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Authors Note: Thank you all for the wonderful comments and likes ' PM's will be sent to those who buddy me, I'm sorry but I don't know any other way, and comments are what keep this fic going so do take a minute to comment if you like it.
As you all know by now this is a song based ficlet and the song for this chapter is '
Enjoy!!
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Chapter - Thirteen
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Alone in your mind, waiting for the sun to shine
Alone in your mind, waiting for the sign
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After having spent nearly six months hiding in the one place, Khushi knew Arnav would never think to look, she decided to finally, for the first time venture out.
But if she had thought the cottage she stood in brought back memories, she had completely failed to realize what the snowy hills and familiar surroundings would do to her already bruised heart.
She'd been down every road here before, only she'd been here with him.
It had been the one thing he'd given in to her on- for their wedding, she had pointed out that she would never feel comfortable on a beach in skimpy clothing and since he hadn't particularly relished the thought of other men seeing her in said skimpy clothing, he'd caved.
That plus the fact that she knew him.
And he may loathe to
show it, but he had loved the quiet
escape cottage she'd picked out in lieu of a honeymoon destination.
He had loved her.
Even if he hadn't been able to say it till their last night together.
He had loved her more than any man had ever loved a woman.
He had loved her perfectly…in his own imperfect way.
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That it's time
To break free
From the words that hold you down
To escape from the feeling you are lost and can't be found
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.
She remembered so
much here, she realized as she forced herself to walk silently through the
quiet winding path hidden in the undergrowth of the backyard of the cottage.
The look on his face when she'd refused to talk to him for hours, under the pretense of being offended at his lack of compliments in order to draw him out into this very secluded backyard. Only to barely contain a fit of giggles at the sheer dumbfounded expression on his stern countenance on account of the perfectly molded snowball she had thrown squarely between his shoulder blades.
She walked further still, until she could see the silhouette of the woodshed, at the bottom of this winding path, the memories still swarming through her.
His slow yet steady steps as he mirrored her each stride, with an indulgent smirk, until he had finally managed to corner her into the back of the woodshed, his eyes telling her without words that he would definitely be getting his payback for her pretty little snowball, while his stray hands, soon had her forgetting with each irrepressible gasp they tore from her, exactly why she'd been running.
Until she was straining herself towards him her eyes closing of their own violation under the assault of his hands.
Until even when he pulled away briefly, she arched herself towards him, fitting herself into his very frame, like the petals of a rose atop its stem.
Until he brushed her lips, sinuously, first with his thumb, then with his lips….and then….
With a perfectly formed snowball.
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Don't hide your face, you cannot erase
The pain that stays in your eyes
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She remembered,
sitting here cradled between his stretched out legs before the colossal
fireplace he'd had put in, complete with a bearskin rug, he had wanted to christen.
When she'd pointed out to him that not only did he believe in religions, but that even if he did he wasn't Christian, he'd pinned her under him and told her that she was missing the point.
.
.
.
Besides he'd said, he was a deeply religious person – he merely worshiped at a different altar.
That said, he proceeded to show her, just how and where he worshipped.
Again.
And Again.
Until she was begging him for the release only he could give her, and only she could give him.
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Lay down your guard,
show them who you are
Behind your disguise
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She remembered being cradled in his arms in the aftermath, tracing patterns on his chest as she talked to him.
As he listened.
She remembered telling him for the first time, as he had kissed her ruffled hair in the aftermath of their lovemaking that she was in love with him.
Irrevocably in love with him.
She remembered how he had tried to hide the flash of satisfaction at her words, only to avoid her questioning eyes first by whispering how delectable she looked first thing in the morning.
And then by showing her.
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You run far from home,
Think you'll make it on your own
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She remembered how he would say he didn't want her to say she loved him, and then linger for hours, until she couldn't help whispering it, couldn't help screaming it.
She remembered, scolding him with mock severity as he woke her up night after night, after hours of lovemaking, only to lose himself in her and make her lose herself in him, telling him threateningly that at this rate they were liable to end up with a cricket team before the honeymoon was over.
She remembered his secret smile, as she regaled him with imaginary horror scenes of baby drool across one of his pristine white shirts, or worse sleepless nights for activities not nearly as pleasurable as the one's he always seemed to have in mind.
She remembered everything.
Everything she would never be able to give him.
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You run fast and slow,
But never seem to know where you'll go
To break free
From the words that hold you down
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Finally as she made her way back to the cottage, after hours of aimless wandering, she began to accept some of the things, she had refused to consciously acknowledge till then.
Such as how much his silence had actually hurt.
How much the taunts had ceased to matter.
In a way the taunts of not being good enough for him were something Khushi had grown used to.
More importantly they were something she didn't believe.
While he may not have actually said it , he may not be have been overtly expressive about it, but she still knew that he had cared.
Maybe not as much as she did.
But that was okay.
Or at least it had been.
She loved him enough for the both of them.
And she had believed that she was going to love the part of him that she had thought to be a part of her just as much.
She had known it was ridiculous to think she was pregnant just because of a missed period, but she had wanted it so badly to be true that something had told her the gods couldn't be so cruel as to not give them this one blessing.
But apparently they could.
She recalled with vivid detail the day a little more than six months ago, on which she got her period again.
And as if that hadn't been heartbreak enough, she was even given a letter to accompany it mere days later.
A letter that not only stated that her pregnancy had been a mere product of wishful thinking.
But that it would
always merely be wishful thinking.
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To escape from the feeling you are lost
and can't be found
Lost and can't be found
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It was strange in a way.
Strange how one letter, that had probably taken less than five minutes to write, could tear apart hopes that had been years in the making.
Dreams that would be lifetimes in un-fulfillment.
In the beginning all she could think of was that it wasn't fair. That this couldn't be happening.
Not to them.
It was only later, that she realized it wasn't.
It wasn't happening to 'them' it was happening to her.
Just her.
She was the one who was flawed.
Not him.
And she had no right, to take that away from him.
No right, she told herself again for the thousandth time as she opened the backdoor to the cottage, and silently brushed away a single frozen tear, at the corner of her eye, as she shrugged out of her light shawl.
And even if she did, she wouldn't do that to him. She loved him too much to be that selfish.
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Don't hide your face, you cannot erase
The pain that stays in your eyes
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Arnav had had six very long months to prepare for this moment.
And he had.
He had prepared speeches, explanations, angry tirades and perfected groveling till it was an art form.
But sitting here in the dark, as he heard her come in through the backdoor of the cottage that they had once spent two magical weeks in…. he forgot all of it.
All he could think about was that no matter how idiotic her reasoning had been, and continued to be, she was here hiding away from him, because she was hurting.
Hurting on a level he couldn't reach.
And that mere thought was enough to humble him.
To tame him.
And so, he watched in silence as the woman he cherished, the woman he adored, wiped discreetly at the corner of her eye as if she wasn't allowed to cry, not even here, unobserved.
He watched, as she shrugged out of the shawl that would have been defenseless against the biting cold outside.
And when she flipped the switches, turned around and looked at him astounded, all he could say was,-
"Hey."
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Lay down your guard, show them who you are
Behind your disguise, your disguise
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:: Author's Note ::
Feed the review addiction my lovelies!!
About one maybe two chappies left here.
Lucky page is ...well how bout you guys just show me how much you love me and choose it yourselves...
be warned...
more love = happy me = in better mood to write me.
😆
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