Shradha's advice - not always the best advice

KhatamKahani thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago
#1
I just need to get this off my chest.

First of all, the marriage between Kastur and Mohan is not an ideal arranged marriage.  In an ideal arranged marriage both parties truly look to the other as their spouse and would be genuinely committed to making it a marriage.  This is not the case with Mohan.

Mohan did not really want this marriage, and in many ways the promo is right, Kastur is his wife only to the world.  He goes about it in a much better way for sure. He is not an outright jerk about it, but in the end he is not making any attempt to truly view this as a marriage or make this into a marriage relationship.

We know what will happen, the writers know, but Mohan the character doesn't. 

While it's true that he's never lied to Kastur, he's also not not invested in this marriage or relationship from the heart.  And so far Kastur doesn't know that.  So that negates any expectations he should have about Kastur keeping quiet about his wrong doings, especially with what's happened. Unbeknownst to Kastur, Mohan's not really holding up his end of the bargain either.

Now Shradha's advice in ideal, regular circumstances make sense.  But in this case, no it doesn't.  The characters don't know the circumstances and the situation, that's true.   But in reality, Kastur keeping quiet is not the best thing to do, nor is her lying to cover up for her husband.  

Everyone agrees about Kastur's gullibility and blind trust.  Well that's exactly it. If we agree about that, why not that in regular circumstances, were she not so gullible, she would be worried. Actually it's probably best to confront the husband himself. And afterwards, hell yeah she should open up her mouth.

Shradha's always been the voice of 'Dharampatni' and for her to simply have faith that Kastur will figure out a way to solve the problem. That she's being a good wife by lying for her husband, and keeping somethings to herself...gives the message that's all that's needed...yeah, life isn't a fairy tale like that. And that's not how wives should always be.  Again, had Kastur not been so blind and gullible, she would be questioning things.  She should be questioning things.  And from some of Mohan's actions, she would absolutely be in the right to confide in someone.

Sonal has a reason to be suspicious because she knows about Bobby.  Shradha also has a reason to be suspicious, but she brushes past it.  

Let me add, Mohan still hasn't apologized.  Not for the jewellery, which is one thing. But when he calls her, she says sorry to him again.  And he has yet to say sorry for his words and behaviour.

And as an aside, the Desais aren't blameless. Though I guess considering Kastur had left her studies, they couldn't really hope for nearly good a match.  And there's the Bhanu-Jitu friendship aspect.  But it bothers me that Kastur has given up her mobile. This is not a rural area. This is a city, a metro.  It's one thing to have Baapji have rules against it in the house, and maybe Reena tells Kastur to keep it hidden. (I wouldn't want a big showdown with it.)  But the implication that they all knew and accepted this is how it would be, well that makes the Desais and Kastur go down a bit in my eyes.

And let me just throw this in there about Mohan. I understand his character. I love the character. There hasn't been one instance where I never got his point of view.  I've never been completely angry at him based on what was shown in the episodes. A few times over what had been speculated because of the precap, yes. But the writers have taken care to flesh out the character and all of his actions have had reasoning, and has not come out of nowhere.

His is a character that you understand and relate with, even while plenty of his actions and behaviour are wrong. He is truly a real character.  

His actions are not ideal. His marriage is not ideal. And it's because Kastur is so caught up by her love and dreams, and perhaps because she's so young, that she doesn't see what's staring her right in the face.

Edited by likarsh - 12 years ago

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Marvel-freak thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago
#2
Woooww, you have lot to say πŸ˜† I dont think shradha understands kasturs situations, she presumes kastur will be in the same situation as her, but what she forgets to realise is kastur has got married in a completly different household.
KhatamKahani thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago
#3
Yeah, I know. As as I said I just needed to get it all off my chest.  I just needed to write it all down in words. πŸ˜†  It was more so for me to get it out, than expecting everyone to read all that.

Exactly, I know Shradha doesn't realise what we know. I just wrote down my thoughts as part of the audience, which has the luxury of being aware of things the characters don't.
Marvel-freak thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago
#4
For some reason am unable to like post 😳 
 
I'm sure ur glad u got that of ur chest πŸ˜†
sam123_0 thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago
#5
This is where i have a problem as well... Kastur has been brought up in a very very simple naive and immature way... her mother and baa always telling her .. she is DP and needs to always do things to keep her husband happy etc etc...
 
