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Chaand Chupa Badal Mein
Chaand Chupa Badal Mein

emotional abuse

-aamina- IF-Dazzler
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Joined: 26 March 2011
Posts: 4641

Posted: 26 May 2011 at 3:52pm | IP Logged

Marriage is not just about being with the right person but also being the right person YOURSELF.

Marriage is not just a physical relationship and about two individuals coming together. To sustain a successful marriage it is important that an effort is put in from both sides.

I've noticed that Nivi is and has always been affectionate towards everyone apart from Viren right from when they first got married she has been really unaffectionate towards him, when he always stood by her (this was while she was still oblivious of fact that he is the stalker) and then showing a limited amount of affection towards him even after they got back together and moved back in the Sood house. It's like she knows that she can get away with anything when it comes to Viren because he loves her so much.

Not many will agree with me but i think she is emotionally abusive, but also want to say that even the most loving person is capable of emotional abuse. She is using dwitas love to get what she wants when in fact it is out of guilt she is taking such a drastic step (something i think she doesn't even know herself that she is full of guilt) she is making all the decisions on Viren's behalf.

Emotinal abuse grinds you down and She is emotionally draining Viren by her constant demands, he is having to give in to these demands as he said himself that he is only agreeing to this (signing the papers for the hysterectomy) out of love, but you can see that he is close to breaking point. I'm surprised he hasn't had a nervous breakdown yet as he is investing so much into this marriage but is getting nothing in return.(e.g when they rushed back from the resort, when Nivi started demanding to return for dwita) He has a wife who is busy pleasing others and doesn't have the slightest hint of what the repercussions of her decisions are having on her husband. All this is now leading to Viren being the victim of feeling depressed, worthless and helpless.

Not only that she is also sexually selfish, she is okay to go to him to have her physical needs met but making it out that it's his physical needs that she is meeting and it's not fair to refuse him!!!!!

 Well if you can't refuse his physical/sexual needs, why are you not considering or satisfying his need of having children?????

I do apologise if I have upset or offended anyone.

 

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anjaani07 IF-Rockerz
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Posted: 26 May 2011 at 4:23pm | IP Logged
Hi Aamina, well u havnt offended me, it's ur POV & ur fully entitled express it!
 
I do understand what ur saying about the emotional abuse aspect, it feels like Viren is being drained, he's not his old self at all or even close, he's close to breaking down and i can't believe Nivi is not even noticing or caring. Why is it always him having to support her and look out for her, why cant she be there for him for once - isnt that what marriage is all about, supporting EACH OTHER, not just one way. I dont mean just supporting as in standing by them in public, i mean emotional support when the other person is feeling low or confused sad or angry.
 
Today when Viren is broken after giving in to her once again, does Nivi comfort him, console him? No, all she does is thank him for once again standing by her and that too from across the other side of the bed. Could she not have gone over to him to say that? Or maybe she couldn't bear to look at his face and see the pain she'd put there. It's almost as tho she's happy to use his support when she needs it but after that she just forgets he's there.
 
There's just something manipulative about her behaviour with Viren lately that makes me really uncomfortable, i just feel like she knows which buttons to push and what to say and do, i dont know how else to say it. That night in the guestroom, why did she go to him and apologise when she had no intention of re-thinking her decision not to have kids? Even he thought she was re-considering it because he was shocked when she said she was worried after what happened during the night.
 
I dont know if any of that made sense, i feel all mixed up right now! I just keep wondering if we'll ever get to see the old nivren back again or is that just a stupid hopeOuch


Edited by anjaani07 - 26 May 2011 at 4:24pm

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-aamina- IF-Dazzler
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Posted: 26 May 2011 at 4:38pm | IP Logged
Yeah I see what your saying asma and yeah like you I also want to see the old Nivren back. She knows what his weakness is and it is her and her water works. I can't believe she is the same woman who stayed with him and helped him after he was revealed as the stalker.

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anjaani07 IF-Rockerz
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Posted: 26 May 2011 at 4:58pm | IP Logged
I cant believ it either Aamina. You know, part of me is happy that ccbm wont end tomoro but then part of me is just thinking kaha se kaha aa gayi yeh show and its characters?! I guess they're showing us what one persons single minded-ness/guilt can do to a marriage and a family but if you'd asked me a few weeks ago, i'd never in a million years have guessed we'd end up here!!
 
Gotta go to sleep now, lets see if tomoro brings any enlightenment...doubt it! Speak to u soon x

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Honey_berries Senior Member
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Posted: 26 May 2011 at 9:16pm | IP Logged
The name of the topic is so apt to what Nivi is doing to Viren. She knows how to use her weapon.. Her tears to convince people that what she is doing is right.. She is an utter selfish and cunning human being and somehow she gets away with the "Mahan" title despite of ruining everyone's life. It's all DS, VD and Sid's fault.. bahot sir pe chadake ke rakha hai na ab bhugatna padega. Nivedita only and only thinks about herself.. How on earth will she ever give any sanskar to Dweeta.. Like others she will ruin this poor Dweeta's life too. It's enough for one selfish and cunning Nivi in that Sood house.. Dusri ki zarurat nahi hai ab. CC is right when she says that Nivediat can never..never give any happiness or love to her son. She has ruined poor Viren's life. No wonders why CC and HL hate her so much..coz they know how pretensious Nivi is.
 
I am so glad that Sid  is taking control over the situation. He is the only one who can get a handle around Nivedita. She needs to know her hesiyat in that Sood house. I have no feelings or sympathy with this selfish girl. I now feel that she deserves all the bashing from CC and HL. You see the law of nature is what you give is what you get. She tends to hurt the people who love her especially Viren for whom she cares a hoot for her selfishness and zid. I hope Viren gets some sukoon and happiness in his life. My heart goes out to Viren. It's sad to see someone like him giving away his happines for selfish Nivedita.
 
 

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Posted: 26 May 2011 at 10:12pm | IP Logged
Aamina and Asma ...both of you have said it brilliantly ...too good ...thanks

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peachesandcream Senior Member
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Posted: 26 May 2011 at 10:16pm | IP Logged
aamina I agree with you there is a component of emotional abuse here-perhaps unconsciously.  Nivi is so involved in her own feelings and justification for whatever decision she makes that she is totally insenitive to her husband.  In a marriage a husband and wife discuss and decide together about the most trivial things and here we have Nivi making a major decision on her own without any thought whatsoever.  We see Viren getting drained.  How long should his patience last?  I think he has had enough patience.  I am also for once seeing CC's point of view that Nivi is not the suitable girl for him.
 
In light of her most recent actions her old actions look different.  Who was she to decide what Sid should do- at one point didn't Sid even ask her who was she to decide for him?
 
I liked Nivi previously but now I have no patience left for her.  She is not respectful fo anyone, not even her elders as she pretends to be.

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nature099 Senior Member
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Posted: 26 May 2011 at 10:25pm | IP Logged
I don't think she is doing any emotional abuse as Nivi is not kind of person who has these kind of thoughts. She herself is sacrificing her right to become mother for the sake of motherless child. Though her decision is wrong and there is no justification for that but we can't compare this with selfishness. She is so much in pressure because she really loved her sister that she is unable to make a right choice but this doesn't mean she don't care for ones she love.

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