I miss all the dhak-dhak of Bollywood: Ma

The actress, who shifted to the US after marrying an NRI doctor, told IANS in an interview: "I miss my craft, the preparation for scenes, the nervousness before every shot and all that dhak-dhak."

Madhuri is planning a comeback and getting good offers too, but her priority is location.

"It has to be a project which is convenient to both, producer and me, in terms of location, etc. Looking after my home and kids, I can still take time off for one movie. But it would be tough for me to come down here for the shooting. We must remember that a lot of movies from Bollywood are made in the US."

Commenting upon the technological revolution in Bollywood she said films had improved a lot in the last four years and had become aesthetically better.

"I look at some of my earlier films and cringe," she said in a rare interview.

Excerpts:

Q: After the kind of response you got for your dance number at the Filmfare Awards, are you planning to return to films?

A: Yes, probably I will do one film a year. There are lots of offers. I need to just listen to the scripts and decide what to do. It has to be a project, which is convenient to both producer and me in terms of location.

Looking after my home and kids, I can still take time off for one movie. But it would be tough for me to come down here for the shooting. We must remember that a lot of movies from Bollywood are made in the US.

Q: It would be difficult for the producers in Mumbai to reach you in LA?

A: The world is becoming such a small place. People sitting in Hong Kong do business with people in India. So communication is not a problem.

Q: What prompted that live performance at the Filmfare Awards?

A: I didn't think I was going to perform. I was in Mumbai to chill out and have a holiday. Filmfare approached me. Riku ji (her secretary) persuaded me. Since, I wasn't out of shape, he thought I could do it. I had been with the industry for so long that I thought it would be nice if I catch up with all my colleagues through my performance.

Q: Most people feel there can never be another Madhuri Dixit.

A: In fact, the audiences still send me fan mails. It is a beautiful feeling to be loved and cherished. Talent never dies. I was very apprehensive about dancing on stage. I hadn't done it for four years. To my surprise, it wasn't difficult.

Even Saroj-ji (Khan) said it didn't look like I had been away for so long. Acting and dancing are hard to forget.

Q: I noticed you only danced to the "Devdas" songs.

A: Yes, I had the chance to perform my earlier hit songs at Filmfare Awards. I had never performed the "Devdas" numbers. They all have a great dignity to them, and they have a touch of the classical. That element in dancing is really close to my heart.

Q: Do you miss the film industry?

A: It depends on what you mean by the industry. If you mean the paraphernalia, then I don't miss that. But I miss my craft, the preparation for scenes, the nervousness before every shot and all that dhak dhak....

But I hardly have time to think of all this in LA. My kids are young - one and three years old - and demanding. But in a quiet moment I do think about my studio life.

Q: The older son will soon get to know how famous his mom is.

A: He got a taste of it when he went to the doctor in Mumbai. A photographer followed us and clicked us. You should have seen how delighted my son was.

Q: Your sons are the only ones not aware of your stardom.

A: Absolutely! When I came home after performing at the Filmfare Awards they refused to recognise me with all that makeup. They couldn't watch me, even on TV. It was too late by the time my performance came on.

Once in LA I tried to show them my songs. They weren't interested. And when I showed my son my face on the DVD of "Devdas", he casually said, 'That's you, Mom.' He doesn't connect with my stardom. It would be fun to see how they react to Madhuri, the star.

Q: Do you miss the adulation?

A: Not at all! I am too busy being the wife and mom. It was a dream for me to have my own family. And I have it today. I grew up in a big family. It was very important for me to have one of my own... as important as my stardom, in fact more... I enjoyed the acting. But I was sure of how many years I'd give my career. After enjoying every bit of that I'm now enjoying domesticity.

Q: I am sure you get recognized in LA.

A: Oh yes. In the mall they come up to have a picture with me. That's it. They mean well.

Q: You have come back to a different film industry...

A: Yes I have. Today's films are technically so much more advanced. And since Hindi cinema now goes to many parts of the world, they are aesthetically far better than the films earlier on. I look at some my earlier films and cringe.

But that was what filmmaking was about then. I enjoyed it thoroughly. Though it's great to see the changes. I love the care taken to look into details.

Q: Do you have lots of friends in the industry?

A: Not very many. But yes I have lots of well-wishers. And I know if they have something in mind, they'll approach me. The project has to be worth my while. Actually there were three films I was supposed to do two years ago. But they didn't happen because I got pregnant.

I guess at that point of time bringing up a baby was more exciting than doing a movie. Now people who come to me, do so with concrete characters and not just random offers. That's wonderful. I am open to all kinds offers as long as I am not asked to do anything boring.

Q: Have you watched any films lately?

A: I saw a few songs of "Bunty Aur Babli". I love the song "Kajra re". "Parineeta" is the only one film I have seen and I liked it.

Q: You'd have fitted in it very nicely.

A: But Vidya Balan has done a wonderful job. Now that I'm here I plan to leave the two boys with my parents to catch up with the new films.