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AshNi FF: updated Chapter 8: Ashu

LizzieBennett IF-Dazzler
LizzieBennett
LizzieBennett

Joined: 02 December 2011
Posts: 2622

Posted: 20 December 2011 at 1:33am | IP Logged

Ppl,


Hope you enjoy this!!!!

Pls hit the like button if you do..


Chapter 8: Ashu


Its been a harrowing day, 2 surgeries, one emergency head trauma, and another surgery I had to attend in another hospital. Crazy, crazy schedule! I have just finished my rounds and finally have some peace to unwind in my cabin after a looong day! I sit down and rest my head on the back of my chair. Exhaustion sweeps over me like a tide. And yet.. I'm thinking about her, her sudden, unexpected arrival in my OPD yesterday… she looked so sweet and did I catch her giving it back to Mallika and her officious manner? It made me smile that..She's a plucky one, I chuckle out loud.

This is just not working!!!.. I'm driven to distraction by thoughts of her! And its affecting my work too.. and that's a scary thought. And I'm tired.. so..so tired.. I'm overworked and sleep-deprived beyond words!!! And on top of all that, this..this feeling that's gnawing me up inside. I don't know how to handle this anymore. I'm mentally exhausted thinking about this and her and how it can never be between us… I lay my head desolate on the table and close my eyes in frustration. The phone rings. Its Armaan. "Hey, man, how're you", I say with genuine affection. I'm delighted to hear from him. We are college mates, passed medicine together and now he practices in Chandigarh. "How's bhabhi? And how're the kids?". I was in fact instrumental in helping him get together with his wife, Sarika, after a turbulent courtship, and he's never forgotten that. He's even named his eldest daughter, Ashima, after me, Ashutosh Mathur. "Oh, they're doing good. Harsh, is getting to be a handful to manage"!, he says of his son, who's just turned 2. I let out a deep laugh. "That's good. Now you can really appreciate your parents for raising a brat like you!". "That's so true, man. Ok, now tell me how you are… you don't sound so good. Is everything OK?". "Oh..I'm good.its just work, its been really hectic over the past week or so", again my mind wanders to her, the real reason I am so tired and depressed. "Okay, listen, you're coming to Goa, right, for the conference. I'm gonna make sure you take some time off and relax. You need some R and R, I can see, and what better place to have it than Goa.. ooh laa laa.. with the beaches and the babes!!!" I laugh. Armaan is good for me. He says something silly and lightens me up.. just like HER... She's good for you too, a voice whispers in my head. She too makes you laugh, at the world and at yourself. She's made you realize that you shouldn't be taking yourself so seriously all the time. I shush the voice down. "Yeah, for sure, we'll meet in Goa" and with fond goodbyes we hang up. 

Its almost dark now and I have a splitting headache. I head towards the coffee machine. I'm just taking my cup back to the cabin when I hear the sounds of laughter behind me. I turn and see HER..!! She's standing leaning against the corridor wall. The other intern, Avinash, is standing very close to her, his hand pressed against the wall.. very close to her, laughing. And she's laughing too, possibly at something he's said. I'm suddenly seized with a fierce emotion, an inexplicable, intense jealousy. I want to tear Avinash apart, I want to strangle him with my bare hands! I am so mad with rage that I want to bodily rip him apart. I cannot bear to see her with anyone else. I have to get her away from him. All rational thought leaves me. I call out to him "Dr Avinash, can you rush up to the record room and get me a report on all the surgeries done in the last month? I want it in 15 mins." They both look startled. The boy stammers…"Uh..yes, yes sir, right away" and sprints away. Hell, I don't want any report.. I just want to get him away from her.  I slowly come to my senses. I cannot believe the intensity and force of the jealousy that had consumed me. When had I become so devious? I'm shocked at my own behavior. She looks…….. pleased??? There's a mysterious smile on her face. "Dr Ashutosh, can I see you in your cabin? I just need to discuss the paper we're presenting at the conference". "Uh..".. Oh God, closeted in my cabin alone with her, its going to send my mind in all sorts of directions I don't want to go. But the paper… we are presenting a case study, a patient of mine, a rare and complicated case we had successfully treated together a few months ago. Its important.. I cannot say no. But not the cabin. "Let's go to the canteen" I say…. neutral territory.. there'll be people about. No danger of me losing my head and doing something crazy there. We head to the canteen. 

We're still at it after an hour. She's preparing a very strong defense and I'm thoroughly impressed. She's researched the topic through and through, I can see. She poses some questions I hadn't even thought of. I try and answer all her queries, my eyes treacherously straying to her hair, her face, her lips as she's taking down notes. I think back to how I had reacted with Avinash. I never knew I was capable of feeling jealousy with such force! It has never happened to me before. And suddenly it comes to me, like an epiphany! And I know with a certainty that I'd reached a point of no return. I am way in, deep, deep under, my heart no longer listens to me, my mind is no longer in my control. She has taken it all away.. my heart, my mind, my rationality, my peace… and I know now without a doubt that any chance I will have of happiness ever again only lies with her……The realization hits me in the face like lightning. I stare at her.. her dark head bent over her work.. how is this possible? How did I do this? Me, Dr Ashutosh, the sanest, most practical, most rational thinking man I know had gone an done a crazy, irrational, inexplicable deed..I can't understand it, can't analyze it.. all I know is this irrevocable truth..I break into a cold sweat. The enormity of this hits me like tidal wave. I have to leave..have to rush out and think this through! How could I have allowed this to happen? "Dr Nidhi, I'm very tired, I need to leave. I hope you have everything you need for the presentation" I say a trifle boorishly, feeling ashamed at my brusqueness. She looks startled and then… disappointed? "Of course, I understand" and smiles. Oh God..that sweet, smile. I ache to hold her, to kiss her! The ache is sooo overpowering, its numbing my brains, twisting my insides. I have to go..NOW!! I rush out of the canteen and down the steps..ignoring Dr Ranga's greeting.. What have I gotten myself into? 

