Posted:
Dear Diary...
Alphabets...words...sentences...are looking jumbled up like a jigsaw puzzle...There is just so much I want to write...n yet...I cannot seem to synchronize any of it...There is just so much that has happened...n yet...I cannot seem to put 2 n 2 together...There is just so much I had to say to Navya today...and yet...I cud not seem to get that tongue rolling in its motion...Gosh!!!!!!! I cannot seem to capture anything of wat has been happening...but wat amazes me the most is that all these happenings is giving me an immense but unexplanable strength n courage to stand for wat I believe in...to engulf all the heat...all the venom n yet stand right back up on my 2 feet!
Yes... I said it...I finally said wat I had to ...to each n every adult that lives in that huge house of ours. I stood fierce at Baba's scoring eyes...and Papa's fired words and at Bua Dadi's disgust filled thots...n I told them about my sincerity...my pure n pristine intentions in my alliance with Navya. No...it wasnt going to take that 1 try to convince them...I know...but yet...the road to redemption has begun.
When Papa refused my proposal...it pricked harder than thousand volts injected within me good enough for oxygen to make its about turn. How cud I have galloped down even a bite in such a stance n I chose to walk away. They were not in any mood to listen anyways...I was in no mood to waste my energy either. The throat thrusting session ust didnt find its solace at the dinner table that it made a bouncer the moment a lifeless me stepped back into the prison. Thanks to the Kanpur happenings...I had inferred that this time...I have to take it all...but not give up...that I will have to put up a fight of solidarity and thats exactly wat I did ...once again...giving no solace to anyone. I know my doings are taking mom n bro under siege...but she is a mom...she will understand me and right now...I have to have it this way...or no other way.
When I walked into the college...I had prepared myself to face Navya...knowing less that the moment I will see her innocent n question filled eyes...all my defences will fail. That look was enuf run chills down my spine and i absolutely lost all my marathons of thots...Everyone except Navya verbally questioned me...but her eyes were seeking answers from me...answers that cud give her restless heart a comforting warmth...answers that cud provide the layering to bubble of hopes and answers that cud mean a simple smile on her face. Wat cud I have done?? She had me swallow each word...each moment that I surpassed n I simply slow poisoned her with my reasoning of delay. Cruel I know...but was there any choice?? U tell me my dear diary...cud I have just opened the book of harsh realities to her to let her weep n sulk in that same pain that I felt upon rejection! That was part of my promise to her. I had heard once from some very intelligent person..."if u cannot say something good...then simply dont say anything"...and thats the exact theory I adapted. I wasnt gonna give up this fight...n I wasnt gonna let Navya n her faith in me lose as well...I had to widen my jaws today...I had to show that shining 32 of mine...coz its not over yet...and until I believe that it is...Navya is not going to feel any heat of this battle.
I need Navya by my side with a smile right now...and thats all that will be needed to continue on with this...n if this makes me selfish...then be it...coz its not over yet!!!...
Anant signing off
20/09/11
Rab Raakha,
Shilpa🤗
Renu's Letter: Ameen
Alphabets...words...sentences...are looking jumbled up like a jigsaw puzzle...There is just so much I want to write...n yet...I cannot seem to synchronize any of it...There is just so much that has happened...n yet...I cannot seem to put 2 n 2 together...There is just so much I had to say to Navya today...and yet...I cud not seem to get that tongue rolling in its motion...Gosh!!!!!!! I cannot seem to capture anything of wat has been happening...but wat amazes me the most is that all these happenings is giving me an immense but unexplanable strength n courage to stand for wat I believe in...to engulf all the heat...all the venom n yet stand right back up on my 2 feet!
Yes... I said it...I finally said wat I had to ...to each n every adult that lives in that huge house of ours. I stood fierce at Baba's scoring eyes...and Papa's fired words and at Bua Dadi's disgust filled thots...n I told them about my sincerity...my pure n pristine intentions in my alliance with Navya. No...it wasnt going to take that 1 try to convince them...I know...but yet...the road to redemption has begun.
