Okay - my quick reviews chapter wise:
Chapter 1 - Can I say your Sharon is a vast improvement on the show?! I've always thought its unfair to show her character as slow on pretext of her vanity - people can be vain and brainy at once! Oh, and hot and happening at that, lol! I like her already - she has the right mix of being mean and heady, yet thoughtful and smart. More on Swayam, when I read more of him...
- Before I forget (I had to memo to myself mentally to mention this without getting lost in the Kriyaansh dynamics
) your 'bold' font for parasites
totally caught my attention but I have to admit it was a second before I related the pun in the coincidence that she was getting wary of this 'hunk parasite' called Rey, while reading its literal definition over and over struggling to grasp meaning
... Kudos to bringing out the nuances without being blunt! And you were calling your writing child-like?! I think light and subtle is the hardest way to write, and
impress - so I'm already thoroughly planted in your PM list, thank you!
Oh should I add Kriyaansh were already Ice and Fire much! I like them on the show - but there are just those times now and again, when their scenes are stretched into too much staring and rob it of the impact it could otherwise have! In general - I think they are a classic teen couple to explore in fiction... and if your introduction of them is anything to go by - I know I'm in for some fun reading!
- Oh I love Vicky and Rey! They are my guilty secret - cause while I like Swayam and Rey, and their oh so awesome bonding beyond LOC, Rey and Vicky are quite another level and thing! I miss them on the show - so I really hope you will never ignore them! Neha liking Vicky better when he's mean is so expected - at least he's not grinning with food stuck in his teeth then
I like how easily Neha complies with Rey's indication - and of course the hot and cold Kriyaansh dynamics continues! A little cooler towards end of chapter 3. More on SwaRon next? I would think...!
- ooh! Here come ShaRon Galore! That was one neat scene! For all my love the Kriyaannsh original dress rip scene - especially the follow up of Chabilal and Romaira - you totallt get all the points to make that rip sound plausible and fitting. The scene had SwaRon screaming all over. As for boys being dimwits - lol, we're talking teen fics after all!
It's their natural prerogative! The little section about SwaRon past since kindergarten was so adorable!
- Classic lines: Damn Dazzlers, even their eyes dazzle!
Er, maybe its just this one Dazzler Kria...! And again, Did you seriously bite me?!
*shakes head at these two* Kriyaansh are so awesomely punk! Totally enjoy the punch in their parts! Oh and, Neha getting love note from RDX?! She can dream! its probably Vicky, for all you know!
But then again, the note didn't bear food marks - yeh?! Hmmm... As for the 7PM date... I doubt she's that easy to draw... or is she?!
- Hah! I was right, she didn't go after all! But trust Rey to bring the date to her
Now he's gone from being a Dazzler to a plumber?! Sigh! Things you do for love! I like how he buys a 'pink' rose after 'destroying' the red one. Smart move mate, you know you're going too fast when a girl holds up a 'Dazzler' for a 'date'
Will read the rest soon and be back again!
be back later to edit for other chapters. I hope you don't tire of long comments, I can get tedious at times...