I dont think Kastur is even ready or mature enough to understand the intrinsic details of a marriage. Her dream on the first night tells the whole story.. for her.. marriage is about.. serving your husband, going out with him to movies, parks, having sweet talks etc... and I completely blame baa and her mother for this...
 
Today when Mohan disconnected the phone and Kastur sat the window.. the words of the song played in the BG said the right things.. according to Kastur her dream of marriage is breaking.. first Mohan saying "musibat" (before you guys jump on me.. I am not saying he called kastur musibat... )... but that word hurt Kastur... then today he told her I wont come to call you... I think these are things which baa and her mother never prepared Kastur for... they never told her that husband and wife fight... and it can be the silliest of reasons but might end up being nasty!!!
 
Mohan tho.. the less said the betterπŸ˜†πŸ˜†... this guy clearly said.. it doesnt matter to him if he is married or not.. if the girl is Kastur or not.. for him it is not a promise for life.. again he is immature and he is not ready for marriage... he thinks that once he is married his responsibility is over... doesnt  think it is responsibility for life!!!!!
 
I hope tomorrow Pradeep clarifies why he made that stupid comment... "mohan didnt want to come only" otherwise we all know .. what waits for Kastur when she will enter her bedroom in the nightπŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†
 
But what ever said and done.. silly or not silly... I am really loving this kinder-garten kids fight!!! Makes both of them look very cute!!!!πŸ˜ƒ
KhatamKahani thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago
#6
Sam, agreed with the post. But especially this:
But what ever said and done.. silly or not silly... I am really loving this kinder-garten kids fight!!! Makes both of them look very cute!!!!πŸ˜ƒ

This is how the writers and everyone in general is doing a good job.  Because they infuse lightness into the problems, and even though like I said the marriage is not truly an equal or ideal arranged marriage, the way they treat a lot of the interactions, and the way the relationship is simultaneously shown and developed as a typical arranged marriage (or more like young people not ready thrown into an arranged marriage) helps a lot.  It's what keeps me watching, and what makes this pairing so rootable.
Soaps1 thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago
#7
I have a lot to say but will only say Sharada does not know the reality of her marriage so her advise is right ... a successful marriage can't happen if you keep sharing your things with others, you have to maintain the trust, trust is the most important factor in any relationship and once that is broken nothing can mend it ... and that trust requires keeping certain things to yourself. Many women ruin their household just by suspecting every act of their hubby ... kastur does not know Mohan's truth so she is right in not suspecting him over every little thing. I don't think Mohan has done anything as yet to make her suspicious ... except when he screamed at her for jewellery ... but there too she knows or thinks she made a mistake as he had asked her to keep it to herself and no one should find out and now Saroj might since she gave the jewellery to her, so kastur feels she has let Mohan down ... i don't see anything wrong in the advise sharadha gave since neither she nor kastur know the reality. And yes its trye Gala household is a different household but Desai's also know Mohan is different from them so they feel if Mohan is good to Kastur nothing else matters and so far Mohan has not done anything which will make them super suspicious or even make kastur suspicious.

All the things you mentioned were the ones they should have thought about before marrying Kastur to Mohan, now there is no point in suspecting until Mohan does some big disaster because lets assume even if they find Mohan is bad now, Kastur can either get a divorce after that or will have to put up with whatever comes her way.  So I feel there is no point wearing the suspicion glasses now till Mohan's truth actually comes out. I am saying this from a wife's POV ... i feel kastur is doing the right thing, since she does not know the truth she has to trust Mohan, if a wife starts suspecting hubby over everything she will only make her life hell.

