Chapter 10: Sambhala hai maine bahut apne dil ko…
"There she is," her aunt exclaimed ushering Khushi in as soon as she stepped inside. Khushi saw that her parents breathing a sigh of relief and Payal sent a small smile in her direction. The guests, a family, were total strangers to her. "Come in sweetheart," her aunt said sweetly and made her sit on chair next to Payal. "This is the youngest – Khushi. The one we were talking about," she said smiling wanly at the family.
"She is pretty, just like you said," the mother of the family gushed measuring Khushi with her eyes.
It took less than a half a minute to sink in. The so called prospective groom her aunt was talking about last week! She looked at her aunt who was beaming in happiness about her achievement and swallowed the frustration that rose with bile. Her family was smiling and seemed veritably happy but she could see the layer of nervousness that had permanently etched their faces. Payal's wedding was stopped mid-way when Khushi had stood against giving up their business and house for the groom. Though Khushi had saved the family from going to debt for the rest of their lives, the sourness of her being the root cause of events was never forgotten. Her aunt had decided that it was best if she was married and shipped off to a foreign family. She wasn't asked what she wanted let alone who she wanted. She wasn't even asked if she was ready for such a large transformation in her life.
Tears sprung in her eyes as the events from office splashed in her memory and the helplessness she felt at the moment. She had foolishly believed that she could dream about the unattainable and had mistaken the kindness showered on her to something else. It hadn't helped when her heart hammered mercilessly during the moments of tenderness. It was in those moments she had wholeheartedly believed that everything she was feeling was in sync with him. And the only logical conclusion she had drawn out was that – we are in this together.
But then there was Lavanya, whose presence didn't confuse but smacked her face with reality.
Lavanya was reality. She was a dream.
And she had known for a fact that Arnav was a very practical man.
That thought alone made her squeeze her eyes shut. She felt shudder rise in her chest when the anxiety and a pain born from unknown origin burned her lungs. She stood up suddenly bringing the light conversation amongst the elders to a sudden halt. Her aunt looked at her pointedly while her mother was plain worried.
"I will….come in few minutes…I need to freshen up," she bolted from her spot without waiting for a response. She prayed that the guests wouldn't poke this as an act of disrespect but merely as a necessity for a girl to relieve herself after coming from office.
She stumbled into her room and leaned on the bedpost, tired of the onslaught of various emotions. Payal's hasty footsteps jerked her out of her momentary solace and made a dash towards bathroom.
"Are you okay?" Payal asked as soon as her eyes fell on Khushi who was sprinting towards bathroom. Before Khushi could close the door behind her, Payal was already standing by the doorframe. Without responding, Khushi opened the tap and started splashing water on her face. She had hoped that with enough water dripping from her face, Payal wouldn't realize that the water would be mixed with tears. Her shoulders shook gently when sobs burst through her throat but she willed her body not to show the suffering to her sister.
The sobs were silent, just like her attraction.
Once the constriction in her chest reduced and the void in her became larger, she shut off the top and stood straight. She looked at herself in the mirror and the first word that came to her mind was – struggle. Her face was that of a person going through tribulations against an unknown enemy. She trained her face to remain aloof when she met Payal's eyes in the reflection.
"Why do you keep asking me if I am okay?" Khushi asked applying foundation again. She had walked out of bathroom wordlessly and pulled out dressing chair. Payal had widened her eyes in surprise at the sudden change in her younger sister. One minute ago Khushi had looked as if she was asked to commit a homicide but five minutes later she was dressing up to make a man kneel on one leg.
"It's because I am unable to understand you anymore; at least not since you joined Raizada Company," Payal said arranging Khushi's hair.
"Are you saying I am changed?" Khushi asked accentuating her cheekbones with a pink blush. She decided to show the face the world wanted to see and not what she wanted to show. The only thing that went on her face on a regular day was moisturizer and her cheekbones got their fair share of pink when she blushed at a compliment. Sparkly grey adorned her eye lids as her fingers deftly ran an eye shadow brush. Since the shine in her eyes was hiding behind a cloud of unhappiness, an alternate was required.
"I am just saying Khushi…that…I don't know," Payal threw the comb on dressing table, the frustration built from weeks surfacing a little. She knew that it wasn't the time to talk about it but the opportunity had presented itself. Khushi stood up and readjusted her dress. She sprayed perfume owned by Payal and smelled in its scent deeply. The floral smell reminded her of the flowers in the temple she visited and an old conversation about faith and God whispered in her ears. She swallowed the memory and pushed it into deep labyrinths of her mind.
"I think being in this city and interacting with its people has an influence on you," Payal said feebly. Khushi cocked her head and peered at her sister. "Yes, I think you have changed. And you are changing at a pace with which I am unable to keep up. Our interactions would keep reducing by day…and...I am scared that one day we would be two strangers…living in same house," Payal said softly. She felt wind leave her lungs as Khushi hugged her fiercely.
