oil on your legs?"
"Hi woh, my ankles has swelled up a little today and Maaji asked meethi ben to apply medicinal oil on it. She forgot to take it back"
In a second he was near bed side. "Are you in pain? Swelling in ankles? Do you want me to call the doctor? Is it because of the plaster?"
"No Ahemji, swelling is on the other leg. I am walking nowadays na, So all the pressure goes to the left leg and I think because of that it got swollen up. Now it has come down"
He cursed himself for few minutes. He should not have taken her outside for the walk. The floor is rough there and that too he let gopi walk for more than 15 minutes today. Selfish. just to get the feel of her? Selfish . How can he be so careless? Stupid. He poured curses at himself mentally. And why the hell no one told him about it.? They might have thought it is too silly to tell him on phone. Everything about her is important to me...in fact most important. He calmed down.
"Let me see it"
"Ji...nooo" She almost cried.
"What.." Now he is irritated.
"ji..." She did not reply back, just lowered her head.
Ok ahem don't make it uncomfortable for her. Be gentle. be gentle.
He bends and lowered his face and made it in line with Gopi's and slowly raised her head.
"Ok. It's fine. Don't worry"
"Now tell me. When did it happen? When did you apply oil?" He asked her slowing sitting down near her bed. "Ji ahemji, meethi applied old in the afternoon and everything is ok. You don't worry." She is slowing getting her normal voice back and breaths are even now. She is comfortable.
"Now is it paining?" She asked her in his most soft voices he could muster not to scare her away.
"ji...no".. She replied lowering her eye lids. Ok it is still paining.
"Don't worry Gopi. If it is a small swelling it will go soon. By the tomorrow if the welling is not gone, we will go and see the doctor or else I will get the doctor here tomorrow."
"No Ahemji, it is not a big deal. Why to disturb everyone with a small swelling."
"Let me see it, if it is big enough we have to go to the doctor"
"No Ahemji. See it's very small"
She removed the blanket and tried to bend to remove the layer of saari from her foot to show him the swelling and to prove that it's a small swelling.
Giving a winning smile to himself, he told her to wait.
"Wait, let me take the medicinal oil. I will apply it once more. The swelling will go by tomorrow"
"Ahemji...no no ahemji..."
He did not wait for her approval. He took the oil bowl and kept it on the bedside table and pulled it forward to place it near her legs. He sat down near her legs. The sight of the plastered leg bought him the memories of that night. The way slabs fell over her. He still remember the way, the slab fell on her legs. He closed his eyes to erase the memories. Her left foot was covered half with her sari layers. He realized that he is observing the color of her sari for the first time today. The red and blue shades, really looks good on her. She always looks kind of blushed in those saris'.
Is it that or she is always blushed when she sees me?
The red color sari layer just enhances the color of feet. Her foot was like the color of the butter and it looked pale. May be because of the cold. He slowly removed the sari from the feet. Her ankles are small and had a hue of green, color of the oil. Side of her ankles were swelled a bit. He touched it slowly. She winced. He raised his head to see her reaction. He will never forget the face of gopi at that moment. Her cheeks were deep crimson red and eyes were moistened. She had a weird expression on her face. her forhead had worry lines and lips were stretched together.
"What happened?" "He was worried that the touch hurt her.
She throw a worried look at him. He was sure, something happened. He would have called the doctor, if gopi has not answered then.
"Ji, you are not supposed to touch my feet". Her voice was stubborn.
"What?" He had no clue why. Is it because she has some reservation against me touching her? My god. Is it because of, 'old memories crept through him. "No Ahemji, its ok. You don't have to do it". She softly replied but the reply was firm. He has never seen her replying back so surely to him.
He relaxed immediately. It is nothing to do with the past. Hopefully. Even if it is, it is time to change everything. Lets make a bold move for her.
"Gopi, see, it is ok. I don't mind this. See you are in deep trouble if the swelling goes up tomorrow. I will definitely take you to doctor. Let me do it. It is not an issue for me."
'I mean..." he cleared his thought to take some time to make sure what he is going to say to her is correct.
"I don't mind doing it for my wife." it was a soft but clear reply.
She looked at him unbelievingly. It is the first time he is acknowledging her as his wife in front of Gopi. No he will not avert the eyes. Let her see that whatever i meant is true. No running away this time, ahem. he returned the look with a smile.
"Let me do it now, please".
Still no reply. Forget it. He dipped his hand in the oil and started circling her anklets. Smiling, there you go another step. It is fun to woo her. Love it.
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