We know the wedding is not an ideal arranged marriage kinda thing, they don't so they are right ... yes they should have done the inquiries before wedding, which they did not, wrong on their part ... now sharadha's advise is the right one in my opinion and kastur not suspecting mohan over every little thing is also right approach because amidst all other things Mohan has done few small things to make Kastur feel he does care about her (whether he meant or not is another debate) and that is one reason why kastur is not suspecting i think
Edited by Soaps1 - 12 years ago
-mesmerised- thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago
#8

Originally posted by: Soaps1

I have a lot to say but will only say Sharada does not know the reality of her marriage so her advise is right ... a successful marriage can't happen if you keep sharing your things with others, you have to maintain the trust, trust is the most important factor in any relationship and once that is broken nothing can mend it ... and that trust requires keeping certain things to yourself. Many women ruin their household just by suspecting every act of their hubby ... kastur does not know Mohan's truth so she is right in not suspecting him over every little thing. I don't think Mohan has done anything as yet to make her suspicious ... except when he screamed at her for jewellery ... but there too she knows or thinks she made a mistake as he had asked her to keep it to herself and no one should find out and now Saroj might since she gave the jewellery to her, so kastur feels she has let Mohan down ... i don't see anything wrong in the advise sharadha gave since neither she nor kastur know the reality. And yes its trye Gala household is a different household but Desai's also know Mohan is different from them so they feel if Mohan is good to Kastur nothing else matters and so far Mohan has not done anything which will make them super suspicious or even make kastur suspicious.

All the things you mentioned were the ones they should have thought about before marrying Kastur to Mohan, now there is no point in suspecting until Mohan does some big disaster because lets assume even if they find Mohan is bad now, Kastur can either get a divorce after that or will have to put up with whatever comes her way.  So I feel there is no point wearing the suspicion glasses now till Mohan's truth actually comes out. I am saying this from a wife's POV ... i feel kastur is doing the right thing, since she does not know the truth she has to trust Mohan, if a wife starts suspecting hubby over everything she will only make her life hell.

We know the wedding is not an ideal arranged marriage kinda thing, they don't so they are right ... yes they should have done the inquiries before wedding, which they did not, wrong on their part ... now sharadha's advise is the right one in my opinion and kastur not suspecting mohan over every little thing is also right approach because amidst all other things Mohan has done few small things to make Kastur feel he does care about her (whether he meant or not is another debate) and that is one reason why kastur is not suspecting i think


I agree with Soaps on this one... the bit in bold above says it all really!

That is exactly what Sharda was trying to explain to Kastur... to keep the trust intact in their relationship. She wasn't encouraging her to lie for Mohan or to cover for his mistakes, just not to divulge information to others that should be kept between themselves.

Yesterday's episode revolved around this theme... even though Kastur didn't talk about Mohan to her family, we got to see what would happen if she did... things get messy and it creates issues between the couple which could have easily been avoided.

Also, as an audience we know the full story so our reactions are based on that, but both Sharda and Kastur are unaware of Mohan's reality and therefore don't question his actions to the extent we do. As far as they are concerned, Mohan has married her for all the right reasons.
KhatamKahani thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago
#9
I absolutely agree that that there are a lot of things that should've been done, asked and checked well before the marriage.  

Yes, but Shradha's and Baa's advice on marriage has been disconcerting to me from the beginning.  And it's actually especially since we the audience know what's going on that Shradha's advice I find problematic. Like i said, I know she doesn't know what's going on, but there seems to be a sort of subtle point in there, like this is how a wife should be.  

That's where I'll disagree.  Because for all the instances of wives becoming overly suspicious (by the way, the whole affair thing theory from the friend was unneeded and throws a wrench on all this, but I'm ignoring that), there are the others who are expected to give them the benefit of a doubt even when the signs are glaring, keep it to themselves and not betray the husband, even if he is not behaving the way he should.

That's a fairy tale of a notion.   I get that Kastur was oblivious and over her head with the notions of love before marriage, and that's also the case now.  Granted I'm still in my 20s and not married, so yes I'm looking at it from a different perspective.  I would think other young women would start getting the sense that something's up.  That's not suspicion based on nothing, that's suspicion based on fact. 

Shradha, as a mother already has one piece of information.  But it's her beliefs that's not letting her think more about that.  Had it been Sonal, even without her knowing about the Bobby connection, alarm bells would definitely go off.  Because whatever Shradha has taught Kastur is what she believes, about DP and all.

Kastur keeping quiet works for the storyline. I have no problems with how the storyline is going.  I just have a slight bone with the message that was given.

As for options, that's a whole messy topic. Probably related, but much more dense to get into.
Soaps1 thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago
#10
The things they have said about marriage earlier ... even i have a problem with that πŸ˜† was only talking about the advise she gave her now