Chandragupta Maurya

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Chandragupta Maurya
Chandragupta Maurya

FF: Mysterious Murder at Manampur; Updt-Pg 44;5/2 (Page 14)

khusi_* IF-Stunnerz
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khusi_*

Joined: 24 January 2005
Posts: 26008

Posted: 24 December 2011 at 10:35am | IP Logged
ohh...itni saari entries!!
superb!LOL

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swethasyam08

bengalscott Groupbie
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Joined: 15 September 2011
Posts: 180

Posted: 24 December 2011 at 11:09am | IP Logged
Sorry Swetha but I am currently too busy to read your ff. But I'll surely read it as soon as possible. You have been a great support for my ff and I'll take my time out for ur ff.

Best of Luck.

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swethasyam08

swethasyam08 IF-Rockerz
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Posted: 24 December 2011 at 11:34am | IP Logged
hey scott take u time. no problem.


swethasyam08 IF-Rockerz
swethasyam08
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Posted: 25 December 2011 at 9:27am | IP Logged
next update will be on tuesday guys as im buys these 2 days...
justjayati Goldie
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Joined: 21 September 2011
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Posted: 25 December 2011 at 9:37am | IP Logged
updt soon!!! waiting...

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swethasyam08

bengalscott Groupbie
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Joined: 15 September 2011
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Posted: 25 December 2011 at 11:22am | IP Logged
I just completed reading chapter 2 & 3.

First of all good story. But the writing style is not good, sorry to say.

Some points:

1. Whenever you are starting a conversation, just start it. You don't need to mark it with a caption, like you did it in chapter 3.

2. It is very weird to find out that two persons when talking, discussing about other characters. Introduce the characters with other sub-plots. Two guys sitting and saying who's that who's this, don't work at all. I can bet you 1000 bucks that no fiction introduce characters like that.

3. Taking a cue from the 2nd point, I'll like to add that a very long conversation looks good in films or TV. Static characters just pointing other characters makes it extremely boring. Add more activities, e.g. music composer Rohit Kashyap comes to Deepak, Raj and NP and gets mingled with them. That will strike more conversation. Only 3 guys sitting and talking, what is it? A kitty party??

4. If I ask you who is Sachin Tendulkar, will you answer me like he's a cricketer and married to Anjali, who's a doctor and also 5 years elder than him? Who cares who marries whom? Who cares about his spouse's job status? Irrelevant topics makes the story slow. Just answer to the point! If NP has asked who is that blue shirt guy, then answer is Rohit Kashyap, talented music composer! If you want to know more about him, just use another sub plot.

5. You are writing a story, not a script of a drama or soap. So don't give captions for their details. Make readers understand their reaction with your story, not by caption. Excel the story by your skill.

I'd recommend an immediate change of style to help the story not to get messy. The story base is wonderful so get the style right.


Edited by bengalscott - 25 December 2011 at 11:24am

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justjayatiswethasyam08

swethasyam08 IF-Rockerz
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Posted: 25 December 2011 at 9:14pm | IP Logged
thanks a lot for ur valuable suggestions scott! will take care of it..

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justjayati

Moner_Radio IF-Rockerz
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Joined: 31 March 2011
Posts: 9366

Posted: 27 December 2011 at 8:30am | IP Logged

@ scott:

            baap re !! you are a really severe critic yarShocked, i must admit that !! but that would ultimately help the writer also, so..not complaining in any way !!LOL
 
@ swetha :
             good you said that you will update the story on tuesday, or else i was myself going to ask you about it !!LOL

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bengalscott

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