When Papa refused my proposal...it pricked harder than thousand volts injected within me good enough for oxygen to make its about turn. How cud I have galloped down even a bite in such a stance n I chose to walk away. They were not in any mood to listen anyways...I was in no mood to waste my energy either. The throat thrusting session ust didnt find its solace at the dinner table that it made a bouncer the moment a lifeless me stepped back into the prison. Thanks to the Kanpur happenings...I had inferred that this time...I have to take it all...but not give up...that I will have to put up a fight of solidarity and thats exactly wat I did ...once again...giving no solace to anyone. I know my doings are taking mom n bro under siege...but she is a mom...she will understand me and right now...I have to have it this way...or no other way.
When I walked into the college...I had prepared myself to face Navya...knowing less that the moment I will see her innocent n question filled eyes...all my defences will fail. That look was enuf run chills down my spine and i absolutely lost all my marathons of thots...Everyone except Navya verbally questioned me...but her eyes were seeking answers from me...answers that cud give her restless heart a comforting warmth...answers that cud provide the layering to bubble of hopes and answers that cud mean a simple smile on her face. Wat cud I have done?? She had me swallow each word...each moment that I surpassed n I simply slow poisoned her with my reasoning of delay. Cruel I know...but was there any choice?? U tell me my dear diary...cud I have just opened the book of harsh realities to her to let her weep n sulk in that same pain that I felt upon rejection! That was part of my promise to her. I had heard once from some very intelligent person..."if u cannot say something good...then simply dont say anything"...and thats the exact theory I adapted. I wasnt gonna give up this fight...n I wasnt gonna let Navya n her faith in me lose as well...I had to widen my jaws today...I had to show that shining 32 of mine...coz its not over yet...and until I believe that it is...Navya is not going to feel any heat of this battle.
I need Navya by my side with a smile right now...and thats all that will be needed to continue on with this...n if this makes me selfish...then be it...coz its not over yet!!!...
Anant signing off
20/09/11
Rab Raakha,
Shilpa🤗
PS. On The Request of many readers, below are the links of all my previous posts for Navya
Previous Diary Entry Posts
Anant's 1st Diary Entry
AnYa Hum Tum Diary Entries
Navya's Diary Entry 2
Anant: Kaisi Majbooriyan
Navya's Entry: Emotional Zoo
AnYa Hum Tum Diaries: Kehdo Tum Ho Meri
Diary Entries: Navya, Meeta and Anant
Diary Entries: Ya Rabba
Navya Diary Entries: Tera Chehra
Anant Diary Entry: The Cruelity of Time
Navya's Diary Entries: Anjaan Daggar
AnYa Hum Tum Diaries: Kuch Faisley
Other Non Diary Navya Posts
Nayi Soch...Nayi Dhadkan
Fears of Emotions
Letters Of Maple Leaves
Woh Hamesha Meri Zimedaari Rahegi
The Difference Between Reality n TV
Hum Kadam Tere Sang
Anant to Navya: I Breathe In You
The Quiet Calms Before The Next Storms
Letters of Liquid Pearls
A Smile In Distress
And The Truth Endures Yet Again
Come Let's Build Bridges
A Weapon Called Motherhood
Dhundhle Raaste...Saaf ManzileinAnYa Hum Tum Diaries: Kuch Faisley
Other Non Diary Navya Posts
Nayi Soch...Nayi Dhadkan
Fears of Emotions
Letters Of Maple Leaves
Woh Hamesha Meri Zimedaari Rahegi
The Difference Between Reality n TV
Hum Kadam Tere Sang
Anant to Navya: I Breathe In You
The Quiet Calms Before The Next Storms
Letters of Liquid Pearls
A Smile In Distress
And The Truth Endures Yet Again
Come Let's Build Bridges
A Weapon Called Motherhood
Renu's Letter: Ameen
comment:
p_commentcount