The week passes by in a blur.. Thank goodness for work, it keeps me busy and my mind away from crazy thoughts! But there are times when I'm sitting down or doing some mundane chore at home when I find my mind racing towards her! And the restlessness in my heart! The ache, the gaping emptiness! How do I get over that? The insane rage I felt when I caught her talking to that boy! How do I explain that away? How can I tide over this? Will I ever get over it? Over her? She's wholly occupied my heart and my mind.. I cannot remember how my life was before she entered it! It's like I'd been waiting for her to arrive... Rational thought tells me this is wrong, a relationship that can never take off and never survive. I wonder how she feels? Does she feel the same way about me? I have seen her look at me with something in her eyes.. When the bike incident happened and later at her home, I could see she wanted it too... Oh shut up, Ashu! This is wishful thinking! Why should she fall for an older guy like you when she could have a younger one who has more in common with her? You're just imagining the look.. There was no look. She just respects you as her senior and her boss that's all! Her boss! That's another thing that's bothering me now. Feeling the way I feel about her how can I continue to maintain only a professional relationship with her? I can't bear to see her each day , the pain is piercing, sharp! And after my reaction to Avinash, if she goes with another guy, it'd kill me! What should I do? She's a good doctor, but I cannot continue working with her. And how long can I keep avoiding her in the same hospital? She'll continue here for at least a couple of years before her internship ends. I'll be a wreck by then... Maybe I should talk to Sunil and ask him I can transfer her to his hospital? That would be unethical, Ashu! Yes, but she'll be away at least... No, cannot do that, HR policies don't allow it. Uh, uh, must talk to Dr Ranganath and see if he can find a way.. But what reason will you give him for transferring her, Ashu? I heave a deep sigh. I am so tired of this...  Thinking, rationalising, planning.. I just don't know what to do. Never knew love could be so painful, no wonder they call it falling in love... You fall, fall, so deep and hard that the impact is like physical pain! I close my eyes wearily. I give up thinking. I'll just take each day as it comes, and decide what to do one this convention is over in Goa.. First things first, Ashu, you have to work out a strategy to avoid her in Goa..she's going to be part of the Kotnis camp and evading her will be that much harder. I'm going to stick to Armaan like superglue... That's what I'm going to do.

The following 23 member(s) liked the above post:

ShaoKahn-AnaRoy-MTheBestsweet_shonavikhyat123coolgirl3Rae24MimohaApoorvaFanAbhiAnivasanthi16jayasree.raoachieverKavya.SBayofSarcasmdaffodil81SomerholicGirl..oneOone..rabzonedgeRamonaGdeepikabanerjeeNandiniRaizadaayanks28

ShaoKahn Newbie
ShaoKahn
ShaoKahn

Joined: 08 December 2011
Posts: 32

Posted: 20 December 2011 at 1:42am | IP Logged
i have not read the whole post but i think u have done grt job TFS

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LizzieBennett

RamonaG IF-Sizzlerz
RamonaG
RamonaG

Joined: 12 December 2009
Posts: 21611

Posted: 20 December 2011 at 1:45am | IP Logged
wow its superb Lizzie  Thumbs Up  do continueEmbarrassed 

The following 1 member(s) liked the above post:

LizzieBennett

LizzieBennett IF-Dazzler
LizzieBennett
LizzieBennett

Joined: 02 December 2011
Posts: 2622

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RamonaGNandiniRaizadaa

NandiniRaizadaa IF-Stunnerz
NandiniRaizadaa
NandiniRaizadaa

Joined: 23 October 2010
Posts: 45894

Posted: 20 December 2011 at 2:11am | IP Logged
Wow Liz that was lovely Clap

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LizzieBennett

AbhiAni Goldie
AbhiAni
AbhiAni

Joined: 21 February 2007
Posts: 2487

Posted: 20 December 2011 at 2:20am | IP Logged
super LizzieClapClapClap jealous Ashu. im loving itWinkBig smile

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LizzieBennett

Kavya.S IF-Dazzler
Kavya.S
Kavya.S

Joined: 21 February 2011
Posts: 4738

Posted: 20 December 2011 at 2:20am | IP Logged
that was wonderful lizzie

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LizzieBennett

MTheBest Senior Member
MTheBest
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Joined: 29 November 2011
Posts: 276

Posted: 20 December 2011 at 2:47am | IP Logged
Clap Wow Lizzie!!!! You fan fiction is the best one i've ever read. Infact all the chapters are definitely much much much better than the previous and the current serial track. I think Rajan Shahi should hire u as the CV of KTLK and the trps will soar the sky...ssly...I mean whatever u write not only focuses on the physical attraction but also on the emotional attraction and attachment! Thumbs Up

It is really so soothing to read ur FFs..esp after such a FALTU week...wish ur FFs could get adapted into a serial!!!

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