"Please don't say that." Khushi said. There was desperation, hopelessness, longing, reverence and memories of their childhood in her voice.
"You will tell me what's going on with you, won't you?" Payal asked breaking the hug. Khushi smiled at her.
"Let's go before aunt comes here and kicks my butt. Let's get it over with," she said and walked out of the room hand in hand with Payal.
Payal forced a smile and nodded at her, noting the lifeless smile on her younger sister. Her insides burned when she didn't receive the answer she was hoping for.
--------- >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> ---------
"Thank you so much for doing this Arnav," Lavanya gushed as he pulled a chair for her.
They had spent most part of the day in office, going through monuments of plans and documents for the partners, board of directors, primary contractors and senior employees. The three day annual meeting was a bit event in their company where Arnav met with his counterpart. The day had ended with first round of meetings with primary contractors and Lavanya had managed to charm everyone out of their boots. He had taken her to his favorite restaurant in London as a treat.
"You were pretty amazing today. Champagne?" He asked holding up a bottle. She smiled and nodded, happiness radiating out of her. He was genuinely impressed with the way she had tackled few misogynistic questions thrown in her way – instead of ranting or raving, she had taken help of her wit and intelligence and put the men in their rightful places.
"Here you go," he said handing her a champagne flute. Their fingers brushed when she accepted the glass. A lovely shade of pink covered her neck and cheeks. She averted her eyes when she felt her fingers tingle at the contact. She truly, honestly, loved the man sitting in front of her.
Her reaction surprised him as it wasn't the first time they had had any physical contact. She always walked with her arm looped in his and hugged him whenever she deemed it was necessary. His thought process was cut short when their food arrived and they launched into smalltime conversation about food, London and their work.
"Would you care for a walk?" Lavanya asked him as they walked out of the restaurant. The night was warm and the crowd was thinning. He curbed the instinct to check the time. They were having a good time and he didn't want to ruin the evening for him. Wordlessly, he held out his arm. She took it gleefully and prattled on about the things she wanted to buy before they boarded the flight back home.
"Why am I your girlfriend Arnav?" Lavanya asked, looking at the river. "As far as I remember, I declared myself as your girlfriend and you never contested the fact." She added, her smile holding several secrets. She turned around to look at him as the still river made her uncomfortable. In a fleeting moment, she had seen a reflection of their stilled relationship and it had scared her.
"I never felt the need to contest that fact Lavanya," he replied honestly. "I accepted it because I didn't feel it was wrong," he added. She hummed and started to walk back to their hotel. "Why the sudden question?" He asked her falling in step with her. She shrugged and winked at him.
"It's beautiful here," she said twirling on sidewalk, inviting glances. He had to smile at her enthusiasm and her radiance was highly contagious.
"Lavanya, you look as if you are going to start singing," he said grinning.
"Ah! It is one the happiest days in my life Arnav," she gushed.
"Then I am very glad that I was a part of it." He replied sincerely. Lavanya hid her expression from him and the night behind the veil of her hair. Her smile didn't reach her eyes and the melancholy that she felt she was cursed with was bound to return.
They walked in silence till they reached her room. He insisted on walking her to the door as it was nearing midnight and her security was his responsibility. She hadn't expected chivalry from him as it wasn't offered to her before but now she was being showered with his kindness and attention.
"Thank you for a lovely night Arnav," she said standing on the threshold of the room door. He smiled at her and simply nodded.
"Good Night Lavanya," he said and motioned her to go inside.
"I know that you don't understand what love is Arnav. I know that you never felt the need to be the one who initiates an emotional connection. I want you to know that I understand," her voice was barely above whisper. He was surprised at what she was saying.
"I love you," she said before he could respond and closed the door, not wanting to hear a response or even see his face. The evening had culminated all the things she had been feeling for couple of years and had brought to the point where declaration was the only outcome. She had felt that she was losing him to a feeling that wasn't directed to her and she wasn't willing to take the chance of waiting to see it playing out in open. She had seized the opportunity when it was presented by the man himself and hoped that he returned her feelings.
Arnav, on the other side of the door, had his mouth hung open with guilt plummet his stomach. He slowly walked back to his room and in a catatonic state fell on the bed, on his back, and replayed the events of past weeks. Had this incident happened few weeks ago, would his answer be different?
Because everything Lavanya believed he lacked and at one point even he believed he lacked, had now been out in open, gushing and swirling with someone else. The implication hit him hard.
To be continued.
| topics | author | replies | views | reply |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Disnhining_star | 145 | 4108 | Gold.Abrol | |
| abavi | 247 | 90696 | Mimima | |
| Rizz-ington | 30 | 4498 | PeachyPisces | |
| sakshi5050 | 1289 | 51482 | sakshi5050 | |
| SillySoni | 529 | 27303 | SillySoni |
comment:
p_commentcount